She smiled. I could sense her confidence. She sounded adorable. “We call them ‘Lost Threads’ and she sighed.
“We hate it when somebody dies here despite of our tremendous efforts and dedication. Trust me, Maya. I know how difficult it is to deal with all this when you already have had your own share of tragedy. But truth to be told, you will feel better the moment you start helping others. As you must have already read our tag line outside on the building, there is really no joy greater than giving. We munificently believe and follow Mother Teresa’s words. By giving love, care and passion, you will just not heal others but you will help yourself in the process too.”
I knew she was right. There was so much to learn, to realise, to understand and to absorb; the pain of others, their helplessness and their miseries. Everything was new yet strangely familiar to me. I finally asked.
“In which group will I be placed?” Her answer was obvious to guess.
“That suits you the best; in the Healers because you have the ability to heal others, Maya. I have seen this on TV and newspapers. You are a figure larger than life. To curb crimes against women, we keep conducting several useful workshops to spread awareness in society regarding the women’s safety. But as you can see yourself, crimes against women or humanity are never going to stop. That is why Mr Saket wanted you to join us. You have already earned his trust,” she said as she handed me an envelope.
I smiled as I opened it. It was a welcome letter from Mr Saket. He wrote that he was happy that I had joined their team. He was proud that I put up a strong fight to save my family. The letter further entailed how much he believed in me and what he was expecting.
I was completely flattered with all of this. If so many people had their faith in me how would I let them down? I wouldn’t. I would do my best to fulfil their expectations at every level. Mrs. Ahluwalia said I could start from the next week. This day was an introduction to this unique world and its working strategies. I happily agreed and collected the important documents to read them later. Finally I departed with a warm hug from Mrs Ahluwalia, a benevolent, yet a very tough woman.
The motto of NWLO was clear and precise: To heal and make women stronger. I was proud to be a part of it. Rajat was very happy when I told him about everything; about my new identity Maya Kapoor, the Healer.
There was only one thing I was worried about. How could I leave Sejal? I didn’t want to engage a nanny or put her in a day care facility. I told Rajat and fortunately for us, his parents agreed to stay with us permanently. This would solve all the problems. They wanted to spend their rest of their lives with Rajat and their granddaughter. This was the biggest support I could ever expect from them. It also gave Rajat’s father a chance to expand their business in Bangalore. Rajat’s elder brother took the charge of their business at home.
Rajat’s parents brought a new phase in our lives. Sejal was elated. She loved talking to her grandmother. While her grandmother loved to listen to her, her grandfather and Rajat had started to take turns telling her stories at night. Living in the protective care of her grandparents made Sejal feel safer. She seemed to improve and was gradually letting go of her fear. I was happy. We all were.
First Lose Thread
Istarted my work soon. I was assigned a woman named Kavita. She had been in NWLO since one week and she was brought to the therapists group. Her case involved the Healers group too. With the help of other healers and Mrs Ahluwalia, I was learning the ropes. When I started talking to Kavita, her pain was similar to mine. But she was inhumanely raped by four men in the school where she used to work as a teacher. On digging for more details, I found out her shocking story.
One evening, she along with a male colleague was working late in the school. There was an upcoming event that required extra hours of work. That unfortunate evening while all the other teachers had left, Kavita and her colleague decided to stay for longer to finish their tasks.
They both were busy in the staff room when one of the bus conductors came inside with his three friends. They all were tipsy. Kavita had caught that bus conductor misbehaving in the school a few months ago. She had warned him to stop or she would go to the school administration. Her threat had angered the man and since then, he had been waiting to take his revenge. That evening he got a chance to avenge himself.
They entered the staff room, hit the male teacher with rods and bats and locked him up in another room. Then they turned to Kavita. They proceeded to rape her. They gagged her and then hit her several times. They ran away thinking she was dead. She was left on the floor bleeding and unconscious. Later the male teacher, who had been locked up in the other room, managed to come out of the window by breaking its bars.
He ran to call the school watchman but found he was also injured badly. He went out of the gates to call for help. People took him, Kavita and the watchman to a nearby hospital. She was in a bad shape. Doctors declared her condition critical. She had lost so much blood. The male teacher had been brutally beaten up himself. Kavita underwent many surgeries during her six month stay in the hospital. She had got three major operations done to repair her damaged organs. After intensive care, she improved physically but mentally she was still in trauma. She had lost hope in life.
Her family decided to admit her in NWLO so that the hope she had lost could be revived. She was physically weak and that was why she was under constant supervision of one of the therapists. But in order to make her mind stable, someone had to talk to her; someone who could understand the fragility of her emotions; someone who could feel her pain in the best way and help her. After listening to her story, I instantly knew why she had been assigned to me. They knew I was the most suitable person to heal her because I had felt the pain up to a stage similar to hers.
When I met her, I hugged and gave her an assurance of her well being and bright future. I didn’t know how much effect I had on her but after hearing my words, she had smiled. She recognised me from the news. In the hospital she used to watch the news and she knew bits of my story. She said she was happy to meet me and to have me as her Healer.
