by Ethan Egorov
“Oh my god.” I lean back on the chair and grasp my forehead, feeling my sweat. My eyes feel dazed as I look back at him, and he looks the same way too.
“You okay?” He simply wipes his hand on his boxers. My thigh where he gripped me is sore and pulsing from his strength. My whole body is.
“Yes. Better than ever.” I sigh. My breathing has finally calmed down and I feel less like a horse or something.
He chuckles in his chest, “Good.” He licks at his lips and breathes out, he was out of breath too, simply getting me off gets him worked up.
“You hungry?” He asks.
It’s been hours since we ate, and I feel it only slightly.
“A little.”
I leave to clean myself up again, but I feel sticky and tarnished, in a good way, but still I feel like taking a quick shower. I hop into his wide, gray granite shower and stand under the head, it’s wide and really high up, I suppose since he is so tall. He doesn’t have any generic soap and I don’t want my skin to dry out, so I found an unopened bar and used that. It reminds me of the old days before I bought expensive body wash. I finish quickly, putting on the same shirt I had so I don’t use up too many of his clothes.
Back in the kitchen, he’s whipped up some instant Mac and cheese, it makes me see him more as a normal person. We eat in his living room, the couch is so soft and plush that I sink right into it, and we watch some late night TV, one of the comedy shows. It barely makes him laugh but I’m guffawing by the end. I catch him looking at me with one of his odd looks again but this time I can’t place it. He plays it off and I go back to laying against his chest while he strokes my hair. I didn’t plan on staying the night, though, so I keep myself from falling asleep.
“Tired?” He suspects.
I sit up and yawn, nodding once.
“Yeah.” I half smile.
“I’ll take you home.” He stands.
“I can just take a cab.” I suggest, he would have to leave the city and I live deep in the suburbs.
He shrugs, “No, you can’t.” He gives me a stern look and I know that it is nonnegotiable. I nod and stand up, stretching out. After I go back and get dressed, I meet him at the door, where he stands effortlessly in jeans and a black hoodie.
“Why were you looking at me like that earlier?” I ask curiously. We step out and he locks the door before saying anything.
“Like what?”
We wait for the elevator to come. I sigh and feel nervous again, my insides looming.
“I don’t know. While we were watching TV.”
“Because your laugh is annoying.” He says and the elevator comes so we step inside.
“It is not.” I giggle but become self-aware of it now. He smirks and bit and it makes me grin. He looks down his nose at me as the elevator slows down.
“I like looking at you. That a bad thing?”
I shake my head, “Not when it’s a normal look.” I still pry. Sometimes it is a little fun to try and bring him out of his shell a bit, make him less closed off and antisocial.
“Amy, I like you. More than I normally like people. Women.” He explains to me when we are standing by his bike. It’s dark so I don’t put my sunglasses on and relent with the helmet this time.
“I like you too, Darius.” I step up to him, close enough to breathe his warm scent and stare into his eyes.
He licks his lips and stares back down at me, his chest raising. “Good.”
I cling to him on the ride home, counting the seconds down until I have to say goodbye. We pull up to my house and I feel so much different than when I left. I suppose because I left a virgin and now… Darius has seeped into my bones. I wish I could have stayed the night with him, especially after something like that, but I don’t want to move too fast. Get too attached to him.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He tells me when we’re by the door, and I believe him.
“Okay. Goodnight.” I fiddle with my keys. He covers my hand with his and takes them from me, then he spins me around to face him and kisses me, so I feel it deep in my bones.
It is different from the other times. The intensity and the sharpness, how hard he holds me close to him and the way his tongue explores my mouth. I kiss him back with the same energy and am left dizzy by the time he pulls away. He unlocks the door with his eyes still on me and swings it open, handing me the keys. My fingers linger against his as I take them and then I walk inside, shutting the door behind me.
Like last time, I lean against it and take multiple deep breaths as I try to figure out how my life has changed so much. How excited I am to see where else it’s going to take me.
