by F. T. Lukens
“Ren, listen to my voice. Listen to me. Come on.” Asher was close, filling Ren’s blue vision. His grip was tight on Ren’s body, though his touch was distant. “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?”
Ren paused. The question didn’t make sense. He couldn’t answer it. Why was Asher assisting the people who wanted to hurt them? He’d kept them from entering the tunnel where Ren could’ve vented them, but no matter. They threatened Ren’s family. He could threaten theirs.
“The Family Honor is sealed. Crew manifest shows fifteen hands.” He couldn’t vent them, not while they were connected to the Star Stream. He’d have to kill them another way. “Preparing to disable life support systems.”
“Ash! Stop him!”
“I can’t!”
Rowan’s voice was a shriek. Asher pushed on Ren’s corporeal body as paradoxes fell from his lips. The questions made Ren twitch and flinch and stalled him from continuing with his plans. They were annoying, like a vibration, a sticky cog in a machine. Ren pulled his attention from the ships and fixated on Asher.
His shoulder was tech, metal fused with bone. Ren pushed into it and rendered the apparatus inert, and the arm fell useless to Asher’s side. Asher staggered back; his eyes were wide, and his hand clutched his unusable bicep.
“Ren,” he whispered, confused, hurt, and afraid.
And then Ollie arrived in front of him.
“Sorry, friend,” Ollie said. He pulled back his fist, and Ren didn’t duck.
His head snapped around, and his vision flickered from blue to normal to spotted black. His jaw ached, and tears gathered in his eyes. Ren’s knees went weak, and he fell to the floor like a rag doll.
“Can a man drown in the fountain of youth?”
Ren cradled his jaw in his hand. “Paradox,” he slurred.
“He’s fine,” Ollie called. “Everything is fine.”
Ren wasn’t sure about that. His body was limp against the deck, and his face hurt. He closed his eyes and allowed the exhaustion and the force of Ollie’s blow pull him into darkness.
* * *
Ren woke to an argument. He was on the couch in the common room, of that much he was certain: for one, it smelled a bit, and two, a spring dug into Ren’s back just enough to be truly uncomfortable. He didn’t move, however, because his head swam and his face throbbed. Feigning sleep seemed a good choice, especially since there was yelling.
Rowan’s voice bounced off the metal walls, almost drowning out her steps as she paced. “Stars, Ash! When were you going to tell me that Ren has gone completely around the bend?”
“Rowan,” Ash said, sounding pained. “Can we not go into that right now?”
“Are you coggin’ kidding me? We can and we will. Did you not see him attack the Hatfields? And they were friendlies!”
“They were armed,” Asher replied. He sounded weary and troubled.
“And,” Ollie’s voice came from the other side of the room, “that one guy did push me, and his hand touched his pulse gun. Ren was only protecting us.”
“That doesn’t matter. He went supernova again, and almost cost us the cargo, the credits, and my reputation, not to mention he almost killed people!”
There was a scrape of a chair sliding across the floor. “I know. All right? I know.”
“Why the hell couldn’t you pull him out of it? Why didn’t your voice or the questions work? For stars’ sake, why didn’t you kiss him?”
Ren’s throat went tight. “Because I’m not his anchor anymore. We’re not… he’s not… he doesn’t trust me.”
Rowan stopped. Ren pictured her sinking into her chair at the head of the table. “We need to take precautions. He doesn’t sleep alone anymore in case he tries to access the ship in his nightmares. And no more using his power. If we need a fix, we have Millicent on board.” Rowan paused. “Where the hell was she when this all happened anyway? Couldn’t she have pushed Ren out? She’s done that before.”
“Probably hiding from Jakob. They’re not friends at the moment.”
“Cogs,” Rowan breathed. “Am I running a ship full of actual children?”
“It’s going to be all right, Cap,” Ollie said. His boots were heavy as he crossed the room. “I’ll move the hammock into Ren’s bunk. Jakob and I will switch off. We’re only a few days out from Erden. We’ll manage.”
