‘I don’t know. I still think you should give him five minutes to hear his side of the story. Give him the benefit of the doubt.’
‘No!’ I snapped.
‘Okay, okay. It’s still too raw. I understand. But think about it, okay? Look,’ she said, putting her arm round my shoulder, ‘I’m really, really sorry. Super bad timing, I know, but I have to go to work now. I feel awful leaving you, but I’ve got a meeting in half an hour. I can try and see if someone else can fill in for me instead. It’s just that one of the ladies has flown down from Scotland especially.’
‘Oh, sorry, Chloe. No, no, you go. I’ll be fine. I mean, I think I’m just going to go to sleep and then hopefully when I wake up this will all just be a bad dream. I can’t face anyone right now. I just want to hide away.’
‘I understand.’
‘Oh God!’ I said as the enormity of this dawned on me. ‘That photo will be all over the internet, so do you think they’ll be interested in me? The paps won’t come here, will they? I couldn’t bear it.’
Chloe got up off the bed, crept over to the window and gently flicked open the blinds.
‘Coast is looking clear for the moment, but it might not stay that way for long. Leave it to me. I’ll contact Archie. He’s a whiz at this technology stuff. I’m pretty sure he’ll have some ideas on how to throw the paps off the scent. Don’t worry, Em. We’ll figure this out. Just stay inside. Keep a low profile. I’ll be round after work. Until then, get some rest.’
‘Thank you again,’ I said, hugging her tightly. ‘I’m going back to bed now.’
‘Good idea.’
‘Good luck with your meeting, and sorry if I made you late.’
‘Don’t be silly. You know I’d do anything for you. And don’t let that cake go to waste. Get stuck in. So glad I baked those last night now.’
‘So am I.’
By the time Chloe left it was after 9 p.m. She’d brought round some chicken soup and sat with me for hours. Despite sleeping for most of the day, I was still feeling out of it. So many emotions swirling around me. It was exhausting.
Josh hadn’t called back or replied to my text. Probably feeling guilty. Arsehole.
Chloe said that Archie had got someone from the States to post on social media to say they’d spotted me in New York, having a heated argument with Josh. It must have worked, as everything was normal outside, but for how long?
I couldn’t even think about it. I was too exhausted.
I lay back down on the bed. Apart from getting up to go to the toilet, I hadn’t moved all day.
Just as I closed my eyes, my buzzer rang.
Oh no. I hoped I hadn’t spoken too soon and the paps had realised I was here. Then again, did paps ring doorbells? I had no idea. This life was all new to me and I didn’t like it. At all.
I wanted to leave it. But at the same time I wanted to know who it was.
I tiptoed over to the window overlooking the front door of the building and couldn’t believe my eyes.
What. The. Actual. Hell.
What an earth was he doing here?
Was I asleep?
Was this a nightmare?
I’d thought the day couldn’t get any worse, but it just had.
Why?
Because standing at my front door was him.
The world’s biggest dickhead. Well, after Josh’s shenanigans, I should now call him the world’s second-biggest dickhead.
Eric—yes, Eric, my lying, cheating ex—was ringing my doorbell.
Shit.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I sat on the hallway floor, staring at the intercom.
Eric.
What the hell did he want? We’d broken up over a year ago, so why was he here, and why now?
There was no way I was letting him in.
If he was thinking that I’d even consider speaking to him after what he did, then he was seriously deluded.
Not going to happen. Especially not today.
He stopped ringing my buzzer.
Thank God.
Good riddance.
Just as I got up to go back to bed, there was a knock at the door. My flat door.
Please don’t tell me that was him. How did he get into the building? I bet it was bloody Keith from the ground floor. They were always friendly. He thought Eric was some kind of god. No doubt Eric had buzzed his flat after I’d refused to answer, and he was only too happy to help. I’d have to have a word with him. I was sure there was a rule about letting in unauthorised guests.
The door knocked again.
‘Hi, Em, it’s me. Eric. Please, can you let me in?’
You must be joking.
‘Em, I know you’re in there. Please, can you open the door? I just want to talk.’
‘Sod off, Eric,’ I muttered under my breath.
‘Em, please! It’s really important. It will literally take five minutes.’
Life’s already too short, arsehole, for me to waste five of my precious minutes on you.
Silence.
I think he’s gone. Hallelujah.
Just as I thought the coast was clear, my mobile began ringing. Shit. I’d taken it off silent because Chloe had said she’d ring later to check up on me and I didn't want to miss her call.
‘I can hear your phone ringing. I know you’re there. You wouldn’t go anywhere without your mobile. Open up!’ He banged on the door again. ‘Look.’ He softened his voice. ‘I know I hurt you and you probably don’t want to speak to me, but I’m really sorry. I really need to talk to you and I’d prefer to do it inside, but if you’d rather I stand outside this door and say what I need to, then I will. I just didn’t think you’d be keen on the neighbours or anyone else lurking around hearing all about our personal lives.’
Well, of course I don’t, Eric. But I’m still not letting you in.
I wished he’d just leave me alone. This was harassment.
‘Come on, Em. I just want to talk. There’s something I need to tell you. It’s important. What are you so afraid of?’