12
Darius
Amy has been in my head all night and well into the morning. I guess it didn’t help that her scent is all over my apartment now, but I don’t mind it at all. At first, I was a bit worried how things would go, her being a virgin and all. I didn’t have a problem taking it from her, but I wasn’t going to ruin sex for her either. Now she’s as eager as I hoped she would be. I can’t get enough of her either, it’s the perfect arrangement.
I’m just hoping life won’t catch up with either of us anytime soon. Life being her brother. I walk in the club and feel like I’m being secretive. Which is the truth. I don’t know how the other guys would react, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be much better, considering disagreements between the guys can affect the whole club and then it won’t be good for anyone. So, I twiddle my thumbs and hope I don’t have Amy’s virgin aura all over me.
“You look like you’re smiling.” Logan comes up behind me, I know him by his annoying nasally voice more than any of the other guys. He chuckles and comes around the bar, getting himself a beer. I got here early, and I haven’t called Amy yet because I know she is probably still sleeping, I’ve learned.
“No way.” I lie. I was thinking about Amy, so I probably was, though.
“Whatever. You seen Rafe?” He asks me.
“No. Isn’t it too early for a beer?” I shake my head.
“No because I haven’t gone to sleep yet. Little man kept me up all night.” He says, referring to his son. I chuckle once, we’ve all heard the stories of his son keeping him and Chantal up at night. I’m less involved in all their personal business, but it was hard to ignore the rich city girl coming into town and getting a club guy like Logan, even though he is probably the most normal out of all of us. Well he was, until Kit went corporate.
“Damn. Must be rough.”
“Yeah,” he drinks half the beer. “But I try not to make Chantal do so much. Shit is hard, birthing children.” He laughs once.
“Yeah. Maybe coffee will work better?” I suggest.
“Nah, I want to be able to pass out later. He’s better during the day and Chantal’s got it for now.” He explains.
I nod once. For some reason, I start thinking about Amy and what she would be like having kids. I suspect she would be good at it since she looked after Kit when their parents passed away. But a baby is completely different. Plus, the whole marriage thing. I never saw myself as that kind of guy until now, never saw myself doing the dating thing either. But here I am. I get my thoughts in line, so I don’t smile to myself and draw attention. It’s like I have a reputation around here to always be angry or upset in some way. I keep my mannerisms for the sake of solidarity.
“I wonder what he called a meeting for.” Logan mumbles.
I nod, “Yeah. Probably about the Devil’s Princes. Shit is out of hand.” I shake my head. It wasn’t always like this. They didn’t always want to control everything and take over. It must be their new pres that came a few years ago, when Tank left too. That must have made matters worse. I feel bad for Rafe. He’s avoiding a turf war at all costs to save blood, but it looks like it might just come to that in the end.
“Yeah, it’s crazy.”
Logan and I chat for a bit and I finish my black coffee. It’s shit here at the club but it’s all we have. I got to bed late and still woke up
early, even on a Sunday. I like to keep a routine no matter what day it is.
Soon the rest of the guys come, and we have the meeting. Rafe looks stressed as hell and I avoid looking at Kit the whole time.
“I think they just don’t take us seriously. Know we mean business.” Logan says.
“Yeah, Spencer said the same thing.” Rafe agrees. Spencer is his brother, but he is still somewhat new to the club and doesn’t sit in on exec meetings.
“He’s right.” Kit agrees. He glances at me. I sit there stone faced and unresponsive like I already know where this is going, which I do. It’s how I look most of the time but inside I just feel different.
Knowing I have to go and scare the shit out of people is different now that Amy is in my life, because I feel like I should be trying to better myself for her or something. But this is the way I am, it’s the best way I know how to be.
“I’ll leave tomorrow morning.” I say in my usual tone, void of any deflection.
“Cool. Try not to—”
“Yeah, I know.” I cut Rafe off. I’ll try not to kill anyone. I make that promise every time and I have only gone against it once. But that was almost not my fault.
