***
At training the next day, I’m called away to talk to Martha again. I dread the conversation we’re going to have, but follow her out of the gym and into my room. We take the same positions again and my eyes drift out to look at the weather. It’s raining again today. It’s starting to get darker and I know training will be over for the others soon, too.
“So, Zoe, how are you doing?” Martha is smiling at me, yet I feel like her eyes are piercing through me. Her hair is pulled tightly back into a ponytail with not a strand out of place; her black pants and black, long sleeved top keep her completely covered. Plus, this time, the collar travels up her neck, highlighting that her back is rigid and her shoulders are tense. Everything about her says she’s strict and powerful, yet her smile and quietly spoken words try to give off a different vibe, one that I don’t buy.
“Fine.” I glance away from her, ignoring the strong instinct inside me wanting to leave this room and get away from her as well as this place.
“Did you enjoy your day outside yesterday?”
“It was nice.”
“Just nice?”
“It wasn’t so great seeing Charlie and Will fighting or having Rose and I forcibly dragged away,” I snap.
“That was for your own protection.”
“Will and Charlie weren’t trying to hurt us, why did we need protecting?”
“Things like that don’t take much to get out of hand.” Martha lets her words hang in the air and I wonder if she’s waiting for me to respond to that.
“So how are things between yourself and Charlie? The last time we spoke, I thought you had agreed in taking it slow.”
“We are taking it slow.”
“You still spend your nights in his bed. It’s clear you’ve both formed a strong attachment to each other and now it’s causing problems for the others.”
“What problems?”
“Charlie and Will fighting for one. Did you know that was brought on because of confusion over you?”
I sigh as we now have another fake story to keep up. “Charlie misunderstood. Will doesn’t like me like that.”
“But you can understand why this is a problem. Charlie could have been killed if Will had felt so inclined. Will is stronger than any of us and to provoke him in a fight shows how much Charlie isn’t thinking properly.”
“I’m sure it won’t happen again.”
“But it will. Your relationship is not conducive to your training.”
“So what are you saying, that you don’t want Charlie and I to what, see each other?” I snort.
“I just want you to realize that this relationship you’re forming won’t help you both in the future.”
I feel something snap inside me even given that Charlie and I actually don’t have a relationship, not like Martha believes.
“I don’t care about the future, though. Right now, you’ve taken us all away from our homes and given us this scary knowledge that chances are, we won’t ever be going home. You’re also using guilt and manipulation to get us to fight a war we don’t understand. Being around Charlie is keeping me sane right now. Isn’t that important to your cause, too?” I rant at her.
“I understand you’re scared—”
“Do you? Were you kidnapped when you were my age and told you would be used to fight in a war?”
“Of course not, but I can empathize with your situation.”
“I don’t know that you can. You’re telling me that I should back off from Charlie even though I really need him,” I state. My heart sinks at realizing the truth of my words. When did I start to need him?
“I can see you feel quite strongly about needing him, Zoe. Do you want him, though? Because from my talks with Charlie I believe he is quite taken with you. I’m just worried that once you no longer need him, you might realize that you never liked him in the same way he likes you.”
“You think I’m using him?” I feel like she just punched me in the stomach.
“I think you should think about finding a better way to cope with being here, rather than using someone else who has real feelings involved.”
“I don’t want to hurt Charlie.” I feel dumbfounded by her words.
“I know. I just want you to think about your actions and where they’re coming from. You’ve lost a lot in the past couple of weeks. It’s perfectly normal to need someone. I’m always here if you need to talk, about anything. I believe talking is the best way to heal your wounds. Please talk to me, Zoe,” Martha pleads with me, her hands resting over her heart.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say whatever comes to mind. What have you been thinking most about during your time here?”
Escaping. Dana. Home. Charlie.
“What does Stan want us to do with our abilities? Am I supposed to dream of a war? Tell me how it’s going to work.” I pick a safe subject and one that I know Martha will have an answer for, even if what she says is just lies.
“We want you to save lives. You can tell us how to do that.”
“Every dream of the future I’ve had has happened no matter what I’ve done to change it. My dad still leaves. Frank still dies. Why does it matter if you know in advance something that won’t change?”
“Foreknowledge is always better than surprise. You haven’t had the right tools with you to change your future. We can help you.”
“I don’t want my dreams. I want to be normal.”
“Why is being plain what you strive for? Every normal person, as you call them, are always striving to be special. You are special, Zoe. You have a gift and any normal person would be happy to use that gift. If you want to be normal, then do the same. Embrace your dreams. Suppressing them won’t help anyone.”
I hate that I feel myself agreeing with her words. It’s annoying that right now I could really use a glimpse into my future, an idea on whether we’ll make it out of here and I’ve had nothing.