I wasn’t afraid of Eric. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Emotionally, yes, as I’d discovered, but not physically. I thought about calling the police. They’d probably think I was wasting their time, though.
‘Emily!’ he shouted, banging on the door even harder. ‘Are you not at least a little bit curious about what I want to tell you? Surely it’s better to just let me come in for five minutes and hear me out. I think you’ll regret at least not listening to what I have to say.’
‘Sod off! I’ve got no interest in what you have to say!’ I shouted. I know I shouldn’t have engaged, but he was driving me crazy. I just wanted him to go away. My head was pounding.
‘Oh, so you are there. I knew it! Just let me in, please!’
Let him stop. Please.
‘For fuck’s sake. Just let me in!’ he snapped. ‘I’ll stay here all night if I have to. All week. I’ll keep banging on your door until you let me in.’
Oh God. Eric was as stubborn as a mule. He probably would stay here all night.
This was all too much. I felt like there was an army of sumo wrestlers and kickboxers fighting inside my head. A human being can only take so much in one day. Jesus. First the photos of Josh with Sasha, then the horrible comments on social media, the fear of paps camping outside and now to top it all off, my cheating ex was banging down my door, threatening to stay there for weeks unless I let him in. It was overwhelming. I just wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop.
Even though I really, really knew I shouldn’t and I really, really didn’t want to, the quickest way to solve this was to just let him in.
Oh gosh. I couldn’t believe I was going to do this.
‘Em, please! Just five minutes is all I need.’
I took a deep breath.
‘Just five minutes?’
‘Yes! Yes!’ he replied excitedly. ‘Just five minutes!’
‘And then you’ll leave me alone and never contact me again?’<
br />
‘Well, I hope that once you hear what I have to say, you won’t want that to be the case, but yes.’
I walked towards the door and unlocked it cautiously.
‘Five minutes,’ I said, setting the stopwatch on my phone, ‘and not a second more.’
‘Hi, Em!’ said Eric as he stepped into the hallway. ‘So good to see you!’ He leant forward to kiss me.
‘Don’t,’ I snapped, recoiling sharply and holding up my hands.
‘Shall we go in the lounge to sit down and make ourselves more comfortable?’ he said.
‘No need. Here is just fine, Eric. Now you’ve only got four minutes and thirty-one seconds, so I suggest you start talking.’
‘Okay. So…well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I realised how much I must have hurt you, and I—I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m so truly sorry for the way things ended.’
‘Right…?’ I said, wondering what he expected me to say. Did he want a medal? A thank-you? It had taken him this long to realise that sleeping with another woman when you were already in a relationship was a bad thing to do? Seriously? There was so much I wanted to say to him right now and none of it was pleasant. ‘What’s this really about? Is this because you’re getting married soon and you want to stand in front of the congregation with a clear conscience?’
‘No, no. It’s nothing like that. Nicole and I are over. Done. Finished.’
Is that so? There was a time I would have loved to have heard those words, but now I couldn’t care less.
‘And?’ I folded my arms.
‘And I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. I didn’t see it before, but I see it so clearly now, Em. It’s you. It’s always been you. You’re the one.’
He cannot be serious.
‘So let me get this straight,’ I said, placing my hands on my hips. ‘Because you’ve broken up with Nicole, who I’m guessing probably got bored and dumped you, you think that you can now come crawling back to me?’
‘Come on, Em.’ He stepped towards me. ‘It’s not like that at all. We were so good together. There’s no way we could have stayed together for that long if we weren’t. Admit it. You must have thought about it. About us? Being together again? We had a connection…’
He knelt down in front of me. In what felt like a microsecond, his hands and head darted underneath my nightdress and he’d leant forward to place his mouth between my thighs.
Don’t even think about it.
Without even realising, my knee rocketed into the air, straight into his jaw.
‘Ouch!’ shouted Eric.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ I said, jumping back.
‘That hurt! Why did you kick me? You used to love me going down on you. Remember how I always used to make you come?’
The nerve of this guy. Talk about delusional. From the look on his pathetic face right now, he somehow believed I was so desperate that I would want to have his dirty, cheating, lying tongue on me. Just thinking about it made my skin crawl.
‘Get out!’ I shouted.
‘Come on, Em,’ he said. ‘What’s the problem? I’m single, you’re single. Why can’t we just enjoy the moment?’
‘The moment? What moment? At the moment, I just want you to get out! And you’re so arrogant. What makes you think I’m single? Do you think I’ve just been sitting around waiting for you?’
‘Oh, come on.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I do follow the news, you know. I’ve seen it all over the internet that the pop star guy dumped you because he went and fucked that hot Sasha megastar. Whilst I can understand the appeal—I mean, she is incredibly sexy—it still really upset me to see the whole world saying all those cruel things about you, and that’s one of the reasons that I wanted to come over. To protect you. Look after you. Oh, and also I wanted to let you know, the whole marriage thing you were always going on about—well, I’m ready. Let’s do it, Em. Let’s get married. I haven’t cancelled the church or the hall that I booked for the reception yet, so we could just do it next month if you like?’
Lost. For. Words.
Stunned.
Furious.
