Click.
Then her good friend from Poland, Ania Kaczmarek.
Click.
Over the next couple of years, a growing number of people Helen has known in both her private and professional circles die slow and painful deaths.
The slide fills up with photos appearing one by one. In amongst them, we notice, are ROBBY and GEMMA.
Beat.
Oh and lots of famous people also die too.
Click.
This is all a very worrying turn of events and Helen and her husband Steve consider moving house but soon it becomes evident that there is nowhere to go.
Selfishly, Helen prays that her own family will be spared.
Beat.
Her sister Susan is the first.
Click.
Then her mother, Kath.
Click.
Her father, Malcolm.
Click.
Then her husband Steve.
Click.
Her nephews.
Click.
Her brother.
Click.
And her daughter, Maisie-Grace.
Pause.
Helen is no longer a Christian Scientist after that.
Beat.
The virus continues to spread and in August 2020, Helen goes through the address book on her phone and realises that over half of the people in it are now dead.
A new slide headlined ‘People Helen Knows’. Another click and a coloured-in pie chart appears. A small segment says ‘Alive 47.209%’ and a larger segment ‘Dead 52.791%’.
In September 2020, scientists in Belgium announce that they may have created a vaccine, a new drug called Radion 6. The scientists decide the drug will only be trialled on a selected group of people: the entire population of the Swiss city of Basel.
This leads to huge public protests and mass riots in other cities across the globe, who were not chosen for the trial and who suspect the Swiss government of using secret gold reserves to sweeten the deal. The riots and mass protests stop, however, when three months later it’s discovered that the vaccine doesn’t actually kill the virus but rather causes it to shift in form – leading infectees to no longer swell up and suffocate but now effectively drown in their own blood and mucus.
Click. Horrific image.
In April, 2021, stories appear in the press about
a new drug, the so-called ‘Unicorn Pill’, named
for its mythical status.
Click.
Helen reads with interest that it’s based on a new variant of Preponin – a compound that she once sold for the treatment of liver spots.
In June 2021, all products containing Preponin are suddenly taken off the market as the pharmaceutical industry – perhaps scared of killing off another entire city – decide that extensive clinical trials are required.
Click.
Rumours nontheless abound: that the new vaccine is being withheld because the three major pharmaceutical companies cannot agree on price. That certain wealthy and privileged parts of society are buying places on the secretive clinical trials. That workers and their families high up at certain pharmaceutical companies, including McCabe, have been secretly trialling this so-called ‘Unicorn Pill’ for many, many years.
Click.
It’s just rumours but then everything is just rumours now.
On April 17th 2023, Helen goes to watch her son Calum play football against another school.
She is stood there on the sidelines trying to remember if they always played five-a-side or if they now play five-a-side because there are so few boys left in the school when her son, her sixteen-year-old son, jumps up to head the ball and his shirt rides up and she sees something small at the base of his back.
It is only a glimpse and Helen only sees it for a flash but knows instantly what it is by the familiar ‘ring of lumps’.
Because it is at the base of his back, Helen wonders whether he has actually noticed it.
Knowing her son as she does, however, knowing that her son is at that strange, unknowable age where he can barely communicate – struggles to tell her whether he wants fish fingers or a Chicken Kiev for tea – and also knowing that her son loves her deeply, Helen thinks it more likely that he has indeed noticed and does not know the way to tell his mother that the thing they both now fear most in the world has come to pass.
HELEN coughs.
At this, Helen realises two things.
One. That the phrase ‘chills down the spine’ is actually a thing. Not a phrase, it’s a thing that you can genuinely feel. Did you know that?
And Two. That even when you feel like your heart has experienced so much sorrow…
Beat.
Sorry. Try again.
Two. That even when you feel like your heart has experienced so much sorrow and misery that you assume you’re incapable of any more feeling, that you’re effectively ‘immune’ from it all, then life forces its way back in. That there is literally no limit to how much you can feel.
Beat.
As you can probably imagine, Helen is rather concerned by this new development.
In fact, she’s completely desperate.
Helen thinks about anyone who could possibly help her and remembers her former boss Niall Barnett, who she discovers is now Director of Personnel at McCabe.
Click.
(Congratulations.)
She tracks him down to an impressive house on the Hertfordshire borders.
Click.
She spends three days quietly observing his movements and discovers that he now lives alone. She assumes Martine has left him and taken the kids with her.
She is actually quite sad about that.
Niall being basically Helen’s only hope, she thinks very hard about how to approach him. She is pretty sure she’s not the first person to come knocking at his door and she’s scared that when she says what she’s come here for, he will flatly refuse her and shut the door on her face.
So she comes prepared.
