“We’ll talk after you get your shit,” Jamie says, placing his hands over mine on the table, and I focus on him then jump slightly when my box is dropped before me, causing the table to shake.
I look from the box to Troy and can tell he wants to say something, but because of Jamie, he’s unsure how to proceed. He runs a hand through his hair with his eyes locked on mine, and the look he gives me is filled with regret and sadness—two emotions that shouldn’t make me feel sorry for him but still do.
“Thank you,” I say softly.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs just as softly, and those old feelings I used to have for him come to the surface. I don’t want him; I don’t even like him anymore, but a part of me still cares about him and is disappointed he wasn’t who I thought he was.
“I know. Me too,” I agree with my throat tight, and he nods once before he turns around and leaves. I watch him go then duck my head, unwilling to allow the tears I feel burning the back of my throat to fill my eyes. I never got closure when it came to him. I never had a chance to ask him why he did what he did. One day, we were together, and I thought I was happy. Then the next, things between us were over and our lives were forever changed. I don’t know if things would have lasted between us if he hadn’t cheated, and I think that’s one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with. It’s always easy to hate someone when they have wronged you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still care about them, even if you shouldn’t.
“Dakota.” Jamie touches my arm, and I yell at myself to pull it together before I lift my head to look at him. “Shit. Fuck, I’m sorry, sis,” he whispers, and my shoulders shake as the pain in my chest expands.
I don’t remember the last time I cried, but with everything that has been going on, I can’t hold back the tears no matter how hard I try.
“I’m okay.” I try to breathe, to attempt to get myself together, but the stupid tears continue to fall.
“Come on. Let’s get you back home.” Jamie stands, taking my box that is falling apart at the seams, and puts it under his arm before taking my hand and pulling me up. I stand with him then burrow into his side when he wraps his arm around me.
We walk down the block to my building with tears still falling from my eyes. Once we get inside, he leads us to the elevator, and then I let us into my apartment and head right for the couch, while Jamie goes to the kitchen. I listen to him fill my tea kettle, and then a few minutes later, he comes over to me with a cup of my favorite tea, setting it on the coffee table before sitting and placing my feet on his lap.
“I really fucking hate you’re upset over that piece of shit,” he mutters, slipping the blanket from the back of the couch to rest it over me.
“I’m not upset about him. Or it’s not all about him,” I say while leaning forward to grab the box of Kleenex from the table, tugging a couple out before lying back down and dabbing my eyes that have finally stopped leaking.
“Is it about Braxton?”
“Some.” I swallow, not even sure myself. “I think it’s everything—not getting closure with Troy, moving in to my own place, my job, my relationship with Braxton, and how there are times I want nothing more than to dive into things with him head-first, and others when he does stuff that makes me question if I should.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” he asks, and the disappointment in his voice causes a fresh wave of tears to fill my eyes.
That’s a good question. “I don’t know,” I admit while sitting up and grabbing my tea, needing the warmth and a moment to try to figure out my own thoughts. I’ve always talked to Jamie about everything going on in my life, but maybe a part of me didn’t want to tell him the things I’ve had issues with when it comes to Braxton and didn’t want Jamie to hate him before I’ve had a chance to figure out if I could possibly be falling for him. “I think I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about him and didn’t want to talk to you about him until I did.”
“You like him.”
I know it’s not a question.
I lick my lips and nod once. “I do—most of the time anyway. When we’re together without the outside world interfering, he makes me happy, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel like I’m important, good enough.” I pull in a deep breath. “But there are times when he makes me question my own sanity, times he does things I hate and get frustrated, because it’s like he doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong.”
His eyes narrow. “Things like what?”
I roll my eyes. “Like calling to tell you I was meeting up with Troy so you could show up.” I shake my head. “Who does something like that?”
“He was worried about you, Dakota,” he says, seeming to relax, like me thinking Braxton contacting him for the reasons he did is absolutely normal.
“Maybe that’s why I didn’t talk to you about Braxton. You would do the insane things he has done if given a reason or the opportunity.”
“If you mean protecting someone I care about, then hell yeah, I would.”
I groan and lean back against the couch. “I’m surrounded by crazy people.”
He grabs my foot and my attention. “If you tell me I shouldn’t like him, I won’t, Dakota. But I have to tell you he didn’t sugarcoat shit for me. He told me about everything, even about lying to you the night you two met, something you didn’t even tell me about.”
My mouth drops open. “He told you about that?”
“He did.” He smirks. “I mean, if you think about it, that shit is kind of funny.”
I grab the pillow from behind me and toss it at his head. “It’s not funny. Do you know how stupid I felt when I found out I spent the night with a man I didn’t know then later on that he’s actually the CEO of IMG, the company I just started working for?”
“I don’t want to know about you two spending the night together,” he mutters, looking disgusted.