We already took a vote on it and the meeting ends shortly after. Some of the guys stick around for lunch but I find the air too trapping. I leave, going over to the garage thinking about Amy. It’s about the time I could call her since she will be awake. I don’t expect her to text me or anything, but I did say I would call. It just feels different now, like I have been reminded of who I really am. The kind of guy Amy shouldn’t be with. Dangerous, unforgiving, hard. She’s the opposite of all those things.
I’m alone only for a little while before Kit follows me out.
“I’m going to brunch with Emily, you want to come?”
“Brunch?” I scoff.
He laughs and sits on an old hubcap in front of me. I sip at the beer I got from the fridge; I could only put off day drinking for so long.
“Yeah, I’m a guy that has brunch now.” He shrugs.
I shake my head. “I’ve got plans.” I lie. I have no plans, except the usual dinner with Olivia.
“You never have plans.” He says apprehensively.
“Yeah, well…” I trail off, unable to look him directly in the eye. I would tell him the truth right then, all about fucking his virgin sister as many times as I could. He’s a good guy, deep down, he isn’t like a lot of other men I know in and out of this club. And it’s hard lying to him especially knowing that he would never lie to me.
“You don’t want to go over there tomorrow, huh?” He suggests.
I agree because it’s the easiest thing to do.
“Not really. It’s the same shit every time.” I shrug. I sit down. Have an educated conversation. Threaten to fuck their shit up if they make trouble again. That hasn’t worked. So, I guess Spencer and Rafe are right to actually do something about it this time.
“Yeah, I feel you. I guess not entirely cause I’ve never done it before. But maybe you just shouldn’t do it anymore. One of those ex con prospects can.” He says.
I sigh, “Yeah, I’ve thought about that. But if it helps bring peace to the club, I’m all for it.” I say. This club means everything to me; besides Olivia it really is all I have, and I don’t want to lose it to a bunch of halfwits trying to take over our turf. Tank worked hard starting this club with my dad. While everyone else doesn’t know that, I carry the responsibility every day.
“I get it. You sure you don’t want brunch?” He grins.
“As long as you stop fucking calling it that.” I shrug and stand up. He laughs and we leave. I follow behind him on his bike to their place so he can pick Emily up. I wait outside and don’t expect to wait more than five minutes until I’m waiting for twenty. I think about calling Amy in that time but it’s a lot harder to press the call button when I’m around Kit, especially after the meeting. I don’t want to tell her that I am leaving and don’t know for how long. Because I know she would ask me about what I’m doing or where I am going, and I don’t want to lie either. But I know that I will have to. I’m not sure Amy can agree to that kind of life, knowing I won’t always be telling her the truth about that I’m doing. It’s what really keeps me from calling or texting her.
Soon enough Kit and Emily come back out, he looks absolutely just fucked and it explains the wait. So does Emily waving nervously at me like she’s never met me before. We go to this place I’ve never even heard of downtown but I’m glad it’s close to my place. My fancy ‘brunch’ is almost thirty dollars just for myself and I decide I’m never doing that shit again. I make up an excuse after to leave them and head home. Kit reminds me of what he said earlier, and I say that I will think about it.
But giving up my role in the club as an enforcer is a lot easier in theory rather than in practice. So, I don’t give it a second thought. What makes my head spin is Amy. Sweet, funny, beautiful Amy that’s waiting on me to call her and I’m chickening out.
To clear up my head space, I go to the gym and pump iron for about an hour or so. Then I head home and take my phone off silent. It dings while I’m in the shower. After I get out, I go answer it to find it’s a text from Amy.
Amy: You went to brunch?
I stare at the text in confusion. For a second, I forgot the person I went with is her brother.
Darius: Yeah.
I dress in sweats and a tee shirt, ambling around the kitchen for food only to end up ordering in.
Amy: That’s laughable.
I smile at her response, very much like her. I miss her voice. I miss her being around me. I’m too paranoid to ask for it right now.
Darius: I guess so.
My food comes and there is no response from her, I’m thinking I finally made her mad enough or something, but I didn’t get that lucky. Or unlucky.
Amy: I hate that I’m even doing this, but you said you’d call and when you didn’t, I got worried.