“I hope so. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, Ren included. He’s a kid, and I know he’s doing the best he can. It’s… well, it’s hard to reconcile the thing that can disable weapons and vent a ship with the duster asleep on the couch.”
Ren’s eyes stung. His insides twisted with guilt and anger and sorrow. He needed to leave the ship. He needed to get home, so he would stop putting everyone in danger.
Ollie left the room and his steps retreated down the hall, presumably to move the hammock.
Rowan spoke, voice low. “How’s your arm?”
“Hurts,” Asher replied.
“I figured that, moron. Can it be fixed?”
Asher sighed. “I think so. Ren could. Millicent maybe, too.”
Ren bit his lip to keep from begging Asher to ask him and not Millicent. He’d fix it. He broke it, he hurt Asher, and he’d do anything to take that back. Just because Ren couldn’t rely on Asher any longer didn’t mean he wanted Asher to be in pain. He wanted Asher to have everything, everything Ren couldn’t give him, and that was one of the reasons Ren had to leave.
“Be careful,” Rowan said.
“I will.”
“What are we going to do when he wakes up?”
There was a rustle and the creak of a chair. “We’re going to move on. We’re going to take him back to his planet and hope being away from the ship helps him.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“Then we figure out another way for him to be safe. For us to be safe.”
“Even if it means he goes to the Perilous Space prison?”
Ren’s heart clenched as icy fingers of fear wrapped around it and squeezed. He stiffened and begged his body to keep from trembling and giving himself away.
“We’ll do what we have to.”
And just like that, Ren knew once he set foot on Erden, he would not be returning with the crew to the Star Stream.
5
He was by the lake. His toes sank into the warm sand; the water nipped at his skin. He leaned back on his elbows. The stars twinkled above him. He wasn’t afraid. Ren inhaled the scent of the water and of the fresh green trees behind him.
“I’m not here, you know.”
Ren sat up and craned his neck to look over his shoulder at his younger brother. Liam stood behind him with his hands in his pockets, dressed the same as the day Ren was taken from their home.
“Liam?”
Liam stepped forward, moving like a ghost with his feet barely skimming the ground. His skin and hair were paler than Ren remembered, his freckles were barely discernible in the light, and the red of his hair not as bright: It seemed washed out.
Liam peered out over the water.
“Why always here?”
“What?”
“You always dream you are at this dumb lake. You’ve been all over now—drifts and ships—and you come to this place. Why?”
Ren followed Liam’s gaze and watched the lake. In the dark, it was endlessly black; the rhythm of the waves was a living, shifting thing, terrifying and comforting at once.
“Because it’s home, I guess.”
Liam shook his head. “Then dream about the house. Or the village.”
“Because it’s the last place I saw you.”
Liam stared at Ren, and his gaze seemed to pierce Ren to the marrow. Ren hunched in, pulled his knees to his chest, and protected his core.
“I’m not here.”
“I kn
ow, Liam,” Ren snapped. “I don’t expect you to be hanging out on the beach when we land on Erden. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to look. I’m going to look for you and find you.”
Liam frowned. He shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head.
The water inched closer as the waves, increasing in intensity, slapped against the shore.
“You need to leave before she pulls you in.”
Liam nodded toward the lake to point out how the icy water spilled over Ren’s ankles and climbed up his skin to his knees.
Ren jumped to his feet, but the lake was sentient, and the water became fingers, gripping his legs, yanking him down. He fell to his knees, and the water surged to his waist, then his shoulders.
“Liam,” Ren gasped. “Help.”
“I’m not here.” Liam said. He stepped away. His figure shimmered, and then he faded.
Ren struggled against the water, but it was viscous and stifling, squeezing around his chest, leeching up his neck, to his chin, to his mouth—
“Wake up!”
Ren sat up gasping. Jakob sat on the edge of his bunk. His hands were heavy on Ren’s shoulders; his hair was mussed, and his eyes were wide.
“Did I… have I…?”