“An amazing night together.” I fight back my smile as his face pales. “Seriously, he’s—”
“Shut up, Dakota.” He throws my pillow back at me, making me laugh. “I never, ever want to hear about what you are doing with anyone behind closed doors.”
“Oh, but it was okay for me to have to listen to you go at it all night with the random women you brought home?”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“Umm, yeah, Jamie, it is. Only it’s worse having to hear the sounds your brother makes when he’s—”
He covers my mouth before I can finish and glares at me. “Okay, fuck, I’m sorry. Just please stop.”
“I’ll stop,” I mumble against his hand, and he lets me go before moving back in his seat, still glaring at me.
Giggling, I take a sip of my tea then rest it on my knee. Silence settles between us, and I jump when my cell in my bag starts to ring. I grab my purse off the floor where I dropped it and dig out my phone. When I see Braxton is calling, I don’t hesitate to put it to my ear.
“If you think calling my brother won you any brownie points, you are seriously confused. I thought I was mad at you before. But now, I’m—” I try to come up with something worse than mad, but I’m so mad nothing comes to mind. “—I’m whatever comes after being mad. Maybe furious.” I end the call before he can even respond and shut off my phone then look at my brother, who is watching me with an understanding look in his eyes. “What?”
“You know, when you were with Troy, no matter what he did, no matter how mad you were at him, you never once told him how you felt.”
“I told him,” I defend myself.
He shakes his head. “You didn’t, Dakota, and I know there were times when you wanted to.”
It’s then I realize he’s right. I never told Troy if he made me mad, if he made me feel uncomfortable or like I couldn’t be myself when I was around him or his family. When I was with him, I felt like I was the lucky one, like I was lucky he wanted me. I never once thought he was lucky to have me.
“I’m not saying what Braxton has done is right
or that it’s even okay, but I like that you don’t have an issue telling him how upset you are, even with how much money he has, how much power he has. I think that says a lot. I think it shows just how much you trust him.”
“Trust him?” I frown, thinking trust is a funny word to use when it comes to Braxton.
“I don’t think that unless you trust someone you can ever truly express how upset you are with them and their actions. Showing any kind of emotion lets people know how much power they have over you, and being angry is one of the biggest emotions we will ever experience besides love. You can’t show anger without trust, just like you can’t feel love without trust.”
“Are you saying I’m in love with Braxton?” The thought alone makes me want to run for the hills, but if I’m honest with myself, every time I’m around him, I feel more and more for him and am falling deeper and deeper into the connection we have with each other.
“All I’m saying is it’s nice to see that you can be yourself with a man you obviously care about.”
“When did you Mr. Anti-Relationship, Mr. Anti-Love become the spokesperson for what it takes to build a successful relationship?”
“I know jack shit about relationships. All I know is that you have to trust the person you are with; otherwise, you are both just wasting your time.”
“You know, whenever you do decide to settle down, that girl is going to be lucky.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” he says, and I look into his eyes, seeing his own self-doubt, and set down my cup. I move toward him and rest my head on his chest then wrap my arm around his waist. “I’m lucky to have you, your support, and love, and I know that whoever you end up with will feel the same. You are an amazing man, Jamie. I’m lucky to have you in my life.”
He wraps his arm around my shoulders then kisses the top of my head. “It’s going to be okay. No matter what happens, we’ve got each other.”
We’ve got each other. I know that, but I want more. I want a husband and a family, and part of me hopes Braxton is going to be a part of my story. I just really need him to prove he’s capable of not acting on instinct and being the man I need him to be. We have enough drama between us without him adding more. I can admit I care about him, but I don’t like that he’s constantly doing things that make me feel like he has the upper hand.
“I think you should cut him some slack,” he says, and I look up at him as he dips his head down toward me. “I’m not saying you should let him off the hook for the shit he’s done, but part of me knows he’s trying to find a way to make things work between you two. He cares about you.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little insane how he’s acted?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never really cared about a woman besides you, so I can’t say what I would do to make sure the person I cared about was safe.”
“I don’t need him to take care of me, Jamie, and I’m not doing anything that would put me in danger,” I say, and his arm around me seems to tighten ever so slightly. “What. What is that?”
“I think you should give him a chance to explain himself,” he replies before pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I don’t want to go, but I need to meet up with Dan. We’re supposed to finalize the schedule for the next few months.” He lets me go and stands.
I want to ask him what his subtle reaction was about, if he knows something I don’t, but I keep my mouth closed. He doesn’t need to worry about me right now. In a way, his life is just starting, and I don’t want to complicate that or make him feel like he needs to choose between me and his future.
“I’ll be at your show Friday,” I say quietly, getting up to walk him to the door.
“I’ll be looking for you,” he responds, and then he stops and turns to face me. “Call me—if anything happens or if you just need to talk.”
My chest warms. “Thanks, big brother.” I give him a hug then open the door.
