by Tim White
Nhung ran into her daddy’s arms. “Where is Mama and my puppy Cerberus?” Ulee spoke, choking on his tears.
“They didn’t make it, Hun. Your mama loved you very much but she died in Vietnam with all the chaos of its collapse. Mama Elizabeth gave her eldest son a hug and wept openly—so many grandchildren—she couldn’t be happier. Nhung introduced her to Plato and Aristotle, her friends from the orphanage.
I stood my distance. “Ulee, this is your son, Telemachus Cruz Morales Sundown.” Telemachus was a cute brown-skinned four-year-old wearing elaborate Nez Perce regalia. The colorful feathers and his proud bearing just melted the heart.
Telemachus saluted his dad—then he said in his rehearsed speech. “I am glad to meet you father. I have heard many stories about you.” Ulee picked him up and kissed him, giving him a big hug. And then he turned to me, and I stepped back, saying, “Hello Ulee.”
I could not hide the hurt I felt, the hesitation or the wanting to move on with my life after being rejected by this handsome warrior so many times. I wanted Ulee to be a part of Telemachus’ life but not mine. I needed to find out who I was without this mythical hero in my life. And now he had four kids. I guess the wall of ice was pretty visible to his family. And my family—Telemachus. Ulee walked to get his bags, carrying Telemachus and Nhung, as his mom had Plato and Aristotle in tow, holding their hands and presenting them with gifts.
Ulee was mobbed by his brothers telling him all about their athletic accomplishments. Whitey said, “Did you kill anyone in Vietnam?” There was a long, uncomfortable pause. Ulee changed the subject.
“Family, I want to introduce you to my two new adopted sons. Aristotle Ho Chi Min is twelve years and Plato Luau is eleven years old. Both these boys love football, and we have been through so much together.”
They looked like their father might have been dark skinned and their mother was Vietnamese. They were both really bright boys and spoke English surprisingly well. They bowed to meet their new daddy’s family.
Ulee said, “These boys have seen more than any kids should see, so let’s not talk about the war. Let’s just say I was an administrator.”
“Then how did you win all those medals?” Patty asked.
“They give those out to almost everyone as a publicity stunt. Listen family, I don’t want to talk about the war ever. I have prayed and asked God that it would be as if it never happened in my life. Please, if you love me, don’t ask any questions about the war. Remember how Chief Joseph said, ‘From where the sun stands now I will never fight again?’ That is me—right now. Where the sun stands now, I will never fight anymore.”
As they walked back to the terminal Ulee asked to talk to me.
I said no. “We must be cordial because we share Telemachus together, but I am studying at the University. I graduated with highest honors in pre-medicine. I am in medical school, and I am a citizen of the United States on my own merits. I have become an American citizen, and I love this country. I think that this country has incredible potential for goodness, and incredible possibility for doing the wrong thing, too.”
I continued. “I am dating someone else, and I have moved on from you. You divorced me and left me; you married and have three other children. Ulee, don’t expect to pick up in our relationship where we left off.”
Ulee looked confused as he replied, “I understand, Penny, but know this—I have always and always will love you.” I could not process all of this emotionally or spiritually, so I turned around, picked up Telemachus, and started to run to the car. Ulee followed me, and I didn’t know he was behind me.
When we got to my car, he said with a smile, as if everything were alright with us, “Congratulations on medical school and your citizenship. You are an amazing person. I am really happy for you.”
Ulee’s grandfather Ephraim turned to his son, Caleb. “We always knew Ulee was one stubborn boy—I wonder how Jesus is going to help him out of this quagmire.”
Breaking up with Ulee was not easy because his family had become my family. When Telemachus was born, the Sundown family did all the rituals that were customary for Nez Perce at the birth of a baby. Nez Perce was the name given to them by Lewis and Clark’s French translator but they called themselves Nimi’ippu, which means authentic people. We all went to LaGrande to the pow wow, and I enjoyed watching all of the Sundown family dance to the drumbeat, wearing their ancient feathered regalia.
