The Emotional Wound Thesaurus

by Becca Puglisi

  THE EMOTIONAL

  WOUND THESAURUS:

  A Writer’s Guide to Psychological Trauma

  ANGELA ACKERMAN

  BECCA PUGLISI

  Copyright 2017 © by Angela Ackerman & Becca Puglisi

  All rights reserved

  Writers Helping Writers®

  First print edition, October 2017

  ISBN-13: 978-0-9992963-0-1

  ISBN-10: 0-9992963-0-2

  No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in print or electronic form without prior permission of the authors. Please respect the hard work of the authors and do not participate in or encourage the piracy of copyrighted materials.

  Edited by C. S. Lakin and Michael Dunne

  Book cover design by The Book Design House

  Interior formatting by Polgarus Studio

  MORE WRITERS HELPING WRITERS® BOOKS

  The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression

  Emotion Amplifiers: A Companion Guide to The Emotion Thesaurus

  The Positive Trait Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Attributes

  The Negative Trait Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Flaws

  The Urban Setting Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to City Spaces

  The Rural Setting Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Personal and Natural Places

  Table of Contents

  Foreword

  Self-Care for Writers

  The Mirror of Fiction: a Reflection of Life and Our Deeper Selves

  What Is an Emotional Wound?

  Character Arc: an Internal Shift to Embrace Change

  The Villain’s Journey

  Brainstorming Your Character’s Wound

  Pain Runs Deep: Factors That Will Impact the Wound

  Revealing the Wound Through Behavior

  Problems to Avoid

  Final Words from the Authors

  THE EMOTIONAL WOUND THESAURUS

  Crime and Victimization A Carjacking

  A Home Invasion

  A Physical Assault

  Being Held Captive

  Being Sexually Violated

  Being Stalked

  Being Treated as Property

  Being Victimized by a Perpetrator Who Was Never Caught

  Identity Theft

  Witnessing a Murder

  Disabilities and Disfigurements A Learning Disability

  A Physical Disfigurement

  A Speech Impediment

  A Traumatic Brain Injury

  Battling a Mental Disorder

  Being So Beautiful It’s All People See

  Falling Short of Society’s Physical Standards

  Infertility

  Living With Chronic Pain or Illness

  Losing a Limb

  Losing One of the Five Senses

  Sexual Dysfunction

  Social Difficulties

  Failures and Mistakes Accidentally Killing Someone

  Bearing the Responsibility for Many Deaths

  Being Legitimately Incarcerated for a Crime

  Caving to Peer Pressure

  Choosing Not to Be Involved in a Child’s Life

  Cracking Under Pressure

  Declaring Bankruptcy

  Failing at School

  Failing to Do the Right Thing

  Failing to Save Someone’s Life

  Making a Very Public Mistake

  Poor Judgment Leading to Unintended Consequences

  Injustice and Hardship An Abuse of Power

  Becoming Homeless for Reasons Beyond One’s Control

  Being Bullied

  Being Falsely Accused of a Crime

  Being Fired or Laid Off

  Being Forced to Keep a Dark Secret

  Being Forced to Leave One’s Homeland

  Being the Victim of a Vicious Rumor

  Being Unfairly Blamed for Someone’s Death

  Experiencing Poverty

  Living Through Civil Unrest

  Living Through Famine or Drought

  Prejudice or Discrimination

  Unrequited Love

  Wrongful Imprisonment

  Misplaced Trust and Betrayals A Sibling’s Betrayal

  A Toxic Relationship

  Abandonment Over an Unexpected Pregnancy

  Being Disappointed by a Role Model

  Being Disowned or Shunned

  Being Let Down by a Trusted Organization or Social System

  Being Rejected by One’s Peers

  Childhood Sexual Abuse by a Known Person

  Discovering a Partner’s Sexual Orientation Secret

  Discovering a Sibling's Abuse

  Domestic Abuse

  Financial Ruin Due to a Spouse’s Irresponsibility

  Finding Out One Was Adopted

  Finding Out One’s Child Was Abused

  Getting Dumped

  Having One’s Ideas or Work Stolen

  Incest

  Infidelity

  Learning That One’s Parent Had a Second Family

  Learning That One’s Parent Was a Monster

  Losing a Loved One Due to a Professional’s Negligence

  Misplaced Loyalty

  Telling the Truth But Not Being Believed

  Specific Childhood Wounds A Nomadic Childhood

  A Parent’s Abandonment or Rejection

  Becoming a Caregiver at an Early Age

  Being Raised by a Narcissist

  Being Raised by an Addict

  Being Raised by Neglectful Parents

  Being Raised by Overprotective Parents

  Being Raised by Parents Who Loved Conditionally

  Being Sent Away as a Child

  Being the Product of Rape

  Experiencing the Death of a Parent as a Child or Youth

  Growing Up in a Cult

  Growing Up in Foster Care

  Growing Up in the Public Eye

  Growing Up in the Shadow of a Successful Sibling

  Growing Up With a Sibling’s Disability or Chronic Illness

  Having a Controlling or Overly Strict Parent

  Having Parents Who Favored One Child Over Another

  Living in a Dangerous Neighborhood

  Living in an Emotionally Repressed Household

  Living With an Abusive Caregiver

  Not Being a Priority Growing Up

  Witnessing Violence at a Young Age

  Traumatic Events A Child Dying on One’s Watch

  A House Fire

  A Life-Threatening Accident

  A Loved One’s Suicide

  A Miscarriage or Stillbirth

  A Natural or Man-Made Disaster

  A Parent’s Divorce

  A School Shooting

  A Terminal Illness Diagnosis

  A Terrorist Attack

  Being Humiliated by Others

