***
When I wake up, the first thing I notice is that I’m comfortable. I’m never comfortable when I wake up. Something is wrong. Opening my eyes hesitantly, I find myself in a large, plain room with at least thirty beds surrounding me. Several people are sleeping in them and most look old and fragile. A few families are off on the other side of the room, along with women who look like they’ve taken a beating recently.
I don’t remember being here before, but know the best thing to do is to get out of here before anyone can ask me any questions. This looks like a shelter and I learned early on that staying here always means questions that’ll end with me having to talk to either a police officer or a social worker. I don’t want to have to do either.
“Oh good, you’re awake. How do you feel?”
I turn my head to the side and see a young woman standing with a man who must be in his late fifties. The woman looks kind and soft with blonde hair and tanned skin. The man looks harsh and I feel wary of him. He reminds me of Uncle Sid.
“Maybe we should have taken him to the hospital like you said?” The woman leans closer to me and I lean backwards so she can’t get too close.
“I don’t know. I thought he looked worse when you brought him in. He doesn’t seem as bad now.” The man grunts, eyeing me carefully.
“Can you understand me?” the woman asks me kindly. “I met you last night in the park, I brought you here.”
The woman’s words start to make sense. I remember the park and I vaguely recall a woman being there before I must have passed out. I probably owe her a thank you for saving me last night, but the words die in my throat. I don’t want to talk with that man around us. I don’t know him. Does he have a temper? Will he get angry at me if I say the wrong thing?
“My name is Emma, this is Billy. We both work here at The Wellness Shelter. What’s your name?” Emma smiles kindly and again I want to talk to her, but hold it in.
“Billy, would you get us some water, please?” Emma turns her kind smile onto Billy and he nods easily and leaves. She turns back to me and asks, “Are you hurt anywhere we can’t see? I really should have taken you to the hospital. I just know that most kids your age don’t want that. They ask a lot more questions there than I do.”
I nod, feeling grateful that I hadn’t been taken to the hospital. I don’t really feel so bad. Sitting up further, I move my legs, finding I’m able to move both. I move my arms next and they don’t feel too bad, either. I’m also able to breathe fine. I lift up my shirt to look at my bruises and find new ones to look at, thanks to last night. My right side is still fully bruised all the way down my side, but it already looks to be getting lighter in color. My stomach, on the other hand, is littered with dark, angry bruises from all the hits I took.
“Oh my Gosh, what has happened to you?” Emma gasps and I quickly pull my shirt down. I look away from her, trying to find the nearest exit. I have already been here too long. Did Billy really leave to get some water or has he gone to call the police? Or worse, child services?
“Please talk to me,” Emma pleads with me as Billy returns with a glass of water and a bowl of what looks to be soup.
Billy passes me both and it’s only my extreme hunger and thirst that allows me to take them. I ignore their prying eyes and drink the water first in only two gulps and then move over to the soup. When I have finished that, my stomach feels fuller than it has in months.
“Where are my shoes?” I look down at myself, realizing my shoes are no longer there. I glance along the floor, but can’t see them.
“I took them off when we put you in the bed. They had holes all through them and your feet really had grown too big for them. I threw them out.”
“What?” I can’t believe how violated I feel, knowing she has touched my shoes while I slept and has gotten rid of them. They have kept me alive during times when it was important for me to run. Now what am I going to do? I need shoes to survive and I have no money to buy another pair.
“We have shoes here. You can take a pair. They’re all in a lot better condition than what you were wearing.”
“I don’t have money.”
“They’re from donations to the shelter. You don’t have to pay for them.”
“I don’t need your charity,” I snap, wishing I could feel differently. If Gavin were here, he would say to take it, he would say I should take whatever I can get from these people.
“Well, consider it an apology then for throwing your old shoes away without your permission.”
I don’t know how to answer that. I clearly need a pair of shoes. I’ll die with nothing protecting my feet.
“Do these seem okay? They look about your size.” Emma takes a pair of shoes Billy holds out to her. I didn’t even notice he had walked away to grab them. I’m slipping. I need to pay more attention.
I lean in and look at the pair of shoes carefully. They’re black with a white symbol that means nothing to me. They do seem like they will be okay for on the street. Black means it won’t show up most of the stuff I end up walking in; like dirt, mud, vomit or sometimes something even worse. There is even a pair of thick, grey socks stuffed in one of the shoes.
I don’t reach out and take them from her. It feels wrong.
“Just try them on, see if they fit.” She then places them on the ground by my feet and walks away. I see her standing with Billy, talking to an older woman who is upset about something.
I look at the shoes and warm looking socks in front of me and wonder if I should try them on. They don’t look very used, so chances are they’re going to hurt my feet until I wear them in.
