by F. T. Lukens
Ren laughed. “Me, too.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard a little about a powerful star host who saved a drift. It figures; you finally leave home, and the first thing you do is save people. Good job there, bro.”
“You heard about that?”
“Oh, yeah,” Liam said smiling. “You were all the talk.”
Ren laughed, giddy, relieved. “All this time I’ve been searching for you, and you’ve been coming to me in my dreams. Why couldn’t I figure it out?”
“You’re an idiot, that’s why.”
Ren laughed again. He marveled. Their environment was a mixture of real and unreal. The metal of the floor was cool on his bare feet, but the light and the shadows moved oddly. He breathed, but couldn’t smell anything.
Giving into impulse, Ren closed the gap between him and Liam and grabbed Liam in a tight hug. Liam gasped and laughed and returned the embrace. He was real. He was real. After a long moment, they disengaged.
Ren wiped at his eyes. “Where are you?”
At the question, Liam dropped his gaze and scuffed his shoe on the floor. “I don’t know.”
“But you knew you weren’t at the lake? On Erden?”
“Yeah, I knew I wasn’t there. I’m not home. But the people who took me have given me no indication where I am.”
Anger swelled in Ren. “Took you?”
“You didn’t think I ran away from Erden on my own, did you? I’m not you. I didn’t want to leave, but I didn’t hide well enough apparently.”
Ren bristled and reached for his star. He found nothing, no conduit for his power. He was useless. He deflated, shoulders drooping. “Are you okay? Have they made you do anything?”
Liam’s face went red. “Weeds, Ren. You weren’t ever this protective at home.”
“I didn’t have to be. Now, answer the question.”
“It’s okay. I have a room, a bed, and I get three meals a day. But I can’t leave. I’ve gone into people’s dreams and gathered information from their subconscious. It’s not been all that bad. I mean, it’s not what I would’ve chosen to do, but you know, in the grand scheme.” Liam shrugged again.
“Do you want to leave?”
“Yes.” The sound was an urgent gasp. “Yes. I want to go home.”
Ren didn’t tell Liam about how home wasn’t there any longer, or about their parents, or their village. It wasn’t the time.
“Can they hear this? Can they see me?”
“They monitor me, so probably.”
Ren looked around the room and focused on the light. Even though it didn’t respond as real tech would, that didn’t mean he couldn’t posture. He allowed his star to flood him and let his eyes glow blue. His power burned and pulsed in him. He clenched his hands and imagined the tendrils of electricity dripping from him, down his limbs, lighting up his bones.
“I’m coming for my brother,” he said. “Understand? I’m coming, and you will not be able to stop me. I will destroy anyone who stands in my way.”
“Weeds, Ren. Dramatic much?”
Ren turned back to Liam, and Liam took a step back, his face paling even further.
“I’m going to find you and free you.”
Liam swallowed; his throat bobbed. “I think they are counting on that.”
“Good. I want the challenge.”
Liam nodded and wiped at his eyes. “Okay. Okay. I look forward to leaving. Stars, when did you get so scary? The only fight you were ever in was when Zeke pelted us with snowballs, and even then we ran away.”
Ren pulled back. He packed away the power and blinked. “That better?”
“Yes.” Liam’s voice shook. “Stars, Ren.”
Ren patted Liam’s shoulder. “They can’t stop me.”
“I should go. I need to go before the other one shows up.”
“Huh? Other?”
The light overhead flickered, and Liam started to fade. “I’ll see you around, big brother. Don’t do anything too stupid.”
“Liam? Wait! Can you come back?
Liam waved and said something, but he faded too quickly for Ren to hear.
* * *
Ren woke up with the sheets tangled around his legs and sweat slicking his hairline, but there were no alarms. Nothing blared. No one pounded at his door. He wasn’t trying to kill the crew. That was a bonus.
He pushed up to sitting and checked ship’s time. He had napped for a few hours, though his interaction with Liam had been only a few minutes long, and he hadn’t missed dinner. He had seen Liam. Liam was alive. Liam could contact him. Liam was okay, if imprisoned. And Ren was going to find him and save him. They would be family again. Ren was even more determined to get to Crei.
His stomach growled. Ren sniffed his shirt. He didn’t smell like dirt, but he had time for a quick shower anyway—probably for the best.
12
“I got us work,” Ollie said, shoveling food into his mouth. He addressed the group around a bite of casserole.
“That’s great!” Lucas said, full of false cheer. He nodded to Penelope; his goggles slipped a little to the side. “I love work.”
Rowan raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. The group had gathered around the scarred table in the mismatched chairs. Millicent ate from the pink chipped plate that everyone else avoided, except she didn’t really eat, but stared at her mass of noodles and sauce. She delicately picked up her bread and took a small bite.
Asher sat at his usual place with his shoulders hunched up around his ears and his elbows on the table. He didn’t wear his uniform, and the stretched collar of his shirt slipped down to reveal a peek at the color of his ruined tattoo. Ren gulped at the sliver of skin, scar, and ink. He grabbed his drink and guzzled it, looking away. Water ran down his chin, and when he set the cup down and wiped his mouth with his sleeve, everyone stared.