  Being Tortured

  Being Trapped in a Collapsed Building

  Being Trapped With a Dead Body

  Divorcing One’s Spouse

  Getting Lost in a Natural Environment

  Giving Up a Child for Adoption

  Having an Abortion

  Having to Kill to Survive

  Losing a Loved One to a Random Act of Violence

  The Death of One’s Child

  Watching Someone Die

  Appendix A: Wound Flowchart

  Appendix B: Character Arc Progression Tool

  Appendix C: Wounding Examples from Popular Stories

  Appendix D: Backstory Wound Profile Tool

  Recommended Reading

  Praise for These Writers Helping Writers Resources

  One Stop for Writers

  About the Authors

  FOREWORD

  Forewo
rds are a bit like prologues in that there’s a temptation to skip them and get to the meat and potatoes of the book. We hope that, in our case, you’ll indulge us for a very quick yet important word about the content you’ll find within.

  The purpose of this book is to provide useful information about wounding events and how they impact characters—not only the hero but any member of the story’s cast. Mentors, sidekicks, love interests, and villains are all affected similarly by trauma, which will determine the motivations that drive them toward their chosen goals. So as you read, think about each important character and how past wounds may create damage and cause personality shifts, biases, and changes in behavior and attitude.

  Please also note that while we have done our best to respect these wounds by researching them thoroughly, neither of us are psychologists. The content here is not meant for real-world application and should only be used to better understand the deeper layers of our characters and how past traumas can drive their choices.

  Finally, despite this content being for writing purposes, trauma is, sadly, not fictional. It is a very real, damaging thing, and reading about it can sometimes be triggering, as we have all experienced emotional pain in one form or another. We urge you to take this into account as you explore the darker aspects of your characters’ wounds. If necessary, consider putting safeguards in place for yourself. To this end, we’ve included the following section on self-care should any entries in this book hit you particularly hard.

  SELF-CARE FOR WRITERS

  Use This Book in a Safe Place. Many authors like to work in a busy coffee shop, a library, or even at a group writing event. But if you are exploring a character’s wound that touches something from your own past, it isn’t uncommon for a rush of unpleasant emotions to hit. If this happens, it is much better to be in a place where you can take a few moments to privately process whatever comes.

  Incorporate a Time Buffer. Writing about a difficult moment in a character’s life isn’t easy, especially if some of it feels personal to you. As such, it may be better to not tackle painful content right before a scheduled appointment or over the lunch hour. When writing an emotionally taxing scene, give yourself ample time to get back into a balanced mentality before returning to your responsibilities in the real world.

  Take as Many Breaks as You Need. If you feel overwhelmed, go for a walk, cuddle with your cat, or indulge in a special treat. Lighting a scented candle at the start of the session and blowing it out when you’re ready to stop is also a great way to signal your mind that it’s time to back away emotionally and turn to something else.

  Have Someone You Trust on Standby. If you’ll be working on a scene that is especially personal or difficult, having a friend in the loop can be helpful. Let them know when you’ll be writing it and that you may need to call on them for a bit of support or encouragement. You might also ask them to check on you through text, email, or social media messaging. This can help with any feelings of isolation that may hit as you write.

  THE MIRROR OF FICTION: A REFLECTION OF LIFE AND OUR DEEPER SELVES

  If there’s a universal truth in life, it is that people are spellbound by story. Deep down, each of us craves a view into other worlds and is fascinated by the unspooling of a reality that is different from our own. We solve mysteries, fight battles, visit fantastical places, discover (or rediscover) romance, and follow the stepping-stones of a character’s journey that may or may not be similar to our own. A great story becomes a unique threshold, offering us an opportunity to cross over and experience the life of another person.

  On the outside, it may seem that fiction is solely about escaping the dullness or stress of the real world, yet entertainment is only one reason people are drawn to it. Throughout the ages, story has been used to guide and teach, allowing us to pass on important information, ideas, and beliefs in many different forms.

  This storytelling tradition continues today. We might tell a half-true tale to friends about our crazy weekend in Vegas or relay to co-workers an eye-rolling anecdote about What My Moronic Neighbor Did This Week. Often, however, a story comes from a more meaningful place, giving us the chance to share our raw feelings, hopes, and desires with others. Either way, as writers, if we approach the page only planning to entertain, our stories will lack depth. To ensure that our writing connects with readers, we need to acknowledge that storytelling resonates deepest when it provides them with something they are always searching for: context.

