And as an alpha, sometimes you have to trust your gut.
“The goddesses would agree with you. Mating for love is not enough.” I pull Zoe’s hand off my chin and bring her fingers to my mouth to nibble on the tips and watch desire slide into my true mate’s eyes, a connection that’ll only get stronger the longer we’re together. “They promised power, peace, and strength. They promised a path to becoming godlike, their living warriors here on earth. Love? I’m not sure the goddesses know how to separate that emotion from the high of pure, godly vitality. And that, Zoe, that is what you offer me. Not babies, not an eternity of romantic dates or silly dreams. You offer me heaven.”
Zoe’s shaky breath fogs the air between us. She stretches to reach me, her lips replacing her fingertips against my mouth, and the undeniable pull of our souls draws us together, seamlessly opening a pathway to our heaven, this place within us where we are unstoppable.
“I don’t want to fail you.”
“Then be my queen.”
Zoe slips her tongue between my lips and kisses me, twining our tongues in a deep, erotic dance that awakens my hungers and this ever-growing craving for this woman. She slides her fingers up the back of my neck and scrapes at my scalp as she pulls us closer. I push at her sweatshirt, needing her naked and open to me. Zoe arches her back before I can caress the stomach that carries her battle scars.
She steps away from me and touches her lips, her exhales fogging the air. “Leave your door open.”
“An alpha’s home is always open.”
“Then turn down your bed for me.” Zoe skims her hand down her chest and grabs the edge of her sweatshirt, holding it instead of reaching for me.
“It has been since the night you left me.”
“I’m not sure when I’ll come. Not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow either. I’ve got stuff to deal with, but I’ll come. Promise.”
“I’ll be there.”
Zoe nods, then walks away, picking her way through the woods until the forest swallows her. I don’t follow her. If she wanted me to come, she would have taken my hand. After several minutes, the distant sound of the ’Cuda’s engine cuts through the afternoon air. Then it fades.
I move to the edge of the overlook and dangle my legs off the side. Then I mourn a past I wasn’t a part of.
Twenty-One
Kade
A familiar brush along my psyche tears a sigh from me. “I should’ve known you’d come.”
The male with whom I shared a womb takes a spot next to me on the overlook, his legs dangling over the side along with mine. Rafe doesn’t say anything for a long time. Neither do I. Anything I utter would encourage my identical twin to spend more time with me. I’ve done everything in my power to avoid such a fate in the year since he’s had his every wish fulfilled.
“Not every wish. Life wouldn’t have any meaning if I didn’t want something for myself or those I care about.”
I snort. “Reading my mind again?”
“Hard not to when you don’t block me.”
I shrug. The twin bond is like that. We’ve shared too much over our long lives, from childhood adventures to lovers and all the highs and lows in between. While Rafe has erected a wall between our minds in the past, especially during the stressful time of finding his true mate, doing the same to him now isn’t something I’m comfortable with. My twin is my conscience, my last-ditch hope of stopping me from doing something that would fuck over our pride.
“Which is why you should’ve known I’d come.”
I brace myself with my arms behind me and tip my head to the almost-full moon. The moonlight gives off no warmth, but my skin heats. My primal side is close. In our youth, such a surge of primitiveness would’ve sent us prowling the neighboring villages looking for women to satisfy our hungers.
Rafe chuckles. “True. Those were wild years. We probably would’ve given our father gray hair if he’d been human. How many times did our father or uncles come to collect us before we worked our way through every female in the village?”
“Enough times. We were stupid, horny, barely mature males.” The conversation I had with Vince a few days ago returns, leaving me with a modicum of understanding. Shifters need guidance during those formative years. “We were lucky to have strong familial support.”
“We were.” Solemnness creeps into Rafe’s voice. “Many young shifters never benefitted from a stable pride environment. Or pack, clan. You get the point.”
“Don’t bother trying to generalize your comment. I’m sure you picked up on who I was thinking about.”
“Vincent Catania.”
“Yuran.” I add Vince’s pride name. “Vince claims Asa handed him over to humans to raise because he didn’t want to deal with the pesky emotions seeing his late sister’s son caused him.”
“Rumor has it Asa’s the one who took her head because she didn’t want to send Vince away.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“What other rumors are floating around?”
“Vince wants to make amends for what happened to Zoe.”
“So I’ve heard.” And I still haven’t decided if I believe him.
Rafe’s gaze on me forces my attention to him. To strangers, his long hair is the only thing that differentiates us. Like this, however, with nobody else to judge us, our differences—those our souls hide—widen the gap between us. Somewhere along the way, we’ve taken different paths, and while I’ve struggled to maintain my appearance, Rafe has settled into his role as a father and a loving mate. Perfect dad, perfect spouse, perfect partner. Exactly like the man who helped create us.
“But perfection didn’t save our father’s life, did it?”
“Perfection had nothing to do with it!” Cursing, I cross my arm over my body and bend toward Rafe. “He was betrayed by a male he welcomed into his home and treated as a pride mate.”
“Because Jonah didn’t fear him.” Rafe’s calm voice nullifies the surge of rage tensing my body. “He didn’t fear being cast out, and he didn’t fear losing his life at our father’s hands. As strong as our father was, he was too noble, too good-natured, and too forgiving.”
