When You Read This

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When You Read This Page 19

by Mary Adkins


  Or you can just try to focus on the good things.

  **Best Way** In the style of “smile and you will be happier” and also “the power of positive thinking,” think of yourself as happy and you will be. This is my favorite of the methods. We create reality with our beliefs.

  If you visualize yourself as happy you become it.

  The same applies to eternity.

  If you believe in eternity, it exists. If you don’t, it doesn’t.

  So visualize happiness and eternity and you’ll be happy for eternity! Or don’t, and you won’t. But whatever you do, don’t visualize unhappiness and eternity!

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 10:28 AM

  subject:

  Fwd: Re-branding

  * * *

  Boss,

  I just googled Apex. Let me put it this way:

  “Oxygen restriction,” and “twelve missing people.”

  I feel this is truly an ethical conundrum for us. On one hand, this man seems truly terrible. On the other, we need the business.

  Thoughts?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 10:43 AM

  subject:

  re: Fwd: Re-branding

  * * *

  Absolutely not. Don’t respond.

  And while we’re on the subject, because this seems to keep coming up, please remember what I said about communicating with clients without my approval. This includes both prospective and former clients as well.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 10:50 AM

  subject:

  re: Fwd: Re-branding

  * * *

  Got it. Quick question: Does “former clients” include Phil?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 10:53 AM

  subject:

  re: Fwd: Re-branding

  * * *

  Yes. It includes Phil.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 11:58 AM

  subject:

  re: Fwd: Re-branding

  * * *

  I understand. But there is going to be a wee problem with that policy, given that Phil has just hired me. We’ve sort of been in touch. But don’t worry, I will only do my work for him during lunch hours and weekends, and I am sure we will get him back to SBM in no time.

  I remain your loyal intern M-F, 9–5. Despite what others are saying, I’m sure you had a good reason for doing whatever you did.

  Please don’t fire me. I need this internship and a subsequent LOR.

  Carl

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 12:08 PM

  subject:

  re: Fwd: Re-branding

  * * *

  Seriously, Carl??

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 12:17 PM

  subject:

  re: Fwd: Re-branding

  * * *

  I suggest we focus on the silver lining: so far I have picked up on no plans of his to sue you. Yay?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 6:31 PM

  subject:

  My Essay

  * * *

  BELLE COLUMN: CAREER CHANGERS

  “GARNISH WITH SALT”

  by Jade Massey, Owner of [Name of Bakery TBD]

  I don’t actually like pastries, which you would think would be an issue when opening a bakery. But listen to my story, and you might understand where I am coming from.

  Not long ago I was working 15-hour shifts seven days a week at one of New York City’s most demanding restaurants. I loved cooking, but I was tired.

  Last winter my younger sister by four years was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died in May at age 33.

  Several months later, I stumbled on a dream of hers about which I hadn’t known. She had been an administrative assistant by day, but a baker by night. She had dreamt of opening a bakery. And she’d never told me.

  First, the obsessing commenced: Why hadn’t she told me about her dream? Images of my flawed sister-ing took over my brain as I recalled the incidents that might have inspired her to withhold her aspiration from me. Was I too bossy? Too opinionated? Did I make her feel, in some way, like she couldn’t achieve her goal?

  Then came the curious thought, a natural one given my circumstances and my sister’s—should I try to fulfill her dream, the one she didn’t have time to complete? She was gone. And, of course, I am a chef. It almost made too much sense.

  But there was a problem. I loathe pastries. I don’t like sweets, in general, particularly when they are baked and involve flour. Since I was a small child I’ve preferred salt to sugar. Bitter cocoa I can stomach; milk chocolate just tastes cloying. Flaky crust, to me, was never a delicacy; it was decay. I saw the feathering not as light and airy but as the peeling off of layers of skin. It didn’t help to learn the extent to which refined sugars and flours (paired with trans fats, no less) destroy our insides.

  My sister could see the beauty in them nonetheless, and while I admired that in her, I didn’t share it. Until I realized that perhaps I could by sheer will.

  Just over a month ago I began pursuing my sister’s dream. I am using this opportunity to explore what I think of as the “anti-pastry”—it satisfies many of the same desires as the traditional pastry, but is different, as well. It contains less sugar than the traditional pastry. It is safe for those with common food allergies—all of my pastries are gluten-free, and some are dairy and nut free. And every (okay, maybe not every, but most) pastry is garnished with my personal favorite ingredient of all time: salt.

  Jade’s Light-as-Air Brazilian Cheese Popovers

  Despite the fact that these require you to bake with tapioca flour, which is the glitter of the kitchen in that it gets absolutely everywhere, I think you’ll find that they’re worth the mess.