I put the socks on over my cold, bare feet and feel warmth spread through my toes. They’re fluffy and possibly the most comfortable things I have ever worn. I put the shoes on next and they fit almost perfectly. They’re a bit too big, but the thick socks mean they fit fine and by the time the socks get thinner, I’ll have grown a bit more.
I lose myself while looking at the shoes until I notice movement in the corner of my eye. I look up to see Emma sitting on another bed with her arm around the shoulders of the old lady I noticed upset earlier. Emma rubs her back while the old lady sobs. Billy sits down next to me and I jump, not having heard him coming towards me.
“Have this, too. You’ll need it.” Billy passes over a hoody and without thinking about it too much this time, I reach out and grab it. It feels warm like the socks and I ache to put it on. I haven’t worn a hoody in years because, on the street, it’s worth stealing. It’s less trouble if you have nothing worth stealing. Even the sleeping bag I owned had to be kept hidden to keep it safe. I turn the hoody around in my hands. It’s dark blue and I move my hands into it to let my fingers brush the soft fabric inside. I feel Billy’s eyes on me as I take the hoody in and sigh out loud as I place it over my head, pulling it down to bring the bottom of it to rest at my hips. It’s a bit tight, but it’ll definitely last me until the next winter.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. I used to live on the street; got myself hooked on meth. I’m lucky to be alive today. I learned a few things, though, and I can tell you’re not going to stay here. That’s okay. When you’re ready to get help, we’ll be here for you.”
I look down at my new shoes. I’m not going to stay here because as soon as they know I’m sixteen, I’ll be taken away. I would be put in the foster system and I don’t want that. I can handle myself and I don’t need anyone taking care of me.
“Anyway, stay as long as you want. We have beds here free most nights and we serve hot food every night at five. If you need a bathroom, there are some along there.” Billy points down a hallway on the opposite side of the room. “Or if you need to talk, Emma or I are always here to listen.”
I nod and wonder if I could actually use a place like this. Free regular meals, maybe even some clothes that will get me a job. I can make some money, buy my own food and get a place to live. Is something like that possible for me?
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I watch Billy walk away and he sits down next to an older guy who immediately smiles upon seeing him. A few moments later, they’re laughing when only minutes earlier, he had looked broken. I never really saw the use in shelters; they never helped me, but they had done a lot to help Gavin and people like him. Maybe they aren’t so bad and maybe Billy isn’t a bad guy.
Having a sudden need to use the bathroom, I get up, feeling eyes watch me as I weave through the beds and find my way to the hallway. The bathroom is empty when I go in and, after finishing what I need to do, I take the time to look at myself in the mirror. My face is bruised from the punches I received last night, but already some appear to be fading. I pull up the sleeves of my new hoody and see bruises on my arms where I had been pinned down.
Seeing myself look like this reminds me of living with my aunt and uncle. I don’t like the feeling, so I quickly look away from the mirror and decide to take advantage of the hot water from the sink in front of me and wash my face. The water coming off me is dirty and when I rinse through my hair, I notice blood is being washed away, too. I dry my face off with the small hand drier and feel my uneven hair blowing around as I dry it. I keep my eyes away from the mirror and walk out of the bathroom.
I move to enter the hallway when I see Billy talking to someone in a suit. Billy is facing me and so the man he’s talking to has his back to me. At first, I worry it’s a social worker and they have called in someone on me. I keep myself hidden around the corner and crouch down while glancing around the corner to see what’s happening.
I watch the man turn to the side and realize it’s the same guy who’s chasing me. I back up against the wall in a panic and see Billy narrow his eyes at me. He shakes his head and shrugs at the man. Emma comes up beside me then and quickly leads me down the same corridor I have just been down and out of view of the man chasing me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have to get out of here.”
“Who is that man? Why is he looking for you?”
“He did this to me.” I pull up my hoody and shirt and show her the long bruise she had seen earlier.
“What does he want with you?” I see sorrow in her eyes and also some fear.
“I don’t know. He’s chasing me.” My panic tries to overwhelm me as I worry that he might pull out his gun again. What if he starts shooting it in here? What about all the people around us?
“There’s a back way out, this way.” Emma points past the bathroom and I follow her towards a small kitchen. She leads me through the back door and we end up at an alleyway. The morning light is just starting to rise in the sky so the chill still hangs in the air.
“If you’re in trouble, you can tell me. We can go to the police,” Emma pleads with me.
“Thank you for everything.” I feel I owe her more, but I don’t know what.
“At least tell me your name.”
“Will Parker.” I turn my back on her then and move away. I have to get out of this town. I have to leave this place and hope I’m not followed again.
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