“Being noble is a characteristic prized by our pride. The first Alexander exemplified that trait and became the gold standard for all shifters.”
“The first Alexander was also betrayed, wasn’t he?”
I return my attention to the valley, the distant lights of the towns dimming as humans turned in for the night. “Are you telling me to forget honor?”
“I’m telling you to trust your gut. About Vince. About Zoe. About how best to protect our pride members and our extended families. About how best to be the alpha to lead us into the future.”
“That’s a lot of pressure to put on a man.”
“That’s the fate of an alpha.”
“I don’t know if that’s a role I should be in any longer.”
“Because of Zoe.”
Although I didn’t think of her or what happened here tonight, I can’t deny my twin’s insight. I nod. “Because of Zoe.”
“Tell me.”
Her words come back to me—all the self-doubt, the regret, the unworthiness—and choke me with her pain until my eyes burn with unshed tears while silence stretches between us.
Rafe’s sigh cuts through the night, proof I didn’t need to speak for my twin to pick up on my doubt. “You don’t need a baby to soothe the unease of our pride. We’ve followed you without a mate. We’ll follow you without an heir too. Any one of us can step up if the need arises. We all know it.”
“I know that too.”
“Then why? Tell me. In words. There’s nothing in your thoughts besides Zoe’s pain.”
“Zoe was born a witch.”
My twin’s shock slashes me with a mental recoil I’d never feel if we hadn’t been so close. Nothing shows on his face to give away his surprise. Finally, Rafe shrugs. “And? All shifters can trace their roots to witches and those witches powerful
enough to become shamans.”
“But the shamans who went on to become the first shifters could control their abilities and those demons they called forth to do their bidding. Zoe can’t.” I face my twin. “Hell lives in her soul.”
“And so do you.” Rafe challenges me with his pointed look. “She holds a piece of your soul.”
“Ilan told you?”
“You should have.”
“I’ve should’ve done a lot of things.”
“Including reassuring Zoe she’s not unworthy or lost.”
“I’ve tried.”
“Then why isn’t she here?”
I grip the edge of the rock I’m sitting on and lean over, staring into the darkness where one chapter of Zoe’s life ended and thrust her into another. “I don’t control Zoe.”
“Being true mates isn’t about control. It’s about giving our other halves what they need.”
“I am.” I’ve never been surer of that. “And that’s what’s kept me here. Zoe needs to choose us. Not have me beg her to be mine.”
“And what do you need?”
“To prep the Black Widow for the first arriving alphas.” I push to my feet, turn my back on my twin, and walk into the woods. “And not topple my precariously stacked house of cards in the process.”
“Kade?”
I glance at my brother. “The Golden Goddess wouldn’t have paired you with Zoe if she wasn’t the right female to walk through the centuries at your side or act as our alpha female.”
“Since when did you start believing in the goodness of our goddess?”
Rafe stares at me in silence for a long time, so long I debate posing my question again. Before I can, he too stands and closes the distance between us. He doesn’t touch me. Doesn’t invade my space. But the tie we share connects us, strengthening me in a way only a brother—a twin—can. “I haven’t. I’m not convinced love or goodness motivates our goddess.”
“Power does.”
“Yes. And with Zoe by your side—”
“I’ll be godlike. Just like any shifter bonded to his true mate.”
“And with Zoe by your side”—Rafe repeats—“you’ll be a king among alphas.”
I roll my shoulders, then force myself to walk away without responding. Jarah might’ve been the first to say those words, but in my brother’s voice, it sounds like a goal within reach.
And I don’t want to admit how much I want to claim it.
Twenty-Two
Zoe
Another morning without a tail. Nobody lurked in the Black Widow’s parking lot or followed the ’Cuda as I drove out of town. My cell didn’t explode with frantic calls at the bus stop outside of Charleston. In this moment, I’m just another girl, not an alpha’s true mate.
Bracing myself with a hand on the metal pole near the bus driver, I scan the riders seated behind me. None raise the hair on my arms or give me any sense they’re even paying attention to me as we make our way through the city’s morning traffic.
Kade’s kept his promise. He trusts me not to run, and he trusts me to take care of myself.
Or he no longer cares what happens to me.
I grip the front of my hoodie as my thought settles into an ache in my chest. The lie hurts. Literally. The stabbing deep in my heart would’ve sent me to the local emergency room had the same thing not happened several times over the past couple of days, each time as doubt over Kade and his intentions crept into my mind. The truth is: I can’t doubt him, not when I carry a piece of his soul.
Kade’s with me.
Every breath I take, every beat of my heart, every step I take…he’s with me. He’ll be with me until the world ends or until I take my last breath, whichever comes first. That’s powerful and moving and deep. It’s the kind of fate most women secretly hope to find.
A love to last forever.
I lick my lips as the weight of my realization takes root. Kade can call our connection what he likes, from power to the ultimate fountain of strength, but at the heart, it’s love. He’ll risk everything for me. He already has. He’s given me a piece of himself knowing he could very well lose it. That…that’s profound.