During the time that Ulee was away, I had nothing to do but study. I graduated from high school a semester early, December, 1971. I enrolled in Columbia Basin College winter quarter, and I graduated with my two-year credentials in 1973. Then I was accepted on scholarship at Seattle University in the pre-med program. By the spring of 1975, I had graduated with degrees in biology and psychology and was accepted into medical school at Stanford, UCLA, and Seattle University. I chose Seattle because I needed to keep Telemachus close to the Sundown family. Our son, Telemachus, needed his father’s heritage just as much as he needed my Spanish heritage. So Mama Elicia moved to Seattle just to help me with him.
I attended Seattle’s University Presbyterian Church. There I met a young man who was younger than me. He was tall, clean-cut and very handsome. His name was Alexander Messe. His nickname was Ace, as he was the starting quarterback for the university football team. Why did I have a crush on football players–I didn’t even care for the sport? Ace was a real Christian and I needed that in my life. Most of our dates were going to church, as we became members together at the University Presbyterian Church. He was an honest man. He was kind to Telemachus, and he seemed to appreciate my Spanish heritage.
I did not tell Ace much about Ulee except to say that Telemachus’ dad was a Vietnam vet who had become a POW and had divorced me and remarried a Vietnamese lady. The last I had heard he was missing in action and still in Vietnam. I told him this before I heard that Ulee had made it out with three adopted children. I just felt like I needed to move on with my life. My trust in men was destroyed. I didn’t know if Ulee would go to war again. Something inside of me expected him to either stay in Special Forces or join the FBI or CIA. So I just moved on, telling my boyfriend that he was MIA. I know a half-truth is a lie, but life was such a mess. Ace and I progressed in our relationship slowly, and there was romance between us. I was very lonely and emotionally fragile. He began to influence me. Ace talked me into being a cheerleader. Even though I was in medical school, I agreed to try out for the cheer squad, and I made the team. It was one way that I could share in his life. I struggled with our blossoming romance because deep in my heart I still loved Ulee. I just didn’t know who Ulee was anymore.
Ulee wasted no time and climbed Eagle Cap, the highest peak in the Wallowa Mountains. Standing near 10,000 feet in a thunderstorm, Ulee read the eighth chapter of Romans. It was like a symphony for his soul.
Now because of Jesus Christ there is now no condemnation. The spirit of God intercedes with our spirit when our groans cannot express our hearts’ deepest thoughts. If God be for us who can be against us. All things work together for the good of those who love him. Nothing can separate us from the Love of God.
All the people he had killed flashed by his mind. Now Jesus was there crying with him, knowing more than he knew about how wrong war can be. Ulee was filled with the Holy Spirit of God, and he was made new. He had peace about me and knew that he would be able to win me and Telemachus back. And he would never, never give up. Inside his heart, he wanted to be a peaceful pastor like his father and grandfather. He wanted to pray for the dying, help those who mourned, seek lost teenagers, reach out, and break up gangs and prostitution rings with the gospel of Jesus Christ. He had dreams and visions about building a great caring network for every nation to be friends in Christ through one country church in the city. He imagined worship in Spanish, Native languages, Vietnamese, English, Korean, Portuguese, Russian, Chinese, Tangalle, German, Arabic, and Hebrew. This kind of peace would be a light shining on the hill for all humanity to see. The
church would be like the church in Acts.
Ulee came back and told his dad that he had been called to be a pastor, and his dad said, “Well, you are going to have to go to four years of college and three years of seminary.”
“What!” cried Ulee. “Dad, you know I hate school.”
His dad calmly replied, “You said you want to be a pastor; it is a professional job—you have a lot to learn. Most of all humility. You can’t do this job without humility.”
“Dad, you know I am humble after all those years of war.”
Pastor Caleb said, “You are shame-filled; that is a long way from being teachable, humble in the Lord. You have so much healing to take place in your heart; and hurt people end up hurting people. You can’t help people until you make a lot of pilgrim’s progress in your journey of spiritual and emotional healing.”
Later, Ulee was out in the backyard playing basketball with his little brother Whitey, and they began to play one on one. Ulee could barely dribble; his kid brother was a dribbling wizard. Whitey jumped up and slam-dunked: two nothing. He did that four times before Ulee finally got the ball; this time he took it in and jumped.
