The Emotional Wound Thesaurus

Home > Other > The Emotional Wound Thesaurus > Page 38
The Emotional Wound Thesaurus Page 38

by Becca Puglisi


  Becoming superstitious about certain things

  Voicing one’s worries regarding the safety of different activities and situations

  Citing possible dangers about products, locales, activities, etc.

  Becoming highly reliant on safety technology (home alarms, apps for fact-checking, etc.)

  Avoiding spontaneity; needing to assess every situation for possible risks

  Going overboard and becoming reckless, almost daring death

  Growing anxious if others show worry (being impressionable when fear is involved)

  Avoiding serious relationships that could lead to deep attachment

  A new interest in what happens after death

  Adopting a “safety first” mindset

  Learning first aid skills

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Alert, analytical, cautious, curious, disciplined, independent, industrious, loyal, mature, meticulous, nurturing, observant, organized, persuasive, proactive protective

  Flaws: Controlling, defensive, gullible, indecisive, inflexible, insecure, irrational, know-it-all, nervous, obsessive, superstitious, timid, worrywart

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  A freak accident that happens in one’s presence

  Witnessing a person who is oblivious to danger (e.g., standing near an open manhole)

  A minor accident that causes injury (cutting one’s hand on glass, for example)

  Media coverage of an accident where someone was hurt or killed

  A loved one who experiences a near miss of some kind

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Deteriorating relationships due to one’s safety-obsessive tendencies

  A survival situation where one must take risks and act quickly

  A desire to help someone with much potential recover from an accident

  Seeing a loved one brought down by an injury or diagnosis that they refuse to let limit them

  Witnessing a role model do great good for others while embracing risk to do it

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  A LOVED ONE’S SUICIDE

  NOTES: A loved one’s suicide is a difficult wound to process. Survivors often turn inward, searching for how they could have prevented it, as if they had failed the loved one by missing the signs or not trying hard enough to help. Others try to understand what led to the suicide and if they had somehow contributed to it. The depth of this wound will depend on how well the character copes and the amount to which they bear responsibility in their own mind.

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  This is my fault. I should have seen the signs.

  If I had been more available (or a better daughter, etc.) he wouldn’t have done it.

  If she had really loved me she wouldn’t have done this.

  I’m incapable of true intimacy.

  I make life unbearable for others.

  I’m good enough when life is easy, but when things get tough, people won’t turn to me.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Depression, and where it might lead

  That they will miss the signs and it will happen again

  Never being good enough for their loved ones

  Being unable to achieve true intimacy with others

  That they’re untrustworthy or incapable

  That they may succumb to suicide one day just like the family member

  Being abandoned by other loved ones

  Their children being more susceptible to suicide, since they have now been exposed to it

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Withdrawing from family and friends

  Lying to others about the cause of the loved one’s death

  Confusion over how to tell one’s children about the suicide

  Analyzing interactions with the one who passed to figure out what one missed

  Mentally tallying the hurtful things one did to the loved one

  Stomachaches and other digestive issues

  Losing one’s appetite

  Sleeplessness due to real or imagined guilt

  Maintaining surface relationships as a way of avoiding potential hurt

  Becoming overly needy and clingy with loved ones

  Becoming hypervigilant with loved ones

  Obsessively watching for signs of suicide in others

  Panicking if a loved one is feeling low or sad

  Growing anxious when a loved one seems to withdraw or grows uncommunicative

  Difficulty respecting a loved one’s privacy or personal space if they seem vulnerable

  Overcompensating (being too strict or lenient, smothering loved ones in an effort to pay closer attention, etc.) for what one feels guilty about

  Becoming more nosy; trying to figure out how people are feeling

  Trying to make life perfect for others so they’ll be happy

  Being a “fixer” and annoying people who don’t want or need help

  Falling into depression

  Having suicidal thoughts or attempting suicide

  Self-medicating

  Trying to improve in the area one felt was lacking (paying more attention, being more obedient, etc.)

  Practicing sharing one’s feelings freely, and encouraging others to do the same

  Seeking therapy or joining a survivor’s group

  Joining the effort to raise awareness about suicide

  Becoming more tuned in to the moods and emotions of others

  Mentoring those who are more susceptible to suicide (the elderly, addicts, etc.)

