“She doesn’t want another boyfriend, let alone a mate, and she’ll view loving you as a betrayal to BJ. According to Zoe, he was her once-in-a-lifetime love.”
“Then I’ll be her eternal partner.”
Josh studies me for a minute. “She won’t ever love you the same way. Hell, she might never say those words to you. Are you okay with that?”
“Words aren’t necessary, and I wouldn’t want her to love me the same way.” Anything she thought she felt for the human would pale in comparison to what she’ll feel for me. Someday, anyway.
“I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t know Zoe. Stubborn is her middle name. She promised never to replace BJ. She won’t break that promise. Ever. Even death won’t sway her.”
“Let her keep her promise.” I drain the soda, the cold drink numbing my throat. “She’ll make a different one to me. A stronger one. A vow that’ll commit her to walking through eternity with me.”
“Zoe believes in reincarnation.”
Shrugging, I rinse the glass out in the sink before placing it upside in the dishwasher. “Then she believes the same thing I do, the same thing every shifter does, because it’s true. Every mortal soul is reborn until it’s completed its journey. That’s a fact.”
“And she’s convinced she’ll reconnect with BJ’s soul in another life. She can’t do that as your mate.”
I still with my hand on the edge of the dishwasher’s door for a moment, then force myself to lift it until the door locks in place. “I’ll deal with it.”
“How?” Josh pushes against my shoulder, turning me to face him and proving he’s not afraid of me. Had another male laid a finger on me, I’d be obligated to exert my dominance. As my equal and my friend, Josh gets a bye.
“I don’t know yet.” Admitting the truth is a sign of weakness and one of trust. Josh will understand this. He’s been a part of our world long enough.
“She runs. Every time she gets close to a guy and he brings up exclusiveness or their future, she runs. Every time her emotions overwhelm her, she runs. Every time regret threatens to drown her, she runs. She’ll run from you too. You leave her unsettled and confused. Hell, she already has run.”
“And she came back.”
“For me.” Josh motions to the kitchen doorway. “For the babies Mira’s carrying. Not for you. Not for Mira. Not even for my parents. Zoe hasn’t even been out to see them. She called them. That’s it. She hates when our mom cries, and our mom breaks down every time Zoe walks out the door, knowing she might never see her again.”
“Zoe’s not going to run. I’ve had someone watching her since I left her this morning. Zach’s with her now.”
“That’s a mistake. You try to take away her choice, and she’ll grow resentful, and if Zoe decides she’s had enough and wants to leave, she’s going to take off no matter how many guards you put on her. She will find a way.”
“Then I’ll convince her to stay.”
“You don’t know her the way I do.”
“And you don’t know how persuasive I can be.”
Josh shakes his head. “Sex won’t be enough.”
“We will be enough. Me and Zoe. She’ll fight for us, just as I’ll fight for her.”
“That’s a romantic sentiment and all, but—”
“A shifter only gets one true mate.” The truth I’ve known in my soul is out of my mouth. It feels right spoken out loud, my voice giving it life. “And I’ll be damned if I lose my true mate. I’ve seen with my own eyes what that does to a man. And I won’t accept that sad fate. I’ll win Zoe’s love and her comm—”
I yank my vibrating phone from my pocket and answer. “Hello?”
“I lost her.”
Zach’s growled words slip tension through me. I grip the phone tighter. “What do you mean, you lost her? You were supposed to escort Zoe to the parole hearing and see her back to her apartment.”
“I did drive her out there. Then waited in the lobby for her. Watched the humans leave, along with Vince. I was going to go up and get her, but Ethan came down and said she went to the bathroom. That she was visibly upset and probably would appreciate a few minutes to get herself under control. Then…she ditched me. Used animal cover to mask her scent and slipped out the back.”
“Fox piss, right?”
“Yeah. Once I realized what she did, she was already at the car. She saw me and took off.”
“Which way did she go?”
