by Jason Luthor
“What did you just say to me?”
“I . . . I said what I said.”
“You think this is about me kissing him? Tommy, you’ve known me longer than that.”
“Yeah, I have,” I say as I step up to her, coming inches from her face. “The Jackie I remember would have never said yes to this. Remember what we grew up with? Security who’d kidnap us and put us through Reinforcement if we talked bad about the people running the place? The same ones who kidnapped you? How many people do we remember getting taken up to Floor 1 who came back completely different because they had their minds wiped?”
“You don’t think I remember that? You don’t think I hated it when I was growing up? I was there, Tommy. I’m the one who climbed that Tower to Floor 1. It wasn’t you. When you were busy being the captain of the basketball team, it was me. I’m the one who almost got put into Reinforcement and had her parents pretending they didn’t know their own daughter for years. I’m the one that nobody talked to because I was the weirdo. The outcast. Nobody, nobody remembers that or feels it or remembers it worse than I do.”
“Then why this, Jackie? Why give all the power to someone we barely know when we’ve already lived through what a military state is like? We’re the ones who knew what it was like to have no freedom and live scared that we’d say or do the wrong thing and then, one day, just disappear.”
“That’s not what this is about, Tommy!”
“Then what’s it about?”
She heaves out a breath and almost screams at me. “It’s about protecting people!”
“From who?”
“From themselves!”
I turn around and walk a circle before coming back to her, my fingers pulling at my hair as I try to keep from screaming back. “From themselves? You would never have said that a few years ago.”
“Yeah, well, that was before I had to grow up and live in the real world. And here, when you’ve seen what I’ve seen and gone through what I’ve gone through, you realize that there has to be a system designed to keep people alive. I didn’t realize how bad things could be when I was younger, so I came up with a lot of ideas about freedom and pursuing the truth at all costs. That was . . . that was me being naïve.” She closes her eyes for a second before going on. “The truth is that people need to be protected from themselves. They do . . . stupid things that put them at risk. They need a strong military to protect them. If they don’t have that, they get killed. They die, Tommy, and nothing can make up for that.”
“But they don’t need an army that rules over every aspect of their lives. I know how bad you want to save everyone, how bad you think they need strong leaders, but they need people who will protect them and protect their freedoms at the same time. They need you to be that, Jackie. Not this. Not this person who thinks the people need saving from themselves.”
She shakes her head at me as she walks past me and to the door. “It was a bad idea coming here.”
It takes a second, but I finally whirl around just before she’s out of the room. “Jackie, please, I’m going to ask this one last time. What happened to you? We don’t see you for a year, then you come back, and you’re . . . different. What happened out there?”
When I ask, she stands in the doorway for a moment, her shoulders rising and falling as she breathes. “We all know what happened to me, Tommy. I died.”
And then the door closes behind her, and I’m left standing, alone, wishing I could have done more for her.
Jackie’s Recording 05
When I get to my room, I sit there for a long time, staring out of the window and down onto the fort’s courtyard. I watch the vehicles going by and the men and women marching by in formation. Then, after a long time, I materialize my earpiece onto my head. The second I’ve got a comms link open, I say, “Dark Angel to Highpoint Waystation.” I sigh. It’s been a while since we talked but . . . he never cares. He's the best friend you could ever ask for. “John, are you awake?”
It takes a second before I get a voice back through the comms. “Are you joking with me, kid? Johnny Hawkshaw is always at your service, 24 hours a day.”
“Yeah, you’re always reliable,” I tell him as I smile. “I think I messed up right now, John.”
“Give it to me straight. What did you do?”
“Got drunk. Kissed someone that’s accused of being a tyrannical warlord. Broke a chair and whipped out my arm blades while arguing with Tommy.”
“Take it from a man who was once a professional drinker, there isn’t nothing good that comes from taking too hard to the bottle. There have been plenty of decent men and women who’ve had their lives destroyed by the hooch. I should know, I remember taking a few of them to the hoosegow.” I don’t say anything for a second, and he keeps going. “You didn’t hurt nobody, did you?”
“You know me. I wouldn’t do anything like that. Not again. I feel . . . bad, though.”
“For what part of the night?”
“Not the part with Yousef, honestly. I wanted that.”
“You wouldn’t be the first 19-year-old girl who wanted to enjoy the nightlife, kid.”
“I really wouldn’t know. What I know’s that, afterward, I thought I should tell Tommy about it.” I laugh. “Tonight, I learned you probably shouldn’t have drunk conversations with completely sober people.”
“I’ve been on both sides of those. You know, a couple of centuries ago, they called it drunk dialing. You’d spend a little too much time at the bar then call your friends, either telling them how much you loved them or arguing with them until they hung up on you.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t think I’ll be talking to Tommy anytime soon.”
“And why’s that?”
“Why would he want to talk to me after the way I blew up at him?”
I can hear him laugh on the other end. “There’s not a single person I’ve met who’s as hard on themselves as you are, and I’ve been alive for more than five hundred years. Granted, a lot of my memory’s missing from all that time. My point being, he’s your friend. I bet you that right now, he’s lying awake, trying to think up ways to fix things up between you two.”
