Love Offline

by Olivia Spring

  Blushing, Josh scooped up the blanket and his black denim jacket, placed them in front of him, smirked, then began walking off.

  ‘Bye, ladies!’

  ‘Oh my God, Chloe!’ I said, slapping her playfully on the back, once Josh was out of range. ‘You are terrible!’

  ‘Me? I did the man a favour. You can’t walk around a park swinging a weapon around like that. That’s what you call armed and dangerous. One look at what he’s been blessed with down there and he could cause innocent cyclists to crash, not to mention women— oh, and probably men—to walk into trees. Goodness gracious me! That looks like some piece of equipment he’s carrying. You lucky, lucky lady! So when’s the big day, or should that be night?’

  ‘Well, that’s why I called you. I’ve been trying to hold out for as long as I could—you know, to be sure that he’s decent and all that—but I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’m just not strong enough. I’m gasping for him. I’m driving myself mental. I can’t stop thinking about him. About sex. I don’t know what’s come over me. I can’t function when I’m at my desk. I went months without even giving it a second thought. In fact, there were times I couldn’t even consider being with another man. But now, any long object I see, I start imagining as a phallic symbol. I spent far too long eating a banana yesterday. Things are bad, Chloe. I think it’s actually making me ill.’

  ‘Sounds like you’ve got that serious condition—what’s it called again?’

  ‘Wait, what? There’s an actual medical condition?’

  ‘Yes. It’s called sexual-frustration-crazy-nympho-lady-itis!’

  ‘Chloe!’

  She wasn’t far wrong, though. I was like a woman possessed.

  ‘It’s perfectly natural. Well, maybe not the banana thing, but clearly you’ve reached your limit. No point torturing yourself. From the looks of things, he’s definitely, ahem, up for it!’

  ‘This isn’t a joke!’

  ‘Sorry! I couldn’t resist! But seriously, though, he is. He’s a man, so he probably was ready to do the deed from day one.’

  ‘No, he’s not like that. He’s never asked or made me feel pressured. It’s been a while for him too, so I think he wants to take his time.’

  ‘Pull the other one! Mr Stud Muffin is saying that it’s been a while? He must have women throwing themselves at him every second.’

  ‘Josh explained that because he’s been focusing all of his energies pursuing his dream and working on his mystery ‘project’, he hasn’t had time for a girlfriend. And he wasn’t in the right place emotionally before because his grandma passed away, then before that, he was always working, so—’

  ‘So is he trying to say he’s been celibate for years?’

  ‘Well, no. Not years. He said he’s dated on and off during that time, but not anything serious, and he hasn’t slept with anyone at all for months. Not since Christmas, when he went to see his mum in Spain and hooked up with the daughter of one of her friends.’

  Chloe rolled her eyes.

  ‘Stop! Like I said, he told me that up until I came along, he deliberately avoided getting involved with anyone as he didn’t want to get distracted, and I believe him!’

  ‘Fair enough. Yes, sorry. I really must stop judging him by his looks,’ she said, slapping herself on the hand. ‘My gut tells me he’s a good egg, Em. How many dates have you been on now?’

  ‘Seven. Well, eight if you include that first drink at the pub, but definitely seven proper dates. And it’s been two weeks and one day since our date at Chez Pierre.’

  ‘Not that you’ve been counting, of course…’

  ‘Stop teasing!’ I squeezed her arm gently. ‘Help!’

  ‘I’m not the one who can help you, I’m afraid. As you keep reminding me, I’m married, and as beautiful as you are, Em, we’re just friends. You’re not my type.’

  ‘Stop!’

  ‘Sorry. You’re just so easy to wind up right now,’ she chuckled. ‘Okay, serious Chloe is back in the building and she says go for it! If you’re ready, and I believe that you are, then call him later, invite him round to yours tomorrow and just do it for Pete’s sake! That’s got to be better than you two frolicking behind the bushes like teenagers.’

  So true. It was terrible. Shameless. But so good at the same time…

  ‘I know. We couldn’t help ourselves. I just lose all my inhibitions when he touches me.’

