by Erin Osborne
Before Blood can take Logan from my arms, Martha swoops in to take him from me. She coos to him while holding him close. Blood looks at me with a smirk on his face. He knew this was going to happen, but Logan had to eat. I should’ve let him feed him, so he’d have had time with him. Oh well, next time.
“How are you feeling?” Martha asks me.
“Okay. I had a little nap earlier while Logan was down,” I respond, a tired smile on my face.
“That’s good. How’s it feel to be home?” She turns to Blood.
“Great,” he growls out in his natural tone.
I swear the man is over half caveman because he growls and grunts more than anything to most people. I’m lucky to get sentences and sweet words from him. It’s not because he doesn’t want to talk to people, especially the Wilkes, he just hasn’t had a lot of chances to communicate with anyone outside the club. I’d laugh, but then he’d want an explanation and I just can’t tell him what’s going through my head right now. He’d probably slap my ass for the thoughts I’m having. Hmm . . . something to think about for later on.
As I go to sit down in the living room, there’s a knock on the door. Changing my direction, I answer the door to find the delivery driver there with our food. It smells so delicious my mouth begins to water. Blood walks up behind me, wrapping one of his arms around me as I take the boxes from the delivery man. My husband hands over the money for it while I carry the food into the kitchen. Maddox, with Colt at his heels, walks into the kitchen to pull down the paper plates and glasses we need for our drinks and dinner. When Blood walks back in, we all sit at the table. Martha hands him Logan so she can eat while we all begin to talk about our day. The funny things Colt does throughout his days are priceless. We could write a book with all the antics our oldest son gets up to while he thinks no one’s watching him.
“When do you leave again?” Maddox asks Blood as we wrap our dinner up.
“In two weeks,” he responds, looking at me over his cup of soda.
“I’ll be here every day with you,” Martha informs me, grabbing my hand under the table in a gesture of comfort.
“Thank you. You don’t know what your friendship truly means to me,” I state, tears filling my eyes. “I’ll be back.”
Leaving the table, I head for our room. I know it’s rude to leave our guests unattended, but I need to get my feelings back under control. While Blood is gone, he’s going to miss out on things in the boy’s lives. The time he’ll be gone is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Still a lot can happen in the lives of boys when they’re as young as ours are. Especially Logan who learns something new each and every day.
Sitting down on our bed, I drop my head and let the tears silently flow from my eyes. I thought I could deal with him leaving for a week a month. Hell, it’s not even really a full week he’s gone. Instead, I’m having a hard as fuck time with it. When Blood comes home, he’s agitated, angry, upset, and several other emotions I don’t even know how to begin to describe to anyone. Without either one of us saying a word to one another, these runs are taking a toll on each of us in its own way.
“Baby, please don’t cry. If I could get out of this shit without the three of you hurt or anythin’ else, I would. I’m not gonna let anythin’ happen to you. For now, we have to deal with this. I promise, it will get better, this won’t last forever,” Blood says, pulling me into his arms. “I love you, babe.”
“I love you, too,” I respond, wiping my tears away and looking up at him.
Nothing but love is shining from his eyes at me. This is what I love. When Blood looks at the boys or me, his eyes are soft, full of love, and showing us how much he truly cares for us. This is the part of Blood no one else in the world gets to see; a part he saves strictly for Colt, Logan, and myself. I love every part of my man, but this is the part I love and treasure the most in the world.
“Are you gonna be okay?” he questions me, pulling my chin up so I can look him in the eyes. “I’ll make the trip as quick as possible; I swear my life on it.”
“I’ll be okay.”
“Dry your eyes, let’s get back out there. It won’t be long before Logan needs you again,” he says, leaning down for a kiss.
“I’ll be out in a few minutes. I promise,” I respond, giving him one more kiss before he leaves the room.