Darius: About what?
I answer instantly.
Amy: You, Darius.
I stare at her words like I forgot how to read and am only imagining that she said that. But here it is in plain sight.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself and comb my hands through my hair. I give up. I can’t fight this anymore. I need to roll with it and stop trying to dodge it.
I stop texting and call her instead, waiting to hear her sweet voice.
“Hello?” She answers like she doesn’t know it’s me calling, and her voice is so soft and warm it makes me swoon.
“Hi Amy.” I mutter.
I can feel her smile, “I didn’t mean you had to call me now.”
“Yes, you did.” I chuckle once. She giggles and my cock twitches in response, it’s been thinking about her all day.
“Well, I’m glad to hear your voice.” She says, playing it off. There is a dull murmur in the back ground and I guess she is watching TV. Maybe the same comedy show she made me watch with her last night. I wish she were here right now.
“Me too. I’m sorry I didn’t call I just… got caught up with club stuff.” I say. And it’s mostly the truth.
“Yeah, Kit told me there was a meeting. I died when he said you went to brunch with him and Emily. That place must have wanted to kick you out.” She laughs to herself.
I chuckle once, now that I remember the host giving me a funny look when I walked in. The tattoos and long hair bearded look don’t do much for me in the respect department. That comes later.
“Yeah, I did too. It was… it was hard being around him and not mentioning you.”
“Is that why you didn’t call?” Her voice softens.
I nod once, “Yeah. And I have to leave town tomorrow. I don’t know for how long.” I tell her. My neck tightens at having to tell her why but for some reason she doesn’t ask. It’s like she already understands that I won’t tell her the truth and is okay with it somehow. I don’t know how, but it is clearly there. Amy is more than I thought s
he would be, more perfect. Not just her voice and her looks, it’s her heart and her personality. I love how fucking honest she is, how unique, smart… everything I thought I’d never get. I thought I would have a cold bed and faceless women for the rest of my life, but she makes me think things can be different.
I stop thinking about how to lie or keep the truth from her, how to spare her. She knows what she wants. What she can handle. I need to trust her how she trusts me.
“Well, if you’re leaving tomorrow… can’t I see you tonight?”
13
Amy
I had been thinking about Darius all day before he called. After I talked to Kit, I contemplated texting him. I wasn’t afraid to be forward or anything like that, with any other guy I would have called already. But Darius is hard to read, I can never tell what his response might be. And since I know he likes to be in charge, more than the average guy, I’m not inclined to take that control away from him.
Anyway, I’m glad I hadn’t.
Once he got off the phone with me, I rushed to get cleaned up and put something better on than an old tee shirt. I changed into a silk nightie that I never wear, thinking that would help, but it just didn’t feel like me. So, I put on another tee shirt with no holes in it that felt more like me, and mini pink shorts on under. I cleaned up the living room where I had laid out all day too. I still have time off before work starts again that they gave me for my graduation, but that’s tomorrow and the time went by fast.
I remember Darius lives pretty far away so I relax a little and give myself a shot of tequila for liquid courage. I hate hard liquor; it isn’t usually my thing. But Darius is so intense I just feel like I need the boost sometimes, to let loose and really let him take control.
I’m starting to really like him, and I know that’s no good for me right now. Not with Kit not knowing. I was so nervous when he called me today out of the blue, I thought he already knew about us. I’m not ready to be around him and Darius at the same time, so I turned down his brunch offer, but was surprised that Darius went with him. I suppose he is good at pretending, more so than I am. It’s not like Kit and I have never disagreed over something before. In fact, he is often too protective of me, treating me like the little sibling and not the other way around. But I know that’s just how he is. He can’t control my life, and every time I bring up choosing a residency program, he subtly reminds me that it would be good to be near family. He’s right. But I have lived here my whole life, and if I have the opportunity to explore, I should take it before it gets too late. I might have to if he ever finds out about me and Darius. Getting as far away as possible may not be such a bad idea. The real question is if I’d let my relationship with Darius take precedence over Kit. I have no idea yet.