“I don’t know,” Tamara said. “Both me and Chris need to work. I wanted this with her. I do want this—a family, but I wonder if it’s selfish.”
“It is.”
“Thanks.”
“It is,” Emma said again. “But it is also selfless most of the time. I do understand.”
“I guess I just thought we’d have each other, you know? I mean, I thought that our kids would play together and—”
“They will,” Emma replied. “And, we aren’t moving tomorrow, you know? The house won’t even be finished for a few months. Then we have to make it livable. But we are making the move,” she said. She was struck by the confidence she suddenly felt. “I want a place that isn’t just an escape or even a refuge. This has been home for most of my adult life. It will always be a home for me and Addy. I need a home for our family—the place our children want to come back to with their children one day. Emma looked at the pool and smiled. “I love this house. The truth is that I can’t imagine giving it up. I don’t want to let it go.”
“So that you have a place to come back to?”
“Yes,” Emma admitted. She closed her eyes.
“Em?”
“But it’s a house,” Emma muttered. “The memories will still be here.” She opened her eyes and looked at Tamara. “Thank you.”
“Huh?”
Emma giggled. “You made me realize something, Tam.”
“What’s that?”
“A long time ago, my mom told me that there is always a time to let go. You can’t really see what is meant for you if you hold on too tightly to the past. She was right. We’re all moving forward. You and Christie. Me and Addy. I remember how scared I was when it hit me that Addy and I were about to have a baby.”
“You didn’t seem scared.”
“I was scared shitless.”
Tamara was curious.
“I never even told Addy. I was afraid to hold Vicki for the first twenty-four hours. I did it, but every time I touched her, I worried I would break her somehow.” Emma laughed at the memory. “I was scared to tell Addy I wanted to leave Off Screen. I was afraid to leave. Who would I be?” She shook her head. “Now, I’m afraid to let go of this house—afraid to admit that I want to be with my kids, and I want to work again.”
“Why?”
“Because what if I let go and find out I lost what I really wanted most of all?”
Tamara swallowed hard.
“I understand, Tam—more than you think I do. Change is never easy. Sometimes, we forget that it finds us no matter how much we try to resist. You are the best friend Addy or I could ever hope to have. Vicki and Hannah love you. They miss you when they don’t see you for a while. You will be a terrific mother. There isn’t any doubt about it. It’s part of the reason I was hesitant to agree to Addy’s proposal. I know the kids will miss you—and Chris, and Sandra and Jeff. But they miss my family when we are here. They miss Addy’s dad. They miss Addy when she has to travel. I guess, no matter what we choose, we always miss someone—just a little. Maybe I lost sight of that for a bit.”
“Emma?”
“Hmm?”
“I think you should talk to Addy first. Let me talk to Christie.”
“That’s fair.”
“You’re going to suggest you sell this house, aren’t you?” Tamara asked.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Maybe I have a buyer in mind,” Emma said with a wink.
“Em, we couldn’t—”
“Let me talk to Addy. Think about it.”
“It’s your house, Em.”
Emma nodded. “Yeah. It is—for now.”
***
“You’ve been quiet since Tam and Christie left. Want to tell me what happened with Tam?”
“Tam’s pregnant, Addy.”
“What?”
“Yeah. That seems to have altered some of their plans. What did Christie say?”
“Not much, actually. She just said that they would support us no matter what. She reminded me that Tamara doesn’t have family—not really. We’re her family.” Addison threw her head back. “Shit, Em. Maybe you were right about this move.”
“No,” Emma said. “It’s not about right or wrong, love. This is where we are in our life now. I am scared,” she confessed.
“Scared? Of what?”
“Of leaving what I know. Of being apart from people we love.”
“Em, if you really don’t want—”
“No. I do want to make the move.”
Addison was surprised. Emma had agreed to make the move to Kansas full-time for a year. Emma remained hesitant about all of it—until now. Addison wondered what had changed in a day.
“I do want to be in Kansas, Addy. There’s something I haven’t told you—I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself.”
“I’m listening.”
“I miss work.”
“I know you do.”
“Mm. I know you know. You know me better than I know myself sometimes.”
“I think that goes both ways,” Addison said.
“Probably. Four years, Addy. I need to get back to it. I am so afraid I will regret it.”
Addison nodded. “Do you regret having the girls?”
“What? No!”
Addison grinned. “You don’t have to choose, Emma. I don’t know why you think that.”
“I want to be here for them.”
“You are here for the kids. You don’t have to be here every moment.”
“I know. I can’t help that I feel torn. I worry about how it might affect their lives.”
“You mean, you stepping back into the spotlight.”
“I do.”
Addison was beginning to get a clear picture of what Emma was thinking. “Em.”
