by F. T. Lukens
They couldn’t run. Ren wouldn’t hide.
Determination powering him, Ren stood on shaky legs as the ship juddered beneath his feet. Power and lights flickered. The systems were overloaded by the blasts from Abiathar’s ship.
Ren heard Asher’s questioning voice over the pounding in his ears but he ignored him, firmly focused on what he had to do.
He made it to the nav controls. Ren took a breath, the star welling within him. He gave Asher one last, brave smile, then slapped his hand down and let go.
Ren released the raging flow of everything in him, and abruptly every system whirred to life. It was only for a moment, a brief second, but long enough for every hair on his body to raise and his skin to prickle with electricity. His vision went blue, but more than that he could feel the star bursting from him, glowing in the corners of the bridge, gathering power, before the ship emitted a large blue pulse.
It was the last thing Ren saw before everything went dark.
11
Ren’s awareness faded in like static. Amid the blur of sounds and the white noise of panic, Ren picked out one voice—one soothing cadence that whispered his name and pulled him back from the brink.
Asher.
Slogging through circuits and systems and the enticement of being free in the machines, Ren reached for the sound. He wanted the voice, needed to hear it echo in his ears. He left the ship and slotted into his body, anchored back in his bones.
Once again corporeal, Ren felt every ache and every sore muscle. He felt the lead weight of his eyelids and was unable to drag them open. Exhausted and blurred, Ren slipped into sleep. Asher’s words followed him into his dreams.
%
The next time Ren awoke, he realized he wasn’t on the bridge. The common room couch cradled his bruised body. And other than Asher’s voice, recounting a story, everything was silent—the previous chaos was gone. Even the Star Stream was quiet, no longer rocking from blasts or popping from stress. The dread that hung over Ren dissipated.
“I told Rowan not to pet the magician’s bunny. But did she listen? No, of course not. She listens about as well as stone. You know that. You’ve met her. Anyway, the bunny did not want to be touched and it reared back and—”
“Let me guess. It bit her.” Ren’s voice grated out of his throat, raw and hoarse, as if he had screamed for days.
The sound of Asher falling off whatever he sat on made Ren smile, albeit weakly. He opened his eyes and stared into the dim overhead light. He squinted against it, but Asher’s face popped into his vision, blocking the glow from the emergency lights.
“You’re awake!”
“Looks that way.”
Asher’s grin was wide and brilliant.
Ren mustered a smile in return, though it felt brittle. He moved to raise his body to his elbows, but Asher placed a hand on his chest and stopped him. His touch burned through the fabric of Ren’s shirt and swept through him. Ren collapsed back to the pillow.
“You’ve been out for a solid day. You need to keep resting until Penelope can have a look.”
Ren’s eyes widened. “A day?” he asked. “What happened? What did I do?”
“You don’t remember?” Asher kept his fingers splayed on the center of Ren’s chest. His touch was gentle, but firm.
Ren shook his head. “The last thing I remember is deciding I didn’t want to hide anymore.” He put a hand to his temple and bit back a groan from using his sore muscles. “On Erden, we hid in the forest when the soldiers came. We never fought back. I don’t know why we didn’t. Maybe it was easier to hide, but I couldn’t do that again.”
Asher’s features softened, and Ren tried not to focus on how Asher’s hand lightly curled in Ren’s shirt.
“I can understand that.”
Ren shifted on the mattress, testing his joints. They ached, as they had after days marching to the castle. That seemed so long ago.
“What did I do?”
Asher laughed slightly. “Actually, you uh… we don’t know how you did it, but there was this pulse of light and sound. And afterward, Abiathar and his ships were gone.”
“Gone?”
“Yeah,” Asher said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Gone.”
“Did I…?” Ren’s throat went dry. “Did I hurt anyone?”
“No!” Asher was quick to reassure. “No, not that we know. You… uh… you didn’t do anything to their ships. You did something to ours.”
Ren rolled his head to the side and looked around. The common room appeared intact, but Ren couldn’t hear the ever-present hum of the engines, or feel the soft breeze from the air recyclers, or hear the crackle of the comm system. The emergency lights were on, at least, and life support must not be malfunctioning or Ren wouldn’t have awoken at all.
“I broke the ship? Is Rowan angry?”
“You didn’t break the ship. Abiathar broke the ship.”
“Then what did I do?” Ren bit out, frustrated. He didn’t understand why Asher danced around what happened. If Ren didn’t break anything or kill anyone, why was he avoiding telling him?
Asher broke eye contact and looked away. “You saved us. You transported us halfway across the cluster.”
“That’s not possible.”
“Apparently, it is.”
Ren laughed, a hysterical edge to the sound. How ironic. Not wanting to run away again led to him tapping into his ability, and it deemed the best way to help was to transport them away. So much for not running.
Ren ran a hand down his face. “How do you know?”
“You know how Lucas is. He collects star charts. He actually had to pull one out and use it since the nav system is shot.”
Ren raised his eyebrows. “I noticed we’re running on reserve power.”