  ‘Clearly!’ Chloe laughed again. ‘Get yourself home, prep your boudoir and your body for action tomorrow and get it over and done with so that you can put yourselves and me out of our misery. And don’t forget to call me on Friday morning once he’s left to let me know how it went. Most importantly, relax and try not to worry. If that big display in his trousers earlier was anything to go by, I think you’re in for the night of your life!’

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  This was it. In exactly seventeen minutes, Josh, who was always on time, would be here. In my flat. And perhaps an hour or so later, once we’d had dinner, if the heat between us in the park yesterday was anything to go by, we would have done the deed. Got down to business. And I could not wait.

  Don’t get me wrong. Of course I was nervous. I wouldn’t be me otherwise. Whilst I felt really comfortable around him, it was much easier to be relaxed on a dinner, museum or park date, when I was fully or even partially clothed. Being sprawled out on the bed in my birthday suit, exposing myself and all my wobbly bits to a man who was drop-dead gorgeous was a different story.

  There was so much to think about before having sex for the first time with someone new. Would it be any good? Would I be any good? Would he be any good? Would we have the same connection in the bedroom, or would it be awkward? The list was endless. Particularly because I really liked him. Whilst that quick fumble with Henry was good practise for being naked in front of a man and getting me back in the game again, I hoped it was going to pale in comparison to the experience I would have with Josh.

  Because I’d resisted for so long (well, just over two weeks wasn’t exactly long, especially as I’d gone several months without it, but considering I would have been happy to indulge from day one, it certainly felt that way), the anticipation had built up even more. And because Josh was so hot, somehow that meant that I expected sex with him to be extra mind-blowing. Completely shallow, I know, but I mean, look at him. He must have had women falling at his feet all his life, so surely he’d had more opportunities to hone his skills than most.

  And as Chloe couldn’t fail to notice, and I felt every time we got close, he did seem to be very well endowed. That has always been billed as the holy grail for a guy, right? Supposedly, the bigger the better? Not always the case in my experience. I remember a guy I slept with in college. What was his name again? Jerry, I think? Anyway, he was very, very well hung and sex was very, very uncomfortable. With every thrust I thought he was going to crush my insides. I couldn’t wait for it to end. Oh God. I really hoped it wouldn’t be like that with Josh.

  Like Chloe said, I just needed to relax. Josh has had a good feel of my body, albeit under my clothes, and so would already be familiar with my shape. Yes, maybe I could be firmer in many places. Couldn’t we all? But he didn’t seem to mind my small boobs and big bum, so I should stop fretting. It was going to be fine…

  I wondered how he was feeling. Did guys get nervous before they slept with a woman too? Perhaps they suffered from performance anxiety, wondering if they’d be able to get it up and how long it would stay up. Or did they just take it all in their stride? I think Josh knew that I wanted things to happen tonight. I hadn’t said it explicitly, but when we’d spoken last night and I’d suggested that he could come round to mine for a ‘night in,’ I could feel him smiling down the phone. ‘A night in, eh?’ he’d said, as if instantly guessing that I was inviting him around to Netflix and chill.

  ‘Yeah,’ I’d added quickly, for some reason trying to throw him off the scent. ‘I’m not the best cook in the world, but I do make a mean sp
aghetti bolognese…’

  ‘My favourite!’ he’d said. ‘So what time do you want me? At your flat? I mean, what time should I come? Round. To your flat? Oh God!’

  We’d both laughed.

  Yeah. I’m pretty sure he knows what’s on the cards…

  I checked the table. Looking good. Placemats were laid out, I’d lit some candles to set the mood, had opened the red wine and the bolognese was spot on. Thankfully, this dish never failed me. I would cook the spaghetti when he arrived.

  My bedroom was ready. Clean sheets, clothes all neatly hung up in the wardrobe. And my body was ready too. Freshly shaved, freshly showered. Smothered in sweet coconut oil. Primed for action. I’d put on my silky peach lingerie, a colourful floral miniskirt I’d bought at the weekend and sheer white vest top. Sexy but casual, I thought.

  The doorbell rang. As always, right on time.

  ‘Welcome!’ I said as Josh stepped through the door.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said, removing his shoes, then kissing me gently on the lips. ‘I feel very privileged to have received the invitation, especially as you’ve cooked too. I’m looking forward to sampling your cuisine.’