“I don’t know. Staying here, I guess I felt like I was still close to it—like I could step back in at any moment—maybe like I never left at all. Leaving…”
“I think I understand. Part of you worries you will leave it all behind.”
“Yes.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“I do,” Emma said. “Addy…”
“What are you thinking?”
“I think we should offer to sell this place to Christie and Tam.”
“You don’t want to sell the house. We agreed. And anyway, why would they buy a house here when—”
“They’re selling the house in Vancouver.”
Addison didn’t know what to say.
“Yeah,” Emma said. “Tam wants to be close to us.” Emma sighed. “I want to make sure we keep our family secure—our entire family.”
“I get it. Tam wants to be close to you, Emma. This is scary for her. She never thought she’d get married and have a family. She’s never had a family that supported her. I think she worries that she won’t know how to support her kids.”
“She does. I understand that.”
“Emma, you’re a terrific mother.”
“I hope our kids think that when they are our age.”
“They will. They might not when they’re sixteen.”
Emma laughed. “True. Part of me does want to hang on to this house. It’s time for us to move forward. I need to let this go. I need to, Addy. There is something else. I don’t want the kids to be alone when we’re working.”
Addison listened attentively.
“I know you will hate this, but unless it’s at a time when the kids can travel with us, I want one of us to be home. If I have to be away to film—”
“You want me to be with the kids.”
“Yes, and vice versa.”
Addison nodded.
Emma expected to encounter emotional resistance to her request. Addison loved working with Emma. Emma suspected that was one of the reasons Addison wanted to start the new company. “Addy, I love working with you. We can work together, just not on a set far away—not while the kids are—”
“Okay.”
“Addy?”
<
br /> “I agree. I won’t lie to you. I would love for us to work on a set together again.”
“We will.”
“What about Tam?” Addison asked. “I worry about her.”
“Tamara will be great,” Emma said. “She needs to learn that. Maybe some distance from us will be a good thing. I did want to throw out an idea.”
“Oh?”
“Believe it or not, I like the idea of you and me starting a company.”
Addison smiled.
“I like the idea that it will be removed from the chaos.”
“But?”
“But the chaos will always be part of the equation. You know that as well as I do.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Open an office here. Not a virtual office—an office. Let’s bring Tam on.”
“As a partner?”
“Why not?”
“Em, friendship and—”
“You and Jeff have been partners for five years.”
Addison sighed.
“Is there some reason you think it won’t work?”
“Tamara doesn’t always share my vision, Em.”
Emma laughed. “No, she doesn’t. That’s why she’s the right partner.”
“Come again?”
“She shares the same values, Addy. She sees things that sometimes you don’t want to see.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means exactly what I said.”
“You know that you will end up playing moderator.”
“Because that would be new.”
Addison held Emma’s gaze and considered the idea. “I don’t want things to change—”
Emma raised a brow.
“Oh, I see what you did there.”
“Addy, things have already changed for all of us more times than I can count. You need to trust that your friendship with Tamara is strong enough to withstand disagreement. I think some of your differences are what just might make this project soar.”
“Do you think she’d want to do it?”
“I think that depends on whether you want her to do it. Addy, Tam loves you more than anyone in this world.”
“No.”
“Yes, she does. You are the person who has always stood by her—through everything. Your opinion of her matters more than mine or Christie’s. It does. It always has. She looks up to you. I think some part of her has always wished you would look up to her—even a little.”
“I do.” Addison’s eyes filled with tears. “How can she not know that? Tam carried me through the hardest time in my life. She never let me quit—on anything.”
“Yes, I know. I don’t know that she sees it that way.”
“I’ve never worked with Tam, Em. I don’t want to lose—”
“I know. Do you know how afraid I was to tell you that I loved you?”
“What?”
“I was. Do you know how much it terrified me to let you into my life?”
“I remember.”
“Addy,” Emma began and paused to still her emotions. “Anything worthwhile is terrifying at some point. It means change. It means risk. I can’t guarantee you that nothing will ever happen to break any of us apart. Neither can you. I do have faith that we love each other enough to get through whatever might come to pass. Not just you and me—all of us.” She smiled. “It’s why I need to let go of this house. I need to trust that my landing is you.”
“Em—”
“It’s true. Tam needs to trust that she can land on her feet without needing us a block away.”
Addison snickered.
“And, you need to trust that we can make this work—all of us.”
“You really want Tam to be our partner?”
“If it were solely up to me, she would be—yes.”
“You’re sure you want to let go of this house?”
“No.” Emma let out an uncomfortable chuckle. “But I’m sure that I need to let go of this house. It would make me happy to see Tam and Christie start their family here.”
“Okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. As sure as I will ever be. Things scare me too, Em. Mostly, that I will let you down somehow.”
“Addy, you have never let me down. You might frustrate me at times. We might disagree. You have never let me down.”
