by Jillian Hart
"Babe, you did seem to like that." His lips brushed her temple, still breathing rapidly, his body softening above her and within her.
"Why, however can you tell?" She gave a little teasing of a squeeze of her inner muscles, gripping him tight and they both groaned. It was hard to let this level of pleasure end.
"It's easy to tell. Maybe it has something to do with that grin of yours, from ear to ear." His eyes, dark with tenderness, met his. In that moment, he was infinitely tender. His mouth settled on top of hers, so gentle as he kissed her smile away that it brought more tears and deep emotion to her heart.
"I've noticed you've had the same grin," she said on a sigh of satisfaction. Boneless, sated, and still full of him. "You have it on right now."
"And I want to keep it on all night long." He placed his hand on her hip and rolled onto his side, holding her to him and bringing her with him, keeping them joined together. "I can't begin to tell you how much this means to me, that you said yes and let me do this to you."
"You are a hard man to say no to."
"And I'll be harder soon, so prepare to say yes again."
"I wish I could." It was wonderful laying here with him, wet from their lovemaking and still together, she kissed the tip of his chin, making him moan. She loved feeling this close to him. "But my sisters are expecting me back home. They will get worried if I stay out too much later."
"How about all night?"
"They would send out a search party. I would hate to bother the sheriff with that."
"And here I am, one of the posse. They'd come knocking at this door as one of the first, and I do not want them to find you here like this. Look at you, all naked and gorgeous. You are beautiful to me."
"You are going to make me love you, aren't you, with compliments like that."
"That's the idea. And I won't stop, not ever. You can't make me."
"Okay." She loved the way he stroked the strands of hair off her face and looked into her eyes, gazing deep with infinite tenderness. And she could see into his heart. He had a great capacity for love. She wanted to know that kind of love from this man. Moonlight painted him, shining softly with a platinum glow that made his muscled body look like marbled perfection. Flawless. Masculine. And no longer hers to love.
He rose up onto his elbow, his eyes full of hunger for her and she rolled away disturbing the empty plates pushed to one side at the foot of the bed. As delectable as the meal had been, the man had been better.
"Hey! Where're ya goin'?" he asked. "I'm not done with you yet."
"You must not tempt me one more time and look at you laying there, all tempting and manly."
"Really? Well, I do try," he pitched his voice to sound debonair and gave a charming wink as if he were a cad and a dandy, a real lady's man. "You didn't answer my question."
"I can't, and you already know where I'm going." She scooted away from him a little so his hand could not graze her breast, tease her pebbled nipple aroused for him, and be tempted to stay later once again. "I should be home by now!"
She waggled her eyebrows to deepen his grin and to listen to the rumbling timbre of his chuckle. It moved through her like a caress, then an orgasm, one ripple at a time. But, still, she pushed off the bed and landed on her feet. She glanced over her shoulder. Look at him standing there beautifully made, grinning at her with a lazy, sexy smile.
"What do you think you're doing?" he drawled.
"Pulling up my drawers." She grinned at him and reached for her chemise puddled like silk on the floor and shimmied into it, pulling it over her head. Her long hair tumbled everywhere skimming the globes of her breasts, nipples visible through the soft fabric.
He had a spring to his heartbeat and a thrum in his shaft and he'd always thank her for that. For the first time in a long while, more years than he cared to count, he looked forward to really living again and felt his heart, battered and beaten down, renew. Come back to life again.
He had her to blame for that, and he had an idea in mind in the way to reward her. His shaft hardened a bit as he planted his feet on the floor and rose to his full height. The carpet was soft beneath his bare feet as he paced around the foot of the bed. A smile touched his lips.
"Here, let me help you." He caught hold of the dress she was in the middle of tugging into and gave it a push up and not down.
"Hey! That's not helping." Laughter flashed in her eyes.
"It depends on how you look at it. Stay?" He pushed a strand of long satin-soft hair out of her eyes and remembered winding his fingers through it after lovemaking right before he mounted her again.