“What is going to happen with these tests?”
“You’ll be perfectly safe. The doctors who will be assisting you will explain everything in detail. Nothing will be done unless you’re happy to go ahead. I can be there with you if that will make you feel better.”
“Is it going to start soon?” The way Martha is speaking makes me think this might be happening a lot closer than we want.
“We’re clearing personnel now for access to The Windmill. We hope to begin tests as early as next week.”
“Next week! That’s so soon.”
“The sooner we can begin, the sooner you’ll have control of your ability.”
“We’re not ready.” We haven’t made enough progress to escape this place.
“I don’t know that you have the right to make that statement. You may be feeling hesitant, but that doesn’t mean the others are. Take Charlie for example. We can help him to control his blackouts. We can give him the power to choose when, where and for how long to take out an electrical device. He will learn to limit it to just one phone, one light, one room. Right now he is ruled by his emotions.”
“What about Will? Are you just going to hurt him to see how long it takes to heal? Hasn’t he been through enough?”
“We’re getting off track here. You need to come to terms with your dreams. I want you to think about them and the responsibility you have. I want you to think about what it is you want and need and if Charlie fits into both categories, or just the one.”
“I feel like you’re giving me homework.”
“I am, in a way. This is about growth and power over your own mind. Stop thinking about how it is you’ll get there; embrace the knowledge that we will get you there and you will save lives. Think about that. You could help us save someone else’s Dana.”
I look back out the window, feeling like her words cut a hole in me.
“Think about it.” Martha stands up and walks over to the door letting herself out.
I feel completely messed up inside and angry. Every time I speak to
Martha, I end up feeling a hundred times worse. I know I have feelings for Charlie and now I don’t know what to think about those feelings. I’ll admit that there is something between us, yet my instincts are throwing me off. They’re making me feel things quickly and strongly when I’m not sure where he is at. What if he does have feelings for me and I’m just using him as a way to help grieve for Dana? What if my instincts about him simply disappear and I end up hurting him?
I stare at the closed door and my mind drifts to Martha. I wonder why she is so adamant that we be apart. From the beginning, she has been against it. Why? Drew said not to trust her, that her words are a poison to the mind. So if she wants me away from Charlie, I should do the opposite, right?
“Zoe, you okay?” Charlie pops his head into my room. He’s covered in sweat and I feel a bit thankful I was able to get out of whatever final torture Stan put them through. My body is exhausted from doing so much exercise. I try to tell him I’m fine, yet from the heat spreading through my body at seeing Charlie looking so hot and the words left by Martha, I instead blurt out the first thing I think of.
“Do you think I’m using you?”
“Using me? For what?” Charlie steps fully into my room now and closes the door behind him.
“I don’t know.” It’s silly that I’m putting so much stock in Martha’s words and now it’s too late to go back. “Martha just said that she thinks I’m using you. That I need you and that’s the only reason I’m around you so much.”
“She pretty much said the same to me the other night. She’s full of crap, Zoe. Don’t listen to her.”
“What if she’s right?” I worry. I look down at my feet, fearful I might start crying.
“Right about what? That you’re using me because you need me?” Still staring at the ground, I watch Charlie take a step closer towards me.
“I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know I feel better being around you. You make me feel safe.” I shrug, feeling even more undone.
“Look, Zoe, if you were going to use someone to feel safe, wouldn’t you use Will? He’s meant to be the strongest person in here. He even has some superhuman healing which means he’s probably hard to kill.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning you’ve just lost someone you care a lot about. Martha thinks you’ve transferred some of these feelings to me, or at least, that’s what she told me. It’s your mind trying to protect itself. If that were true, you would have transferred them to Will. He can protect you better than I can and he won’t die on you.”
“So you’re saying it can’t be true because you’re not the better choice?”
“Well, I guess I could argue my dashing good looks won you over, but I don’t think that’s quite it. I do like you, Zoe, and nothing Martha says will change that.”
A warm rush of emotions bombards me at hearing Charlie’s words. It takes the edge off my worries at the same time I feel the urge to reach out and bury myself in his arms. Instead, Charlie’s arms reach out and take me. I let myself think through the emotions I feel being in Charlie’s arms. I feel safe, warm, happy and wanted. More than that, I want more. Martha said I needed Charlie and she is right. I do need him, but I also want him. When we get out of this place, I’m confident that won’t go away.
“Want to annoy her?” Charlie pulls away from me and has a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“I think we can manage a quickie before dinner.” Charlie speaks loudly and then it gets quiet. I had left the bathroom light on in my room and now see it go out. The electrical hums that you never quite notice are on, though definitely notice when they’re off, aren’t present. Charlie caused another blackout.
