The Emotional Wound Thesaurus
Page 41
Flaws: Compulsive, cowardly, fanatical, humorless, inhibited, martyr, paranoid, pessimistic, withdrawn, worrywart
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Watching live television or online reports of a building collapse with victims trapped inside
Finding oneself in an enclosed space
Deciding to face one’s fears and overcome them, but failing
Being in a building with creaking walls (in an old house, for instance, or during a windstorm)
The power going out
Building demolitions taking place in one’s neighborhood or near one’s work
A loud storm that shakes the building one is in
The sensation of not being able to breathe (breathing dusty air, being compressed in a tight spot, a lover’s weight pressing down on one during times of intimacy, etc.)
Being stuck in a long tunnel during gridlock traffic
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Facing a job where one is forced to go underground (e.g., in a subway tunnel)
Having to enter a tight space (such as a crawlspace or vent) to rescue a pet or fix something
Going on a vacation excursion that requires one to enter a cave or navigate a tight passage
Working as a mechanic and having to face the tight spaces beneath trucks to do repairs
A scenario hinting that one may have survived the ordeal for a reason (being an organ-donor match for a sibling, successfully administering CPR to someone, saving a child from being abducted, etc.)
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
BEING TRAPPED WITH A DEAD BODY
EXAMPLES
In the aftermath of a plane crash
After a car accident, when a passenger is deceased and one is disabled and awaiting rescue
Waking up in a mass grave
Being kidnapped and tossed into a trunk with another victim who is deceased
Being held somewhere with other prisoners who have died
Being abandoned in a hospital with dead patients because of a sudden mass evacuation
Waking up in a coffin with the previous occupant still inside
Being the only survivor in a collapsed building and needing rescue
A child being left in an apartment with a parent who overdosed or died suddenly
Being put in a room with a dead body as a form of twisted punishment
Having one’s companions pass away and being beyond immediate rescue (e.g., during a climbing accident in stormy weather)
Being in a hostage situation where some of the hostages have been killed but not removed
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
This was my fault and this is my punishment.
I should be the one who is dead.
I could have prevented this, but I didn’t.
I should have fought harder; this happened because I am weak.
I can’t ever be who I was before.
To honor the dead I must succeed for them.
No one will miss me when I’m gone.
The only way to atone for this is to make it up to the victim’s family.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Corpses (e.g., in body bags on the roadside following a fatal accident)
Death and what happens afterward
Dying alone
The pain of grief
Their death not mattering to anyone
Dying and their body not being found
Having their body and movements restricted
Connecting with people who will one day die
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
PTSD (difficulty sleeping, insomnia, night terrors, anxiety, etc.)
Developing phobias (e.g., a fear of driving if one was in a car accident and trapped with a dead person)
A short temper; becoming angry at small things
Experiencing fatigue
Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs
Thoughts that circle death
Becoming superstitious and adhering to certain rituals
Lessened emotional responses to events and people; having numbed emotions
Struggling to fit back into one’s life after the event
Pulling away from family and friends or clinging to them
Struggling with ambition or enthusiasm about the future
Flashing back to disturbing images
Avoiding places, people, and events that remind one of the trauma
Being more attuned to death (noticing a dying rose on a bush, dead bugs on a windowsill, etc.)
Not wanting to talk about the experience despite needing to
Using anger to keep people from asking questions
Becoming distracted and having difficulty staying focused on tasks
Becoming risk-averse
Increased anxiety
Being unable to watch shows and movies that contain dead bodies
Becoming light-headed at the sight of blood
Sensitivity to the smells or textures associated with one’s trauma
Developing a morbid outlook on life
Seeking distractions for comfort (promiscuous sex, bingeing, gambling, partying, etc.)