“Wow,” Whitey said, “You can still jump.” Whitey stole the ball and started to hit long jump shots against his big brother until Ulee swatted back one of Whiteys jump shots. When Ulee got the ball, each drive was a power drive with a willful slam-dunk. He was still quick, even if he could barely dribble. Whitey toyed with him, letting him catch up before swishing a long jump shot. Ulee was mad. His brother was only a senior in high school and had beaten him in basketball.
His baby brother ran after him. “Don’t take it so personally. I am going to be pro basketball player. I bet you are still a better shot with the Remington than I am—for at least a year more.” Then he said, seriously, “Ulee go play football. Try out for the Seattle Division One Wolf Pack. You are the fastest of us of all. And you still have your athleticism.”
Whitey had their high school coach call Coach Don James from Seattle Division One powerhouse football team. Coach James was in town and came by to meet Ulee. Coach James was a class coach—one of the best college coaches of all time. He and his wife Carol were fine Christians. He was a standout in fighting against racism.
Coach James said, “We have our quarterbacks, but if you are willing to switch positions and are the athlete your coach claims you to be, I’ll give you a walk on chance.”
“No, I want to play quarterback.”
Coach James left.
Whitey’s basketball coach had played at State College at LaGrande Oregon, where Ulee was born. LaGrande bordered the Wallowa Mountains and the Blue Mountains.
“I got you a tryout as a quarterback,” said the basketball coach. “They said they need a quarterback.”
LaGrande was a tiny school in the mountains. They were currently playing in the NAIA small college division.
Ulee’s dad called Sunny Sixkiller, the famous Cherokee quarterback for the Seattle College football powerhouse team and a pro backup. Sunny traveled at his own expense to the Tri-Cities, stayed with the Sundown family, and worked out Ulee to train him as a quarterback. He did this all for Native brotherhood.
Sunny had been an assistant coach at his alma mater and was looking for a head coaching position. He had heard there might be a job opening at LaGrande, which motivated him even more to work with Ulee.
Ulee, Patty, Stick, and Jackey all went to try out for the football team at LaGrande. They brought along with them twenty-two atheletes that any Division I school would covet. Rod Halvorson had been playing basketball with his brother Randy and working for their dad in construction. Rod was probably the best wide receiver in college football. Marquis Lincoln had been the fastest man in the country in high school but had gotten in trouble with his life. Richard Johnson (Pastor Joshua Johnson’s son) came as a running back. But he and Ulee were childhood friends who could practically read each other’s minds. Rich King never had bothered to go to college. But he was a pro-style tight end. Together, with every kid Ulee and his brothers had met in their high school days—black, Chicano, Native, white, and veterans —made up a treasure of talent for a little school like LaGrande.
But the best news was that Sunny Sixkiller became the head coach at their school. The first year they won the NAIA small college national championship, going undefeated. It was like a group of men, some with criminal records, who were regaining their childhood again. They had a great recruiting class after the national championship, bringing in five-star recruits from around the country. They came because they sensed there was something special about this team of misfits. They were best friends and on a mission while having a lot of fun together in the process.
Ulee and I hardly spoke when he was at LaGrande studying and playing football. There was too much hurt between us, and we were both busy. But he did visit with Telemachus once a month. I was happy for Ulee. I can’t tell you how healing it was for him to be a part of a team and the excitement of college football.
Their sophomore year, LaGrande moved up to NCAA Division II. Their offensive and defensive line was made up of junior college five-star recruits that just loved hanging out with the guys in the Wallowa Mountains. They could have played for any team in the nation and they had professional written all over them. The team was powerful and went undefeated and won the national championship twice again. Whitey turned down major basketball scholarships to join them as backup quarterback. Heath could have played football at Notre Dame, but he went with Whitey.
Although we were not geographically far apart, the distance between Ulee and me had grown. We were living separate lives at different schools.
When Ulee’s senior year began, LaGrande football team appeared in a half dozen sports magazines. His coach and school were getting national press. And they were playing a preseason game against Seattle.