“Yeah. Abiathar disabled us. We think that when you transported us, you fixed the backup life support systems to keep us alive. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
Ren laughed lightly. It hurt his ribs. “Nothing about this makes sense. It’s straight out of one of the fairy tales my mother always told me.”
“Well,” Asher said, patting Ren’s chest, “at least it’s one about space and not about wolves. I don’t do well with animals.”
Smiling, Ren pushed his body up, and this time Asher allowed it. “I’m guessing you need me to fix the rest of the systems.”
“Not now,” Asher said, quickly. The small smile he wore dropped away. “You should take it easy.”
“Don’t worry. It’s nothing a little star power,” Ren started, wiggling his fingers, “won’t fix.”
“Don’t!” Asher pulled away and ran a hand through his hair. He started to pace, his body rigid. “Don’t. Don’t joke about it. You… you didn’t see what it did to you. Your eyes glowed and your whole body went stiff. And no matter how loud I called for you, you didn’t respond. You were here, but you weren’t. I don’t… I don’t want to see that again.”
Sitting up fully, Ren swung his legs over the side of the couch. “I heard you, though. I did. I remember your voice.”
“It’s like Nadie said.” Asher’s brow furrowed. “She was right.”
“I thought you didn’t believe Nadie.”
Asher shrugged. “Well, my best friend is a star host with technopathic powers. Maybe I had a change of heart. Anyway, my voice is your anchor.”
“Good thing you don’t shut up, then.”
Asher rolled his eyes. He looked down and fiddled with a shiny button on his uniform. “You scared me,” he admitted.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You saved us.”
“I put you in danger.”
“We already were in danger.”
Ren frowned. “He wouldn’t be after this ship if it weren’t for me.” He gathered his legs under him, but couldn’t muster th
e energy to stand. Instead, he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“I thought I told you not to move.”
The admonishment didn’t have any heat behind it, and now that Ren was sitting upright, Asher handed him a glass of water. Ren drank it quickly; the water soothed the sting in his throat. And while he didn’t want to admit it, the simple act of sitting up already had Ren exhausted. He slumped back against the cushions and handed the glass back to Asher.
“So we’re dead in space except for life support,” Ren said. “And we have the lapdog of a psychotic despot after us. And I’m one slip-up away from becoming disconnected from humanity.”
“We’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.”
“Penelope can’t fix the ship on her own.”
“No, she can’t, but you can help her. Little by little. Slowly. Nothing dramatic.”
“A break from drama does sound appealing.” Ren slumped further down on the couch. His eyelids were heavy; he could drop into sleep at any second. “A nap sounds good too.”
“You should rest. I’ll let Penelope know you woke up.”
Ren vaguely waved his hand. “Okay.”
As he drifted off, his eyes fluttered shut. Cradled by the comfy cushions, he felt the ghost of a touch to his cheek.
* * *
Ren woke sometime later. A note sat on the table next to him with a glass of water and a plate of food. The note was from Penelope.
“Your vitals are fine,” it read. “Eat. Then go to your room to rest. We’ll start on the ship in the morning.”
Ren blinked. He had no idea what time it was, but with the lack of crew in the common area, he could only guess everyone was asleep. Hoisting his body upright, Ren drank the water. He ate the snacks despite not feeling hungry. He was more tired than anything else, even after resting for hours.
Not wanting to fall asleep on the couch again, Ren heaved to his feet. He wavered slightly and gripped the dining room table, using it to maneuver toward the door. Breathing hard, he walked close to the wall and exited the common room. He turned and headed toward his quarters; his shoulder brushed along the metal wall.
Voices ahead of him made him slow his walk. It was late, Ren knew that, and he found it odd that two people were up talking in the middle of the night.
Asher’s voice was unmistakable, but the timbre of it sent a shiver down Ren’s spine; it wasn’t his normal, congenial tone. Leaning heavily on the wall, Ren inched closer until he reached a bend in the corridor. He walked around the corner and found Rowan and Asher staring each other down. Asher looked exhausted; the shadows under his eyes were apparent even in the low light, and Rowan tipped her chin up, arms crossed over her chest, defensive and angry.
Engrossed in their argument, they didn’t notice Ren.
“What have you brought on this ship?” Rowan spat, crowding close to Asher, pushing her finger into his chest. Her long fingernail made a dent in his crisp uniform, like the tip of a knife against skin the moment before it cuts.
Ren quickly ducked back into the hallway and pressed his body flat against the wall. He listened, cautiously peeking around the corner.
“What do you mean?” Asher asked. He cradled his arm to his chest. “Are you still mad about the credits? I told you—”
“Not those, Ash. Stars, either you’re as dense as mud or you suck at deflecting. I’m talking about Ren. Your little friend has been nothing but trouble since we brought him on board.”
He heard Asher take a deep breath. “You knew what he was in Nineveh. You saw him open the Nomad’s bay door without touching it. You saw his eyes.”
“Yes, but I didn’t think he’d be as dangerous as he’s turning out to be.”
“He’s not dangerous.”
“He is. Or did we not transport halfway across the cluster. And that’s not even counting the mass-murdering cog we have on our tail.”
“Rowan, he needs our help. He’s special.”