Implementing and strictly observing safety protocols
Cherishing and appreciating loved ones and working to show it better
Becoming protective of others, especially immediate family members
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, cautious, discreet, focused, introverted, kind, nurturing, observant, private, proactive, protective, sentimental, spiritual
Flaws: Abrasive, addictive, controlling, impatient, impulsive, inattentive, inhibited, irrational, morbid, needy, nervous, scatterbrained, superstitious, uncommunicative
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Sounds or smells tied to one’s trauma
Waking from a nightmare or having a flashback
Watching television and being exposed to a situation similar to one’s wounding event
The sight of dead animals or other things that were once alive
Returning to places that are tied to one’s trauma
Funerals
People who look very ill
Situations tied to the trauma (e.g., having to get on a plane after surviving a crash)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Being isolated with a gravely injured person and needing to keep them alive until help arrives
Seeing an opportunity to support a close family member during treatment for a terminal illness
Being in a situation where one must master fear to stay alive (a hostage situation, for example)
Experiencing a life-or-death situation with a child and needing to stay calm for their sake
Being willing to do anything to help a loved one survive, even facing one’s worst fears about death
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
DIVORCING ONE’S SPOUSE
NOTES: In the case of divorce, the character’s behavior and ability to cope will vary depending on the reason for the marriage breakdown and whether it was a mutual choice or not. Taking the time to brainstorm the backstory leading to this event (infidelity, growing apart, financial issues, a sexual identity shift, a child’s death, etc.) will help you better determine the turbulent emotions your character may be feeling and the actions and behaviors that will result.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I am unworthy of being loved.
All men (or women) cheat.
I’m just a meal ticket.
All women (or men) are gold-diggers.
Someone younger and better will always come along to replace me.
The closer someone is, the more they can hurt
you.
True commitment is a myth.
Only stupid people allow themselves to be vulnerable.
Love and happiness are mutually exclusive.
I was a fool for thinking love lasts forever. People are too selfish to commit.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Getting old
Intimacy and vulnerability; being open with someone else
Commitment
Rejection
Betrayal
Being alone forever
Making a mistake with a relationship again
Trusting the wrong person
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
A negative outlook; pessimism about the future
A tendency to generalize unfairly: All men lie, they’ll say anything to get what they want, they expect women to do everything for them, etc.
Transference: My boss is just like my ex-husband, expecting me to sacrifice my plans for his.
Resentment when good things (a new job, house, relationship, etc.) happen to the ex-partner Fantasizing about exacting revenge (damaging the ex-partner’s property, outing her secrets to cause humiliation, hurting or killing her, etc.)
Anger that one can’t shake
Falling apart when one is alone
Feeling overwhelmed at trying to manage everything on one’s own
Viewing one’s flaws in an unfair light (e.g., focusing on signs of aging, weight gain, etc.)
Believing one is somehow defective
Falling apart over small mishaps, like the dog getting into the trash and making a mess
Becoming jaded regarding relationships
Talking bad about one’s ex to others
Worrying about money and resenting one’s current financial position
Sending the ex-spouse angry messages or texts
Questioning one’s children to gather information about the ex-partner
Saying things in front of one’s kids that cast the spouse in a bad light
Refusing to help the spouse (e.g., if he or she has plans and needs to swap weekends)
Over-sensitivity; believing one’s ex is pushing buttons on purpose
Feeling like one is being watched or followed (if the marriage was violent)
Paranoia that the ex is causing misfortunes—especially if the partner was volatile or threatening
Possessiveness (following one’s ex, driving past their house, etc.)
Using one’s children as a way to see the ex (if one wants closure or reconciliation)
Reckless behavior, such as having a one-night stand with a much younger person
Buying small gifts or taking trips to try and feel better about oneself
Competing as a parent with the ex (buying better gifts, taking the kids on a trip, etc.)
Changing one’s appearance (wearing different clothing, growing a beard, etc.)
Gaining or losing a considerable amount of weight
Starting up old habits, like taking up smoking again
Becoming flirtatious or promiscuous
Buying a pet for a companion
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Adaptable, adventurous, flirtatious, happy, independent, industrious, loyal, nurturing, observant, pensive, philosophical, playful, protective, spontaneous
Flaws: Callous, childish, confrontational, controlling, dishonest, gossipy, hostile, impatient, impulsive, inhibited, insecure, jealous, macho, manipulative, melodramatic, nosy
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Being contacted by one’s in-laws
Bumping into the ex at a friend’s place or the grocery store
One’s kids asking questions about the divorce
Dining at a restaurant that used to be a favorite when one was married
Learning that one’s spouse is dating
Facing a crisis where the initial reaction is to call the ex for help
Having to drop off one’s kids at the ex’s for the weekend
Being asked on a date
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Being attracted to someone new and wanting to start a relationship
One’s spouse reaching a relationship milestone, such as a girlfriend moving in
Having to unite with the ex to address a disciplinary problem with one’s child
One’s child being injured, hospitalized, or at risk (attempting suicide, being diagnosed with a mental disorder, etc.)