While I’m drying my face off, I let go of the negative thoughts about Blood leaving. I’m not going to think of all the bad things that could happen to him while he’s away because it’s just asking for trouble. It’s bad enough the club still puts him in moods that are rotten to the core. I won’t let them take up another second of my thoughts or waste what time that we spend together with thoughts of them. They’re scum on the bottom of the barrel, nothing but a waste of space as far as I’m concerned. Tonight, is about our family and friends, nothing more.
The rest of the night we talk, laugh, play cards, and hang out. It’s peaceful, fun, and just what we needed. What I need right now. These are the moments I’m going to hang onto and treasure while my husband is gone. They’ll get me through the days and even lonelier nights ahead of me. Plus, eventually I’ll go back to work so that will keep me occupied, too.
When Martha and Maddox left, I went to our room while Blood walked through the house to make sure everything was locked up tight. I’d just recently fed Logan, so I had some time before he’d get up again. I changed into a pair of shorts and one of my smaller tank tops with no bra. I’m completely covered by the blankets on our bed when Blood finally makes his way in. He’s showered and has nothing more than a towel around his waist. I can see he’s already half hard as I keep my eyes trained on his cock.
The towel drops to the floor and I let my tongue snake out to lick my lips. A groan leaves his lips as he stalks to the bed. Even though he said he wasn’t going to let me do anything to him until I could have sex again, he’s not going to last with that mindset. He’s already willing to let me suck his cock by the way he’s moving and how he slides into bed without pulling me into his arms as he normally would.
I lean over to kiss him. Blood deepens the kiss and I let him take charge for a few minutes. This is the only time tonight he’ll be in charge. After breaking from the kiss when I don’t have enough air to continue, I begin to kiss and lick a path down his neck to his chest. Pulling a nipple into my mouth, I use my teeth to gently bite down. A moan escapes him while his fingers tangle in my hair. Without hesitating, I continue my path down to his hard, tight stomach. The muscles flex and quiver under my touch making a smile appear on my face.
Finally, I reach his hard, long, thick cock. Using my tongue, I lick around the head as the fist in my hair tightens even further causing wetness to flood me. Without wasting any more time, I open my mouth and slide down his length until I can’t take more of it into my mouth. I place one hand on the remaining length, stroking him as I move my mouth along his dick. I move my other one down to his balls, rolling them, playing with them as I feel his excitement heighten.
“So. Fuckin’. Good,” he moans out, arching his body, pressing more of his cock in my mouth.
I moan around him as he cusses under his breath. Speeding up my movements, I squeeze his balls just a little bit more. We both like just a touch of pain when we’re exploring one another’s body.
“I’m close,” he warns me, giving me the chance to pull off of him before he cums.
Using my tongue, I swirl it around his length as I slide my mouth up and down his cock faster. On the way up, I add just a fraction of suction that drives my man wild. Blood’s hips begin lifting off the bed, moving in time with my mouth and hand. His moans and groans are coming faster, and I know he’s getting close. On top of his moaning, Blood’s body is getting taut while he bows his back off the bed.
“Fuck!” he yells out, moaning as he begins to cum.
Jets of his cum hit the back of my throat before coating my tongue. I swallow it all down, never being able to get enough of my man. W
hen he’s done, I slowly slide my mouth up his cock, licking his head before pulling completely away from him.
“I love you so fuckin’ much,” he murmurs, his breath heaving to the point he can barely talk.
“I love you too. So much,” I tell him, rubbing his chest as I climb back into his arms.
I close my eyes so I can try to get some sleep before Logan gets up. Apparently, I’m more exhausted than I realized because sleep claims me faster than I thought possible and I head into my slumber with a smile on my lips.
Chapter Seven
Blood
THE LAST FEW months have been excruciating. I’m working extra hours at the garage to make up for the days I’m not available to work. The guys in the club have been slightly better when I’ve been around. I’m not stupid enough to believe they’re not partying hard and doing drugs still though. Marcus and Andrews, along with our other contact have even been talking to my dad a little bit more. Not for every single run, but enough that I feel I can step back slightly. I’m both relieved and panicked about it. My dad isn’t giving me the correct cut of my pay even when I do go. It’s his way of making me pay for not being a full-time member of the club. Fuck him!