“No,” Jakob shook his head. “No. You’re okay.” Jakob’s reassurances and smile were brittle. His face was pale; his expression was a thin veneer of calm over panic.
“I was on Erden, and Liam was there at the lake and he kept saying he wasn’t there. But he was and…” Ren pushed a hand into his hair and gripped it and breathed.
“It was a dream. Only a dream, Ren.”
“I… I’m not sure. Jakob, I don’t know what’s happening to me.” Ren grabbed Jakob’s sleep shirt and twined his fingers in the fabric.
Jakob’s cheeks were sleep-pink, and he had a crease across his face from the pillow. He sighed and patted Ren’s hand. His touch eased the tension in Ren’s grip.
“We’ll get you home, Ren. And you’ll be better. It’s not much farther.”
Ren nodded. He eased his fingers open, releasing Jakob. “Okay.”
“We’re going home, Ren. Aren’t you happy?”
Ren didn’t know what he was, but he wouldn’t describe it as happy. He shrugged. “I don’t know what we’ll find.”
Jakob nodded; the corners of his mouth were turned down. “I don’t either. But we’ll look for our families. We’ll look for Sorcha. And we won’t have to be on this ship any longer.” Jakob offered a hesitant smile. Ren didn’t speak as the feelings from the dream were clinging to his waking thoughts.
“Are you going back to sleep?” Jakob asked.
“No. No, I’ll stay up for a while.”
“Is it okay if I sleep in your bed? The hammock is uncomfortable.” Jakob made a face.
Ren supposed it was meant to lighten the mood. It didn’t, but Ren appreciated the effort. “Sure.” He stood, his legs wobbly, and crossed the room. He hoisted himself into the hammock while Jakob scrambled into Ren’s bunk and flopped across the mattress with a groan. It was only a few minutes until Jakob’s breaths evened out in sleep.
Ren stayed in the hammock with his feet dangling over the side. They would land on Erden in a few hours.
Ever since the incident with the Hatfields, there was always a member of the crew with him, especially when he slept. The presence of another person made it difficult for Ren to sleep, to think, to do anything knowing someone was watching him. The room was cramped. Jakob talked in his sleep, and Ollie snored, but as much as Ren hated being treated as if he couldn’t take care of himself, he knew it was necessary.
Ren’s sleep schedule had been erratic at best the last few days. He lost track of ship’s time, and if it wasn’t for his shadows, usually in the form of Jakob and Ollie, Ren would’ve wandered the ship at all hours.
As it was now, he couldn’t sleep. He gave up lying in the hammock and went into the en-suite bathroom. The bruise on his jaw from Ollie’s punch was deep blue, and, at times, he could see Ollie stare at it. Ren needed to talk to him, to thank Ollie for pulling him from the ships.
Ren stumbled to the cargo bay to find him before he remembered Ollie probably wouldn’t be there, but would be tucked safe in his own room.
Finding Millicent’s rug, Ren folded down onto it and sat cross-legged.
Despite being ordered not to access his power, Ren pressed his fingertips to the hull, took a breath, and closed his eyes. The ship hummed around him, and he meandered through the systems. He peered through the sensors at the vastness of space. He sensed the signatures of a few other vessels along the route, and Ren catalogued their specs, their names, their registries. Once he had finished, he left the sensors, sat in the comms, and listened in on the other occupants of the ship.
Millicent was asleep, if the sound of her soft even breaths was any indication. Ollie snored in his room. Jakob muttered as he tossed and turned. Lucas and Pen shuffled a few times in their shared bed, whispered to each other, then went quiet.
Rowan was awake in her quarters muttering to herself over what must be financial reports.
Asher was also awake. On the bridge, he was flicking through news reports, reading, and studying. Ren focused on him through the video feeds.
Asher wore his sleep clothes, but he was wide awake, sipping coffee as he tapped away on his tablet. He wore a sling on his arm, and Ren sighed. He needed to fix that, too, both the shoulder and the relationship. Asher’s brow furrowed, and Ren saw the tight lines around Asher’s mouth, as if he were worried or in pain.