The ex helping one through hardship, like a cancer diagnosis or the death of a parent
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
GETTING LOST IN A NATURAL ENVIRONMENT
EXAMPLES: Being lost and alone for an extended period of time…
In the woods
In the mountains
In a desert
While hiking or camping
On the ocean
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I am incompetent.
I can’t trust my instincts.
I need others to rescue me.
To never be helpless again, I must prepare for everything.
When I take chances, I risk death.
If I am in charge of others, I will fail them.
Nothing I do matters because everything is determined by fate.
Nature is unpredictable and should be avoided.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
The specific landscape in which they were lost
Death by exposure or starvation
Being alone or isolated
Specific weather they may have experienced (e.g., snowstorms)
Venturing too far from home
New places or trying new things
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Rarely leaving one’s home
Growing anxious if one’s environment becomes too quiet, too dark, etc.
Avoiding places like the one where one was lost
Becoming obsessed with places like the one where one was lost
Hoarding food, blankets, or whatever else would have staved off suffering during one’s trial
Being thrifty with resources
Developing a general mistrust for nature; expecting hidden danger to be present
Becoming dependent on others
Needing an abundance of technology to feel safe (internet service, a cell or satellite phone, a radio, a police scanner, etc.)
Never going anywhere alone
Becoming addicted to social media so one is always connected with others
Avoiding new places and experiences—especially those that require travel
Refusing to accept help from others
Relocating to a place where one feels more secure
Needing to be in control of everything
No longer adhering to social norms due to the lengthy amount of time spent alone (ignoring personal space, undressing in public, not bathing, etc.)
Difficulty being spontaneous
Being a downer during group activities and outings because one is so risk-averse
Deliberately putting oneself in those places as a way of facing one’s fears
Educating oneself on survival skills
Working to become more independent and skilled
Planning ahead for emergencies (keeping a survival kit in the car, buying freeze-dried foods for an emergency stash, etc.)
Appreciating small comforts
Needing less materially than one did before the event
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Adaptable, alert, cautious, independent, observant, optimistic, patient, persistent, resourceful, sensible
Flaws: Controlling, defensive, humorless, insecure, irrational, lazy, martyr, morbid, needy, nervous, obsessive, paranoid, pessimistic, possessive, rebellious, reckless, resentful, self-destructive, self-indulgent, selfish, superstitious, temperame
ntal, timid, uncommunicative, uncooperative, withdrawn, worrywart
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Getting lost, even in a safe place (while trying to find a new doctor’s office or visiting a friend in a different town, for instance)
Knowing that a loved one will be entering the same place where one was lost
Losing cell phone service while traveling
Sensory input or sensations that remind one of the experience (uncontrolled shivering, the sound of wind through the trees, etc.)
Extreme storms or weather that could lead to one being cut off from others
Current events hinting at a coming war or apocalypse that could create a survival situation again
Not having enough to eat or drink
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Being asked to go to a place similar to the area where one was lost (winning a cruise through work, a child needing a chaperone on a camping trip, etc.)
Developing a disorder (such as agoraphobia) from one’s ordeal
A family member or friend who becomes lost and needs to be found and rescued
Having children who wish to bond through experiencing the outdoors and wanting to provide this for them
A child’s growing resentment when one consistently denies them the opportunity to do certain things (go on campouts, sail on a friend’s boat, etc.)
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
GIVING UP A CHILD FOR ADOPTION
NOTES: The process for adoption has changed over the years, so if your character has given up a child, carefully research the time period when it occurred. Depending on the date and location, the adoption may have been closed regardless of what the mother wished, she may have been coerced or forced into giving up her baby, or the type of adoption (open, semi-open, or closed) may have been her choice.
The level of pain this wound creates will likely depend on the reason for the adoption: to give one’s child a better life, because one was unable to care for a baby, due to a rape or unwanted pregnancy, if the adoption was required due to an incarceration, or something else. So dig into your character’s backstory as to why they made this choice.