by Mary Adkins
I always wanted my sister to think of me as a real person. But I was her little sibling: part nuisance, part confidante when she needed one, part forgettable much of the time.
It’s nice that she sees me now. Even if it’s because I am sick.
COMMENTS (3):
TigerSashRox: I see you, girl!
BonnieD: we’re here for you!
SP2004: might I recommend “Without a Pit, It’s Not a Cherry?” You must love yourself before others can love you is the message.
Monday, November 9
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Mon, Nov 9 at 8:30 AM
subject:
Sorry
* * *
Dear Smith,
I apologize for saying what I did about you and your relationship to your mother. It wasn’t fair. I was lashing out. These things are hard to navigate, and I was acting like they aren’t. I know you had feelings for my sister (sorry for looking, but I’d rather know, and am glad I do now).
I just want you to know that I hold no hard feelings and wish you the best. Thank you for the conversations over the last couple of months. They’ve helped me.
Sincerely,
Jade
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Mon, Nov 9 at 10:09 AM
subject:
re: Sorry
* * *
Hi Jade,
Carl here, managing Smith’s email. Very sad news. His mom died last night. He’s in Wisconsin. Apparently she caught a case of pneumonia and it did her in. Poor guy. :’-(
But while I have you on the line, I have some good news. After we turned down Todd and Chad at Dying to Blog, I reached out to our Belle contact Hadley to see if she’d be interested in a listicle based on Iris’s blog. Turns out she’s more interested in running an excerpt or two from the blog itself. Anyway, since I have actually been putting in the sweat hours on the following listicle, I figure I will share it with you. I plan to submit it to Hadley this week just to see what she thinks. Or if you think we should stick to selecting a post or two from Iris’s blog, I suppose we could do that, too.
I tried to keep it light, as we both know readers of Belle are unlikely to be voracious consumers of the somewhat . . . grim reflections penned by your sis. (No offense, I’m sure she was a hoot in real life.)
What do you think?
Talk soon,
CVS III
Title: 10 Ways to Improve Your Life at Its Conclusion
BY CARL VAN SNYDER III
When New York resident Iris Massey died at age 33 earlier this year, she left behind a dream, a career in stagnation, and an empty cradle. But she also left behind a blog. Through rigorous toiling through grueling questions, Iris dared to face what many of us ignore every day of our lives: the fact that sometimes our life doesn’t amount to what we thought it would.
Inspired by Iris but not stated by her directly, thus not a copy of her expression of any ideas, here are 10 ways that you, too, can discover the latent potential in your own life before the guillotine comes crashing down.
Indulge happy memories. We all like to remember the good times, but sometimes we feel like we aren’t supposed to be nostalgic, that it’s a waste of time and what we’re really supposed to be doing is working as hard as we can night and day, studying and getting all As and setting ourselves apart so that in the end, we can have whatever career we want and live the American dream at its most prestigious. But the rat race might as well be called “fatigue central.” What’s so bad about lying back and recalling your happiest times? An occasional bout of fantasizing about the past can be good for you, reactivating neural pathways that make those happy memories more robust and therefore easier to recall in the future when you need a “pick-me-up.”
Take up drawing. Who among us did not at one point wish to be Van Gogh with his starry, swoopy sky, sans missing ear?
Find an online community. Do you live in the Middle of Nowhere, South Dakota? Do you feel like no one around gets you because you do not conform to the standards they set for their lives, such as what kind of person you are allowed to love? In that case, I have good news for you: get online! Everyone is online, mostly, except for in the dirt-poor parts of the world, and probably even there by now. That means you have about seven billion people to choose from for your new friends. Find people who get you, whether those are people who fall in love with goats or people who are also dying.
Don’t put off your dreams. The disappointment of failure beats the disappointment of never trying. Fail to win. Win to fail. Etc. (Note to editor: This one might need a bit of work from someone else because I do not relate to it.)
Break up with the capital-L “Loser.” Does your partner make you feel worse more often than he (or she or they) makes you feel better? If so, dump their ass. You get to live once. Don’t spend your time with a lover who makes you yell all the time.
