The Emotional Wound Thesaurus

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The Emotional Wound Thesaurus Page 25

by Becca Puglisi


  Families suffering in a war-torn area while the government does nothing to help

  A minority being mistreated by the police

  Voters finding out that an election was rigged

  Citizens discovering that their government aided terrorists and the country’s enemies

  Citizens learning that the person in charge of the country is a puppet doing someone else’s bidding

  Parents learning that a child’s education was undermined by curriculum and testing experiments

  A citizen discovering that the government approved unhealthy foods or medicines to maintain working relationships with certain lobbyists or companies

  Parishioners learning about hypocritical or abusive behavior by the clergy

  Citizens falling sick and learning that a local corporation’s illegal environmental practices are to blame

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  I was too stupid and gullible to see the truth.

  Big corporations and organizations are always self-serving and unethical.

  Everyone has an agenda.

  Educating ourselves is pointless since we’re always being misled.

  It’s better to not engage than to join a group and be betrayed.

  Everybody lies.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Established organizations and systems, such as government, religion, or public education

  Being taken advantage of

  Being misled by someone in power

  Supporting a person or group who turns out to be unworthy

  Speaking out and then being punished for it

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Distancing oneself from the guilty organization or business

  Mistrusting any large organizations or systems

  Finding ways around suspect systems (stashing money at home rather than keeping it in a bank, homeschooling one’s child so they don’t have to attend school, leaving the country, etc.)

  Becoming cynical and negative

  Becoming a conspiracy theorist; believing everyone to be suspect

  Doubting one’s instincts

  Allowing one’s distrust to seep into all areas of one’s life

  Always believing the negative, and being susceptible to negative propaganda as a result

  Negative self-talk: I’m so stupid; an idiot would’ve seen that coming, etc.

  Apathy; accepting the uncomfortable truth with an attitude of despair

  Constantly harping about the offending company and what they’ve done

  Passing along mistrust and biases to one’s children

  Difficulty forgiving transgressions

  Refusing to believe people can change

  Trying to effect change by bringing the corruption to light

  Warning others about the injustice one has seen

  Personally vetting organizations before deciding whether or not to support them

  Starting a watchdog site to help others find trustworthy charities and businesses

  Dedicating oneself to finding the truth rather than taking someone else’s word for it

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Bold, centered, cooperative, courageous, curious, disciplined, discreet, empathetic, focused, industrious, inspirational, just, organized, passionate, socially aware

  Flaws: Apathetic, callous, confrontational, controlling, disrespectful, fanatical, gossipy, ignorant, inhibited, insecure, irrational, melodramatic, nosy, obsessive, paranoid, rebellious, rowdy

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Using social media to shed light on an inconsistency and being shot down by opposition

  Speaking out against the company and being dismissed or maligned

  Voicing criticism and being punished for it (e.g., criticizing the IRS and suddenly being audited)

  Hearing about another corrupt organization taking advantage of innocent people

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Being afraid to speak out against the organization, then learning that others are also being misled

  Being asked to join a class-action lawsuit against the organization

  Learning that a close friend is falling into the organization’s trap

  Not wanting to support a group or system but having no choice (like having to send a child to public school)

  Being approached by a reporter who offers one an opportunity to blow the whistle

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  BEING REJECTED BY ONE’S PEERS

  EXAMPLES: Being rejected…

  Because one lives in the wrong neighborhood or goes to a different school

  For being poor or homeless

  Because of one’s race, religion or sexual orientation

  Because one’s parent or caregiver is despised (for being in jail, a known philanderer or alcoholic, etc.)

  Due to having a notorious sibling or parent and being guilty by association

  For embracing beliefs or ideas that go against the popular norm

  For a physical disfigurement (being an albino, having severe acne or extreme birthmarks, being morbidly obese, etc.)

  For acting in a way that is unsettling (coming across as creepy, dangerous, or unpredictable)

  For a publicly humiliating event from one’s past, like wetting one’s pants or passing out naked

  Because one is socially awkward

  For having a mental disability, developmental deficiency, or special need

  Due to not meeting society’s norms in some way (lacking markers of beauty, grace, hygiene, etc.)

  Liking things that are considered weird, taboo, or juvenile

  For having an undesirable label according to society (having a certain disease, being an unwed mother, etc.)