Telemachus let everyone know that Ulee was his dad, and he wore a little LaGrande jersey with his daddy’s number on it. Before the big game Ulee came unannounced. He came to see Telemachus and me. My boyfriend was at a team meeting listening to his coach go on and on about how they needed to take this team seriously. I felt very uncomfortable when Ulee came over. He kept staring at me—I knew he loved me. I avoided eye contact with him.
In Seattle, Ulee tried to visit me before the game, but my boyfriend showed up. He was visibly mad. Telemachus sided with his father.
“Why don’t you leave so my mom can fall back in love with my dad and we can become a family.”
I yelled at Telemachus. My boyfriend looked like he wanted to fight Ulee. My boyfriend moved toward him. I stepped in between the two and asked my boyfriend to walk away.
“You don’t want to fight Ulee—believe me, I know him.”
My boyfriend lost it—shouting at me that I needed to choose. Telemachus started to rush my boyfriend, and I picked him up as he was swinging at my fiancé.
“Leave my mommy and daddy alone.” My boyfriend ran out. I handed Telemachus to Ulee and ran after him.
I told Ulee, “I have chosen my new boyfriend.” Ulee asked, “Really?” as if he knew me better than I knew myself. I left with my boyfriend. I called an hour later and asked Ulee to leave Telemachus with my roommate. I just wanted him to leave.
Ulee said, “Okay. But I have a surprise for you tomorrow night after the game.” I said, “Ulee, the last thing I need is a surprise from you. We have been friends since we were kids and you don’t know me at all.”
Even though it was just a preseason scrimmage, the game between LaGrande and Seattle garnered a lot of attention. It was a David versus Goliath battle. Seattle was a Division I powerhouse with more than ten times the number of students. The school would be embarrassed even if the game was close. Losing was unconscionable,
“We all know this is the biggest game we have all ever played in,” Coach Sixkiller said. “We are ready for this game. We can’t beat them with size, but we can with speed. The bigger they are, the harde
r they fall.”
Ulee always dressed in a private restroom before practice and games. The coach did not want the team to see the embarrassment of his scars. I was worried about Ulee’s statement to me on the phone: that he was going to surprise me in the game. I was especially worried about a fight between Ulee and Ace—as I had witnessed those many years ago when he lost his temper and killed the M-13 gang leader with his bare hands. So I slipped down from the field to find Ulee to talk to him before the game. A manager showed me to the coach’s locker room, where Ulee was dressing. When I came in, he was just starting to get dressed. He looked up and saw me, and it seemed like he stopped breathing. His brown eyes were full of so much hurt and hope.
I said, “Ulee, you scared me when you said you were going to surprise me today. You might not like Ace, but he really is a nice guy and a Christian. He is good to me and to Telemachus—you divorced me and left me pregnant to choose a war over me. And then you married some girl and got her pregnant.”
“Penelope. It is not like that. I married a pregnant girl to try give them a shot at getting to the United States. I have never kissed another woman beside you. I have been faithful. I have so many scars. I was sure I wasn’t going to come back alive, and I wanted you to move on.” Then he took off his shirt. He was covered with burns, napalm spots, and scars.
I said, “Ulee, I saw your scars on our wedding night.”
Ulee said, “I know, but I wanted to remind you who I am—and with your help I believe we can heal. Nhung is not my daughter—I saved her mom as she was getting abused by US troops. She worked at the orphanage that I helped out, and I married her to take away her shame. She was beautiful but I treated her as a sister. And I was faithful to you. I broke a lot of God’s commandments, but that one by the grace of God and my love for you I stayed true. I lived through hell and I am willing to work hard to experience a little heaven with our family. There isn’t a night that I don’t have nightmares. The scars you see on the outside are just the tip of the iceberg of what is in my soul. I hate that I killed so many, even in combat. I hate that I would turn over the bodies of those trying to kill me and my men and find kids and women and old men. I hate that I killed Americans because they were abusing Ahn and threatened to kill me. It is all a bad dream. The only thing I don’t regret is killing Raul to save you. And that set it all in motion. Every night for five years I just dreamed of coming home to you and Telemachus. When I was in Israel or Laos . . . ”