“I want so many things,” Addison said. “Sometimes, I wonder when it will be too much to ask, and it will all fall apart.”
Emma reached over and pulled Addison into her arms. “Oh, Addy. Things do fall apart sometimes. They just do. I have to believe we’ll get through them.”
Addison snuggled against Emma. “Do you think Jeff will be mad?”
“That you want to leave the company?”
“Yeah.”
“No. I think he’ll be disappointed. He adores you, Addy. You two have created some amazing things together.”
“You were a big part of that.”
“A lot of people were a part of it. You and Jeff steered the ship. But maybe it’s time for him to sail different waters too.” Emma heard Addison sigh. “Second thoughts about all of this?”
“No. Just remembering the unsettling feeling that comes before excitement.”
Emma laughed. “I’m familiar with that.”
“Kind of like being in labor, huh?”
Emma laughed. “Kind of. Want to go to bed?”
“Can we just stay here for a while?”
“We can stay here as long as you want.”
“Em?”
“Hmm?”
“I have one request.”
“What’s that?”
“Can your parents take the kids for a week before we sell the house?”
“Worried about packing?”
“No. I’ll hire someone to do that.”
“Okay?”
“I think we should say a proper goodbye—to all the rooms.”
Emma shook her head affectionately. She kissed Addison tenderly. “I’ll make sure no one packs the fax machine before then.”
CHAPTER THREE
Jeff studied Addison’s expression, searching for any sign that she was joking. Addison smiled at him. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He’d wondered when this day might arrive. From the day that he and Addison began their partnership, he understood that one day it would end. He’d never told Addison or Emma that he was surprised when Addison chose to stay the course when Off Screen ended. Knowing that something would inevitably end, or change did not make the reality less unsettling. He smiled back at his friend and business partner.
“Emma and I plan to make our home in Kansas.”
Jeff leaned forward. “Kansas?”
“Yeah.”
“Addison, what about—”
“We have a few ideas about what we’d like to do.”
“So, are you still looking for a house here?”
“Emma thinks that we should. But it doesn’t need to be the type of house we’d planned. It will be our place when one of us needs to be here in Los Angeles for a project—when we are visiting you with the kids. Home base will be Kansas.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? The show is doing great. You have—”
“My heart isn’t in this show the way it once was,” Addison said. “It’s been great, Jeff—all of it. I don’t know what I want to do next. I do know that I want to do it with Emma.”
Jeff nodded.
“You don’t seem surprised,” Addison observed.
“Should I be?” he countered.
“I don’t know.”
“I knew this day would come. I hoped it was a lot farther in the future.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be. I’d like to change your mind. This is your show.”
“No, it’s our show. The writing staff is stellar, Christie and Sandra are pros. You don’t need me to keep this going.”
“The network might disagree.”
Addison shrugged. “That
won’t be an issue. I made some calls. I’ll stay on while we outline next season.”
“It won’t be the same without you. I don’t just mean at work.”
“It won’t be the same for me either. It’s not like we’re leaving the planet.”
“Some people might disagree.”
Addison laughed. “I’m sure that’s true.”
“Out of curiosity, is there a reason that you decided this now?”
Addison grinned. “Emma’s pregnant.”
“No shit.”
“Nope.”
“Wow. Three.”
“Three,” Addison said. “Emma has always wanted three. She loved growing up with her brothers. It’s kind of funny now that I think about it.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, Em grew up with two brothers. Noah will grow up with two sisters.” Addison laughed. “The only testosterone he’ll have in the house is King.”
“Noah?” Jeff asked. “You already know—”
Addison shrugged. “We found out last week in Kansas.”
“Wow. Congratulations. You must be excited.”
“We are. We’re planning to tell the girls tonight.”
“Think they’ll be as excited?”
“Pretty sure Vicki will be.”
“Oh?’
“Yeah, she asked me for a brother when we were in Kansas. I think being around Em’s family triggered that request.”
Jeff nodded.
“What?” Addison wondered.
“Brody will miss you all—Vicki most of all. Sandra will—”
“We’ll miss you too. It’s not like we’ll be gone forever. And, besides, you can always visit us. Brody loves it there.” Addison gauged her friend carefully. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Jeff sighed. “She’ll kill me for telling you—you can’t tell Em.”
“What?” Addison started to laugh. “Holy shit! Don’t tell me Sandra is pregnant too?”
Jeff smiled.
“Oh, my God. No way. Three babies?”
“Three? Are you two having twins?”
“No!” Addison kept laughing. “Aw, hell—you can’t say anything either. I mean it. Don’t tell Sandra I told you this. Tam will kill me if she survives Christie killing her.”
“What?”
“Tam’s expecting too.”
Jeff’s jaw dropped.
“Right?”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope,” Addison said. “She’s due about three weeks after Em. What about Sandra?”
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