I take a seat on a stump, next to our fire. I don’t want bugs flying around my food while I eat. Ryder joins me. The two camera men assigned to us start walking all around us. Getting shots of us eating and trying to hear our conversation. Which is non-existent right now.
“How do you feel about today’s challenge?” Ryder asks me.
“I feel exhausted. I hadn’t expected it to be that hard.” I admit. “It was tough trying to keep up to you.”
“I am sorry if I pushed you too hard. But I wanted to win the picnic.” He tells me.
“I wanted to win the picnic, too.” I tell him.
It’s the truth. As soon as Chris told us about the picnic, I knew I would do anything to win that prize. I knew that I desperately wanted something that wasn’t rice or beans. I have long since grown tired of dandelion greens as a salad. I just wanted something substantial to eat.
Thankfully for me, we won, and I got to order whatever food I wanted. Unfortunately, there is just too much for the two of us to eat. I can look at the table and see that we have hardly made a dent in the food on the table. Which just makes me sad, because we have no way to keep it after we are done eating, so I can assume that the crew till take it away.
If there is one thing I hate, its wasting food. I hate wasting food. If I had been thinking straight, I would have known better. I would have only ordered just enough food for me to eat, since Ryder was ordering his, and been done with it. But I wasn’t thinking straight, and I let my stomach overrule my mind and now I have to deal with the fact that I will be wasting food.
I am pulled from my thoughts as Ryder takes my plate from my hands. He walks it over to the table and I frown at him. Why would he take my food from me? We worked hard for that. I worked hard for that. I wanted to enjoy and savor the food.
So, I follow him and when he turns around, I can see a shocked expression on his face. He smiles at me as he comes forward. This makes my heart skip a beat. What is he doing?
As soon as he reaches me, he grabs my face and pulls me in. His lips come to mine and heat rolls through my body straight between my legs. My hands find their way around his neck and I cling to him like my life depends on it.
When he pulls back, he just turns around and grabs his plate of food and goes back to the fire. I frown at that. The camera men are all circling around us.
Is that why he kissed me? Because of the cameras? I certainly hope not. Because I don’t want the audience to think I am some kind of easy woman. Because I am not. I don’t want this to be portrayed wrongly on the show. I just want to be portrayed in a good light.
I don’t want the parents of my students, who I am certain will be watching when they learn that I am actually on the show, to see me like this. I don’t want to potentially do anything on TV that would cause me to lose my job.
I can see it now. Parents coming in to meet the teacher night and see me. The woman who made out with her partner, the one who watched him pleasure himself in the woods. The one whose brother outed them to the whole show. Parents won’t want their kids in my class. Parents won’t want someone like me teaching their children. I can see it now. After so many parents complain about who their child’s teacher is, I will be fired from my job. Then where will I be?
I can tell you where, unemployed, homeless, and broke. That’s what I will be. All because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. All because I fell for Ryder’s smooth moves and the fact that he made me want intimacy with him.
“You alright?” Ryder’s voice breaks into my thoughts. “You look like you are upset.”
“I… I’m fine. Just thinking.” I tell him.
It’s the truth after all. I just keep what it’s about to myself. I grab my plate of food and rejoin him at the fire. Not saying anything.
“Are you thinking about something in particular?” He asks me.
“Yes.” Is all I tell him.
I don’t want him to know what my thoughts are. I don’t want to tell him what I am actually thinking, because I know if I do, it will hurt his feelings. I don’t want to do that. I actually like Ryder. I don’t want to do or say anything that would hurt his feelings.
He doesn’t respond. Instead, he leans over, grabs my chin, and presses his lips to mine. They are soft and not as demanding as before. He just kisses me gently, like I will break if he kisses me any harder. This kiss feels different than the others we have had. I don’t know what it is, but I find myself clinging to him. I hear my plate of food hit the ground, and I don’t care. I only care about the soft yet demanding lips against mine. I care about the fact that I can feel a slow rolling heat begin to pool between my legs, again.
His teeth clamp down on my lower lip, and it feels wonderful. A mixture between pain and pleasure, sends wave after wave of heat rolling through my body. I hear a whimper, as he lets go of my lip and returns back to his plate.
The sound of someone coughing, breaks us apart. We pull back and see camera men with their cameras trained on us. I frown. I forgot they were here. Now they have something else to put on TV. Now they have something else to use to portray me in a negative light.
Without thinking, I race toward our shelter. I don’t want to look at the cameras. I don’t want to look at the food. Why can’t I control myself with him? Why is it when he kisses me, I forget that we are being filmed? Why is it that when he kisses me, I feel so wanted? Why does he have this effect on me?
I don’t have the answers, and for once in my life, I don’t want the answers. I just want to make sure that the cameras don’t get to film anymore of us kissing or anything. I don’t need all this plastered on the television.
“What’s wrong?” I hear Ryder ask as he slides in behind me.