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Affectionate, appreciative, nurturing, observant, pensive, private, proactive, responsible, sentimental, supportive

  Flaws: Addictive, apathetic, callous, compulsive, confrontational, cynical, fussy, hostile, humorless, inhibited, insecure, irrational, martyr, morbid, needy, obsessive, rebellious, reckless, resentful, self-destructive, uncooperative, volatile, withdrawn

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Important milestones (the deceased’s birthday, a wedding anniversary, the day they would have graduated from college, etc.)

  Not hearing from someone when one should have

  Commercials and ads for suicide prevention

  Witnessing a march for suicide awareness

  Attending a family reunion or annual event that the loved one always attended

  Encountering the kind of tool or item that was used in the suicide (pills, rope, etc.)

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Seeing depression or suicidal signs in another loved one

  Falling into depression and knowing one must seek help

  Walking a close friend through the aftermath of a loved one’s unexpected suicide

  Seeing signs of self-mutilation with a loved one

  Losing one’s sense of self through trying so hard to be what others need

  A friend or family member falling into the same dangerous habits one failed to see with the victim (developing an eating disorder, abusing drugs, etc.)

  A child rebelling due to one’s clingy attentiveness and smothering tendencies

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  A MISCARRIAGE OR STILLBIRTH

  NOTES: The impact of this wound will have many factors, such as if this is the character’s first loss, at what point in the pregnancy it happened, the spiritual beliefs of the parents, the level of support around them, and the circumstances (if any) that led to losing the baby. It should also be noted that this can become a wounding event for both parents, not only the mother.

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, esteem and recognition, self-actualization

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  This is my punishment for a past transgression (or a
known weakness, etc.).

  It’s my fault; I did something wrong during my pregnancy that killed my child.

  There must be a reason I’m not supposed to have kids.

  Subconsciously, I caused this by regretting the pregnancy (or wishing the baby away, etc.).

  When something good comes along, it will just be taken away from me.

  It’s better to be childless than to risk this kind of pain again.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  That it will happen again

  Losing their other children through an accident, illness, or negligence

  That they will make a bad parent

  That there’s something intrinsically wrong with her body

  Conceiving again

  That they will never have a child

  Hospitals or things associated with them

  That their marriage won’t survive

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Mentally tracking the “would be” milestones (the one-month mark, the first birthday, when the child would have started kindergarten, etc.)

  Possessive behaviors toward one’s living children

  Blaming oneself or one’s partner

  Obsessively searching for a reason why it happened

  Mixed feelings about sex

  Hypochondriac tendencies

  Withdrawing from others

  Avoiding baby things (the nursery, gifts, baby showers, etc.)

  Refusing to redecorate the nursery, even after the decision not to try again has been made

  Being drawn to the nursery and the baby’s things (rocking a stuffed animal, touching the clothes, etc.)

  Pulling away from other couples with babies

  Resenting the successful pregnancies of others, then feeling guilty about one’s feelings

  Becoming depressed

  Developing a panic disorder

  Becoming more health-conscious, believing this will increase one’s chances of future success

  Turning one’s back on one’s faith

  Becoming unhealthily obsessed with other peoples’ babies

  Doubting one’s ability to parent

  Developing negative thought patterns

  Refusing to try to conceive again

  Dreading one’s birthdays; seeing them as milestones marking another year without a child

  Turning to God or faith

  Empathizing with and reaching out to others who have suffered the same pain

  Looking into adoption

  Accepting that fulfillment can be found in other areas beyond parenthood

  Filling one’s time with meaningful activities

  Joining a support group or online chat room for parents who have suffered the same loss

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Appreciative, disciplined, empathetic, industrious, inspirational, nurturing, pensive, persistent, private, protective, sensible, spiritual

  Flaws: Addictive, controlling, cynical, defensive, humorless, inhibited, irrational, irresponsible, jealous, martyr, morbid, needy, nervous, obsessive, oversensitive, perfectionist, pessimistic, possessive, resentful, scatterbrained, self-indulgent, stubborn, superstitious, temperamental, ungrateful, volatile, withdrawn, worrywart

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  The anniversary of the miscarriage or stillbirth

  Seeing a friend’s child achieve important milestones at the same time one’s child would have done so

  Being invited to a baby shower or child’s birthday party

  Friends being unable to meet for lunch because it conflicts with a playgroup meeting

  Stores that cater to babies and pregnant mothers

  Catching sight of a woman breastfeeding her child in a mall or restaurant

  Thoughtless words by a well-meaning friend: At least you have other children, or You can always try again.