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  I’ll never find love or acceptance.

  No one will ever be able to get past my handicap, my situation, etc. to see the real me.

  Relationships aren’t for people like me.

  I am defective.

  People like me can only have so much in life. I shouldn’t want more.

  If I prove my worth in some way, they’ll finally accept me.

  Because I’m ugly (or stupid, untalented, etc.) I’m worth less than other people.

  I don’t need anyone else to get by.

  Getting back at them will balance the scales.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Rejection by others

  Prejudice and discrimination for being different

  Opening up to or being vulnerable with others only to be abandoned when times get tough

  A secret coming to light that could result in further rejection

  The kind of person they were rejected by (men, jocks, popular girls, etc.)

  That they are unlovable or unworthy of love

  Having certain dreams or hopes that society says they cannot obtain

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Having low self-esteem and self-worth

  Mentally putting oneself down (believing the lie)

  Withdrawing from others

  Allowing oneself to be mistreated so one can be part of a group

  Giving up the habits, hobbies, or beliefs that one is being persecuted for embracing

  Hiding the thing that causes one to be mistreated

  An inability to trust others

  Suspicion of anyone who reaches out

  Belittling oneself to make others laugh and gain temporary acceptance

  Losing one’s identity in an effort to become what is acceptable to others

  Giving in to peer pressure

  Depression that may lead to self-medicating or self-mutilation
r />   Becoming overly anxious around others, especially in social or performance situations

  Pursuing tasks that one believes will result in acceptance by one’s peers

  Choosing isolating activities that allow one to be alone

  Indulging in violent fantasies of comeuppance

  Becoming physically aggressive

  Becoming emotionally volatile

  Seeking vengeance

  Distancing oneself from friends who might be contributing to one’s social alienation

  Throwing oneself into work, school, or other activities where one feels safe or secure

  Seeking out other disenfranchised people and groups

  Reaching out to an aunt, a counselor, or someone else for advice

  Embracing one’s uniqueness and choosing not to be victimized by the prejudice of others

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Cooperative, courteous, creative, disciplined, discreet, focused, funny, generous, independent, kind, loyal, merciful, persistent, private, simple, studious, supportive

  Flaws: Antisocial, callous, compulsive, cowardly, cruel, dishonest, frivolous, oversensitive, perfectionist, rebellious, resentful, self-destructive, subservient, volatile, withdrawn

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Negative media coverage, movies, and books that reinforce a hurtful stereotype

  Being ignored or treated disrespectfully for no reason whatsoever

  Being passed over (for a new position, an award, etc.) and wondering if discrimination was involved

  Facing a situation where one needs a friend or supporter but having no one

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Finding oneself rejecting someone else for little reason and realizing one may also have biases

  Trying to get involved with another group but being rejected by that one, too

  An opportunity where one can confront the guilty party for being shamed, bullied, or traumatized

  A son exhibiting behaviors that led to one’s rejection and worrying that he’ll suffer the same way

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE BY A KNOWN PERSON

  NOTES: This kind of abuse encompasses sexual behaviors, touching, or penetration. While it can be inflicted by a stranger, this entry will focus on what happens when the abuser is a trusted individual with access to the child, such as a relative, family friend, teacher, classmate, parent of a close friend, or babysitter.

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  This is my fault; I invited it because of something I said or did.

  I deserved it because I’m worthless (or a bad daughter, student, athlete, friend, etc.).

  No one is safe; even those closest to me try to hurt me.

  People take advantage because I let them.

  When I’m friendly or helpful, people hurt me.

  I must have wanted it because I didn’t fight back (or say no, struggle hard enough, resist, etc.).

  I’m powerless to change my life for the better.

  I’m broken now, beyond repair.

  Bad people only deserve bad things.

  When you trust people, they hurt you.

  No one could ever love someone as terrible as me.

  Standing out (by excelling, being talented, wearing nice clothing, etc.) is an invitation to be hurt.

  It’s better to be alone than to be betrayed.