“What if they take this whole thing and make me out to look like some sleezy woman who will sleep with anyone? What if the show edits everything to make me look like a bad person? What if they make me look so bad that I lose my job?” I tell him honestly.
A part of me wants him to take care of my problems. Another part of me wants to keep him shut out. But I don’t want to do either of those. I have taken care of all of my own issues up until now, so why does this need to change things? Why do I have this urge to let him fix things?
“It’s just kissing. We haven’t done more than that… Yet. They would be crazy to portray you differently than just who you are.” He says. “You are an amazing woman, who cares deeply, who loves her job, and will do anything for that job. But you sell yourself short. You don’t think that you are amazing. I am sure that when they air this season, that you will be the one everyone roots for.”
I frown because I don’t see myself as amazing. I mean, how could I? The only relationship ended with me being told that I wasn’t good enough for him. The only relationship was based off of sex, which he wanted, not me, and I have never been told that I am amazing. Well, not by a man or anyone outside my family. So, how am I supposed to believe him when he says that? How am I supposed to believe him when he says I am amazing and that he is sure I will be the one the audience will be rooting for?
“You know what I thought when I saw you at that audition?” He asks me.
“No.” I whisper.
“I thought that you were someone who intrigued me. You seemed to be there by yourself. Sitting next to someone who was clearly hitting on the woman next to him. I thought you were beautiful. I thought you looked amazing in those jeans and white shirt. I couldn’t take my eyes off from you.” He says. “I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to comfort you. But most of all… I wanted to fuck you. I wanted to claim you. As odd as that sounds, it’s the truth.”
My jaw actually drops at that. He wanted to fuck me. Why? What was it about me that day that had him wanting to fuck me? No man has ever told me that before. Not even my ex.
“I wanted to know you. The real you. I wanted to talk to you more. I hated that you got called away from me before I got your number. I wanted you.” He says softly before laying his lips on mine.
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The kiss seems so short. But when he pulls back, I feel a bit better.
“You are amazing. If the show portrays you differently, they would be crazy. I know that the fans will be rooting for you. If anyone has a shot at winning over the national audience, it’s you.”
THIRTEEN
Ari
“Kissing Ari is something I can’t get enough of. I don’t want to get enough of. I just want to keep kissing her.”
Ryder Holt
Day twelve interview
Day Twelve
“Today your memory will be tested. For three teams you will be bested. Tonight, one will go home, and the game will move along. Be ready for today will be a crazy ride.” Ryder reads as soon as he is beside me. “Some kind of trivia, I think. Maybe, it will be something simple.”
“Since when is anything so far in this game simple?” I ask.
There have been no vote outs because everyone draws rocks. There has been physical hand to hand challenges. Obstacle courses, puzzles. Nothing has been simple about this game. If things start to get simple now, I may start to get worried. I may not know anything about what happens later in the game, but I know what has happened so far, I just hope no more twists come in to play here.
“Well, we will find out soon. We have enough time to fill up our canteens with the water that is still cooling.” Ryder says.
He doesn’t wait for me to tell him it’s alright or anything, he just takes my canteen and fills it first. Something he has been doing for a while, I just never paid attention to it at first. I should have paid more attention to how he made me dish up my food first. I should have paid attention when he offered me his food, if I was still hungry after my small serving of rice or beans. He would offer me his water if I ran out while waiting on water to boil. He always seemed to put my needs first. Which, if I am being honest, shocked me. It was totally unexpected.
I commend him on that, because I know that is him being a gentleman, but now that I have realized what he is doing, I find it sweet and a little annoying. I mean, I make two servings of food, often a bit bigger than necessary. I always make sure to have enough water, and if I run out, I don’t usually need any more until its done and cooled. So, it is slightly annoying to have him basically taking on the role of a boyfriend or something. Not that I know what it is a boyfriend would do in this situation, but it’s the first thing that came into my mind.
I know that it is probably how he was raised, but he’s been different since he had that confrontation with Caleb. Watching over me like a hawk. If I am gone from camp too long, he comes looking for me. If I am too quiet, by his standards, he questions me to make sure I am fine.
It bothers me. I am independent. I can do things on my own. I prefer it that way. But when he is there demanding that I eat before him, fill my canteen before him, get in our makeshift bed before him, it bothers me. It makes me feel like he thinks I am weak, and I know for a fact that I am not.
I have to admit, part of me likes that he is caretaking me. Because no one has ever caretaken me. Outside my mother or grandmother or brother. But that’s it. My ex didn’t even caretake me. He didn’t care if I ate before him. He didn’t care if he took all the water. He didn’t care. My ex was my ex.
Where Ryder is not just Ryder. He is Ryder the caring, the protector, the shoulder to cry on, the person to cuddle up to, the great kisser, the amazing partner, the sexiest man I have ever laid my eyes on. Ryder is the untouchable man, because no matter what we have on this show, it will have to end at some point. I don’t know where he came from., I don’t know where he lives. But I do know that we aren’t from the same place. If that was so, I would have run into him before the auditions.