When he answers the door, she makes a bit of awkward small talk until he invites her in and then suddenly when his back is turned injects him with an illegally acquired neuromuscular blocking agent called Zemurax that she used to sell to anaesthetists (don’t worry, it’s McCabe).
She realises that this probably isn’t the best way
to convince him of her cause but really she has no choice.
And then –
And then, well, that brings us up to now.
Click on a slide that says ‘Now’. Looks at her notes.
(Brightly.) So!
In conclusion.
Why have I come here today?
I’ve come here to present you with…
Click slide. The word ‘Opportunity’ appears.
An opportunity.
An opportunity to:
Click.
Help a former employee.
Click.
Be a kind person.
Click.
Share your good fortune.
Click.
Save My Remaining Family Member’s Life.
NIALL–
HELENOkay.
So.
HELEN is looking to NIALL to say something.
NIALL just sits there. An uncomfortable silence.
Is there anything you wanted to…
Feedback or.
NIALL–
HELENNiall, please. I really need you to say something now.
Just – something.
Please.
You know you can talk, don’t you?
It doesn’t… your mouth is fine.
Can you understand what I’m saying?
Beat.
NIALL says something inaudible.
I’m sorry, I can’t – can you [speak up] a bit?
NIALL(Louder.) I don’t – have any.
The Unicorn Pill. I don’t have any.
Beat.
>
HELENNo. No, that’s not what I – don’t say that.
NIALLHelen…
HELENKnow what, I’m going to give you a few moments.
I’m going to just – go over here and I don’t want you to speak for a few moments. I want you to just think.
About – about the Opportunity I’ve just presented and just don’t say anything – just think.
Think about what it means and.
So.
Silence.
A few moments of silence. HELEN walks away for a moment.
NIALLHelen.
HELENYes?
NIALLI don’t have any.
HELENNo. No, that’s not –
NIALLI’m – I’m very sorry. About your son, I really am. But I don’t have any.
HELENBecause – are you really sure? Because – I’m not calling you a liar, Niall. I’m not calling you that.
I just – I want you to think about it very carefully.
Before you answer.
NIALLHelen /
HELENBecause – because maybe you forgot, you know?
Maybe it’s been a long day – or night and – and you just – you didn’t remember accurately.
NIALLHelen /
HELENOr maybe, you’re worried that I’ll tell people – worried that I’ll tell people and they’ll find out and stop your supply.
Well, I won’t, Niall. I really won’t so /
NIALLHelen, I don’t have any.
HELENBecause. Because I don’t need many. I’ll make sure there’s still enough for Jack and – Molly.
I’m sure, I’m sure we can share.
Between us.
NIALLI’m sorry but I don’t.
HELENOkay….
Okay.
NIALLHelen, this is ridiculous. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for your, your predicament. But I don’t have any.
Believe me. Okay.
HELEN is deciding what to do next. She makes to pack up.
HELENNiall, I’d like to thank you for seeing me today.
I know this meeting’s been a little – off the cuff and I won’t take up much more of your time but I just – can I ask you a question?
NIALLHelen –
HELEN(Anticipating.) Not that question.
A different question.
Do you mind if I ask you a different question, Niall? It’s a very easy one.
I’ll ask you the question and you’ll answer the question and then I’ll just – if I’m happy with the answer. If we’re both happy with the answer then I’ll go.
Okay?
Beat.
NIALLOkay.
HELENCan I ask you.
Who have you lost?
Beat.
NIALLI don’t – I don’t understand.
HELENIt’s quite a simple question, Niall. How many family members have you lost?
To the virus, I mean. Not just / cancer or or –
NIALLI don’t think that’s –
HELENOh and I mean, like, close family members.
Not, like, great aunties or or second-whatnots-first-removed, y’know.
Mother. Father. Son. Daughter.
Next of kin.
NIALLWhat, what is this?
HELENCould you answer the question please, Niall.
NIALLI –
HELENI’d really like you to answer the question.
NIALL–
HELENI asked you if you would answer a question and you said yes you’d answer a question so please could you just now answer the question.
Beat.
NIALLNone –
But that’s – I mean, I’ve lost people. Of course, I’ve lost people.
HELEN goes back to her laptop. She clicks on a new slide. A line graph appears.
HELENI don’t know if you can see that. Bit blurry but.
I took this from the UN Health website. Six months out of date but –
NIALLHelen –
HELEN(Explaining.) Just being rational.Presenting the facts in a clear and non-emotive way /
NIALLHelen, this is going nowhere.
HELENSo if we look at the graph. If we look at the graph, this bit here shows each year from 2016 to now and this one, this one here shows the percentage of the population in the Western Hemisphere still alive.
And that’s – what is that?
NIALLI’ve had people die, Helen.
