Jarah’s mouth curves, not quite a smile but the pleased connotation is hard to miss. “Yes, it does, and the richest of us have experienced many forms, from the love of friends and family to first love, second loves, and all those we meet along the way, but only one has the power to chase back your own personal demon.”
A chill spreads across my skin, radiating from where Jarah’s long fingers are wrapped around my hand to my head, feet, and everything in between. I shake my arm but can’t dislodge Jarah’s hold. Instead, I glare at him. “Everyone carries their own personal demon—something horrible, something they hide from the world. That doesn’t make mine any worse than anyone else’s. And I don’t need Kade to save me from a little sadness. I’m dealing with it just fine on my own.”
Jarah pulls me closer and leans over me, the black flames in his eyes dominating my vision. “But most people’s demons don’t promise to do their host’s bidding. Most people’s demons are emotional pains they carry. Memories of bad stuff they’ve experienced. Their demons are not separate beings ready and willing to do bad stuff for you. Yours will, won’t it? All you have to do is release it, give it a mission, and reward it. Just like you did once before.”
Every instinct within me demands I tug my arm, wrenching and twisting to get free, but I don’t move a muscle. My hand remains limp in Jarah’s grasp, and my entire focus centers on the flickering black flames. “I don’t—”
“Lying to me is foolish. I felt the touch of Hell within you the last time I looked into your eyes.”
“At the sporting goods store.” When my gut heaved and my mouth had a mind of its own, spilling secrets I wouldn’t have normally shared.
Jarah nods ever so slightly. “And now I don’t see Hell. I see the eye of a storm, ready to be calmed or unleashed.”
“Because of Kade.” The truth is on my lips, and the certainty burns in my heart.
Again, Jarah nods. “And if you die, what lives within you will become Kade’s hell. It’ll be like snapping a rubber band, freeing you and damning Kade.”
“No.” The word is torn from my very core—my soul, my heart—I can’t say, but certainty of my feeling is truer than anything I’ve experienced. I’d die a thousand times over to spare anyone my hell, but for Kade—for the man who is willing to bet his eternity on me—I’d sacrifice everything.
Jarah squeezes my hand in a comforting grip that promises support and friendship. “Let me reveal the things that have been hidden from you, then teach you the means to control what’s within you.”
“Why would you help me?”
“Because my true mate is watching”—Jarah lowers his voice—“and she’s judging me.”
The squealing creak of rusty hinges puts an end to our conversation. Nadia apologizes before approaching with a cell phone held out. “Agent Ella Montgomery is on the phone. She’s requesting your help with the upcoming alpha meeting.”
Jarah raises a brow, releases me, then takes the phone, but doesn’t speak to the head of the West Virginia Shifter Affairs office. He covers the microphone and looks at me. “The Conways have more than stubbornness in common. Had your child lived, we’d be discussing his training so he didn’t end up like the previous Conway generation—vessels to be possessed.”
With that said, Jarah puts the cell phone to his ear and walks back into the house, effectively dismissing me and leaving me alone with a fellow shaman.
“Do you see what I am?” I sweep my hands in front of me, encompassing my body. “How I’m not normal?”
Nadia offers a wan smile before moving to the back door leading out into the overgrown garden. She holds it open. “The damned always recognize each other.”
I stand there waiting for her to say something more—something comforting—but Nadia only pushes the door open wider. “Do you have any advice for me, then?”
“Sure.” She motions to the open door. “Leave before you let all the warmth out.”
The hard look on her face doesn’t invite more questions. With nothing else keeping me here, I step out into the brisk air.
“And take whatever help Jarah is offering. He normally kills people like us, despite the law that says he can’t. To him, those who made that rule hold no power over him. Jarah is a law unto himself.”
I glance over my shoulder at where Nadia is standing in the doorway, hugging herself. “Jarah’s trying to redeem himself.”
“He has a long way to go.” Nadia closes the door.