  We burst into laughter. Such dirty minds.

  ‘Are you referring to my bolognese?’ I said, running my fingers suggestively down his chest.

  ‘Of course.’ He smirked, kissing me again. ‘What else?’

  ‘That’s a shame,’ I said.

  ‘Well, I am very hungry, so I’ll be ready to devour anything you want to offer me.’ He winked.

  As I imagined the possibilities, my heart started beating faster.

  Reluctantly, I snapped out of my thoughts and regained my focus.

  ‘So,’ I said, taking his hand and leading him through the flat, ‘this is the kitchen slash dining and living room.’

  ‘Open-plan. Cool,’ said Josh. ‘Good for entertaining.’

  ‘Yeah, that was the idea, but I haven’t done much of that lately. And then, this is obviously the bathroom,’ I said, opening the door. ‘That room there is my office, but it’s not fit for visitors at the moment, so I’ll save the tour of that for another day, and then this is the bedroom,’ I added, my body tingling again as I pictured us on my bed together.

  ‘Mmm, okay,’ said Josh. ‘Very nice. Good to know where everything is. Thanks for the tour.’

  ‘No probs! So. First things first. Drink? I’ve got red wine for dinner, but I also made sure I got a bottle of Jack Daniels just for you.’

  ‘Awww, thanks. A JD and Coke is perfect.’

  He walked around the living room, his eyes scanning the walls and the furniture. He sat on the sofa, then jumped up again as he pulled out a folder that I’d left down the side. Damn. I’d forgotten to put that away.

  ‘What’s this?’ he said, picking up one of my old paintings that had fallen out and onto the floor.

  ‘Oh, just some…some of my old work.’ I squirmed. I didn’t really want anyone to see it. Normally I had it locked away in my office, but I’d taken them out earlier to flick through at lunchtime as I was looking to see if I had any old life drawing sketches in there.

  ‘This is amazing! Why do you have this stuff hidden away? You should be selling it!’ He eagerly thumbed through the folder. ‘Could I have one of these, please? I’d pay for it obviously. These would be perfect. I’ve got a lot of art, because I…but some of my walls are looking a bit bare and boring, which I hate. No offence,’ he said, slapping his forehead as he stared at my magnolia living room.

  ‘No, no, you’re right. I hate bare walls too. They’re only like this as I haven’t bothered to change anything since Eric left. He chose the décor for this place. If I had my way, they’d be painted bright colours. I’d have put up lots of art and would have painted a mural in here. I drew something years ago with a colourful field of tulips. I’d have loved to have painted that on this wall,’ I said, pointing to the bland décor.

  ‘What?’ he shouted. ‘You can paint murals too? Straight onto the wall?’

  ‘Well, yeah.’ I shrugged. ‘I used to help out a couple of mural artists when I was at uni. Did it for a couple of years.’

  ‘That’s incredible! I know a fair bit about art—well, not, you know…’ His voice trailed off. ‘Anyway, I know that most people that paint small, from the wrist, can’t paint from the shoulder and do large-scale stuff too. The fact that you can do illustrations and murals is very rare. That’s a real skill, Em. I wish I could do that.’

  Josh’s knowledge was impressive. Not many people knew the difference between painting from the wrist and the shoulder. My lecturer at uni had said a similar thing about me having a unique skill set and encouraged me to pursue becoming a mural artist, but I couldn’t find a steady paying job in London. And then the opportunity to work in illustration had come up and I’d just focused on that instead.

  ‘Thanks, that’s nice of you to say.’

  ‘But it’s true! So I don’t understand. Why don’t you paint murals on your walls, then? What’s stopping you?’

  ‘Nothing, I suppose.’ That wasn’t strictly true. It was mainly because I hadn’t had the motivation. And I’d stopped believing in myself. In my abilities. I’d thought about it a couple of times since I’d started life drawing but pushed it to the back of my mind again. ‘I guess I got so used to doing things Eric’s way, and since the breakup, I’ve just never really been inspired to change anything.’

