One of the drivers had a .45 automatic in his truck and, as soon as Dani was able to calm Bear and back him out onto the grass, he used it to put the horse down. Dani never asked Jake what went through his mind when the gunshot rang out, but she would never forget the moment when Bear collapsed with a thud, dead before he hit the ground. Immediately afterward, she walked into the darkness and threw up everything in her stomach. She spent the next few hours crying uncontrollably.
Jake would tell everyone who asked that the first year after the crash was tough, but Dani would say it was a nightmare. Jake fell into a deep depression immediately after the accident and spent his time recovering by picking up a severe pain pill habit, a case of beer and a fifth of Jack Daniels a day habit, and being mean, rude and abusive to his wife on a regular basis because she was the one that caused the mess in the first place habit. Dani always maintained that, if Jake hadn’t insisted on driving home that night and had rented a room instead, the accident would never have happened, but that tiny detail never mattered to Jake when he was in one of his drunken moods.
The second year was a little better because, after getting most of the motion back in his shoulder, Jake’s spirits improved to the point where he knew he had to get off the pain pills. He knew they would kill him if he didn’t quit mixing them with the alcohol. He quietly went into a rehab facility for ninety days in Oklahoma City and never popped another pain pill once he returned home, but he started drinking again as soon as he walked back into the house. So, in a way, the second year was also worse for Dani. Once Jake’s range of motion improved, every now and then she had two fists to worry about again, not just one.
Adam read about the crash in his hometown newspaper and was shocked by the news. He called Dani within a week and vowed to help her and Jake any way he could so, out of the blue, he started stopping by to help Trey with the horses, calves, mowing, and just about anything else he could do to make Dani and Jake’s lives easier. After Jake checked himself into rehab, Adam came up and watched the two boys almost every weekend so Dani could drive up and see him. It didn’t take long for everyone to consider Adam to be part of the family, especially Dani, who knew as long as Adam was around doing something, Jake would probably be a lot less likely to dive into another violent rage.
She knew Adam was amazed how every weekend, through rain, snow, sleet or shine, she would make the three-and-a-half hour drive to see her husband. What she didn’t tell Adam, however, was that seeing Jake wasn’t the only reason she looked forward to the trip. Every Saturday for three months, after giving Jake a hug and a kiss goodbye in the visiting area, she would leave and drive to the nearest convenience store to buy a condom. She knew of an out-of-the-way bar next to the hotel she usually stayed at that was frequented by a handsome young cowboy who was crazy about her and eagerly jumped off his bar stool to embrace her every time she walked in the door.
Dani was honest with the cowboy, even though he knew her as Michelle, and told him up front their relationship was only temporary but, for years afterward, she wondered if he would still be there on his barstool closest to the door, waiting for her to return. Even though she never did, Dani sometimes thought about going back after Jake returned home.
* * *
Jake glanced at Adam as he stepped out of the saddle, then looked back at Dani and asked uncertainly, “What do you think?”
“Do it, Daddy!” yelled the boys.
A smile crossed Dani’s face as she looked at Jake. “You can do it, Jake. You know what to do.”
“Ah, shit, I don’t know.” Jake hesitated, scratching the side of his neck.
“Come on, Mr. O’Brien,” urged Adam as he waved Jake over. “I’ve seen you work out; I think you’re ready.” He laughed, adding, “Come on, you can do it. It’s like riding a bicycle; you never forget how.”
Jake shook his head and said, “Adam, I’ve told you a million times to call me Jake and you’ve never called me that once.” He stood and added, “I guess you ain’t ever going to give that up, are you, son?”
“No, sir,” said Adam with a grin.
“And I guess you ain’t gonna give up on me getting on that horse, neither, are you?”
“No, sir,” said Adam.
Jake chuckled. “All right, then.”