I stand there a moment more, then pick my way around the house while the knowledge I’ve gained settles over me and leaves me with a sense of trepidation. My child might’ve died, but the next generation of Conways is almost here.
And they’re the prophesized ones.
The sensation of being watched returns the moment I reach the uneven stone path leading back to the road. After Jarah’s revelations of what shamans are capable of, I can’t help but wonder who’s watching me—Jarah or Nadia. In the end, it doesn’t matter. I’m leaving. I step onto the sidewalk in front of Jarah’s house and come to a stop at the sight of Kade leaning against the side of the ’Cuda.
“Did you have a good visit?”
Instead of answering Kade, I scan the road, looking for Kade’s SUV but not finding it. “How did you get here?”
“Zach drove me over after getting Nadia’s call you were here.”
I storm forward, anger quickening my strides despite not feeling hatred toward Kade. He’s a convenient target, however. He won’t punish me for taking my confusion out on him either. I know that. In this moment, I plan on exploiting his patience. Maybe to prove how unworthy I am. Maybe because me being bratty is better than being afraid. I don’t know, but right now, I need the diversion. Kade will give it to me too. He’ll give me everything I need. Forever and always.
With my hands on my hips, I lean close but don’t touch him. “Am I not allowed to be here?”
“Jarah is a friend.”
“Then there shouldn’t be an issue with me being here.”
Kade’s jaw tightens ever so slightly. He glances past me to the dead tree lined with vultures. “I was looking for you. Nadia answered my plea for help in finding you.”
“Why were you looking for me?” My anger fizzles. “Is it Mira? Is she in labor?”
“Mira’s fine. She and Josh are currently arguing with Ella about Shifter Affairs’ plan to move them to a safe facility in Alaska, where they can remain under guard for however long is needed to protect them.”
“Let me guess. Josh wants no part in that.”
“Neither does Mira. They’re a cohesive unit.”
Tension bleeds from my shoulders. “Then why did you want to find me?”
“Because I missed you.”
“You sent out a call to find me because you missed me?”
“Yes.” Kade steps into me, turns us, and backs me into the closed car door. His hands are on me, burning my skin with each fevered caress. His lips find mine, igniting a fire within me only this man has been able to set. And his soul opens to me, shining a light into my heart and chasing back shadows I swore would never fade.
“My queen.”
In this moment, I’m not sure if I hear Kade or feel the truth of his words, but I know there’s no way he could’ve spoken them with his tongue dancing with mine. Even as I recognize the feat as something only a nonhuman could pull off, I know it’s even more special than that. Everything about this thing between us is…more. It’s the kind of thing most women would dream of.
I turn my head, ending this moment as guilt leaves a lump in my throat, and wipe my hand over my lips, but I can’t erase Kade’s taste or his scent or the way he feels.
He’s a part of me.
“You’re the stupidest man alive.” I step around Kade and lay a hand on the cool hood. “And this whole shenanigan is going to blow up in your face! You’re going to lose. And you’re going to lose badly.”
Kade leans against the driver’s door. A small,
confident smile graces his strong mouth. “My pride and my friends will come through. This meeting will go off without a hitch.”
Sliding my hand over the shiny metal, I step backward until my fingers meet the headlights and fight my need to run. “I should’ve been straight with you from the start, except I didn’t know you were a fool. Figured a pride leader, especially one as old as you who’s got to have been around the block a few times at least, would know better.”
Kade wets his lips. “This is about us, not my plans to call our world’s most influential alphas here.”
“You’re damn right this is about us.” My feet hit the road, but I don’t let go of the ’Cuda. No more running. “There shouldn’t even be an us.”
“But there is.” Kade rounds the car and stops with his hand on the headlight I’d just caressed. “There always has been an us. There always will be an—”
I let go of the ’Cuda’s hood. My feet stay planted on the pavement. Yay! Score one for me. “You should’ve waited. Claimed me in my next life or the one after that. Not this one, dammit! I can’t be what you need. I tried to tell you that.”