A lifetime ago Ren would have gone to Asher and sat with him. They would have joked, played a silly game, talked until the clock ticked into the morning hours and the rest of the crew woke.
Ren’s chest ached. His interactions with Asher since the incident had been exercises in avoidance on both their parts. At some future time, they would need to talk, but Ren didn’t know if he could handle what Asher had to say. Maybe it would be better once they arrived on Erden, and Ren was clear-headed. Until then, Ren would continue to make his presence scarce.
It was better that way.
* * *
A few hours later, Rowan announced over the shipwide comm that the Star Stream was approaching the planet and would begin the descent into atmo. Ren went to the bridge and stood in the corner, watching as the green and blue sphere became bigger on the screen. Jakob stood next to him and elbowed Ren in the side.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
Jakob eyed him. “Perk up, Ren. We’re going home. We’re going to see our families and Sorcha, and everything will be okay. Aren’t you excited?”
It was the same speech Jakob had given only a few hours before, but this time, it wasn’t tempered by exhaustion. Jakob’s excitement was effusive. Ren was surprised that his own grin didn’t need too much forcing. “Yeah.”
Lucas didn’t have much experience with planet gravity, and the descent was less smooth than when he docked at a drift. But the ship survived, and soon they were resting in a space dock slip on the planet.
The group gathered at the aft door. Jakob vibrated with happiness and nerves; his smile broke over his face as the group gathered supplies. He stopped every few moments and tucked his face toward his arm. His excitement was palpable. Ren couldn’t begrudge him his happiness, but unease slipped between Ren’s ribs, prodded his insides.
“Everyone ready?” Rowan asked, standing near the door. She checked with Asher. He nodded, jaw clenched; his bag was looped over his uninjured shoulder.
Penelope clapped. “I can’t believe I’m going to be on a planet—unrecycled air and dirt. I’m going to touch dirt!”
Jakob looked at Penelope as though she was insane. He turned to Ren. “Listen to her. She thinks this is a vacation.”
“I’m only excited. I know t
his is serious.”
Ren remembered the first time he’d been on a ship and later on a drift. How excited he’d been despite the circumstances. He nudged Jakob’s shoulder. “Let her have her fun. No harm done.”
Jakob frowned, but nodded.
“What’s the plan, Cap?” Ollie asked. He wasn’t as excited as Penelope or, if he was, he hid it better. Calm and composed, he stood next to his sister.
“We’ll first travel to Ren and Jakob’s village and see what’s there and if there is anything we can do to help.” Addressing Jakob and Ren, she said, “I can’t promise anything. What we find will determine what happens next. My crew comes first and foremost. Understand?”
“We understand,” Ren spoke. He squeezed Jakob’s arm. “We won’t hold you to anything, Rowan. We appreciate everything you’ve done for us already.”
She smiled. “I know.”
“Lucas, I think you should stay behind. Millicent, you, too. Pen, we’ll need you if we find anyone in need of medical assistance. Ollie, your presence is always welcome.”
Millicent nodded. “I don’t want to go on the planet anyway. It’s not my home.”
Jakob bristled, and Ren shook his head.
“Um… I really don’t either. The thought of all that fresh air is terrifying. I’ll gladly stay on the ship.” Lucas wrapped an arm around Penelope’s waist and reeled her in for a quick kiss. “Be careful.”
“I will.”
“Asher should stay behind too,” Ren blurted.
Asher stiffened. “What?”
“You heard me,” Ren said. “You’re injured and…” He trailed off and gestured uselessly.
“And who is responsible for that?” Asher shot back.
Guilt flooded Ren. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can fix it.”
“If I wanted you to fix it, I would’ve asked.”
Ren clenched his jaw. He narrowed his eyes as guilt gave way to anger. “Well, I do seem to remember you saying my home planet was a backwater dirt hole. I doubt you want to experience it again.”
Asher tilted his head and swept his hot gaze over Ren. “Maybe you’re right.” He took a step forward. “I should stay where I’m actually wanted.”