“Left out of the parking lot but—”
Josh draws my arm down, pulling the phone from my ear. “She went to the hilltop overlook. I’d bet my life on it. After facing off with Vince, she’ll want to go back to where she lost everything. She always visits the site at least once before she takes off again.”
I switch the phone to my other hand and address Zach. “Send word to keep an eye out for Zoe, but I think I know where she’s gone.”
Josh grabs the back of a kitchen chair with one hand and splays his other hand over the counter, essentially blocking my path. “She’s a flight risk. I am not kidding about that. She’ll run if she thinks you’re going to try to stop her.”
“Thanks for the advice.” Turning, I plow past Josh and head for the kitchen door. At the archway, I stop at the sight of Megan and Molly, Josh’s adopted daughters, with a slew of their own troubles, watching me from the stairs. “I’ll arrange for extra guards for Mira, but I suggest you keep her homebound if you plan to stay in the area. We don’t have to announce your babies’ birth until the following full moon. But if you choose to run with her, know your home will always be here waiting for your family, and of course, your girls are welcome to stay or leave with you. Whatever you decide is best, I’ll support.”
That’s all I can do. I don’t control Josh any more than I do his little sister. Both need to choose to stay and fight for their family and those they love.
Seven
Zoe
The smile on my face doesn’t match what’s in my heart. Still, I can’t help but be pleased with the knowledge I’ve evaded Zach. Of course, it sucks he’ll get in trouble with Kade for losing me, but that’s not my problem. Kade will learn an assigned tail will only work if I want to be followed. If he doesn’t get that lesson, then he’ll have to deal with the consequences of trying to cage me in.
Tugging baby wipes from the container on the floor of the ’Cuda, I scrub at my exposed skin, wiping off the layer of fox piss cover scent. Well, trying to clean off the stench. Only a shower will get rid of the pungent smell completely, but this will do until I get back to my apartment.
The black mascara streaks on the last baby wipe somber me. A quick peek into the rearview mirror show my eyes puffy but no longer red and glassy. No doubt I’ll end up crying again before I leave the overlook where my life changed. At least no one will see me losing my shit. I can have my little pity party in private and hopefully put the hurt behind me. I have no other choice.
Seeing a mature and powerful Vince, knowing he’s home with his adopted family, learning he’s a free man, has swallowed my last bits of hope for justice.
Vince won. I lost.
I have to get over it. Moping about everything I lost won’t bring BJ or our baby back. They’re gone.
The rearview mirror fogs, black smoke obscuring the glass for a moment before my image breaks through the wispy shadows. But the woman staring back at me isn’t me, not unless I’ve suddenly developed an inner fire burning in my eyes.
“Don’t be so melodramatic.” Her mouth doesn’t move. Neither does mine. I hear her voice in my head anyway, just as I often do when I think about the past. “Your baby and the man you loved most are not gone. I kept my promise to you. Keep yours to me, and I’ll tell you where to find them.”
“Go away.” The words boom in the closed confines of the car, but my reflection in the rearview mirror doesn’t speak them.
“Life for life. Power for power. Blood for bl—”
“Fuck you, bitch.” Jaw tight, I
jerk my gaze from the rearview mirror and shove the baby wipe into the plastic trash bag, ignoring the little voice in my head being back home triggers, and wrangle my feet into my boots while sitting behind the wheel. Then, I get out and shove my gun in my waistband, leaving the ’Cuda unlocked.
My booted feet crunch the thin layer of ice covering the snow on the ground, and a cool blast of night air hits me. I don’t reach for my jacket or my flashlight. The cold invigorates me, and the partial moon casts enough light. Besides, I remember my way. This was my and my fiancé’s spot. I’m pretty sure our baby was conceived here too.
Brush and broken branches have taken over the path we used to always follow. I kick a limb aside. Even the forest is reclaiming our spot, erasing the memories of my past. I need to do the same.
Hugging myself, I rub at my biceps through my thick thermal. The cold is numbing. If I got lost out here tonight, I might freeze to death. That technically wouldn’t be suicide. At least not in my mind. It’d just be an unfortunate accident that happens to have the added benefit of putting me out of my misery.