Absolutely fucking furious!
I felt my heart pumping. My blood was boiling. My hands were shaking. The audacity to think that he could just walk in here, say sorry a few times and I’d forget about all the pain he caused me, then take him back. Did he truly believe I would just marry him? Did he honestly think I would say yes, just like that? And to add insult to injury, he expected me to be okay doing it in the church he’d arranged to get hitched to Nicole? Same wedding arrangements, just a different bride?
This man was stirring up a dangerous cocktail of angry and potentially violent emotions, and if he didn’t leave immediately, I was going to do something that I’d regret.
Stay calm.
Stay calm.
Stay calm.
‘Eric,’ I said, breathing in deeply. ‘If you do not leave this flat in the next thirty seconds, I’m going to do something very, very bad. I’ve had a shitty day, and seeing you has made it even shittier. To avoid any confusion, let me clarify a few things: I no longer love you. I don’t even like you. And I certainly do not want to marry you. Not now, not ever. In fact, I can’t think of anything worse. Please, can you now get the hell out of my flat and crawl under whatever rock giant cockroaches like you go to? And make sure that it’s at least a million miles away from me.’ My stopwatch beeped. ‘Time’s up, Eric. You’ve had your five minutes, now fuck off and don’t come back.’
He left the flat with his mouth on the floor looking wounded. Whatever hurt he was feeling right now was nothing compared to what he’d put me through. I slammed the door shut and slid down on to the floor.
I couldn’t believe all the words that had come out of my mouth. Not just the expletives—the change in my feelings towards him. A year ago—in fact, less than that—I would’ve jumped at the chance to have him back. I used to dream about a reconciliation. He’d leave Nicole and come begging for forgiveness, and I’d make him stew a little but then give in. Pff. Perhaps that was why he thought he’d try it. Because he was thinking I was still doormat Em who would’ve done anything for him. That was then. Those were the days when my world used to revolve around Eric. But then I’d seen the light. I’d grown. Developed myself. I was a different person now. Stronger.
That was also before Josh. I used to think that I loved Eric until I’d met Josh. Then I’d realised that was love. Real, true, deep love. Well, it was from my side anyway.
My phone chimed. It was a text. I didn’t recognise the number. I clicked on the message.
Unknown
You made a big mistake kicking me out. He’ll never take you back. Not now. Not after what just happened! Karma’s a bitch…Have a nice life. Alone.
* * *
Clearly from Eric. Must be his new number. So immature. And what did he mean that he’ll never take me back? Josh? He was the one that had done something wrong. Eric was an idiot and I’d much rather be alone than with an unfaithful man I couldn’t trust. Eric can go to hell. They both can.
God. If this was only the first twenty-four hours of this nightmare, I hated to think what it was going to be like in the next few days and weeks.
There was no doubt about it: this was going to be beyond difficult. But I couldn’t let these men bring me down anymore. I’d survived being single after a terrible breakup before, and somehow, I was determined that I would find a way to do it again.
Chapter Thirty-Three
The next few weeks were challenging. It wasn’t just the normal emotional trauma that comes with a breakup. Along with the tears and the not wanting to get out of bed and feeling rubbish, I also had to deal with all the other stuff that came with breaking up with someone in the spotlight. You know the usual (not): paps, trolls, and seeing your ex’s face plastered everywhere.
I couldn’t escape him. For the first few days, I was literally a prisoner inside my own flat, as once the pap
s figured out that I wasn’t in New York, they’d started hanging outside my building.
Obviously going online in any form was a definite no-no. That wasn’t hard in terms of social media as I’d deleted all the apps from my phone. Even though I knew it wasn’t healthy, in the days after the story broke, I found myself checking every few minutes to see what other horrible comments people had posted about me. It became a toxic addiction. I’d worked really hard to learn to start appreciating my body and I could feel that confidence evaporating with every vicious post and tweet. I didn’t want to go back to how I was before. So eventually I realised that the only way to stop getting upset was to remove social media altogether.
At first I was just going to get rid of Twitter. But then I decided to delete Instagram too. Then Facebook. Then Snapchat. They were all gone. No more social media for me. I was over it. Done. I instantly felt better.
Reading the news on normal websites wasn’t even safe, and I knew I couldn’t watch TV just in case Josh or Sasha popped up on screen. I thought I’d be okay with Spotify as long as I avoided my ‘Josh’ playlist. But he was all over the home page and his songs were included on my New Music Friday, Release Radar and Discover Weekly playlists. There was no escape.
When the paps eventually left, probably to pursue another innocent victim, I decided to venture out. But just as I’d reached the communal hallway, annoying, tactless Keith thought it would be a wonderful idea to come out of his flat and tell me ‘how well’ my ex was doing. He couldn’t just leave it at that. Oh no. He had to continue, emphasising the fact that Josh was ‘everywhere.’ No, sorry—I think his exact words were: ‘That Josh of yours—sorry, your ex—has been on every TV show known to man: Graham Norton, James Corden, Good Morning Britain. He’s huge! You must be gutted, Emily.’ As much as I wanted to tell him to sod off, I think somehow I managed some self-control, just said ‘good for him,’ and walked out.
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