  Love is a weapon used to hurt people.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Intimacy and sexual feelings

  Love, and having it taken away or perverted in some way

  Being touched or exposed

  Telling someone and not being believed

  Being alone with their attacker (or someone like them)

  Doing or saying something that is misconstrued as a sexual invitation

  Trusting the wrong person and having that trust betrayed

  That the same thing will happen to someone they love

  Being abandoned and blamed by family members and friends when the truth is discovered

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Becoming reclusive; avoiding family or friends

  Mood swings, like being quick to anger

  Certain triggers producing confusing or inexplicable feelings

  Changing one’s manner of dress to cover oneself more completely or be less noticeable

  Giving up passions, interests, or activities that one associates with the abuser

  Close relationships becoming strained if family members pressure one not to talk about it

  Resenting family members who want to act like nothing happened

  Worrying about the worst-case scenario and adopting pessimistic thinking

  Developing an eating disorder or engaging in self-harm (cutting, scratching, etc.)

  Becoming addicted to a substance as a means of coping

  Being achievement-driven at work, in relationships, or as a parent to make up for being “unworthy” Being unable to accept compliments (by minimizing one’s role or responding with self-deprecation) Difficulty asking for help

  Trouble accepting gifts and compliments, and feeling discomfort when others bestow a kindness

  Trust issues; having a difficult time taking someone at their word

  Difficulty reading people and situations

  Having a spotty memory of the event(s) or certain details associated with it

  PTSD symptoms (panic attacks, depression, believing one will die early, etc.)

  Sexual dysfunctions like hypersexual activity, risky sex, premature interest in sex, being unable to enjoy sex, or sexual preferences that may not be considered mainstream

  Difficulty being open in a relationship; experiencing anxiety at becoming vulnerable

  Being uncomfortable with one’s body and it being seen by others

  Flinching when touched (especially if it’s unexpected) and avoiding situations where it might happen

  Becoming overprotective or irrational about the safety of one’s children or loved ones

  Repressing one’s pain out of a desire to not make others feel uncomfortable

  Resolving to be more present, alert, protective, and available for one’s own children

  Becoming a mentor for a child or teen who has experienced sexual abuse

  Actively seeking to protect the rights of children

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Alert, analytical, bold, courageous, decisive, empathetic, honorable, independent, introverted, loyal, observant, organized, perceptive, persistent, proactive, resourceful, sensible, socially aware, talented, wise

  Flaws: Abrasive, addictive, controlling, cruel, cynical, evasive, foolish, hostile, inflexible, inhibited, insecure, irrational, irresponsible, needy, nervous, rebellious, self-destructive, suspicious, uncommunicative, volatile

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Seeing the perpetrator with a small child

  Reading about a public case where a victim reported abuse and was vilified or not believed

  Sensory triggers that remind one of the abuse (smells, sounds, locations, etc.)

  Engaging in sex or sexual touching

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Being unable to forgive the perpetrator when he or she seeks to make amends

  Being asked to speak publicly about one’s abuse

  Seeing signs that could mean one’s child has been abused

  Realizing one’s negative coping behaviors are limiting one’s happiness, and wanting to change that

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  DISCOVERING A PARTNER’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION SECRET

  NOTES: No one is honest all the time, and the occasional white lie can be harmless. But the more intimate th
e relationship, the more serious it is when one person deceives the other. When the lie itself revolves around who a person is on their most basic level, it escalates from a lie to a betrayal. The other person is left wondering what else the partner hasn’t been honest about, how she could have missed something so obvious about the most important person in her life, and how the relationship will inevitably change because of this revelation. It’s no wonder that a lie of this caliber can cause a lasting wound.

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  I can’t trust anyone.

  I’m destined to be alone.

  My instincts suck.

  This happened because something is wrong with me.

  I’m gullible enough to believe anything.

  No one will ever want to be with me now.

  People are never honest about the things that count.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  That their judgment and instincts are impaired

  Missing the obvious warning signs again

  Being the last to know

  Being betrayed by someone close

  Trusting the wrong person and being deceived again

  Being pitied and becoming the object of gossip

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Experiencing anger or rage toward one’s ex

  Worrying about the possibility of contracting a disease (if the partner was also unfaithful)

  Confusion over what to tell one’s children

  Confusion over what to do (loving the partner but knowing any love they return is limited)

  Trying to salvage the relationship through therapy or other means

  Ending the relationship at once

  Wanting to vent to friends but worrying about being viewed as homophobic, intolerant, or uncaring

  Becoming homophobic

  Distrusting those of the same gender or orientation as one’s partner

  Not trusting anyone’s word at face value

 

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