  INGREDIENTS

  1 cup almond milk (or substitute coconut)

  2 tablespoons olive oil

  1½ cups tapioca flour

  2 egg whites

  ¼ cup shredded Parmesan

  ¼ cup shredded cheddar

  2 teaspoons salt

  Yield: 6 popovers

  Preparation time: 30 minutes

  Preheat oven to 400 degrees. The rack should be on the middle setting. Generously grease a bouchon pan with butter or canola oil.

  In a saucepan, mix the milk and olive oil. Bring to a boil.

  Combine the mixture in a bowl with the tapioca flour. Mix, either with a hand mixer or a spoon—beware, the mixture is hot! Add the egg whites, cheeses, and salt. Mix until the dough contains only small lumps. It will be sticky and a bit runny.

  Place the pan in the oven for two minutes to heat it up.

  Spoon the dough into six cups of the pan so that each cup is full.

  Cook for 20 minutes, or until the tops are plump and tinged golden. Do not check on the popovers by opening the oven until at least 18 minutes have passed. This could cause them to collapse.

  Serve warm. They don’t save well. If you store them, you’
ll be disappointed.

  Enjoy!

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 6:48 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  What’s the name of the bakery? I can’t send this over with blank lines where the name of the bakery should be.

  And what’s a bouchon pan?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 7:20 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  Can you write TBD?

  Same as a mini popover pan.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 7:32 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  No, I can’t write TBD.

  Is that something people own? Can they just use a muffin tin?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 7:34 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  No. It needs to be a bouchon/popover pan. The wide bottom of a muffin pan will cause the bottoms to burn before the middle is done, and you’ll wind up with gooey blobs.

  Fine. The name of the bakery is SALT.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 7:35 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  SALT? Really?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 7:37 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  You don’t like it? It’s, like, the anti-bakery name. Salt.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 7:41 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  Okay. Salt.

  Also—not to be too nitpicky, but are these really a pastry you’re going to be able to serve at the bakery? If they need to be served warm?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 8:09 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  I never said I was going to serve them. If that was a condition, you should have said so. Fine, here’s a more traditional baked good:

  Jade’s Orange-Kissed Chocolate Chip Cookies

  INGREDIENTS

  1½ sticks of butter, melted

  1 cup brown sugar, packed

  ½ cup granulated sugar

  2 large eggs

  1 egg yolk

  2 teaspoons vanilla extract

  1 teaspoon orange extract

  ¾ cup coconut flour

  1 teaspoon baking soda

  1 cup chocolate chunks

  A bit of orange zest

  A bit of salt

  Yield: 12 jumbo cookies

  Time: 30 minutes

  Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease two baking sheets or line with parchment paper.

  In a large bowl, whisk together melted butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar. Mix in the eggs and yolk, vanilla, and orange extract.

  Add the flour and baking soda.

  Add the chocolate chunks and orange zest.

  Place up to six golf-ball-size balls of dough far apart on one baking sheet—only six because they will spread.

  Bake 20 minutes or so.

  Allow to cool fully—if not adequately cooled, they may crumble. Once cooled, however, they will hold. Have faith.

  Sprinkle with sea salt.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 8:23 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  Does this work with the last part of your essay? About the sugar?

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 8:29 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  Look, baked goods have sugar, okay? Or they suck. You wanted something fast. I can’t come up with the perfect recipe in a week. It’s not that much sugar. It’s less sugar than many cookie recipes.

  But you’re right, it’s probably not in the spirit of the bakery. Maybe this essay is a bad idea . . .

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 8:35 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  I don’t care if it has sugar. I just didn’t know if we should cut the line about the sugar if it’s going to be followed by a recipe with sugar. If it’s less sugar than normal, that seems fine.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 8:39 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  Cut the line, I don’t care.

  * * *

  from:

  [email protected]

  to:

  [email protected]

  date:

  Fri, Oct 16 at 8:42 PM

  subject:

  re: My Essay

  * * *

  Nope! Looks great! Sending as is.

  http://dyingtoblog.com/irismassey

  March 10 | 7:30 AM

  I’ve been thinking about how brief life is, even for those who get to live the longest. Say each year of your life gets a dot. If you survive to age ninety:

  That’s it. Your ninety years fit easily on an index card.

  Before my diagnosis, I had sort of figured that I’d be a fortunate one, that I had around this many left:

  Then I found out I didn’t have any left.

  Then I found out I might have some left.

  Who knew dying would be so much like a finicky lightbulb.

  A woman I knew once said she feared she was addicted to starting over. That seemed so sad to me at the time. Now it seems less sad than not starting at all. I decided to open a bakery but never made it out of the planning stage. I wanted a family. I always wanted to go on a cruise, of all things, and never went.

  If I have more dots left, I will start over. I will open my bakery. I will try to have a kid. I will take the tackiest, most garish cruise I can find.

  Please let me have them. Please.

 

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