A small cheer erupted as he took the three steps to the rail and climbed over. Adam hopped over the rail and sat next to the two boys after handing Jake the reins to his horse. Jake rode the horse into the center of the arena, then stopped to take the rope in his hands where he swung it around in the air a few times.
He gazed over at Dani and yelled, “Damn thing feels like it weighs a ton.” He was only joking; Jake had been roping practice dummies for months now and felt like he might be as accurate as he used to be but, because of his reconstructed shoulder, he knew there wasn’t enough zip on his throws to be able to make much of a living out on the circuit. He never did want to go out as a washed-up has-been and would rather be remembered as someone who went out on top, so other than taking the mic at a rodeo here and there to talk about his line of boots, Jake had pretty much disappeared from public view.
Jake walked the horse over to the staging area, backed him in, and put the piggin string in his mouth as he held his rope in the air. Adam’s horse bolted after Trey released the calf, and Jake swung the rope twice in the air before releasing. The noose fell around the head of the calf perfectly and the rope went taut quickly as the horse dug in. Another cheer went up from his family after Jake leapt out of the saddle and hit the dirt running as if he was in his youth. He was on the calf in seconds, but when he tried to lift it off its feet, he backed off in pain as he grabbed his right shoulder.
“Damn, that hurts!” Jake yelled, doubling over.
Adam and Dani were over the rail in a flash, and Trey rushed over, too.
“Are you all right?” asked Dani, placing her right hand on Jake’s left shoulder.
“Yeah, I’m all right. It’s just sore,” said Jake between deep breaths.
“You sure?” asked Dani.
Jake stood straight and added with a laugh, “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m just an old, broken-down rodeo cowboy; that’s all.”
Dani tried to see if Jake might show any signs of animosity toward her. At first, she didn’t think anything of urging Jake to try to rope again, but the last thing to cross her mind before the calf came out of the chute was, “Oh, crap, what if he can’t do it?” She was greatly relieved that he didn’t appear to be angry.
Dani and Trey walked Jake out of the arena toward the bleachers, trying to make sure he really wasn’t hurt. Adam released the calf and got back on his horse. Even though it was now only ten-thirty, Dani made her second miscalculation of the morning by saying, “I’m sorry, honey, do you think a cold beer would make you feel better?”
Jake looked at her, then at Trey. “I don’t know about you boys but, after that little fiasco, an ice cold beer sounds pretty good.” He looked back at Dani and added, “I guess one wouldn’t hurt.”
“I’ll have one, too,” said Trey with a smile.
Dani smiled as she replied, “I’ll be right back.” She headed toward the house.
“We aren’t quittin’, are we?” asked Adam, riding his horse back over to the rail.
“Hell, no,” answered Jake defiantly. He rubbed his shoulder and added with a laugh, “The top of the rodeo world ain’t made up of a bunch of quitters.”
“You’re right about that, Mr. O’Brien.” Adam turned his horse and headed back to the staging area. “You’re right about that.”
By the time Adam and Trey left the ranch at three in the afternoon, Jake was on his tenth or eleventh beer. He switched to double Jack Daniels and Cokes shortly afterward; he called them one fingers. That meant there should only be enough room in the tall glass to put a finger held sideways worth of Coca-Cola. The rest would be a little ice and sour mash bourbon. That night, Jake went through more than a fifth of whiskey, yet only used one-and-a-hal
f cans of Coke.
* * *
Dani woke up the next morning at five o’clock, rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, then got out of bed and tiptoed her way into the bathroom. Just as she did every morning after one of Jake’s outbursts, she turned the light on and looked in the mirror to see what damage was done. The right side of her jaw was sore. She’d seen the left hook coming, but wasn’t able to get out of the way. Pain ripped along both sides of her head where Jake had held her down and pulled out small chunks of hair with both hands. Although her torso ached from her neck bone to her waist, there were no bruises to speak of, at least none where anyone might see.