  Why is context so important? Because life doesn’t come with a user’s manual (oh, how some days we wish it did!). As people, we spend a lot of time pretending that we’ve got it together and know exactly what we’re doing, but, in reality, most of us don’t. Obstacles, challenges, and opportunities come along in life and prompt difficult questions: How do I deal with this? What should I do? What will it say about me if I fail?

  Unfortunately, fear, self-doubt, and insecurity are all part of the human baggage we lug around each day. Because we don’t want to seem weak, most of us won’t share our uncertainty openly; instead, we manage situations the best we can and look around for examples—context—of how to behave, move forward, and hopefully become more experienced and capable people.

  This universal need to grow provides writers with a special opportunity to create a mirror of the real world through fiction, allowing readers a safe way to probe their own deeper layers. After all, as characters face tough choices, painful consequences, and hard-won achievements, readers can’t help but be reminded of their own journeys. By sharing a character’s experiences, they get an intimate glimpse into how others wrestle with difficult situations, moral dilemmas, and the disruptive nature of change. And whether readers are consciously aware of it or not, this exposure provides the context they seek, offering information that may help them better navigate their lives.

  Above all else, the fictional character’s internal journey from brokenness to wholeness is one everyone can identify with because, deep down, each of us is a bit damaged. We’ve all suffered emotional hurts and are looking to heal. And stronger still are the deeper motivations to find our purpose in this world, to belong, and become better people. To accomplish these things, like the hero or heroine of a story, we need to cast aside that which holds us back: our own fears and emotional pain—the root of our insecurities.

  Connecting readers with complex characters who remind them of themselves results in story magic—achievable, but magic all the same. And creating true-to-life mirrors with our fiction is the key to drawing readers in. Human desires, needs, beliefs, and emotions are all areas to explore, but one of the most potent real-life reflections that should steer a story from start to finish is the character’s emotional wound.

  WHAT IS AN EMOTIONAL WOUND?

  Growing up, do you remember something happening that you didn’t expect, something that surprised you—and not in a good way? Maybe you came home with a third-place Science Fair ribbon, and rather than wrap you up in a breath-stealing hug and fawn over the yellow slip, your mother barely gave it a glance, declaring that you should have tried harder. Now, fast-forward to junior year. You auditioned for the lead in the school musical, but the part went to someone else. How did that feel, especially when you had to deliver the news to dear old mom? What about when you missed the cut for a university program that, as she likes to remind you, your brother got into with no problem, or the time you were passed over for a promotion and had to sit through an agonizing family dinner where your sibling was lauded for his accomplishments?

  Chances are, this wounded past doesn’t match your own. But if it did, at what point would resentment set in over your mother’s love being withdrawn each time you failed to meet her unrealistic expectations? How long until you stopped talking about your goals or—even worse—refused to try at all because you believed you would only fail?

  Unfortunately, life is painful, and not all the lessons we learn are positive ones. As with you and me, the characters in our stories have suffered
emotional trauma that cannot easily be dispelled or forgotten. We call this type of trauma an emotional wound: a negative experience (or set of experiences) that causes pain on a deep psychological level. It is a lasting hurt that often involves someone close: a family member, lover, mentor, friend, or other trusted individual. Wounds may be tied to a specific event, arise upon learning a difficult truth about the world, or result from a physical limitation, condition, or challenge.

  Whatever form they take, most wounding experiences happen unexpectedly, meaning, characters have little or no time to raise their emotional defenses. The resulting pain is brutal and immediate, and the fallout of this trauma has lasting repercussions that will change the character in significant (often negative) ways. As with us, characters experience many different painful events over a lifetime, including ones in their formative years. These wounds are not only the most difficult to move past, they often create a domino effect for other hurts that follow.

  Now, you might ask why we should care about what happens to our characters before page one. After all, isn’t it what they do during the story that matters? Yes, and no. People are products of their pasts, and if we want our characters to come across as authentic and believable to readers, we need to understand their backstories too. How a character was raised, the people in her life, and the events and world conditions she was exposed to months or years ago will have direct bearing on her behavior and motives within the story. Backstory wounds are especially powerful and can alter who our characters are, what they believe, and what they fear most. Understanding the pain they’ve experienced is necessary to creating fully formed and compelling characters.

  When we think of emotional trauma, we often imagine it as a specific moment that forever alters the character’s reality, but wounds can present in a variety of ways. It’s true that one may develop from a single traumatic event, such as witnessing a murder, getting caught in an avalanche, or experiencing the death of one’s child. But it can also come about from repeated episodes of trauma, like a series of humiliations at the hand of a workplace bully or a string of toxic relationships. Wounds may also result from a detrimental ongoing situation, such as living in poverty, childhood neglect caused by addicted parents, or growing up in a violent cult.