Study science. You don’t know how big the universe is until you find out. And you don’t find out until you ask, or go to a planetarium, or watch a free documentary on your laptop about the cosmos. It is really big. This will make you feel small, but in a good way, which will make you humble and want to not take yourself as seriously as you have a tendency to do. Or it will just make you respect nature, which is very important due to global warming.
Do things for others, such as baking for them. (Note to editor: cut? This one is boring to me, I’m half asleep just writing it.)
Read books about dying. You can never be too prepared for dying. It is happening to all of us as we speak. Therefore, in order to face death with grace when it descends upon you out of nowhere, whether it is your own death or the death of another, best be ready by educating yourself in advance.
Start a blog. We all must express our feelings or else they get jammed up in our necks and threaten to burst forth in a scream or a stabbing. Don’t explode. Rather, vent in a productive and socially acceptable way—by blogging or vlogging or tweeting or snapchatting or using insta. And if you do not want people to read your blog or tweets, you don’t have to worry. They won’t! There are too many out there to choose from anyway, which means it’ll be mostly like a diary and you need not harbor performance anxiety.
Try a crazy hairstyle. Heck, go bald! What is life unless you’re willing to tackle a little adventure, including new looks? Plus, hairstylists are notoriously eager to chat. If you are someone who has a hard time making friends, the salon is not a bad place to hit, as they are required to converse with you whilst you are in their swivel chairs.
MESSAGES
Mon., Nov. 9, 10:14 AM
Jade: Oh no. I’m so sorry, Smith.
http://dyingtoblog.com/irismassey
April 15, 11:17 PM
My tenth-grade physics teacher Mr. Neely wore a toupee and smelled like mothballs. But Mr. Neely also knew about quasars.
Quasars are the brightest objects in the universe, brighter than stars by multitudes. They’re anywhere from 500 million to 29 billion light-years away. Or were. Because by the time their light reaches earth, most of them don’t exist anymore. The day I learned about them, I’d never heard anything so miraculous.
Mr. Neely assured us that they’re too far away to be observed with the naked eye. You need a telescope. But I was always searching for them anyway, my eyes to the sky, eager to spot something that no longer existed.
Now I wonder if maybe I already sensed that one day I’d be gone and wanted to know that when it happened, I’d still be somewhere.
COMMENTS (2):
BonnieD: over my head!
BigJessBarbs: Math. 500-100 = 400 mil yrs too late. Go pick up a math book!
Wednesday, November 11
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Wed, Nov 11 at 2:20 PM
subject:
Dinner
* * *
Hi Henry,
Sorry I hadn’t yet responded to your messages. About the lawsuit—you can forget it. I’m not going to pursue it.
As for “us” . . . to be honest, it seems dumb to try again, right? I mean truly stupid, to be clear. But my friend’s mom just died. And all of this death lately is making me think about how short life is. So . . . on the other hand, what’s really to lose?
We can have dinner, sure. Let me know when and where is good for you.
Jade
Monday, November 16
* * *
from:
Delta
to:
[email protected]
date:
Mon, Nov 16 at 8:00 AM
subject:
It’s time to check in for your flight to NYC-LaGuardia!
* * *
You may now check in for Delta Flight #2880 from Madison, Wisconsin, to New York, New York, at 8:00 AM on Tuesday, November 17.
