“I don’t want you here alone.”
“I know, baby. It’s the last thing I want as well, but you need to pass your finals and make sure you secure your place at the zoo.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But what if your mom never gets better?”
“Let’s cross that bridge if it happens.”
“I’d rather plan for the worst-case scenario,” I countered.
“I’ll move her to Colorado.”
“Seriously?” I rasped.
“Yeah, baby. I’m not givin’ up my life out there. I should have brought her with me from the get,” he said.
“She does have her own life, though, honey, she might not have come.”
“Shoulda still asked.”
“You can ask now.”
He nodded, his expression pained.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” the server asked, as she stepped to our table.
“Just the check,” Aero said.
She nodded and set a plastic folder in front of him, then walked away. He slid cash into the slit, called for a car, then we headed out of the restaurant. Aero wrapped his arms around me and held me close while we waited for our ride and I squeezed him tight, needing his warmth.
Arriving back at the hospital, Aero’s mom was still in radiology, so we sat in her room while we waited for her to come back. It wasn’t long before a nurse wheeled her back in, helping her back into bed.
Since she didn’t know me, I stepped outside while she got settled, not sure if she’d want some stranger seeing her in such a vulnerable position. I wasn’t sure how long I was pacing the hallway, but Aero didn’t come out for a while, and then it was to tell me his mom was tired and wanted to rest.
“I’ll text Razor,” I said.
“Already done,” he said.
“Will I see you tonight?”
“Don’t know, baby.”
I nodded, dropping my head to his chest. “Okay.”
We stood in the hallway, his hands stroking my hair, while we waited for Razor to pick me up. He arrived way too soon for my liking and I held Aero a little tighter as Razor approached.
“I’ll text you,” Aero promised.
“Give me a second,” I ordered when he tried to pull away.
He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head and I gave him one more squeeze before kissing him and walking away before I changed my mind.
Aero
ONE WEEK LATER, I was heading back to the Dogs of Fire compound after spending the afternoon with my mom. The doctor had ended up keeping her longer than anticipated, due to the MRI results being a concern, but she was home now and rocking her rehab. Her memory was coming back faster than expected, which the doctors loved, but it still wasn’t fast enough for me. I wanted to go home.
I missed my woman and my brothers.
In that order.
Today was an unusually clear day, so I’d borrowed a bike and ridden from the club to my mom’s place in Beaverton. Hatch had called a meeting, and even though the Dogs weren’t my club, when the prez of a friendly club requests your presence at a meeting, it’s bad form to refuse.
I parked out front of the building and headed inside, pulling my sunglasses off, and waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dim light.
“Aero,” Hatch called, and I followed the sound of his voice.
“Hey,” I greeted, and Hatch gave me a chin lift.
“You get your mom sorted?”
“Yeah, her friend’s hangin’ with her until I get back.”
“Good. Come on back. You want a beer?”
“Nah, I’m good,” I said.
We continued down the hall and I followed Hatch into the conference room.
And froze.
“What the fuck’s goin’ on?” I demanded.
Hatch closed the door and blocked me from leaving. “You and Harmon are gonna hash your shit out. You’re both on a path that Rocky and I have decided you need to get off of.”
“This is none of your goddamn business,” Harmon snapped.
Hatch jabbed a finger toward him. “You’re on fuckin’ thin ice, brother, so you need to sit down, shut up, and wait until your elder gives you license to open your mouth.”
Harmon glared at me but did as he was told.
“What the fuck’s goin’ on, Hatch?” I growled, pissed I had to repeat the question.
“This is an intervention,” he said, crossing his arms. “You two were friends, hell more like brothers back in the day, and you have shared a fuckin’ tragedy that no one should ever have to experience. Marlene also loves you both and she has mentioned more than once how much she’d like you two to work your shit out. So…” He focused on me. “You’re gonna work your shit out.”
“This has nothin’—”
“I’d highly fuckin’ suggest you suck whatever bullshit you’re about to spew back in your mouth, bud. You know how much I loved your sister, and you know how much I respect your mother, so this has everything to fuckin’ do with me.”
I dragged my hands over my face and tried not to rage at the man who’d treated me like a son since I was ten. He was right. I owed him my respect, even if it wasn’t convenient for me at the present moment.
Jesus, this was a shit show.
“I have nothin’ to say to him,” I said.
“Then maybe you can listen,” Hatch said.
Jesus, I’d just opened myself up for that. The last thing I wanted to do was listen to whatever bullshit Harmon had to say, but when Hatch gave you a suggestion, it was more of an order, and not one to be dismissed.
“Aero?” Hatch pressed, waving to a chair.
I palmed my eye sockets, trying to ward off a headache.
“Jasper, bud. Sit the fuck down.”
I glared at Hatch, but reluctantly took a seat.
“The floor’s yours, bud,” Hatch said to Harmon.
“Do you want to start, or do you want me to start?”
“I don’t want any o’ this,” I snapped. “I never wanted to see your ugly mug again.”