Mrs Ahluwalia was right. I realised I was also going to heal myself in the process. Kavita’s words affected me a lot. Meeting her made me realise how much the people had faith in me and what was expected of me. My responsibility was greater than ever now. I had to revive Kavita’s confidence. I had to make her live a new life all over again. Being my first lose thread, Kavita’s survival against all odds was very important to me to awaken faith in my own self. For this, I was ready to do anything to make it work.
Kavita had difficulty in making long conversations. Sometimes she preferred to write her queries on paper. The criminals responsible for her condition were in jail and had been awarded life time imprisonment. When Kavita heard this, a few drops of tears rolled down her cheeks. Could any punishment bring her dignity back? Would she be able to walk on the roads with her head held high? Though she was satisfied to know that the judiciary system had meted out the harshest punishment. I tried to talk to Kavita as positively as I could.
“Just because they have touched your body does not mean that you are spoilt. Your dignity lives in your heart and your soul and these can never be fouled, Kavita. The body is mortal but the soul can never die. You haven’t lost as much as you think.” After many rounds of healing sessions, my words had started to affect her. I was using the same words that Rajat had used for me and it was gratifying to see they were working.
Though she sometimes wished, had nothing happened to her, she could have led a normal life with her family. The pain she felt was excruciating. I had to put a lot of effort to heal her. I talked to her family so that they could understand her. I talked to her, showed her movies she loved to watch, put her favourite flowers in her room, let her family visit her more frequently, took her out for refreshments and let her do things that she liked. “Everything will be fine very soon,” I’d tell her to give her hope.
She was improving but sometimes the trauma o
f the night would overshadow the confidence we had built and we would have to start again from scratch. Many a times I had to restart the process with her. It was imperative to establish camaraderie between her and me.
Other healers told me she was one of the most complex cases of NWLO so far. I took this as a challenge and I kept giving my best. Her survival was very important to me. Finally with the help of other healers and the entire staff of the organisation, I went successful in healing Kavita within six months of her admittance.
This improvement came by eliminating her own fear. Initially, she preferred to talk to me only but now others were also communicating with her. Seeing other women like her also helped in stabilising her mental status. Gaining control over one’s own mind plays the trick. If you can control what you think or what you see, you can easily decline the affect of any situation, whether positive or negative. I could control mine and after seeing Kavita doing the same, I was filled with confidence.
After a few days, she was shifted to the drillers group and I could see her laughing, talking, walking and painting. For the first time in my life I realised that I indeed had the power to heal someone as fragile and broken as Kavita. It was one of the biggest achievements in my life. I strongly wished to see her moving to the Makers and starting her new life. I hoped that she would transform into a New Thread soon.
******************************
This way my life was gradually coming back to normal. I was immensely satisfied with the kind of work I was doing. A woman’s heart is a healer in itself. I wish the people who traumatise and humiliate others could have gentle hearts. This way our society would be less severed and damaged. My parents visited me for a month. They had been so worried all the while. I had inherited my strength from my father. My mother enriched me with the qualities of relationship preservation, tolerance and the ability to fight against all odds. She wasn’t just my mother; she was my best friend too. Finding them by my side brought me immense joy.
Sejal was very happy too that now she had both sets of grandparents to play with and pamper her. Both showered their maximum affection on her. She turned into a naughty girl. Sejal used to sleep in her bedroom earlier but since the incident, she had refused to even step into her room. As we had a two bedroom flat, we gave our room to Rajat’s parents, and my parents agreed to sleep in the living area which was reasonably large and well ventilated. We occupied the second bedroom. It was difficult for me to live in that room but Rajat’s presence made it easier.
Since our parents had arrived, Sejal was taking turns in sleeping with her grandparents. She was enjoying herself and their presence helped us to a certain degree. They played with her and told many happy stories. She was highly distracted. The number of nightmares she used to have was reduced to quite an extent. As she stayed with them at nights, it also gave Rajat and me some time alone.
One night after dinner, we sat down on the little balcony attached to the room. We were immensely missing our swing on which we had shared countless memories. While Rajat embraced me, I started the conversation as we looked at the twinkling stars.
“Isn’t it wonderful to have our parents here? It is helping Sejal a lot, isn’t it?”
“You are right, Maya. Sejal is getting better. I am happy too. It is helping us too.”
I sighed. “Yes. The presence of our parents, NWLO activities and your companionship, everything is helping me. And you? How do you feel now? Now that time has passed, where do you find yourself Rajat?” I turned towards him.
He looked at me, paused and then kissed me. He became quiet for few minutes. To make him comfortable, I hugged him and he rested his face on my left shoulder. Suddenly I felt it becoming wet. Was he crying?
“What happened… haan? Why are you crying?” I asked as I wiped away his tears.