* * *
from:
YOPLAY
to:
[email protected]
date:
Mon, Nov 16 at 9:20 PM
subject:
DAMMIT YOU
* * *
I JUST LANDED AT LAGUARDIA AND CARL TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR MOM
I HAVE BEEN TWO WEEKS ON AN ASHRAM INSTEAD OF SIX BECAUSE IT WAS THE MOST BORING TWO WEEKS OF MY LIFE AND YET IT TAUGHT ME PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING
I BELIEVE THAT PRIOR TO MY ASHRAM STAY I WAS LOOKING ONLY AT THE BOTTOM LINE AKA CAPITALISM AND THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO WIN IN THE END
AKA NOW I FEEL BAD
YOU AREN’T A TOTAL FUCKUP, OKAY, YOU ARE A MODERATE ONE
HANG IN THERE SMITH
YOPE
* * *
from:
YOPLAY
to:
[email protected]
date:
Mon, Nov 16 at 10:26 PM
subject:
ME AGAIN
* * *
CARL SAYS I NEED TO BE CLEAR THAT I AM NOT REHIRING YOU
I’M JUST SAYING I FORGIVE YOU
OK BYE
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Mon, Nov 16 at 11:17 PM
subject:
Phil
* * *
Boss,
I assume you’re still awake since it’s an hour earlier over there. I hope you’re hanging in.
When you come up for air, can you do me a favor and write back to Phil? He’s worried about you. And nagging me. You know how he gets obsessed with one thing and can’t get off it due to his ADHD.
Also, just putting a bug in your ear—have you considered reading any more of Iris’s drafts? Specifically her last draft? Because I can see that the last time it was opened was on October 30th, which was when I opened it. And I suggest you read it. I think it’s important you read it.
Tuesday, November 17
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Tue, Nov 17 at 10:10 AM
subject:
Returned
* * *
Boss,
I see you have landed. Praise Delta email confirmations.
Does this mean you’re coming back tomorrow?
* * *
from:
Domino’s
to:
[email protected]
date:
Tue, Nov 17 at 12:04 PM
subject:
Your delivery is on its way!
* * *
We’ll be at your door in 45 minutes or less! Click here to track your pizza!
Wednesday, November 18
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Wed, Nov 18 at 3:22 AM
subject:
re: hi
* * *
hi again
do you think you could get me on Netflix or Hulu . . .
* * *
from:
Domino’s
to:
[email protected]
date:
Wed, Nov 18 at 11:19 AM
subject:
Your delivery is on its way!
* * *
We’ll be at your door in 45 minutes or less! Click here to track your pizza!
* * *
from:
Domino’s
to:
[email protected]
date:
Wed, Nov 18 at 8:12 PM
subject:
Your delivery is on its way!
* * *
We’ll be at your door in 45 minutes or less! Click here to track your pizza!
Thursday, November 19
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Thu, Nov 19 at 12:08 PM
subject:
You are un-fired and re-hired
* * *
Smith,
Rosita here. I would like to reacquire your services immediately, as I have been even unhappier with my current management team than I was with you. They are insisting that I be marketed as a “Mouth Artist.” I cannot stand the word “mouth” or the word “artist.”
Please consider yourself re-employed by me, effective immediately. Are you available to chat in 5 minutes? I have an agenda I’m just finishing up that I can shoot over once I add a couple of items to the last page.
Rosita
* * *
from:
Domino’s
to:
[email protected]
date:
Thu, Nov 19 at 4:10 PM
subject:
Your delivery is on its way!
* * *
We’ll be at your door in 45 minutes or less! Click here to track your pizza!
Friday, November 20
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Nov 20 at 8:01 AM
subject:
Issue of concern
* * *
Dear Smith:
At our November board meeting last night, a concern was raised that there has been a great deal of traffic in and out of your unit recently. While co-op guidelines permit deliveries of pizza, we are writing to inquire about the volume of pizza deliveries. Specifically, we will be direct and ask: Is it plausible that one person would order this much pizza?
We are grateful that you promptly resolved the short-term sublet problem back in September. By consensus we request that if there is something nefarious at play with regard to these “pizza men” arriving at all hours of the day and night, you resolve it as quickly. Please let me know if you have any questions.
I am,
Sandra Willoughby
President
The Landing Co-operative
* * *
from:
Domino’s
to:
[email protected]
date:
Fri, Nov 20 at 9:22 PM
subject:
Your delivery is on its way!
* * *
We’ll be at your door in 45 minutes or less! Click here to track your pizza!
Saturday, November 21
* * *
from:
[email protected]
to:
[email protected]
date:
Sat, Nov 21 a
t 12:07 PM
subject:
Things are looking up!