“You are what I need.” Kade takes a step closer, then another and another, until I’m left staring into the wide expanse of his chest. “You’re what I want.”
The man focused on me is a predator, ready to claim his prize. There’s no escaping. I grip his waistband, using him to steady myself. “You’re not going to say that after I tell you about my past.”
“Nothing you say will change anything. I want you, as you are right now, not some future version of you. If that means I need to share your heart with the memory of a human you once loved, so be it.”
I laugh, not at Kade but at the absurdity of the twist my life’s taken. If I ever wanted to fall in love again, it’d be with a man like Kade. Makes me wonder what our life could’ve been like if I met him years ago, before BJ. “You’re trying to be the perfect man.”
“I am.” Kade pulls me into his arms. “For you.”
Pressure builds behind my eyes and spreads to my throat, swelling the lump in it until I can’t breathe right. I rest my cheek against Kade’s chest and lay my hand over his heart. My heartbeat slows and takes up his. My inhales match his exhales. And the urge to wrap myself around this man becomes an overwhelming desire.
My entire being centers on Kade. With him close, I feel complete, knowing everything I could ever want is within my grasp. As wonderful as the realization is, guilt creeps into my heart. Kade doesn’t know he’s truly wasted everything on me. Why would he? I never told him what they had to do to save my life.
“We need to talk.” And I need to figure out a way to tell this man I’m sorry for not being woman enough to be his. Because I’m finding it hard to deny what he’s been telling me all along.
We’re true mates. And I managed to fuck this up just like everything else in my life.
Twenty
Kade
The woman with one hand on the steering wheel and the other fisting the gear shift belongs behind the wheel of my favorite car. Seeing Zoe in my bed that one time elicited the same feelings. I can’t say I understand what’s in her head now any more than I did then, however. The silence since we climbed into the ’Cuda doesn’t help me uncover her innermost thoughts. Now more than ever, I need to know what she’s thinking.
“What do you want to talk about?” The generic question puts the ball in her court, and Zoe has no issues with taking control. When she wants to talk, that is.
She downshifts. The car jerks, and the engine revs. Trees rush by as the car climbs the mountain, the curves in the road doing little to slow her aggressive pace. “Stuff I wish you’d known before you gambled and lost on me.”
Zoe can handle the road, and the ’Cuda can handle Zoe. All that’s left is how I deal with this moment.
I relax against the seat, letting the quiet grow as the miles fall behind us. If Zoe didn’t want to talk, she wouldn’t have brought me out here. She would’ve driven away without me and left me wondering what I missed or messed up, just as she did months ago.
Considering this road leads to the mountain overlook where she lost her baby and fiancé, I have a feeling I can guess what she wants to discuss, especially if Jarah told her any of the things he told me. Nothing she says will change this thing between us, however. Doesn’t mean I can’t give her this chance to voice what’s eating her up inside.
The weight of Zoe’s stare burns me. I don’t acknowledge her probing glare. The turnoff where I parked my car the night she shot me is up ahead. I’ll find out soon enough what she wants me to know.
Zoe slows the car, proving my guess on our destination was correct, then pulls to the side of the road and cuts the engine. Unlike the last time we walked through these woods, sunlight brightens the area and draws attention to the overgrowth and neglect, but the hints of past activity—the worn indentions in the ground and an arrangement of rocks marking a path through the trees—linger as a reminder of a past I wasn’t a part of.
“Back in high school, this was a popular spot. The cops even made regular rounds through here, stopping by at least once a weekend, hoping to catch kids in the act or an underage drinking party.”
“Did they ever get anyone?”
“Oh yeah.” Zoe smirks but never takes her gaze off some distant point. “Lots. They never caught me and BJ, though. Or our little group. Of course, we always miraculously got away before the cops started tramping through the woods.”
“Vince alerted you, didn’t he?”
“Yes. When we were all out together.” Zoe grips the top of the steering wheel with her linked hands. “When it was just me and BJ, luck was always on our side.”