She turned the faucet on and, as soon as the water warmed up, applied a small, wet towel to her face. She’d done the same thing the night before after Jake finally passed out on the sofa, but always repeated the process the next morning because Jake was consistent. No two assaults were ever the same, but the one thing Jake could always be counted on to do in a drunken rage was to sit on her, pinning her down so he could spit on her face. He also must have yelled at her a hundred times that she was the one responsible for ruining his career. It usually took a few weeks and many a trip to the bathroom sink to wash away the memory.
“You’re an idiot, Dani,” she said quietly to her reflection after she dried herself off. She was usually hard on herself the next day because she would always go back through the chain of events leading to the abuse and, invariably, come up with a logical explanation as to how and why she could have avoided it. She would always say she was finally going to leave, but she never did and, sooner rather than later, she would come around to thinking Jake was just Jake and it was all her fault. Today was no different. She looked at her reflection again and added, “That’s the last time I ever offer Jake a beer at ten-thirty in the morning.”
She was still in the clothes she wore the day before as she stepped out of the bedroom and walked into the wide living room filled with dark brown leather furniture and polished wooden tables. She expected to see Jake face down on the sofa snoring loudly, but he was gone. She went to one of the large back windows that lined the rear of the house to see if she could make him out under the lights of the barn, but saw no movement. Next, she opened the door that led to the overhead carport and breathed a huge sigh of relief when she saw Jake’s truck was gone.
“Whew,” she murmured, shutting the door and heading back into the living room. She found a note on the kitchen table that read, “Dani, I’m so sorry. I know you’re tired of hearing me say that, but I truly am. I think it’s best if I get in the truck and drive. I might be gone for a day or two to clear my head, God knows I need to. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I know I’m probably the last thing you’ll want to see when you wake up. I really do love you, and I always will—Jake.”
“There’s no probably about it,” said Dani disgustedly, throwing the note on the floor. She walked to the back of the house to check on the kids. Both boys were fast asleep. To this point, they didn’t know Jake flew into rages and abused their mother because Dani would hardly ever make a sound or say a word, which only made the episodes worse. Even Jake, as he tossed Dani around the room like a rag doll and acted like a madman, knew to stay quiet so the kids wouldn’t find out. Every time Dani was in the midst of one of Jake’s drunken beatings, she would think she was starring in some sort of awful, silent-action movie.
The kitchen was Dani’s next stop. She started a pot of coffee, then sat down at the table. She was going to have to get the kids ready for school in an hour and a half and knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so she might as well enjoy the quiet and a good cup of coffee while she had the chance. She figured she deserved the break after last night. As the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, she once again thought of how she could manage to leave Jake once and for all. She thought of all the places in the world where she could meet a rich man who would take much better care of her than Jake did—The French Riviera, Paris, London, Rome, somewhere, anywhere other than Childress, Texas. The fantasy didn’t last long, however, because, once again, like every other time, the thought of her family thinking she had failed at her marriage overpowered any ideas she had about leaving.
* * *
“Trey, get your ass up!” yelled Jake, banging on the door to the modest, three-bedroom home. He banged on the door again, then rang the doorbell three times before he heard movement in the house. A few seconds later, the porch light flickered on and the door opened. Trey stood in his boxer shorts and a tee shirt as he sleepily asked, “What the hell, Jake. What time is it?”
“Five o’clock, but who gives a fuck?” Jake stepped past Trey into the house.
“Are you and Dani fighting again?” asked Trey, closing the door.
“Something like that,” replied Jake as he stopped in the foyer.
“Well, if you need a place to stay, you can bunk in the back bedroom.” Trey yawned.
Jake shook his head as he answered, “No, I don’t need anything like that.”
“What do you need?” asked Trey.
“To blow off some steam.” Jake started pacing in the hallway. “I’ve just been driving around for about an hour or so trying to clear my head of a few things, but it didn’t do any good.”
“You all right?” asked Trey.