“Time to go.” I hear Ryder say.
He has a worried expression on his face. It’s kind of bothers me to know that he noticed that I was deep in thought. It bothers me that he realizes that something is wrong. I sometimes with that wasn’t the case. I sometimes wish that he would just ignore my moods and let me do my thing.
But I must be honest, most of me likes it. Likes it a lot.
I think the stress of everything last night got to me. I think kissing him and seeing the cameras, got to me. I think it was everything from last eleven days, had gotten to me. But today, my brain in just in overdrive. That probably doesn’t make sense, but it does to me.
***
The challenge area is set up with five tables. Just five tables. Beside the podium, where Chris stands, is a table with six items on it. A flower, a rock, an empty bottle, a wooden bowl, a knife, and a book. I frown at them. What does this have to do with memory.
I can’t take my eyes off that table. Something about the way the table is out there without Chris standing there, tells me this challenge could be confusing. But instead I go over each item again. A flower, a white daisy. A rock, small and round, black in color. An empty bottle, glass would be my guess, but green. A wooden bowl, medium size bowl, oak coloring but could be pine. I am not too sure on that. A knife, similar to the machete that they provided us, but smaller. A book, black leather bound, with no words or markings on the cover or spine, that I can see. They look like your everyday items. Well ones you might see while out exploring.
Chris walks up, drawing my attention from the table to him. I watch as he lays a blanket over the top of the table. I frown, were we not supposed to see that? I watch as he takes his place at his podium and smiles out at us.
“Welcome to today’s elimination challenge. Today two teams will be safe while three teams will be up for elimination.” Chris says, then pauses for a moment. “Today’s challenge is all about memory. If you paid attention to your surroundings when you arrived, there were items on this table beside me, I have covered it.” He smiles. “On my go, one person from each team will walk up to their tables and try to organize the items in the correct order. The items have to match the ones from the table perfectly. This challenge is all about memory. How well you remember things that are right in front of you.” His smile grows even more. “Take your places.”
I look up to Ryder, who just shrugs, that tells me he will be no help. I hope I remember what was there. I really don’t know if I can remember them all.
“GO.” Calls Chris.
I uncover the table and look down at the items. Rocks of different size and color. Bowls of different color and sizes as well. Bottles that are clear or colored in different colors. Different flowers. Books of various sizes and colors. Everything is so confusing. But I take a deep breath and try to focus on what I saw.
I close my eyes to hopefully calm my nerves. I need to calm my thoughts, or I will have no chance of finishing this challenge with a win.
The first item that pops into my head is a white daisy. I put that up first. Not bothering to look around me at the other teams. Next is a rock. Was it red? Brown? Big? Small? I close my eyes and just take a few breaths. What was it? I open my eyes and I see a small rock. Its black but my mind is screaming at me that this is what is next. I place it next to the flower and look back down. A bottle is next. I just can’t remember what color.
I take my time because I want to be right. I don’t want to get this wrong and have to start all over. But I can’t remember what color the bottle was. I randomly grab a green bottle out before moving onto the next item. I know it’s either a knife or bowl. I look them over. The knife I am sure was similar to the one we use at camp, just smaller, so I grab that one out and lay it next to the rock.
Something feels wrong but I don’t dwell on that. I just keep going. I look down at the bowl and the medium sized one that looks like oak jumps out at me. I set it up on my table and keep thinking. But still something feels wrong. I can’t shake the feeling.
But my thoughts are disrupted by Chris. “Red thinks they have it…” he pauses for suspense, or to examine their table. “They do not. Clear the table and start over.”
I frown at that. If we get it wrong, we seriously have to start all over. Not what I
was expecting at all. But I can’t focus right now. I need to get my focus back on the table.
What is next. A book? Big? Small? Purple? Blue? Red? What was it? I stand there looking at my choices and the stuff up on my table already. Something feels off there. I can’t focus on the book until I get the stuff I have right. I look to Ryder who mouths to me that the knife and bowl are wrong. At least he thinks so. I switch them and look back at him again. He smiles and nods. I take a deep breath and pray that he didn’t just tell me wrong information. I look back down at the books. I love books. So, I don’t understand why this one is so hard for me to figure it out.
“Orange team is safe for another day. Which team is next?” Chris calls.
I growl and close my eyes. What was the book? I don’t want to lose and be up for elimination. What color was the book? I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I reach out and grab a random book and lay it down. I open my eyes and see it’s a black book. I hope it’s right.
“Chris!” I call his name.
He comes jogging over to me and I smile at him. He just nods at me before looking at my items and looking at a card in his hand.
“Last team safe from elimination is Green.” Chris calls out.
Ryder comes to me and picks me up. He twirls me in a circle before setting me back on my feet again. Before I can walk away from him, he kisses me. Not a demanding sort of kiss. But just like his demanding kisses, this kiss sends heat pooling right between my legs. Why, oh why does he affect me like this?
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