“Well, there you have it,” Harmon said to Hatch.
Hatch nodded. “Keep goin’.”
Harmon shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry we were out when it wasn’t the best idea. But you know we’ve ridden in worse conditions and been fine.”
“I told you not to ride.”
“Yeah, well, you like to tell people a lotta things, Jasper. Especially, Stella.”
“Fuck you,” I hissed. “I shoulda hit you harder.”
“Yeah? You feel better now that you beat my face to hell?”
“A little, yeah.”
“You want another go?”
I crossed my arms. “A little, yeah.”
“Will that get you one step closer to forgivin’ me?”
“Probably not.”
“Will it bring Stella back?”
I sneered. “Don’t you fuckin’ talk to me about Stella. You’re the reason she’s gone.”
“You can tell yourself that if you have to.” He threw his hands in the air. “Hell, you can hate my fuckin’ guts if you have to but you should know that it’s not the truth.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s the truth then, Harmon? She was on the back of your bike, asshole!”
“That’s true, but I’ve replayed that day a thousand times in my mind, and although she may have been on the back of my bike, I know without a shadow of a doubt, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You shouldn’t have been on the road, let alone carrying my sister.”
“You rode.”
“I was trying to stop you from doin’ something reckless.”
“The only thing I was doing was what your sister begged me to do. And that was to—”
“What exactly?”
He raised his hands and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I say, you’re gonna blame me for her death forever. Hell, I wish to god I could blame myself.”
“Again, who the fuck else
is there to blame?”
“Stella was a grown woman who made a decision to get on a motorcycle in less than ideal conditions.”
“Yeah, but you were the one who put her on that bike.”
“No. She wanted on that bike, because she wanted distance from you.”
“What the fuck?” I bellowed, standing and shoving the chair back so hard it hit the wall. “If you think I’m going to sit here for one goddamn second while you try to shift the blame onto me.”
“I’m not trying to blame anyone, and I told you you weren’t gonna want to hear this.”
“What the fuck do you mean she was trying to get away from me?”
“She said she felt smothered and she just wanted out. I intended on driving her down Naito and taking a walk by the waterfront. Ten minutes on the road after the sun came out.”
“So why the fuck did you head up Boones Ferry?”
“Because you were following us and Stella wanted space,” he growled. “I should have ignored her. I should have turned the fuck around. I should have ridden down to the water. I didn’t, and believe me, I think about that choice every fuckin’ day.”
Every word was like a knife to my heart. Stella and I had fought that day. She’d said exactly what Harmon was saying now. She’d accused me of acting like a father and since I wasn’t her father, she could do whatever the fuck she wanted to do.
I dragged my hands down my face.
“If you want to go out back and add a few more bruises to my face, we can do that,” Harmon said. “I just want this done.”
“Why now?” I asked.
Harmon glanced at Hatch who nodded.
“I want to prospect for the Dogs.”
“So?”
“Until this is resolved between us, I’m blocked from doing that.”
I focused on Hatch and he studied me, giving me a slight nod.
“Jesus,” I hissed, taking my seat again.
“After I’d been kicked out of every bar in town, Hatch called me and asked me if I was done feelin’ sorry for myself,” Harmon said. “He had the keys to my bike and had taken it upon himself to repair it after the crash, but wouldn’t give it back to me until I stopped drinkin’. That was the hardest part because I couldn’t sleep without it.”
“How’d you do it?” I asked, wishing I could take the words back.
I didn’t give a fuck.
“Maisie,” he said. “She set me up with someone who made me talk about my feelings. It fuckin’ sucked.” He met my eyes. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Jasper. If I could change it, I would.”
“Give us a few,” Hatch said to Harmon who rose to his feet and left the room.
I dropped my head in my hands and Hatch moved to sit in front of me.
“I’ve been pissed for a long fuckin’ time,” I rasped.
“I know.”
“I don’t know how to change that,” I admitted.
“I know.”
“How do I make it stop?” I asked, and Hatch settled his hand on my shoulder.
“You talk it out. You hit shit, you love your woman, but you gotta actively make the choice to forgive your brother. Because he is your brother, Aero.”
I took a deep breath.
“What do you need from me?” Hatch asked.
“No fuckin’ idea.”
“I got your back, Jasper. Whatever you need.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you?” he asked, and I nodded.
“You’re the reason I’m alive, Hatch. You and Rocky kept me from doing something rash,” I said. “And Violet helped me heal.”
“She’s good value, as Maisie says.”
I smiled. “Yeah, she really is.”
“And since you’re healin’, bud, you think maybe you can give Harmon a break?”
I studied my mentor.
“He’s got nothin’,” Hatch continued. “He loved your sister like you love Letti, and because he made a bad judgement call, he lost her. To add insult to injury, he lost you as well. You think you can maybe put yourself in his shoes?”
I pushed away from Hatch, standing, and dragging my hands through my hair. “How do I do that, Hatch?” I asked. “I’ve hated him for a long time.”