“You actually think so?”
“Kid, I know so.”
I sigh and shake my head, even though he can’t see that. “Thanks, Johnny. I needed someone to talk to before . . . before . . .”
“Before your anxiety got out of control and you started hearing from those two. Johnny and Sally.”
“They’re nice enough to talk to, but they don’t really get stuff like this.”
“They’re transcendent psychic beings in permanent symbiosis with the Creep. I wouldn’t expect them to have a lot of insight on the human experience at this point.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself. Literally.”
There’s a long pause on the other end before he says anything else. “Listen, kid. I know we’re not family, and I’m not even sure if you consider me a friend, but you’re free to come back to Highpoint anytime you want. You might need to, anyway. You’ve been burning through your weapon stocks for a while. We’re down to half capacity at this point, so you might want to visit. It’ll give you a chance to get your mind off things and restock the place.”
“I don’t think I can do that right now. Things are so . . . so weird here that I’m scared things will go nutters if I leave for even one day.”
“I get it. Well, at least promise me that you’ll come by if things look like they’ve calmed down.”
“I will. Thanks, John.”
“You got it, sweetheart.”
A HOUSE DIVIDED
Mike’s Recording 14
Tommy looks pretty torn up as he looks at me through his side of the monitor. “I don’t know how to get through to her anymore, Mikey. I just . . .” He wipes his face and looks off camera for a second before shooting his eyes back my way. “She’s right, you know? With me, it’s been all military stuff. I haven’t really just sat down and talked to
her like a person. Like Jackie. The only time we’ve done that was that first day, when she announced she was alive and in town.”
“Yeah, man, we both know how she gets . . .” I shrug. “Well, she gets like I used to get. I still do, sometimes. Big help these days for me is Cynthia.”
“Right, well, I was hoping you could talk to her. The alliance between Fort Silence and Central Freedom’s a done deal at this point, but if you could just get her to see our side of things again, at least she’d be a little more on guard with Yousef. Do you think you could talk to her? Make her reconsider? I just feel like I’ve poisoned the well with her, at least for now.”
“Man, I’ll talk to her,” I tell him, “But the thing is though, she’s right about you, and you’re more right about poisoning the well than you think. First thing about talking to Jackie’s that I’m not going to do it to get her to see my side of this mess. She wants to back Yousef, that’s her call. Was never a person that put themselves on the line like she did for me or helped me through a rougher time in my life. I’ll talk to her because I want her to feel better. That’s it. Jackie’s her own person. She can make her own decision about the alliance. If me talking to her helps her change her position . . . Man, you know I’d love that. I hated how we grew up in the Tower worse than anyone except for her. But my priority’s helping her the same way she helped me, because it sounds like she needs it.”
Tommy stares at me for a long time, nodding before wiping at his face. “Damn it. I . . . I messed up, Mikey. I really messed thing up.”
“We all do. Look, you carried her during tough times in that Tower, same way she carried you. She’ll come around eventually. Not like this is the end of your friendship. Just space her for a bit, and how about we lay off the Dark Angel business for a while. We both know she’s powerful, but she hates that stuff. She’s still Jack. Growing up, all she wanted was to learn about the Creep and find a way to stop it. You think she ever wanted to be called something like the Dark Angel?”
He looks off camera for a second again before looking back at me. “You’re . . . you’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve just, I’ve been so focused on beating the raiders . . . “
“It was always going to be messy, her coming back after we’d thought she’d been dead for a year. Sure, we could’ve handled things better, but that’s what tomorrow is for. When you guys get back, I’ll show her around the island. She’s never even been to the Green Zone. I bet she’d love it. How can she know what we’re fighting for around here if she’s never even seen it for herself?”
“Sounds awesome. Hey, I’ll get in touch when I’m back in town. Sound good?”
“You got it.” Signal shuts down and the screen goes blank, and that lets me get back into the dining room. Cynthia’s there with a fork full of vegetables in her hand while she sits next to Mandy. Second I’m in the room, Cynthia looks concerned.
“That didn’t sound great, Michael.”
“It’s not, but it’ll get better,” I tell her as I’m taking a seat at the table. “Just, Jackie’s having a hard time coming back. Knowing people. That kind of thing.”
“I can imagine. It has to be hard for her after all this time, to find her friends’ lives have changed so much. She probably feels out of place.”
“That was always how she felt. Me too, ‘til I met you, obviously,” I tell her as I shoot her a smile. “Thanks for the dinner, by the way.”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I was starving after my shift at the clinic today.”
“Yeah? Everything okay down there?”
“Good, but we were doing a count on medicine. Thanks to President Branagh, I think we’ll be good for most of the winter, but I’m a little worried. Personally, I feel we should have more medical supplies, but I’m a nurse, so of course I feel that way.”
“Guess we’ll have to go scavenging, then. Well, with things the way they are, and with it looking like Fort Silence is going to be helping us, I guess we’ll be able to head out into the Deadlands with more force than usual. Don’t know a better way of exploring the city than while strapped into a tank.”
“So, that is going through? The alliance, I mean.”