The bus jerks to a stop. The doors open, blasting me with a wash of cold air. With my hood up and gloves on, I follow the string of passengers off, the door whooshing closed behind me. A couple of people turn right. Another person goes left, and the last couple crosses the busy street, rushing to avoid a taxi speeding down the road. I’m left standing there alone, at least physically.
Moving out of the way of those commuters hurrying down the sidewalk, I pull out my phone and dial Kade, the call ringing only once.
“Hello?”
Kade’s strong voice brings a smile to my lips. I lean against the wall of the building at my back and take a moment to enjoy the effect Kade has on me. Instant gratification—one word, and my world is right. That’s what being with Kade feels like. Even the distance between us doesn’t diminish this sensation of peace. Heck, I even felt it when he called me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. I got off the phone with him and needed to see him…to remind myself I’m alive and not simply going through the motions of life.
“Are you all right, Zoe?”
“Yes, just enjoying the effect you have on me.”
“I’m assuming it’s a good effect?” Kade lowers his voice, turning it into an erotic lure that’d have me leaning closer if I’d been standing next to him.
“Very good.” Why lie? I’m all warm and needy inside, thinking about him. “If I was there with you, I’d show you.”
“Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to allow that.”
Pouting, I reach across my body and grip my bicep, the cold morning air too much for my heavy sweatshirt and thermal. “Why not? Don’t you like me anymore?”
Kade’s laugh sends tingles skipping down my spine to settle low and awakening the kind of lust only a good fuck could cure. “You’re lucky I’m still in Josh’s office. If the other alphas saw me laughing like a loon, I’d lose their respect.”
“Are you smiling too?” I bite my lip, the sharp pain doing little to dim my grin.
“Yes. Can’t you hear it in my voice?”
I can, and I love knowing my silliness brightened his day. “It sounds good on you.”
“Between us, yes. I like how you make me feel. That’s where it has to stay, however. Between us. A grinning, laughing alpha doesn’t strike fear in people’s hearts.”
“It does if it’s that maniacal, creepy kind of laugh the villains in B-rated movies are known for.”
“Mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha.” Kade chuckles. “Like that?”
I cover my mouth, but my giggle is loud enough to garner a few passersby’s confused glances cast my way. I pull a section of hair over my face and turn, propping a shoulder against the building. “Stop it. People are looking at me funny.”
“And how do you think the alphas arriving here this morning would react?”
“Point made.” I rest my head against the wall, the cotton hood saving me from the cold brick. “But you need to lighten up every now and then.”
“I need to maintain my image. Lives depend on it.”
“Is that why I’m here alone?”
“Where are you?” Kade asks, proving he hasn’t been spying on me or tracking the ’Cuda or utilizing whatever resources being an agent with Shifter Affairs has allocated him for keeping tabs on people.
“Charleston. I’m here to see—”
“Yes. That’s why you’re there alone. I have an image to uphold. Trusting the woman who holds my soul and my heart is paramount to that, and I do trust you. You understand that, don’t you? I trust you to protect yourself and do what’s right for you.”
For me, not for Kade. Not even for us. For me. The distinction is powerful.
“And if something happens to me…” The sudden lump in my throat stops me from saying the truth.
“I’ll face eternity with a hole in my soul and an ache i
n my heart no other woman will ever ease.”
That’s not all, and I can’t voice the risk I’ve exposed him to. I also can’t face the possibility this could be it for us. Because I’ll never get another chance at eternity with Kade unless he takes back the piece of his soul. That’s not a truth I can ever forget. This is the only chance I’ll get to claim our forever. I don’t want to screw this up, not like I’ve messed up everything else important in my life. Except, I don’t know how not to mess up with her attached to my soul.
“Hey…you.” Kade clears his throat. “Are you still with me?”
“Hey, you?” I laugh at the obvious substitution. “Is that what I am? A…you?”
“Little queen.” Heat bleeds into Kade’s voice. “My only queen.”
My slow exhale doesn’t cool my suddenly flushed body. I draw my lower lip between my teeth and will the lust back. The miles between us don’t offer me any other choice. Neither do our obligations, for that matter. “Will you be tied up greeting the other alphas all night?”
“No. Not all alphas are arriving tonight. Some won’t get her until tomorrow morning. If I’d spent time entertaining one alpha over another, that’d be seen as rude. They will all receive the same welcome, a beer here at the Black Widow before being escorted to their host’s home for the duration of their visit.”
“Then make sure your door is open for me.”
“I promised it would be.”
“And I’m promising to be there tonight.”
“Then it’s a date.”
“Yes.” I blow out a breath. “It’s a date.”
“Be safe, little queen.”
“And be strong for me, my pretty…king.”
Kade’s laugh fills the line, and I end the call, holding my cell phone against my chest and considering what exactly happened. Except, there’s nothing to ponder.
I’m falling in love even after swearing I’d never love again.
I stand there a moment more as people hurry by, rushing off to work or school or wherever they’re going, and I wait for guilt to choke out this absolutely amazing sensation filling me up. It never dims, however. Acceptance finally settles over me, and with it comes another realization, one that should scare me, because if anyone dares take Kade from me, nothing will stop me from seeking retribution.
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