  Seeing the decorated nursery that was awaiting one’s child

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Becoming pregnant again

  Having another miscarriage

  Succeeding in becoming pregnant again but discovering that the unborn child has a condition or defect

  Having a close friend who is going through the adoption process, and wondering if one should give up trying to birth a child and go that route

  Seeing one’s surviving child playing alone, making one question the decision to not try again

  Relationship issues with one’s partner due to each person processing the trauma differently

  A family member or good friend dealing with an unwanted pregnancy and needing one’s support

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  A NATURAL OR MAN-MADE DISASTER

  EXAMPLES

  Extreme weather, such as an earthquake, hurricane or tropical storm, severe electrical storm, tornado, flood, tsunami, avalanche, heat wave, or ice storm

  A volcanic eruption

  The meltdown of a nuclear power plant

  A chemical attack or accidental gas leak

  A viral outbreak

  A meteor strike

  A rock or mudslide caused by deforestation

  Forest fires or other fires started by man

  An oil spill or explosion at a well site

  A dam breaking

  Industrial waste leaks creating widespread contamination

  Devastating droughts and famines

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  God is punishing me (or humanity, my community, etc.).

  Control is only an illusion.

  We can never be truly safe.

  I am justified to do whatever I must to stay safe.

  Those in power must be brought down before they get us all killed.

  The only one who can protect my family is me.

  The only way to stay safe is to be prepared for anything and everything.

  When you need them most, people let you down.

  Nature is dangerous and should be avoided.

  Question everything. Trust no one.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Certain places associated with the disaster (snowy mountains, storm shelters, etc.)

  Seasons or weather phenomena (temperature, precipitation, etc.) tied to the event

  Populated areas and large groups of people

  Natural areas

  Getting sick or being injured (and therefore being helpless)

  Running out of food, water, or medicine

  Not having access to weapons to protect their family

  The government or people in power

  Climate change

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Researching the event to try and understand it

  Keeping a stockpile of supplies, just in case

  Formulating an evacuation plan

  Questioning what one is told by one’s government and media

  Checking with multiple news sources rather than relying on one

  Being jaded by the lack of compassion one experienced during the event

  Needing to check in with and keep tabs on one’s family

  Being uncomfortable when one’s children stay with other people or are too far away

  Moving to another area to avoid a specific danger

  Experiencing night terrors

  Difficulty relaxing and enjoying the little things

  PTSD symptoms (panic attacks, insomnia, flashbacks, delusions, etc.)

  Hoarding tendencies

  Becoming a hypochondriac

  A tendency to think about the worst-case scenario

  Being unable to sleep during certain types of weather

  Altering one’s property to account for emergencies (installing a storm shelter or underground storage area, putting up fences, installing a well, etc.)

  Doomsday prepping activities

  Becomi
ng a conspiracy theorist (if the disaster was man-made)

  Joining online groups that align with one’s beliefs or help prepare for the future

  Learning how to become self-sufficient in case one has to survive on one’s own

  Making one’s health more of a priority

  Staying in better contact with one’s family

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Adaptable, alert, appreciative, cautious, courageous, disciplined, efficient, focused, independent, industrious, inspirational, loyal, nature-focused, observant

  Flaws: Antisocial, apathetic, controlling, cynical, dishonest, humorless, inhibited, insecure, irrational, materialistic, needy, obsessive, paranoid, pessimistic, selfish, stingy

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Symbols of industry (if a man-made disaster was the event) like factories or smoke stacks

  Reminders of hardship, such as an empty cupboard

  A power outage

  A tree that has fallen down in a storm

  TV news reports of disasters in other countries

  The anniversary of the event

  The sound of sirens or other emergency vehicles

  Sounds associated with the event (breaking glass, sirens, timber snapping, sudden silence, etc.)

  Smells associated with the event (smoke, gas or chemical smells, ozone, etc.)

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Another emergency event or disaster

  Facing an emergency where one must rely on others (including police) for help

  Being in a position of hardship and having others show compassion and a willingness to help

  Seeing someone be merciful and generous instead of taking advantage or ignoring the need

  Being given an opportunity to make a difference for others or join a cause for a better future

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  A PARENT’S DIVORCE

  NOTES: The intensity of this wound will have several factors: the circumstances of the divorce; the personality, age, and adaptability of the character when the trauma took place (especially if it was during formative years); and the changes that will result, which could include a new financial reality, having to move, custody arrangements, alterations to one’s support structure, and one’s relationship with each parent moving forward.

 

‹ Prev