“You asked me how I feel, right? I agree things are going better but I can’t let go of the memories of that night. I just can’t. When I think of that night when those men were harassing you and Sejal, I go mad, Maya. I am still not able to deal with it. I don’t show it but I am afraid someday its velocity will take me down with it. Sometimes I lose myself and when I think I can’t show or overcome with it, I cry Maya. Yes. I cry. I hate myself for leaving you and Sejal on that night. I can’t withstand my failure of leaving you and making you so vulnerable. How could the wedding have become more important to me than you and Sejal?” and he started crying.
I was surprised to hear all of this. I didn’t have any idea of the amount of the pain he was going through inside. He neither expressed nor talked about it. I had tears in my eyes too. I could understand his pain. He was still struggling with his failure and helplessness even after so many months. How could I not see it earlier?
“It wasn’t your fault, Rajat. Please do not cry, baby. Why didn’t you tell me this before? But it was not your fault. Assess it Rajat. If you had known the consequences, you wouldn’t have gone to Mysore and we both know this. Do not blame yourself. Please,” and I hugged him tighter.
He cried for a few minutes more. After sometime, he spoke in a dull tone.
“I know it was no one’s fault but I can’t stop blaming myself, Maya. If something had happened to both of you or you hadn’t been brave, my family would have been destroyed by now. I would have been destroyed by now. I can’t bear this feeling. I told you my school story of that bully. While I dealt with my biggest fear of that time one day, I couldn’t deal with my own anger and frustration of failure. I was too weak to put up a fight with that bully. That incident affected me a lot. And now worse things have happened to my family and I’m really helpless.”
“I know, Rajat but nothing has happened. Bad times come and go. They never stay for long, sweetheart. Our bad time is over but upsetting yourself over something that didn’t happen isn’t good for you. Make your failures a teacher not a dictator. When you were bullied by that boy, it helped you grow stronger. You gradually learnt how to deal with the difficulties and problems of life. It was a lesson that introduced your strength to you, Rajat. Don’t you realise it?”
He looked up at me. I could see the relief in his eyes. He smiled. I was a healer for my family too.
“We are here with you. I, Sejal and now your parents too. Nothing bad will happen to any of us. Trust me.”
He nodded. “I trust you and failures are indeed the best teachers. After that, I was never scared to stand for myself. I’ve kept all this to myself all this while, battling it on my own. I have finally won all because of you, Maya. Nothing can separate us now. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. ”
I kissed him tenderly. I instantly felt the difference while kissing him this time. Since he had returned from Mysore, he had been tense and stressed. It reflected in his kissing too. But this time, his kiss was light and filled with passion. We kissed for a long time.
“I am proud that you are my wife, Maya. After talking to you tonight, I’m feeling so much better. I love you so very much”
“I love you too, Rajat. I am also happy that you are my husband. It is because of you only that I managed to battle my fear and now I am a part of a big organisation too. So a big thank you to you.” He smiled.
“But our future still worries me, Maya. I am worried about Sejal. She still dreads to sleep alone. We both are adults and we can keep ourselves in check but it will not be easy for her. She is better but we should not be mistaken that the fear of that night has gone completely. Sooner or later, they will come back to haunt her.”
I bit my lips. I did not have anything to say. Rajat continued.
”It may be difficult for her to forget everything. She was hit and hurt both. Someday, I fear, she will remember things and she will ask questions”
“You are right. But do we have any solution?” I asked.
“I have thought of a solution. We have to make Sejal as strong as a rock so that she can fight her battles on her own. We will always be there to help her with any problem but many a times s
he will prefer to deal with them herself. Till the time she is a child, she will share them with us but when she grows up, she might not share everything with us. When Sejal will find herself in a situation where she cannot share her issues with us, her strength and her positive attitude will come to her rescue. We will have to focus on raising her to become a strong independent girl.”
I pondered on his points for a minute. What Rajat had thought was correct and sensible.
“You are right, love. It is the only way that she will be able to overcome her trauma. Good that you put an effort to think over it. I wouldn’t be able to think that way” I said appreciatively.
“She is our daughter, Maya. We have to make the right choices to give her the happiness she deserves. She has faced a lot but we will always be there for her. We will also have to plan our second baby. I believe it will bring revolutionary changes to her life. What do you think?”
I nodded.
“Yes. I think you are absolutely right. The four of us can be there for each other like the four corners of a tightly bound square. With the help of each other, someday we will forget all of this for good, Maya. I pray for that day to come soon,” he smiled as he gazed at the stars.
Such incidents leave such deep scars in your lives that it becomes hard to suppress the pain caused by them. After years of struggling to regain our lives back, we were still waiting for the day when the thought of that dark night, the night of 23rd October, wouldn’t cross our minds; the day when we would be a happy family without any trace of terror and pain.
It was getting late and we had to go to sleep. I agreed with every word of his’. Making our inner selves stronger was the only solution. If we could do this, the day we hoped for would come for sure. With the future in our minds, we soundly slept in each other’s arms.
It’s Never Too Late Page 17