“That’s because it was easier than forgiving him and Stella. You’ve got some resentment toward your Mom, too, because she didn’t turn her back on Harmon.”
“Jesus, how the fuck do you know everything?”
Hatch smiled. “Will ya tell my woman that? ’Cause she argues with me on the regular.”
“You might want to stop mansplaining shit to her then.”
He chuckled. “You might be right.”
I continued to pace as I tried to process.
“I’m gonna give you a few, then I’ll send Harmon back, yeah?”
I nodded, and Hatch left the room. I immediately pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Violet.
“Hi, honey,” she breathed out. “Give me a second, it’s loud in here.”
I could hear noise going in the background, and suddenly missed my people to the point of pain.
“Sorry, baby, I’m back,” she said.
“Party?”
“No, just the family, if you can believe that. Teddy’s in an epic pinball fight with Orion.”
“Sounds like they’re having a ball,” I said.
“No, it’s horrible, honey. You’re not missing anything.”
I chuckled. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. You doing okay?”
I filled her in on everything that just happened, and she let out a deep sigh.
“I’m so sorry, Jasper. I wish I was there with you.”
“Jesus, me too.”
“What are you going to do?”
“No fuckin’ idea. Feel like giving me your opinion?” I asked.
“I don’t think you want it.”
I palmed an eye socket. “I value your opinion above everything, baby, so lay it on me.”
I heard her take a deep breath and imagined she was biting her lip. “I guess I just think about my mom. She wasn’t supposed to take Dad’s truck that day but her car was on the fritz, so Dad told her he’d tow it to the club and fix it while she used his truck to do whatever she needed to do. It was supposed to be him in the truck. She was collateral damage and he blamed himself for a long time because of that. So, I feel like Harmon’s doing the same thing, you know? We all make choices and decisions that could go either way. You and I could jump on your bike one day because we’re sure it’ll be fine, and some freak mishap might mean one of us gets hurt. It’s just a tragic, stupid accident. It could have been you, honey.”
“I wouldn’t have taken her out.”
“But you followed,” she reminded me gently.
“Yeah.”
“You have the right to feel however you feel and it’s absolutely your choice whether or not to forgive Harmon, but I think you need to forgive yourself first, then work on the rest.”
“I don’t need to forgive myself.”
“You don’t think so?” she challenged. “You have nightmares more than you will admit, and I know you tried to brush off that night you woke up grabbing my leg, but I know you were in a state of trying to save your sister.”
Fuck, she was right. For a few seconds, I thought Violet was Stella and was trying to stop the bleeding.
“I love you, honey, so whatever you decide to do, I’m on your side. I’m team Jasper all the way.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, honey, and I miss you like crazy, so get this stuff sorted out so you can come home and be free, okay?”
“Yeah, baby, I’m workin’ on that.”
“Good. I’m going to spend a lot of time worshiping your dick with my mouth when you get home, so the sooner you get here, the sooner I get to do that.”
I was hard just thinking about, so I ran baseball stats through my head for a few seconds as I grinned. “Can’t wait.”
&nb
sp; “You good?”
“Yeah, beautiful, I’m good. I’ll call you tonight.”
“Okay, honey. Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
I hung up and took a seat, waiting for Harmon.
Violet
I PULLED MY car into the airport in Colorado Springs, parking in the short-term lot, and making a run for the building. I was so glad I didn’t have to haul my butt all the way to Denver, because it meant I could get Aero into bed and worship his dick with my mouth just like I’d promised weeks ago.
The truth of the matter was that we were on borrowed time. Dad had a big party planned at the cabin tonight and I didn’t feel I could refuse, considering, the reason I would be refusing was one my father would absolutely not want to hear.
I dropped my keys into my bag and swung it over my shoulder as I headed to arrivals. People were already filing out from behind the security area, and I rocked between my toes and heels as I searched for Aero.
I saw his hair before I saw him, as he was behind a rather tall older man, and I couldn’t stop bouncing a bit more as the man walked to the right.
I let out a quiet squeal and made a run for him, and he grinned wide, dropping his bag and catching me as I jumped into his arms.
He pressed his face into my neck and held me tight. “Holy fuck, I’ve missed you,” he said, kissing me just below my jaw.
“Missed you too, honey,” I whispered, my arms looped around his neck. “I want to get you home and naked, pronto.”
“Then why are we standing here?” he challenged.
“The car’s close,” I breathed out, and he released me, picking up his bag before taking my hand and following me to the parking garage.
Dropping his bag into my trunk, he held his hand out and I rolled my eyes.
“You just got off a plane.”
“Don’t care. I’m drivin’,” he said. “Keys.”
I handed him my keys and he held my door while I climbed into the car. I don’t think he’d ever driven so fast with me before and by the time we rushed into his apartment, I was soaked and ready for him to fuck me.
Worshiping his dick with my mouth was going to have to wait.
Primal Hunger (Primal Howlers MC Book 4) Page 11