She didn't answer. He thought about splaying a hand on her slender hip and pulling her against him and against his erection, but she smartly stepped back out of reach and her dress fell whisper-soft down the length of her thighs to swish into place. She gave a breathy, satisfied sound like a sigh. There, she was back to the demure and prim sweet woman she'd been before he'd sullied her in his bed.
He felt pretty good about that. It held promise for their future in a way that made him sad when she didn't return the same hopeful smile as she sat down on the closest armchair and went about the business of pulling on socks and shoes. He wanted her again. He wanted her forever. He loved the way she'd eagerly taken him into her body, rising up to meet him and had seemed to love every minute of it, coming hard, just like he did.
That was an added bonus he hadn't been counting on or expecting. But he couldn't take his eyes off her now. Why did her face hold signs of sadness instead of the same happiness he felt? Longing hit him right between the ribs hard and he didn't know what to do or how to save her from that sorrow, so he knelt down and helped her with her shoes.
"Not that I want you to go," he said.
"Neither do I, but thank you." She stood up, her pretty blue dress swishing around her, skimming over her the way his hands had during their lovemaking. "I hate to say it, but it's time to go."
"I'll go whistle to my night stableman," he said noticing that when she took a step, the fabric of her dress outlined the curve of her hip and thighs. He headed for the door, his shaft thrumming, remembering having those legs wrapped around him. He went blind with the need to lay her back down on his bed and thrust into her.
She took one last look at the rumpled sheets and he wondered. Did she feel this way, too? Maybe letting him love her like this had changed whatever was wrong between them. The tasty supper eaten between their rounds of sex hadn't hurt, either. But when he looked down at her when he held open the door, she had shadows like goodbye in her eyes. The pit of his stomach went cold.
He gave a long loud whistle on the wind, letting it sail in the direction of the first barn hulking like a sleeping monster in the dark, out of the touch of moonlight and stars. He closed the door and caught up with her tapping down the steps. It was a companionable feeling walking alongside her. He'd like to be at her side forever if he could. What were the chances of that, he wondered.
"I have trouble enough after someone spotted that kiss you gave me in town." Her tone was warm, not cold, with a dash of humorous and a bit of sparkle. "I'm going to explain this as a supper date where we talked a lot and lost track of time, if someone asks."
"It's not entirely false. Mostly, we did some talking even if I was making love to you at the time or getting rested to do it again." His entire body snapped with longing, primal and fierce, and his heart beat with tenderness for her. "If you leave out mention of intimacies, you've told the truth."
"I'm not prone to stretching it, but sometimes a proper lady cannot tell the truth entirely. Only a form of it."
He noticed the note of sadness. A clip-clop of an approaching horse and the jingling of the harness kept him from saying more.
"Frisco!" His stableman strode into sight, leading the gelding. "The horse is all ready to go."
"Thanks, Tom," he called back. "How's the new pony handling his stall?"
"He settled right in. As long as he's next-door to Chester
and they share a paddock, he's doing well. Although he tried to bite me." Tom brought the horse to a stop.
"Bribe him with molasses treats, that's all I can think of. Mr. Johnson had to pay the boys to take him off his hands."
"That's never a good sign." Tom barked with laughter, leaving the team to stand still while he walked away, retracing his steps. "Have a good night, boss."
"You, too." His hand wrapped around hers, small and dear, a familiar hand, a welcome touch. "After you, pretty lady."
"Thank you, handsome sir." She sparkled up at him. She'd always been beautiful to him, in his opinion, but in the kiss of moonlight and starlight she looked like forever. She looked like home. It was his pleasure to help her up onto the seat, waiting while she got settled, smoothing her skirts on the cushions. He gave each horse a stroke on the nose, his good horses, his chest tight with emotion as he climbed up beside her. His chest ached with more feeling than he could measure.
"I must confess," she breathed softly. "I'm not ready to let this evening end."