And if I did die out here tonight, would BJ be waiting for me with our baby? Would we get our do-over, just as I’ve dreamed about for years? Is that what the little voice in my head has meant? My life for theirs?
The thought—and the hope speeding my pulse—stop me in my steps. My shrink warned me of allowing such thoughts to take root. Death is not the answer. I have a purpose in life. Why else would I have survived what happened to me? Of course, he also told me to forget the fact that a shifter’s claws ripped my gut open. I can’t help but wonder what else he told me to forget.
I shake out my arms. Blood rushes through my chilled body. My fingertips tingle and burn. I flex them until the pain eases, then move on. It’s too cold to be out here without a heavy sweatshirt or jacket, and I sure as hell can’t get myself lost or allow myself to freeze to death, no matter how inviting the idea is of leaving this world. I haven’t learned everything there is to know about the threat to my niece and nephews, or how I can eliminate it.
Josh will not lose his kids. I refuse to see him suffer with pain and guilt the way I struggled. Hell, I’m still struggling. Nope, I wouldn’t wish losing a kid on anyone, not even on Vince.
Moonlight illuminates the clearing ahead. I don’t pause to study it or remember the nights of passion. They’re over, and I have to move on. The thought propels me. I’m stronger than the grief. I will not let my pain break me. I didn’t then, and I won’t now. My crazy side can just shove her tempting whispers where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m not buying them. Not now. Not ever.
Her laughter echoes deep within me, and I can’t help thinking she finds my vow lacking.
Swiping an angry hand at the wetness on my cheeks, I stride forward, then circle the open area. The grass crunches under my feet, marking my path. Mine aren’t the only footsteps here, however. I kneel next to a booted print, the depression swallowing my small hand.
A quick scan of the woods around me doesn’t reveal anyone, but I’m not alone. My gut doesn’t need seeing these footprints to tell me that. My skin wants to crawl off my body, the burning sensation overwhelming.
Pushing to my feet, I follow the trail of boot prints, stepping into each one to minimize the sound of my strides, but I doubt it matters. The shifter who made these footprints likely already knows I’m approaching him, just as the stinging tingling along my skin intensifies the closer I get to him.
With his hands clasped behind him, Vince steps to the edge of the rock overlooking the ravine, so close, the tips of his boots hover over air.
“Missed me already?”
Cockiness laces Vince’s question. I bite back my first reaction to it. Despite my gun pressing into my stomach, I’m not stupid enough to invite a fight. Ditching my guard means I’m here alone with the man who took everything from me, and I have no delusion who’s quicker. Vince would be on me before I could fire off a shot. Doesn’t mean I won’t engage him, at least verbally. We have unfinished business. “Why are you here?”
Vince glances over his shoulder and studies me with the look of a man who’s never really seen me before. “There was power behind your demand, Zoe Jane. I felt the compulsion to answer you.”
The response is not what I would expect. In fact, it invites a ton of questions. None of which I’ll be asking him. “Then give in and answer me.”
He turns away before I can decipher his expression or confirm his struggle not to obey and lifts his face to the moon, as if warmth radiates from the silver, nearly full circle. “I’m assuming you’re here for the same reason I am.”
“I doubt it.”
“So you’re not here to mourn?”
The crazed laugh on my lips jerks Vince’s head back to me. “Mourn? I’ve spent the better part of six years mourning. I’m fucking done with mourning.”
Vince’s chuckle is the amused kind. “Ah…your language is still as eloquent as it was in high school.”
“And you’re still a conceited ass.”
Vince steps off the rock he’s using to survey the ravine, landing with grace in the trampled snow. Kade has the same kind of fluidness to the way he moves, but unlike Vince, gracefulness comes second nature to the Alexander pride leader. Vince doesn’t know how to handle what he is or is still learning to be one with his primal side.
He takes another few steps closer, watching me the whole time. His white teeth catch moonlight, giving me a glimpse of fangs, but he moves into the darkness in the next moment, hiding the feral quality of his expression. “Apparently not too superior. Here you are speaking your mind around me as if I wasn’t the one who unintentionally caused your fiancé to fall to his death.”