“Charlie, they’re going to think we’re doing it.” I roll my eyes at him.
“What better way to stick it to them. They don’t want us together? Well, stuff them.”
Rose pops her head in my room now. “What is going on? I don’t have night vision and therefore need lights to see. Turn them back on,” Rose growls. Her room is like Charlie’s and doesn’t have a window, so the only light source in there is electrical.
“Wait, get Will. I found something out earlier. We might as well use the time we have now,” I suggest.
Rose glares at Charlie a short while longer before she leaves us to summon Will.
“You know, we could use this time in more fun ways,” Charlie suggests, leaning in closer to me and my breath catches in my throat as he softly kisses me. I rest my hands on his chest and lean into him further, deepening the kiss. I lose all train of thought or reasoning as his arms wrap tightly around me. Soon, our bodies are melded together and only someone opening the door pulls me away from his lips.
“It’s okay, it’s just me and Will.” Rose steps in and rolls her eyes at us. We both look away from her and I assume she sees our reaction and reads it correctly. “You didn’t even realize someone was coming, you were just making out with each other for no reason. What happened, you finally decide to get rid of all of that sexual tension and jump each other?”
“Rose!” I glare at her. Already Will looks as embarrassed as I feel. Why does she always have to be so forward?
“Fine, whatever. What did you want to tell us then?” Rose easily shrugs my annoyance off.
“Martha told me that they’re clearing doctors to begin tests on us now. She said they’ll be starting next week.”
“What the hell does she mean tests? Like blood tests? Brain scans? I mean, unless they sit me down in front of a computer, what can they test me with?” Rose demands, waving her arms angrily in the air.
“I don’t know, but I do know we shouldn’t let it get that far. What did you find out yesterday?” I ask Rose. She stomps over to my desk chair and flops herself down in it. I watch as she swallows her anger at our situation and takes a deep breath.
“Not a lot,” Rose admits grudgingly.
“But yesterday you said—”
“I know. I needed more time. I could only glance at things, not open them up to look. It looks like there is some promising information stored in it that could help us, though.”
“I thought you wanted to get word out to send for help?”
“I do, but the system isn’t set up to access the net. It’s like there is no signal at all able to reach this place. We’re shut off here.”
“So what do we do?”
“Simple. I found a lot of files, some on us and some on others things. We need as much information as we can get. I need to get back to that laptop and sift through it properly. Then we need to figure out a way to get the hell out of here. Getting help isn’t an option, so we have to help ourselves.”
“So we need to get you back to the laptop. Do we try and get another session outside?” I ask.
“No, I need a proper amount of time. We need to get there on our own, tonight. By the sounds of it, we’re leaving things pretty close.”
“How will we get out there?”
“The same way you and Will did earlier.”
“You want to break out? If there isn’t a guard there now, then after another breakout there will definitely be one after this.”
“That’s why we won’t get caught. If we go tonight, way after dinner, in the early hours of the morning, then I doubt there will be much security.”
“How do we get out the door without breaking it down?”
“I can pick the lock.”
“Where does someone learn to do that?” I ask, remembering now that Charlie had mentioned Rose picked the lock on my door the other day.
“As you’re well aware, we all go through a bad boy stage in our lives. So come on; are you in or out?”
“Wait, you want us all to go?” I look at Charlie and Will. Sure I didn’t expect Rose to go alone, but all four of us? Wouldn’t that increase our odds of getting caught?
“We don’t have much time here; we should use it to trial a practice escape.”
“Why not
just escape now?” Will questions.
“If the time is right, then maybe we should. I don’t know what to expect. If it’s clear, then we should agree to run. If it’s not, then we come back here and when we do make our escape, we’ll be prepared.”
“I think she’s right,” Charlie agrees.
“What time tonight?” Will asks Rose. He doesn’t even appear to be nervous.
“I don’t know; maybe two?”
“Fine, meet in the hallway at two. No one says a word, though. As soon as I cause a blackout, Stan is alerted. I should try to avoid that unless it’s really necessary.”
“It wouldn’t be that unusual. You guys could have just woken up late and decided to have sex, right?” Rose smiles sweetly at us.
“Shut up. So two o’clock in the hallway,” Charlie confirms and after everyone agrees, Will and Rose leave.
“You okay?” Charlie pushes some loose hair behind my ear, resting his hand on my face afterwards.
“I’m scared.”
“So am I.” Charlie hugs me tightly for a long time before the smell of dinner calls out for us. Charlie then changes his shirt before dinner and we walk into the meals area holding hands, much to Martha’s dismay. I hadn’t done it to annoy her, although knowing it does makes me want to stay holding Charlie’s hand forever.
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