by Mary Adkins
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:41 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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I know. I feel terrible.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:41 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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None of this is any of your business. Log out immediately.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:42 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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You’re right. I’m signing out immediately and sharing nothing further.
If you want to know what’s there, you will have to log in and read it for yourself.
Username: Irismassey
PW: cAramelTw1g
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:44 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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Never do that again. This is unacceptable behavior. We will discuss it when I return. Waiting on my coffee, back in a second.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:46 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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Anyway, I imagine she was going to quit because she was planning to marry and didn’t need the job anymore. She didn’t wind up getting married, so she stayed.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:46 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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Nope.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:52 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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WHAT IN THE HECK KIND OF LATTÉ DID YOU ORDER, TRIPLE PUMPKIN SPICE??
Count the cups in front of yours—is it more than 2??
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:55 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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SHOULD I BE WORRIED YOU GOT HIT BY A BUS?
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 9:56 AM
subject:
re: You won’t believe this
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I can’t hold it in any longer: Boss, she was going to quit because she was in love with you.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 1:33 PM
subject:
Plan for the weekend
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Mom,
I’m just going to take a cab from the airport. Please don’t come get me. I’ll see you in the morning. I’m hoping that we can tackle the following projects tomorrow:
Shower clog. The fact that four bottles of Drano haven’t done the trick means we have to try something else. I’ll go to Lowe’s in the morning and see what the man there recommends.
Add a ramp to the porch so you don’t keep tripping. Next time it could be your hip. Do you know what happens to women your age who break a hip? I don’t think I need to tell you. Sam from your church says he can help us build it. He is a woodworker or something.
Clean out the pantry. It’s sweet that you offered to help that mentally handicapped lady—what’s her name, Rose?—can peaches, but the jars are putrid. I don’t think she screwed them on tight enough. I think we should throw them out and get her decent peaches at the farmer’s market or something. Will she even know the difference, truly?
Buy some fruit in case you get trick-or-treaters. Do you ever? It would be a shame to disappoint them by having nothing on hand to give out.
See you tomorrow (don’t come get me!),
Jade
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 1:45 PM
subject:
re: Plan for the weekend
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ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I will have no such eyesore gracing the likes of my front porch. Do not talk to me about Sam being a woodworker, he built a set for the Christmas pageant last year that COLLAPSED during the birth of Christ. INWARD. Mary and Joseph each broke a bone. Wrists, fingers, or both. He will be building me no ramps, at least insofar as you are not secretly hoping for my death by fall.
And we will not be giving the sweet children who come to my door fruit when they have gone to the trouble of donning costumes in exchange for something respectable like chocolate, nor will we be moving Rose Larrimore’s peaches anywhere. If you don’t like the smell, you will just need to keep the pantry door closed when you’re here.
Of course I’m picking you up from the airport. I’m not decrepit or blind yet, for heaven’s sake.
Mom
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 1:45 PM
subject:
Apology
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Hi Richie,
Just dropped a check by your office. Sorry for being such a money pit for so long. I know it was frustrating. I won’t be asking to borrow from you anymore. Lame as it sounds—I do just miss hanging out.
Smith
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 2:02 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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what the hell is this?
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 2:14 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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I finally signed a new client and can pay you back. Sorry again.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 2:30 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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MESSAGES
Wed., Mar. 25, 10:00 PM
IRIS: Hey. What’s up?
RICHIE: well well well look who lives
IRIS: I’m sorry? Sorry.
RICHIE: is miss snappy gone? is it safe to speak freely?
IRIS: yeah
RICHIE: kidding. left you alone because you told me to.
IRIS: How’ve you been?
RICHIE: ok. little lonely
RICHIE: my girlfriend dumped me
RICHIE: she has cancer and SHE dumped ME
IRIS: I didn’t dump you!
RICHIE: yeah ok
RICHIE: How are you?
IRIS: I’m feeling better today. My mom is back in town.
RICHIE: oh cool
IRIS: She arrived last night and already feels neglected.
RICHIE: want me to entertain her? i’ll take her on the staten island ferry and everything
IRIS: Are you scared of dying?
RICHIE: and a full 180
RICHIE: honesty ok hmm
RICHIE: less than i’m scared i’ll go crazy and wind up living with a bunch of feral cats and never showering
IRIS: Are you scared of ME dying?
RICHIE: of course
IRIS: I’m scared.
RICHIE: i want to hug you right now so bad
IRIS: I feel like I’m not supposed to be scared at this point. I’m supposed to be at acceptance
RICHIE: i don’t think there’s a way you’re supposed to feel. u feel scared. that seems totally natural
IRIS: Thanks
RICHIE: hey question. do u believe in heaven?
IRIS: Like a happy place in the clouds? No.
RICHIE: more like life after death. like it keeps going
RICHIE: didn’t mean to freak you out. sorry.
IRIS: I don’t know. Do you?
RICHIE: yeah
IRIS: That’s nice. That seems like it would be comforting.
RICHIE: ok this is getting too depressing. let’s look on the bright side. what are we going to do when you DON’T die?
RICHIE: let’s start planning
IRIS: Ha. Okay. Well I’ve still never been to Coney Island, so that
RICHIE: done
IRIS: I’ve always wanted to do that thing where people fish for mussels or clams . . . shellfish I mean. What is that called?
RICHIE: clamming? no clue. but sounds easy enough. what else
IRIS: I want to wake up on a Saturday morning with you and lie in bed all day and watch movies and drink mimosas.
RICHIE: but NOT Pulp Fiction
IRIS: I told you, I don’t get into gangsters.
RICHIE: you got into this one ;) ;)
IRIS: Looking like one doesn’t make you one.
RICHIE: yeah yeah. movie day we can make happen
RICHIE: what else
RICHIE: where’d u go
IRIS: I got sad.
RICHIE: why? we can do stuff. be optimistic.
IRIS: Richie, I’m going to die.
IRIS: I don’t want to. And I don’t want you to be sad. That’s why I don’t think we should do this fantasizing stuff. It would all be wonderful, sure. But I don’t see things going that way.
RICHIE: i understand.
RICHIE: i am trying to.
IRIS: I’m going to sleep. Good night. Hugs.
RICHIE: night girl. giant hug all night long
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:00 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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what is this?
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:03 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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what does it look like
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:06 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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I get that it’s messages between you and Iris. Did you mean to forward it to me?
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:08 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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u are so fuckin dense man
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:17 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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im not mad cuz u keep asking for money. u can gamble all u want. its your fuckin life. im mad cuz u kept asking me about money and not how i am doing. am i ok
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:24 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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How did you know about my gambling?
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:28 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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see? making this about yourself
everyone knows dude
addicts don’t hide their shit they just think they do
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:33 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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Are you not okay? I know you miss her. I do, too.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:40 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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u don’t fucking get it. i know you miss her but it was different.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 3:42 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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I know it’s different. You guys were dating.
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 4:04 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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dude i loved her. i fell in love with her
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 4:10 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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Have I not been understanding enough of that?
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from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Oct 30 at 4:12 PM
subject:
re: Apology
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no dude. not even close
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