HELENDifficult to see from this.
NIALLMy nephew –
HELENSomewhere between thirty-eight and thirty-nine per cent.
NIALLMy nephew Hector and –
HELENThirty-eight-point-seven maybe.
Or eight.
Anyway.
So if we’re looking at this. If we’re looking at this in a clear and rational way, Niall, you can kind of understand why when you say you don’t have any of these pills, any of these Unicorn Pills, I feel like it’s a little bit… suspect.
You can kind of understand, can’t you?
A little odd that you’re all in the thirty-eight-point-eight per cent of the entire global population with no deceased immediate family.
I mean, at best, that’s – well that’s great isn’t it, but also, if we’re honest, just a little bit… jammy. Don’t you think?
NIALLSome of my best friends. Some of my best friends are – dead.
Helen. You need to stop this now. Please.
I know you’re desperate and I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing but really, Helen, this has to stop.
There’s no Unicorn Pill. It’s just a – an urban myth.
And – and I’m not going to press charges or whatever because I understand why you’re doing this but it needs to stop. It needs to stop now.
You have to believe me.
Beat.
Helen?
Beat.
HELENI think I do. I think I do believe you actually.
NIALLWell good. I mean – you should.
Beat.
HELENBut that ‘think’.
NIALLSorry?
HELENThat ‘think’. That ‘think’ is a problem, Niall.
That ‘think’ means there’s doubt, the tiniest of doubt.
And that ‘think’ is magical, you see.
Because that doubt actually gives me hope. It’s like – like a tiny lump of gold, winking in a pile of shit. You know?
NIALLHelen, please. You’ve been in every room in my house. You’ve searched through everything. There’s nothing here.
Beat. Then HELEN goes back to the PowerPoint. Clicks through the following in silence, looking at NIALL.
Clicks. Heading: ‘What I would do for my child:’
What are you doing?
HELEN clicks and the following points appear.
‘ – go hungry.’
Click.
‘ – steal.’
Click.
‘ – sell my organs.’
Click.
‘ – become a prostitute.’
Click.
‘ – be tortured.’
Click.
‘ – kill myself.’
HELEN continues looking at NIALL. Then at the PowerPoint.
HELENOop, new page.
Clicks again.
‘ – torture others.’
Click.
‘ – kill others.’
A pause.
NIALLHelen, come on, what is this?
Are you trying to scare me?
HELEN looks at him. Then moves to the big holdalls. She unzips one and, in view of NIALL but not acknowledging him, begins taking things out of it. Various tools and implements, a small industrial sander, etc.
What – what are you doing? Helen?
Helen!
This is ridiculous.
HELEN continues what she’s doing.
Helen, come on.
Look, I know you’re angry with me but it wasn’t my decision!
HELENWhat?
NIALLI – I fought for you. You should know that. I fought for you.
HELENWhat – what are you talking about?
NIALLTo keep you /
HELENThat’s –
NIALLIt wasn’t my decision. It was Head Office.
HELENThis is not about that!
You think this is about that?
NIALLNo. Okay, no it’s not about /
HELENYou think I came here as – you think I came here because you sacked me.
You think this is, like, some – some sick Office Revenge Fantasy because you sacked me –
NIALLNo, look I’m confused.
HELENThis is about my son! I came here for my son!
NIALLYes, okay.
HELENI’m here to save my family.
NIALLOkay, no I understand. I totally understand.
HELENIt’s not about Us.
It’s not about what we did.
NIALLOkay, okay.
Beat.
What we did?
HELENYes. It’s not about that.
NIALLHelen, what’s –
I don’t understand.
What did we do?
HELENPlease.
Don’t insult me.
NIALLHelen, really.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
HELENYou do.
NIALLI really don’t.
HELENThe night.
The night in the bar.
That night in the bar.
When we went away with the office. We played the games and then and then we all had dinner together and then we went to the bar.
And then in the end, it was just you and me left.
And we were laughing at this ancient barman, this ancient barman who you said reminded you of the chef from The Muppets or maybe the, the old men in the balcony and.
And they had all these, all these old drinks and spirits that we’d never heard of and you said let’s try them. Let’s work our way through them.
And we did. We had gin and Dubonnet and. White Crème de Menthe.
And this lychee liqueur that you said tasted like Toilet Duck and I said, I said ‘Now when have you ever tasted Toilet Duck?’ and then we both laughed.
And everyone had gone to bed and we just talked.
We talked about everything.
Anything.
It didn’t matter.
It was like all these things I’d never said before just, came out. And we just laughed.
And then you said, you said ‘funny who you end up with’ and then you looked at me.
You looked right at me.
We looked at each other and – and we knew.
The Here and This and Now Page 5