"Neither am I. It's the night now. Look how time flies when you're having fun. And a lot more than fun." He tipped his hat to her and sent the horse into a walk, pulling them along. "Now, tell me, darlin', why you don't want another night like this one."
"Or evening," she corrected. "Actually, I do. But I meant what I said before."
"I'm getting that idea pretty strongly. And here I want to change it." His mind drifted back to what she'd said. How she needed to end it, how it was not his fault. He just hadn't fixed this enough, that was all, but the truth was that she hadn't let him know the truth about how she felt about him and why he was a single father. Why he was raising the boys on his own.
Not that he'd planned to discuss it with her until she'd fallen so far in love with him that it was a moot point. Because it hurt to dig up the past, and there had been enough of that. What mattered most was now, and he could not bear to let her go.
He thought of her working so hard to make ends meet at a job where she had too much responsibility and even less resources, treating everyone well and kindly. She hadn't even gotten really mad about Chester letting himself into her bakery. Twice. She deserved love.
He wanted to be the man to give that to her and have her every night in his bed.
"I don't want to hurt you, Frisco." She turned to him with those sexy tendrils curling down around her adorable face. Her cheeks were still flushed pink from his lovemaking, her lips swollen from his kisses. "That's why I said no to tonight. Why I should have said no to your bedroom. And why I should have stuck to my decision."
"Is that so?" Her thoughtfulness and consideration for him touched him. He blocked out the memory of his first marriage, how her thoughtlessness and self-interest felt as if it had known no end. That's why Jada had caught his attention and not just his eye, not that he didn't find her everything, just everything sweet and beautiful. "I'm glad you did. If you want to, you can keep making that decision and then not sticking by it every time I come calling."
"Funny. Very funny. Not possible, I don't think my heart could take that, but very tempting." Her attempt at being light-hearted failed, but he appreciated it and it looked good on her, the combination of wish and heart's desire meeting practicality. Or maybe, he realized, reality. "Very tempting."
"Good to know."
"It is?"
"Maybe this will help tempt you." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "What do you say?"
"I say you're a scoundrel." Laughter chased the sorrow from her eyes for a moment. "What fun it would be to accept, though. You have a way about you that makes a lady orgasm."
He chuckled, warm and deep. "I like to think I have more that those remarkable skills."
That made her laugh more, and it felt good, it did her broken heart good. "If only I could get the chance to know more, but that will be some other woman's privilege, and a privilege it will be, I assure you. Anyone would be beyond their lucky stars to have your love, Frisco."
"Then be that lady." His tone was kind. "Be mine."
"I can't." She sounded hollow. "It's me, and I can't go forward in this courtship with you."
"Well, I don't want to go on by myself. I want to do that with you."
"I'm not good enough for you and one day you will thank me for saying this to you now." She could feel his pain. The night darkened, the stars winking out one by one as the clouds came in. "This tonight, what we did, was a major moment of weakness for me, and that's all it is. That's all it ever can be. A one time thing that should never have been."
"That sounds awfully final."
"It is. I'm not going to fall in love with you."
He bowed his head, and only then did she realize the horse had stopped. The faint lamplight from upstairs filtered down into the alley giving just enough shadow for her to see the pain carved into his face. It cooled the air, it made her eyes burn with tears she was too vulnerable to shed. She watched his body tense. She could see his misery and pain. She hadn't meant to hurt him.
"I'm sorry." She put all her love into those two words, because an apology would never be enough. Her body tingled, warm and snug feeling, sated from their lovemaking. From the love he'd given her and the intense, supreme pleasure. Her inner muscles squeezed, her core throbbed remembering. She wanted to love him again so bad it hurt. "I don't mean to hurt you. I would never want that."
"I believe you, I do." He heaved out a heavy sigh.
It was hard to miss his vulnerable heart and the regret and pain radiating from it. He was a good man. Love rose up with an undeniable force, hard like the storm blowing in, a change in the weather. She wanted to reach out to lay a hand on the back of his, but she was afraid where that might lead. That's the reason she'd wound up in his bed, in his house, in the first place.