  ‘Well, I think it would be criminal to have your talent and not put it to good use. I mean, I knew you could draw, obviously, but not like this! It sounds like you’ve got lots of ideas about what you’d like to do. And those ideas definitely seem to be more you. I mean, you’ve got such a warm, vibrant, exciting and creative personality. When I think of you, I don’t think of blank magnolia walls, or plain white duvet covers. I see colour. A rainbow. So many shades. Forget about Eric and how he wanted things. He’s gone. This is your home now. You should feel free to express yourself and paint it however you want. Show off your personality. Showcase your skills. Your work is incredible, Em,’ he said, sifting through the paintings again. ‘You’ve got an amazing talent. A gift. Your work shouldn’t be hidden away. The world should see it. And at the very least I reckon you should be proud to display your skills on your own four walls.’

  Wow.

  I was kind of speechless. No one had ever spoken about my work like that before. I mean, yeah, my lecturers had said in the past that they thought I had talent, and both Chloe and my parents had some of my old stuff hanging in their houses, but again, they were biased. When I was a child, Mum often pinned my latest creations on the fridge. Then when I was in college and uni, she’d always put something in the hallway or living room. But she was my mother. That was what mums did. And Chloe was my best friend. Of course she’d want to be supportive. But Josh? He already knew I liked him and that sex was on the cards, so there was no reason for him to lie. After years of being ridiculed by Eric, it felt good to finally find a man who believed in me and my art.

  And it was also lovely to hear someone call me vibrant and exciting. Definitely better than the ‘boring’ tag I’d been labelled with so many times.

  ‘Thanks. I might start doing some stuff again. I’ve really been enjoying my life drawing classes, and our visit to the V&A gave me some inspiration too.’

  ‘I’m really glad to hear that, Em. Honestly, you’re so good. I’d love to buy some of your work. In fact, how do you fancy doing a few murals for me? I’ve got some walls at home which could do with livening up.’

  ‘What?’ I frowned. ‘If you really want the paintings, you can have them. I wouldn’t charge you! They’ve been gathering dust for ages. It’d be great to know they’ve gone to a good home.’

  ‘That’s kind of you, but I honestly don’t mind paying for these or for you to paint the murals.’

  ‘But you haven’t seen any of my mural work. I might have some old photos somewhere that I could show you, but—’

&n
bsp; ‘I don’t need to see anything. I believe in you. I just know you’ll do a great job. We can talk about it properly another time if you like, but in the meantime, will you give it some thought?’

  I couldn’t quite get my head around the fact that he was even considering effectively commissioning me to do some work for him.

  ‘Um, yeah. Sure,’ I said, thinking he was just being nice and that it probably wouldn’t happen anyway. ‘Well, I better get you that drink.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  I poured the Jack Daniels into a glass.

  ‘Nice rug,’ he said, rubbing his feet over the thick cream faux fur, then sliding down to sit on it. ‘Very soft.’

  ‘Yeah. Even though it’s plain, and I’ve just been rabbiting on about how much I love colour, after my green sofa, it’s still one of my favourite things in this room,’ I said as I finished pouring the Coke over the ice. ‘My parents bought it for me a couple of years ago to match the cream leather sofa that used to be here. I’m always paranoid about spilling red wine on it, though.’

  ‘Bolognese sauce wouldn’t look too good on here either, I’d imagine.’

  ‘Nope,’ I said, handing him his drink, ‘That’s why we’ll be eating from the table tonight.’

  ‘I’m fine to eat your spag bol from the table if you like,’ said Josh, ‘but there’s something much more appealing that I’d like to sample on this rug before then…’

  Josh held my gaze, took my hands, then gently pulled me downwards and laid me across it without saying another word.

  He began to kiss me. First slowly but firmly on my lips and all over my neck. He lifted my vest over my head, then his tongue travelled down my chest until he reached my belly button. Next, his head travelled down my body as Josh peeled off my skirt and thong.

  ‘God, you’re beautiful,’ he said. I couldn’t even speak. My heart was beating so fast. I just couldn’t wait to see and feel what was going to happen next.

  As he moved his lips upwards from my knees, all along my inner thighs, my whole body trembled with anticipation. I wanted him to kiss me. There. I wanted him to bury his head between my legs and kiss me. Passionately. Like his life depended on it.