“Think so. Tommy’s not happy about it. Dodger won’t be, and I don’t want to go back to living that way.”
“You didn’t mention how Jackie feels about it.”
I smile at her as I shoot a look over at Mandy. “See how smart your sister is?” My eyes go back to Cynthia. “But you’re right. I didn’t mention it. Guess she doesn’t mind it, apparently. That’s got Tommy upset, but I can’t speak for her. She’s got her reasons.”
Mandy looks over at me. “You know . . .” I can see her thinking through what she wants to say. “She’s . . . she’s really sad, Mikey. When she talks to me, I just think she wants to cry.”
“What makes you think that?”
“It’s just how I feel when I talk to her.”
“You can read minds now, short stuff?”
“I actually don’t like being called that.”
Cynthia frowns at her. “Mandy . . .”
I shake my head. “Nah, it’s fine. Everyone gets to say what annoys them. Alright then, Mandy. You’ve got my attention. You talked to Jackie lately?”
“On the roof,” she says as she looks up. “It’s the way she talks. It’s not just what she says. If you listen to her voice, she just sounds . . .” She tries to shrug it off like it’s nothing, but I can tell Mandy looks upset. “She sounds like she regrets something. It’s killing her inside.”
“Yeah. Tommy said something like that. Said she was going through something.”
Mandy’s eyebrow creases and she sets down her fork. “You know how I complain about wanting to be in the military or being on the War Council?”
Cynthia frowns. “Something I never agree with.”
I nod at Cynthia but then look back at Mandy. “Yeah. I know. You’ve always wanted to be someone who goes out there and gets into it.” I chuckle a little. “You always had a fighting spirit.”
“Yeah,” she agrees. “Jackie does too, except I don’t think she really wants to be . . . whatever she is.”
“Pretty sure I agree with you there, but how do you know that? Did she say something?”
“She talked about her dad and her mom. Jackie told me they were both scientists. It sounded like that’s what she wanted to be when she was growing up.”
“Yeah. Something like that. We both wanted to know what was going on with the Creep, but I had a life outside that. Could just pick up my guitar and sing silly love songs. Jackie had it rougher than I did growing up though, so she didn’t have any other outlets. All she thought about was becoming a scientist like her parents and finding a way to stop the Creep.”
“She said you were the cool one, so I guess that means she was the smart one?”
“Well, she was the smartest girl I knew in the Tower. Long time before we knew her as the Dark Angel or even just our commander, Jackie was just a nerdy genius. Another lifetime, she’d probably have followed in her parents’ footsteps.” I look over at Cynthia. “Girl couldn’t make friends, but she never stopped wanting to help people.”
Cynthia smiles. “I’ve seen that since she’s gotten back. What she did for you . . . saving you. Taking all those bullets for you . . .”
“Nothing less Jackie than that. But you’re right, Mandy,” I say, looking back at the younger girl. “She was sharp. Like you.”
“I told her you don’t treat me like a kid. That’s why I don’t like it when you call me short stuff.”
“What she say about that?”
“That you’ve always treated people right and try to respect them. She really looks up to you, Mikey.”
It makes me smile at the same time that I wipe at my eyes. “Glad she still thinks that way about me. Speaking of,” I look up at Cynthia. “I was wondering if you and Mandy’d want to come down to the Green Zone. We could invite Jackie. It’s just, I don’t think it’s he
althy for her to be doing nothing but fighting and training. She could see what the city’s really like. Not just the military side.”
Cynthia smiles. “I could make sandwiches and we could have a picnic. And this way, I could show her how happy I am that she’s here.”
Mandy nods. “Me too. She’s really cool. I like her a lot, and I don’t want her thinking that she’s all by herself.”
“That’s how Jackie’s always felt. Or did. Later on, that changed, when we all got closer as a team. Guess she’s back to feeling that way.”
Mandy points her fork at me. “We’ve got to change that.”
“Sure.”
Cynthia points at me. “You know, they’ve also got that celebration happening at Central Primary. The band performance?”
“That’s right!” I tell her with a slap on the table. “She’ll love that. No wonder you’re the smart one.”
“I know I am,” she tells me with a laugh.
Dodger’s Recording 11
I’m sitting with Yazzie when I hear a steady knock on the door. She gives me a weird look because we’re not expecting anyone, but it’s not like we have crime in the apartment building, so I head over and throw the door open. The absolute last person I’m expecting to see is Jackie, standing there in just her jumpsuit.
“Can I . . . come in?” she asks. I blink at her, then look back down the hall at Yazzie, then back at Jackie. She must notice because she starts looking away. “You’ve got company. I should’ve called or something.”
“No, Jackie. It’s really not that serious. Get in here, you goofball.”
“You sure?”
“Does the Creep cover everything it touches?”
She gives me a weird look. “That’s unnecessarily dark, but message received,” she says as she steps inside. She takes a look down the hall, where Yazzie is already waving. Jackie shifts and she looks uncomfortable, but she manages to say, “Hey.”
I take her to the couches and wave her into a chair. “That’s Yasmine, but her friends calls her Yazzie. Best bud you could ever have.”