“Or left me bleeding to death after you ripped my stomach open with your claws.”
Stillness settles over Vince even though I can’t see the effect of my statement on his expression. I feel it in the air around us, however. I shocked him. Good. Let him be the one knocked off-kilter. I don’t like how it feels.
“You remember that detail, then?”
“Yes.” I lean forward. “Every excruciating moment of it.”
“I was promised you wouldn’t recall it.”
“Who made that promise?”
“The warlock who buried the memories of that night and gave you a second chance at life. If it hadn’t been for his efforts, you would’ve died.”
My shrink’s image flashes before me. I focus on my memories of him and the things we’d talked about during my sessions, and pain explodes behind my eyes. Warmth dribbles over my upper lip, and my knees give out. On a groan, I crumple. Strong arms stop me from hitting the ground. Vince’s wider cheekbones and flatter nose replaces the elegantly carved features of my state-appointed therapist. Vince wipes his fingers under my nose, and the pain recedes, leaving a dull ache behind.
“He fucked with my head,” I rasp, my throat dry.
“Dr. Fairchild ensured you wouldn’t have to die for the things you witnessed. My family paid heavily for his services. He was supposed to be the best of the best. Your lack of clear recollection, your confusion during the trial, and the mismatched details you gave to the police proved Dr. Fairchild succeeded. He said what he did was permanent. That you’d never remember.”
At the mention of his name, Dr. Jeremiah Fairchild’s voice rises from the depths of my memories, stirring compulsions to let the past go…to forget.
I press my fingers to my temples, pushing until pain drowns out his commands. “Obviously, his skills aren’t top notch. All it took was one text to unlock the gates of the memories you didn’t want me to retain.”
“It was for your own good. You should’ve died. Josh should’ve died. My birth family was ready to move in and silently eliminate both of you or hire assassins to do the dirty work for them, and if they didn’t, Shifter Affairs would’ve finished the deed.”
“But you stopped them.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
/>
Vince stares at me for a long time before he brushes wisps of hair from my cheek. “You saved me from myself.”
“Saved you? What are you taking about?”
“We’ve known each other a long time. Haven’t we?” Vince asks, but doesn’t pause long enough for me to respond. “You and me…our fate has always been tied together, and I regretted what happened, just as I said. I was supposed to protect you. I promised way back in preschool. Don’t you remember?”
I squint at Vince, the pain building once more, but I don’t answer despite the pregnant pause waiting for me to fill it. I don’t want to acknowledge out loud how we’d been friends—the closest of friends—from the day we met in preschool to the day BJ asked me out. After that, I don’t know what we were, but I know what we are now. Enemies.
“I said I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.” Vince lowers his voice, filling the silence. “And then I go and hurt you. I swear on my goddess, I didn’t know it was going to happen that way. I didn’t know. I should’ve. That was my mistake, and I figured it was only right I pay for that mistake. And pay I did. More than I should have. And I’m not sure I’ll ever be the same again.”
“Good.” I say the word softly, vehemently, letting the fury behind the word curse him and his goddess. “You shouldn’t have gotten off easy, and you shouldn’t ever forget what you did to me. I won’t. I’ll remember what I lost every fucking day for the rest of my life.”
“And I’ll live with the effects of my prison sentence for eternity.” This time, Vince’s laugh takes on a demented edge. “I’d say you’re the one who ended up with a better deal. All you need to do is die for a second chance. Hell, you might even get to spend eternity with BJ, returning to him every time you’re reborn. You did claim he was your soul mate.”
I didn’t just say it. I swore BJ was my soul mate. I swore I’d never feel anything remotely the same with another man as I had with him. I also swore to the cops it was Vince and BJ fighting over a knife that resulted in the massive wounds to my stomach. I’d gotten in the way, trying to stop them from going at each other. I was wrong. About how many of my long-held truths? That’s the real question.
Possessed by the Alpha Page 8