When I’m home, I’m tired most days, not living up to my end of the bargain with Tonya and the boys. While we’re not fighting the way we were before I left the club, there’s still tension and a gap between us; I feel that shit deep in my soul. No matter what I try to do, we can’t seem to overcome the bridge now between us. I know Tonya hates the fact that I have to go do these runs and how I act for days afterward when I get home. I don’t blame her; I hate myself because I’m a giant fucking asshole. Even when I try to reign my shit in and keep it internalized, it doesn’t work. That’s when I head to the garage or just go for a ride to be alone, so I can clear my head. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going in two separate directions. It’s killing me from the inside out.
As I’m walking to my bike at the end of another fourteen-hour day at the garage, my phone rings inside my pocket. Immediately I pull it out, I never know if it’s going to be Tonya because something’s happened to her or one of the boys. This time, it’s my father calling about something. I’m tempted to let it go to voicemail, but something tells me to pick it up.
“What?” I growl out, letting him know I don’t appreciate him calling me.
“Don’t need you on this run comin’ up. It’s Thanksgivin’ so stay with your family,” he sneers.
He completely resents the fact I chose my wife and boys over the club. He’ll never understand it because it’s not a choice he’d ever make. For him, everything else will always come first.
“The fuck?” I growl out. “You’re already fuckin’ with my money when I’m on the run by not givin’ me what I’m owed. Now, you’re just gonna tell me to fuck off with this run? I don’t fuckin’ think so.”
“Not a fuckin’ thing you can do about it,” he states as if he’s got all the answers. “You don’t know the details of it, I do. You’ll never make it here on time and we don’t need you. As far as the money is concerned, you know how to get your fair share.”
With that he hangs up on me.
“Fuck!” I yell out to no one in particular since I’m here alone.
This is the last thing I need on my overly full plate right now. We need the money more than ever with two young boys. It’s going to be crazy when they get older and eat us out of house and home. Plus, there’s shit I want to do for Tonya like take her on a honeymoon since we didn’t go on one. Not to mention, I always want to have money stashed away because you never know what’s going to happen at the worst possible second.
Getting on my bike, I don’t message or call Tonya, I simply take off. I don’t have a destination in mind as I ride. There’s no point in calling one of the contacts, because they won’t give the details out more than once. I don’t blame them because there’s too much that can happen with more than one person that receives it over the phone. I wouldn’t do anything to put the run in jeopardy, so I’ll have no choice but to sit this one out. My father is going to regret his decision when I get my hands on him again. I’m done taking his shit.
The more I think about everything, the more enraged I become. I try to force thoughts of the club, my father, and the upcoming run from my head. If I don’t, I’ll be out here riding all night long. Or at least until Tonya goes to bed. Fuck, life shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be feeling as if I’m torn in two because my douche canoe of a father wants me at the club full time. He’s going to keep fucking with me until I beat the shit out of him or until he dies. There isn’t a chance in hell I’ll ever go back to the club until I can run it the way I want to. I’ll never go back while it’s still overrun with drugs, sex, and men abusing women because they think it’s funny.
Making my way toward the highway, I take the ramp to get on so I can open up the throttle and just go as fast as I can. It’s careless and reckless, but I really don’t give a shit right now. The only thing I care about is outrunning my thoughts, my father, and the choices I’ve made in my life. I’ll never regret choosing Tonya and the boys over the club. She’s the only reason I’m still here and alive. If not for my wife, I’d be dead and buried for a long time now. Either by my own hand or by pissing off the wrong person. Tonya made me want to be a better man who took responsibility for his actions, who didn’t believe the only way to solve a problem was with his hands. I regret ever becoming a member of the club to begin with. My intention to get Victoria and myself out of the life backfired. I no longer have a sister to love and watch over. Instead, she’s a ghost. I can’t find her, and no one has heard anything about her since she took off that night so long ago.