“I don’t care what he is to you, Ash! I don’t care that he’s a myth or a legend or whatever you want to call it. He’s a danger. We are in danger because of him!”
“No. We’re in danger because no one will help us. It’s not his fault.”
Rowan pursed her lips. “Ash, I love you. You’re my family, my annoying little brother, and I am so thankful you escaped that place and made it back to where you belong. But you have to be pragmatic. Ren is right. They will never stop looking for him. These people will chase him down to the ends of the galaxy.”
“Then we must help him.”
“Ash—”
“What?” Asher said, challenging. “Do you want to drop him off at the nearest drift? How about push him out of an airlock? Either way, it doesn’t matter. You saw the pieces of the Nomad. We hadn’t been there for near a month and Abiathar incinerated it anyway. He would have done the same to us after he’d boarded and captured Ren again. Ren saved us.”
“He saved us from a situation his presence put us in. Ash, I know you understand this. You’re being stubborn because you like him, okay? I get it. But think of Penelope. And Ollie. And Lucas. Do you want them to die because of your feelings for some duster kid?”
Ren stood in the hallway, unwilling to move, holding his breath. He wanted to hear Asher’s response, but he also didn’t want to hear it. His feelings tangled up inside him, twisted into knots.
“What do you suggest?”
Ren’s stomach dropped to the floor, and his body almost followed. Lightheaded and trembling, Ren pressed his forehead to the cool metal wall.
“We take him back to his planet. We take him to his family. That’s what he wants, right? To get back to them?”
“Okay,” Asher said, nodding. “Okay. If you do, you drop me off too.”
“What?” Rowan’s voice went shrill. “Are you crazy?”
“You’re right. I don’t want to endanger the others, but I made a promise to Ren we’d figure something out. Together. And I won’t go back on that.”
Rowan sighed. From his position, Ren could see Rowan reach out and touch Asher’s sore shoulder. “Do you remember what your last promise cost you?”
Asher flinched away.
And Ren couldn’t listen to any more. He snuck away, looped around to his quarters. His middle fluttered like butterflies, giddy that Asher had confirmed what Ren had felt since their time together at the citadel. He was awed by the feeling, had been certain he had packed that part of himself away when he was captured. Obviously, he hadn’t done it well enough.
But he couldn’t let Asher give up his family, give up his life for Ren. Promise or not, Ren couldn’t allow Asher to be hurt again.
Ren clenched his jaw and, with a new resolve, made a decision.
%
Days passed slowly in space. Ren restored the systems of the Star Stream one agonizing component at a time. The first was the sensor array so they could detect any threats, though they wouldn’t be able to do anything about them. The second was the engine and the nav controls, so they might be able to flee. But they didn’t move from their spot, merely drifted in space and time as Rowan didn’t want to make for the nearest drift on half-power. She didn’t want to risk encountering Abiathar again so soon. Ren didn’t blame her.
Penelope assisted, but she kept her distance. Her normally chatty personality was tempered by her obvious fear. Ren didn’t blame her. He was scared of himself too.
As Asher commanded, Ren didn’t push beyond his limits. He did everything meticulously, despite his power wanting to rush out and merge, fix, control, be free. At the end of each day, Ren fell into bed, exhausted. Keeping such tight control was as taxing as letting the star consume him. And Ren wondered if he’d ever feel complete in his bones again, or if he would forever be cursed to want to vibrate out of them.
The others gave him a wide berth. Rowan glared at him when
they were in the same room. Lucas muttered under his breath. Ollie stared as if afraid, and it made Ren shrink inside that such a large man could be afraid of a weed like him. He understood, though. They didn’t know him. They didn’t know him as Asher did. They hadn’t seen him in shackles, at the mercy of guards and a madman. They hadn’t heard him cry after his friend was killed.
They hadn’t seen the facets of his humanity as Asher had. When they looked at Ren, they saw a star host capable of terrifying things. They saw a person destined for insanity.
It all came to a head a few days later. Ren had purposefully avoided the common room during mealtimes because he couldn’t handle the awkward silences and he didn’t want to intrude on the crew’s family time. But that day, when Ren slunk into the kitchen area to grab his dinner, the group hadn’t yet left.
He froze in the doorway as they all looked up from their meal.
Asher grinned, but the others paused. Ollie’s fork stopped halfway to his mouth, and the pasta slid back to his plate with a plop.
“Ren,” Asher greeted. “Done for the day? Come join us.”
Asher beckoned him forward with his good arm, gesturing to the empty seat next to him as if everything was fine.
Ren didn’t move.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would still be in here. I’ll come back later.”
“What? No. Don’t be ridiculous. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you overworking yourself and missing dinner. Now come on, there’s plenty of Pen’s delicious pasta.”
Ren swallowed. “Ash, I don’t think…” Ren trailed off. He didn’t know what to say, but the reason for his hesitancy dawned on Asher. His eyebrows rose and he looked around the table. No one would meet his gaze, other than Rowan, and she pursed her lips.
“You’ve not been overworking,” Asher said softly.
Ren shrugged. “The ship is almost ready. Only a few more things to check.” He looked down, and scuffed his boot on the metal deck plate. “The comms are mostly static.”