"I can be persuasive, you know." His deep voice was full of ache. "I'm rather fond of you."
"I am, too." She could admit fondness. Love was a different thing entirely. "But I won't go on with a relationship. I do mean it. I won't change my mind. It's final, and I told you that."
He said nothing. The silence grew as moments passed. The wind rose up, beginning to howl down the alley and rattling awnings and a loose board somewhere on a hitching rail. The air held a chill, and she shivered. At least the meaning of her words were sinking in. And she slid a few inches over on the seat, preparing to leave.
The separation felt easier. She didn't dare look at him, because she would cry. Maybe it was best if she chose not to love him, to make this her choice, one she had to make for keeps, for ever and always.
Finally, he broke the silence. "You've been more than honest."
"I've tried."
"I appreciate that, and I've tried to be completely honest with you. That's important to a courtship, and it's who I am and who I intend to be."
"Then you'll understand that I can't keep going on like this. I don't want to hurt you, I never want to do that to you, Frisco, but if you fall in love with me I'm going to break your heart. I won't mean to, and mine is already shattered, but it's a certainty."
She stood up and refused to take the offer of his hand to help her down. She didn't give him time to do much else, or opportunity, as she climbed down on her own. Her shoe touched the ground and it felt like the last and final beat of her heart. "I'm sorry, Frisco, I should have told you this from the start. Please don't come knocking on my door anymore."
"As you wish." Hard, icy tremors rocked through him. Defeat gripped him. How did he admit that he'd heard her loud and clear when she'd told him it was over, but he hadn't really believed her. He hadn't wanted to. It was his gut instinct that she was afraid and that he could fix this for her. For them both. Despair filled him as the last star in the sky winked out.
It had been love tonight, hadn't it? Wasn't that what he'd felt in her touch? In her kiss? In the way she held onto him so tight when they were one? When Janice had broken his heart like that, when he'd been working so hard to buil
d a life for them and a future that he hadn't seen her betrayal coming. Jada's love meant everything to him. How could he bear to let go of that now?
"I'm sorry, Frisco." She took a step backward and away and the dark deep shadows near the building cloaked her, stealing her from his sight.
He couldn't answer. His throat was too tight with the emotions he didn't want to feel. It hurt too much. He feared he would never be able to fall out of love with Jada. Not after tonight. So much for fixing things, huh?
"Take good care of yourself." Her words came like a ghost's in the night, torn apart by a wild wind. "And those boys with their ponies, too."
No response. She didn't blame him. She'd hurt him tonight without wanting to. She felt his hurt in the air, but it was already too late. There was nothing she could do. She curled her hands into fists, wishing she had told him the truth, the reason why, but she didn't know how. She was a divorced woman. He was everything good, true and fine in a man. Look how he waited, even after she'd broken his heart, for her to step safely inside the house.
She grabbed her key from her pocket and inserted it into the lock. Only then did she hear his horse take the first steps away from her. He did not say goodbye. He did not wave. He did not stop the vehicle, hop down and pull her into his arms for a tender kiss. He just kept driving away from her until the black of night stole him from her sight and she was staring at nothing and no one at all.
The first drops of rain fell plinking to the ground at her feet. She wiped a tear from her cheek, crossed the threshold and knew she would never get over him.
Ever.
29
Jada closed the door, turned the bolt and squeezed her eyes shut. The dark kitchen stretched around her in silence. She risked a glance out the window, but Frisco was gone from her sight. Whew.
"Oh, there you are! I thought I heard the door open and close. We've been sitting up waiting for you and not worried too much at all. Not at all!" Mindy sailed into sight with a small lamp in hand. Her cute face scrunched up with censure and true worry. "We trust Frisco and all, but anything could have happened. A wild bear could have chased you and the horses off the road. A mountain lion could have attacked. Bandits and outlaws could have robbed you."