By the time I make it home, the house is dark. Tonya is asleep; she won’t ask me what’s going on. It’s not that I want to keep this from her, it’s that I know how she feels about the club, so I don’t talk about this shit with her. Maddox won’t understand because he’s never been a part of a club. He’ll never understand what the life entails, at least what it should, and how you’re supposed to do things. I’d never burden my wife or Martha with this shit. It’s my burden to bear and that’s what I’m going to do.
Coasting in the driveway so I don’t wake my family up, I park my bike and release a few deep breaths before getting off of it. Walking inside, I take a quick shower after checking on the boys in their rooms. As I climb into bed, Tonya rolls her body into mine. Even in sleep, she knows when I’m here. There’s just enough moonlight streaming in the curtain to show me her face. Tear stains mar her beautiful face while her eyes are red and puffy. I fucked up by not calling or messaging her. I just couldn’t bring myself to disappoint her once again. My heart clenches in pain as I realize I’m never going to be good enough for Tonya. Or my boys.
Thoughts of walking away from my woman fill my head as I hold her close to my body. I’ve had these thoughts several times since meeting Tonya. While I’d miss my wife and kids, I want to make their life better. She deserves the very best of everything along with things being easy for her. No, me leaving might not make things easy for her at first, but it would be easy in the long run because she won’t have to deal with my shit. I love her with every breath I take, every beat of my heart, and with my very soul. I’d give her up in a heartbeat if that’s what she wants me to do. Just so she doesn’t have to deal with my angry ass all the time.
Instead of falling asleep, I lay awake for hours on end. I’m awake when Tonya gets up with Logan. I follow her in the nursery and change him while she gets comfortable in the rocking chair. No words are exchanged between us as I lean against the wall and watch the miracle that is my wife feeding our son. It’s a special time where she bonds even more with our boy. I’d love to be more a part of it, but I can’t, so I just watch.
“Where were you?” she finally questions me.
“Out for a ride. Grifter called to let me know I won’t be goin’ on the next run,” I inform her. “I
f he keeps doin’ this, I’m not sure what we’re gonna do. He’s gonna make me choose one way or another.”
“What do you truly want, Blood? Until you figure that out, you’re only going to be living half a life,” she questions, switching our son to her other tit so he can eat more. “If you need to go back, then that’s what we’ll do. Or you can leave and we’ll live a simple life. The choice is yours to make, you just have to figure shit out.”
“I don’t know what to do. There are good parts to the club. At least with the prospects and the newer guys who haven’t been ruined or destroyed yet from all the bullshit my dad and the men who’ve been patched in forever put them through in this life. I miss hangin’ out with them and the feelin’ of brotherhood I would get from that time. Of feelin’ as if I belong to somethin’ bigger than me, outside of what I have with you and the kids. I don’t know what to do in all honesty, babe,” I respond, walking over to her.
I stroke a hand down Logan’s head as he clings onto Tonya’s finger. While he nurses, I stare at my beautiful wife.
“Tonya, I’m fuckin’ lost here. Grifter isn’t gonna make things easy on me. I’ll end up killin’ him,” I state.
“I know. You need to go there and talk to him. Make him see the error of his ways, because you need to find out what he’ll accept from you as a member who’s not constantly there. Or you go all in. You’re not going to be able to live half a life with us and half a life with the club. No matter what you choose, we will be here with you, babe, but you’ll have to go all in. I can’t make this decision for you,” she says, looking at me and leaning into my body as much as she can with the chair separating us. “I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth, Axel, you just have to choose where you want your life to go.”
Nodding my head, I remain silent. There’s no way in hell I can walk away from this woman. I love her too much. I’m a better, stronger man with her at my side. They say ‘behind every strong man there’s a strong woman.’ With Tonya and me, it’s a stronger woman, my woman is the shit. When she’s done feeding our son, I take him from her arms to burp him before putting him back down to sleep. I want to crash with my woman in my arms.