With a lift of his chin, he’s gone and I lock up. I look around my empty apartment and walk over to my bed, where I flop down face-first then roll to my back. I stare at the ceiling, thinking it’s way too quiet, and worse, a little bit lonely.
“I should get a fish,” I mutter to myself. I mean, I don’t really think a fish is exactly good company, but at least it would be something. Maybe I’ll become the fish lady, with a hundred fish tanks to take care of, since I don’t think I can become a dog lady, not with how much time they require. And cats are out of the question, since I’m allergic, even though I wish I wasn’t.
With a groan, I pull my pillow over my head. I must be more tired than I thought I was, because I wake up to an annoying buzzing sound in that exact position. I toss my pillow away and get up to stumble to the door half asleep, and I press the intercom when I get there. “Hello.”
“Ms. Newton, I have a delivery for you. Are you available to accept it?”
I blink at the clock across the room and see it’s six, around the time I usually get up to start getting ready for work.
“Ms. Newton, are you there?”
“Sorry, yes, you can bring it up.” I release the button then walk into the kitchen and fill my teakettle, willing it to boil.
I yawn as there is a knock on the door, and when I open it, I don’t know what I’m expecting, but it’s not someone just handing me a card. I accept it with a quiet “thank you” then walk over to the couch and stare at the sealed envelope, flipping it over in my hands before finally ripping open the seal. I unfold the white piece of paper, and I swallow as I read the typed-out words.
I’m sorry,
Braxton
I want to believe him. I want to believe he really is sorry, but I’m not sure he even thinks what he did was wrong—not after everything he’s done and continues to do. I ball up the paper in my hand and drop it to the floor at my feet. Then I get up and grab a cup of tea before going to get ready for work.
And when I get home that evening, I find a beautiful, brightly colored betta fish in a simple glass bowl on my kitchen counter along with a container of food. I tap the glass smiling then take off my watch and toss it into one of the drawers.
Chapter 11
DAKOTA
STANDING IN MY bathroom with Samantha next to me, both of us primping to go out tonight for Jamie’s show, I meet her gaze in the mirror and smile as she picks up her wineglass to take a sip. This week, we’ve spent a lot of time together, not just at work but we’ve had lunch together every day and went out for drinks a couple times. It’s been nice having a friend, and I’m looking forward to having her with me tonight to keep me company.
“Can I ask you something?” she asks, and I laugh, because she already sounds a little tipsy. Then again, I might be a little tipsy myself.
“Sure.”
“What’s going on with you and Mr. Adams?”
At her question, I almost burn myself as I fumble with my curling rod. Besides Samantha mentioning Braxton showing up at the bar, no one has questioned me. Not one person has even given me a funny look. It’s like it never happened at all, and because of that, I kind of forgot it even did.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t ask. I mean, it’s not my business.”
I wet my lips, unsure what to say. I want to be honest with her, because her question is something a friend would ask, but a part of me wants to keep the information to myself until I know where he and I are headed.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly. It’s been days since I’ve spoken to him. Not that he hasn’t attempted to contact me. I’ve just been working hard at ignoring his calls, texts, and e-mails, wanting time to try to figure out my feelings without his overwhelming presence interfering. I’ve figured out that I miss him and have even been grateful for his persistence during this time. It’s made me feel like he hasn’t forgotten me, like what we’ve shared is important to him, like I’m important to him.
“The night we met, I had no idea who he was.” I set down my curler and pick up my glass of wine. “He lied to me. I was suppose
d to meet a blind date. I thought he was the guy and approached him, and instead of telling me he was the wrong man, he told me he was my date.”
“Shut up,” she whisper-hisses, and I shake my head with a giggle, like Jamie finding the humor in the situation now that I’m no longer angry about it.
“We went out and one thing led to another, and he stayed the night.”
Her eyes are wide with horror. “Let me guess—you found out he lied the next morning.”
I nod. “I found out he lied and lost my mind. Then later, I found out exactly who he is when I ran into him at the office. And since then, things between us have been complicated.”
“I hate to tell you this, but it sounds like it’s always been complicated.”
“You’re not wrong about that.” I sigh, turning back to the mirror.
“Do you like him?”
“When he’s not making me mad or doing things that make me crazy, I really like him. I’ve never met a man like him before. He’s funny, sweet, and really kind, but he can also be pompous, demanding, and infuriating.”
“Hot.” She grins then continues, “And let’s not forget gorgeous and sexy.”
“We can’t forget that.” I laugh.
“Well, I think you guys look cute together, and I don’t know him or what he’s like, but I’ve dated a lot, and I can tell you that not once did a guy show up where I was because he wanted to spend time with me. Really, most of the men I’ve dated would be happy if I decided to go out with friends, so they could have some time alone or time to do whatever they wanted to do… including another girl.”
I blink at her in surprise. She’s gorgeous, with thick dark hair, big blue eyes, full lips, and a body even the Kardashians with all their money would envy.
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