“Yeah, yeah,” answered Jake. “It’s nothing a good old-fashioned drunk won’t cure.” A smile crept over his face. “I have officially come to the conclusion that you and me should get on down to Dallas and spend the whole day in a titty bar.”
“What?” said Trey as he scratched the side of his head. “Are you serious?”
“Hell, yeah, and I’ll buy,” replied Jake, the smile widening into a grin. “When was the last time you could say you spent twelve hours in a titty bar, huh?”
“Hell, Jake,” laughed Trey, “I ain’t ever been in a titty bar and, by the way, I ain’t ever spent twelve hours in any bar.”
“Well, that needs to change today.” Jake pointed toward the driveway and added, “I got into one of my cubby holes and pulled out ten thousand cash. It’s in the truck.”
Trey burst out laughing before he said, between breaths, “That ought to do it.” He looked at Jake once more to see if this was a joke, then asked, “I got cows to tend. When would we be coming back?”
“Day after tomorrow,” answered Jake. “Your cows will be fine.”
“Geez, you’re serious, aren’t you?” said Trey.
“Come on, Trey,” said Jake. “What do you say? Right now, are you in, or are you out?”
Trey grinned from ear to ear as he answered, “Hell, Jake, I’m in. You want to leave now or get a little shut-eye first?”
“I didn’t come over here to get any fucking sleep,” Jake laughed.
“All right, I like that answer.” Trey walked past Jake and headed for the bedroom. “Give me a minute to get dressed and grab a few things.”
* * *
They stopped for breakfast at a Denny’s in Fort Worth and, as they ate, Trey could tell Jake had something troubling him. He didn’t pry but, if he had known it was because Jake had beat his sister up the night before, he would have tried to whip Jake’s ass on the spot. Trey never was afraid to fight anybody if the reason was good enough, even if it was his sister’s husband. Instead, they talked about how good Adam was getting and, since the meat of the rodeo season was right around the corner, they agreed Adam looked destined to win a gold buckle in Vegas at the end to the year.
Trey was sure his brother-in-law would eventually tell him why he needed to “blow off some steam with a good old-fashioned drunk,” but Jake never did. The way Trey figured it, if Jake needed a friend to just go have a few beers with so he could sort out a few issues, then Trey was his man. He thought to himself on the drive down that he was glad Jake stopped by and asked him to go because, as long as he was around for the ride, he could keep an eye on Jake so he couldn’t get into too much trouble. He had no idea at the time how wrong h
e was going to be.
* * *
“Come on, let’s get this party started,” said Jake as they stepped out of the truck and started for the door of Club Royale, one of the only strip clubs in Dallas that was busy enough to open at eleven in the morning. Even though they opened early, Jake’s truck was one of only eight vehicles in the large parking lot.
“I take it you’ve been here before,” said Trey, holding the door open for Jake.
“Once or twice,” answered Jake, laughing as they stepped inside. They walked up to the hostess counter. Jake looked at the girl sitting in a chair behind it and said, “Howdy, Therese, how are you doing today?”
“Great, Jake! Where have you been?” She came around the counter and gave him a hug. “I haven’t seen you in a few months.”
“Well, I’ve been busy; you know how it is.” Jake returned the hug. “I want you to meet my brother-in-law.” He pointed toward Trey as he added, “This is Trey. He told me earlier he’s never stepped foot in a titty bar before.”
Therese’s eyes lit up as she grinned. “You mean he’s a virgin?”
“That’s exactly what I mean,” Jake chuckled.
Therese stepped over to Trey and shook his hand as she said, “Nice to meet you, Trey. I hope you came ready to have a good time.”
“That’s the idea,” replied Trey with a grin. He pointed a finger at Jake as he added, “But I get the feeling I’m really only here to keep an eye on this guy.”
“That’s a great thing!” said a man who strolled through one of the double doors that separated the inside of the club from the ornately decorated lobby. He walked up to Jake, shook his hand and added, “That means I won’t have to.”
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