“Luck?”
“Or a hunch or something.” Zoe shrugs. “But whatever it was, we always got off the mountain before the cops could haul us in for the juvies to deal with.”
“And running from them was a thrill, wasn’t it?”
Zoe laughs and tilts her head to study me. Stars glint in her eyes, the sunlight reflecting off them as magically as the moonlight had the last time we sat here. “Of course.”
“I figured.”
“Do you think you know me so well?”
“No.” We wouldn’t be dancing around the truth if I did. “But I want to.”
Zoe turns her attention to the gear shift, staring at the leather-wrapped knob with an intensity of someone trying to gather their thoughts. I wait, embracing the patience I’ve fought to develop in my years as alpha. This moment is a thousand times harder than dealing with a pride mate who won’t voice what’s eating them up. Never has my patience been more needed, however. I’ll be damned if I lose it.
Finally, Zoe flicks some nonexistent particle of dust from the markings on the shifter. “But you’ll never know if you’re getting the full story. I could be lying. Or keeping something from you. Maybe just telling you what you want to hear.”
“True. I can’t control you, just as you can’t control me. We each have to make the choice to live up to our words and actions.”
“And if you find out I lied?”
My first instinct demands I ask if she has been untruthful. Doing so would just put her on the defensive. “If you lied, you lied. You can’t change the past. Maybe you thought you had a good reason, just as I did when I made you the unsuspecting accomplice in my gamble with Mira and the Shifter Council. You didn’t know my reasoning then any more than I know what’s in your head now.”
“You’d forgive me, then?”
“Trust is earned.”
“So you wouldn’t trust me again if I lied?”
The touch of defensiveness in her tone warns me to choose my response carefully, but the truth is all I can offer. “Only a fool continues to trust a liar, but—”
“When you love someone, you forgive them and give them chances.”
This isn’t about us. Zoe doesn’t love me. She doesn’t even need me. This is about BJ, a human who like
ly hurt my true mate in ways she hasn’t even accepted yet. No way am I going to let Zoe push me or my past actions into the same category. We are different.
“Trust is earned, and if someone loses trust in you, then you damn well better earn it back, just as I’m doing with you. Why do you think I took the guards off you and left my car with you? I want your trust back.” I turn to Zoe. “You are too important to me to fuck this up.”
Shoulders slumping, Zoe glances away, and the growing silence builds tension in the air between us. Over what, I can’t say. I’ve told her we’re true mates. I’ve given her a piece of my soul. She understands the significance of my act. I wouldn’t have done such a thing if she wasn’t important to me, and as alpha, I can’t mess up my life. I have too many people depending on me, including this woman sitting next to me.
“Only a fool continues to trust a liar, but…” Zoe repeats my earlier words, leaving the pregnant pause for me to fill.
“Only a fool allows someone to lie to them twice.”
“You can’t control other people. You said that. If someone lies to you, they lie, and if someone earns your trust back, then betrays you again, there’s nothing you can do to stop them.”
“But you can find out what drove them to lie. Something forced them to take that step. Sometimes you can make it so they never feel the need to lie again, and sometimes you can’t. They either don’t want to be helped, or their sole purpose is to hurt.” I soften my voice. “Those are the ones you cut out of your life.”
“And the rest?”
“You give them the chance to re-earn your trust.”
“And if they lie to you again?” Zoe presses the point I’ve struggled with as an alpha. At what point do you stop allowing others to earn your trust back?
“Then you need to take a hard look at where they fit into your future.”
“What about the past? What if they held a special place in your life? Do you just forget the past you’ve shared?”
“No. You cherish those memories. They’ve shaped who you are today.” I turn in my seat to take in Zoe’s image and let thoughts of our future build within me. “But the past is over. We move ever forward, and if the people we surround ourselves with don’t want to be a part of our future, then that’s the point where you let them go, no matter the cost to you. At some point, you have to stop enabling them and allowing them to make you into a fool.”
Possessed by the Alpha Page 21