“What?”
“Anyway,” Rowan said, setting down her fork. She tented her fingers. “What is this work and where is it taking us?”
“Cargo run. Taking tech to Crei.”
Ren snapped his head up. Millicent’s head swiveled, and she stared at Ollie with her wide, unnatural eyes faintly glowing. Asher stiffened and lifted his head slowly, and Ren felt his hot gaze on the side of his face before Asher ducked back down. He idly moved the crust of his bread in a puddle of sauce.
“Do you think that is wise?” Asher said, his voice clipped. “I hear there might be political unrest there.”
Rowan dabbed her mouth with her napkin, her lips were pressed into a thin line, as her face slowly turned red. She flicked her braid over her shoulder. Her expression was difficult to read, but from the way Ollie watched her, Ren guessed that Ollie hadn’t alerted Rowan to his plan. But she wasn’t going to say that, not in front of the rest of the crew. Not in front of Asher.
She ignored Asher’s question. “What’s the take?”
Ollie held up the credit chip in his fingers. “Half paid for already. We get the rest when we get there. I already have the coordinates.”
Rowan’s eyebrows twitched. “Well then, since we’ve already been paid.”
“I don’t want to go,” Millicent said. “I left there.”
Asher stood; his chair scraped across the floor. He dropped his napkin and left the room without a word.
“Well,” Lucas said, “it seems we have dissension.”
“I’m the captain. I’ll say what jobs we take and where we go.” Rowan’s words were in response to Lucas, but they were for everyone.
Ollie had overstepped on Ren’s behalf, and Ren wouldn’t ever be able to repay him.
“No argument here, Captain,” Lucas said, holding up his hands. “I think it’s a great idea. Another planet. Wow! Who would have thought? More green things.”
“You’re overselling it, honey,” Penelope said quietly. “But
yes, great. Work is good. Credits are good.”
Rowan’s eyes narrowed.
“I don’t want to go,” Millicent said again.
Penelope patted her hand. “It’ll be all right. We’ll all be there. Even Ren. Right?”
“Oh, yes, sure. Yes.” He sounded awkward to his own ears. “I’m along for the ride.”
Millicent set her napkin on the table. “I’m finished. Thank you.” She stood and lightly stepped into the corridor.
Once her footsteps retreated, Lucas sighed. “She has gotten so much weirder. Ever since we landed at Erden.”
“She needs a break from the ship,” Ren said. “I’ve been thinking about it. When I disconnected and was planetside, I could think clearer. The same may work for her. If we can get her on Crei, she may be able to… reset.”
“Is that what you did?” Penelope asked. “I mean, you seem more… yourself.”
Ren flexed his hands, feeling the smooth wood of the table beneath his fingertips. He focused on his lungs expanding and contracting, the hum of the air recyclers, the scrape of Ollie’s fork on his plate, and the scent of the garlic in the bread. And in the far off recesses of his mind existed the pulse of the electricity, the whir of systems, the living mechanisms of the ship.
“I am myself,” Ren said. “I was always myself, just a little off balance.”
“Okay,” Penelope said, always tactful. “And you think having Millicent go planetside will help her balance?”
“It couldn’t hurt,” Lucas muttered. Penelope elbowed him in the side. “What? Oh come on! You all left me with her, and she went a little loopy. It was strange, and I am not equipped to deal with weird girls. I’m the pilot. I’m awkward. I wear goggles. I even tried the paradoxes, and they didn’t work.”
Ollie snorted. “You? Awkward? Never would have guessed.”
“Oh, shut up. Your sister married me.”
“That’s enough,” Rowan said. Her tone was sharp, but her smile belied any real annoyance. “Honestly. Children. All of you.”
“So we’re really going? To Crei?”
“Yes.” Rowan folded her hands in front of her, back straight. “We’re going. But we have a slight problem.”
“Another one? More problems than a star host who is acting strangely? And another one who is wanted by the Phoenix Corps?”
“I’m wanted?”
Lucas leveled Ren with a disbelieving look. “Um… yeah. You could say that.”
“That’s the problem,” Rowan said. “We have on board two star hosts and an AWOL Corpsman. The Corps hasn’t bothered them or us since we’ve docked, but I doubt they’ll let us leave.”
“Why haven’t they approached us? What are they playing at?” Lucas asked.
Rowan shook her head. “They’re waiting us out. They’re waiting for us to crack under the pressure and make a move.”
“And going to Crei is our move,” Ollie said, confident.
Rowan sighed. “We’re going to have to talk with VanMeerten.”
“No.” Ren’s protest was immediate and raw. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. No. “Beatrice.”
“I know, Ren. I know, but they’re not going to let us gallivant off to another planet. Not after last time. We’ll have to negotiate.”
“Then leave me out of it.”
“Okay,” Rowan said with a sympathetic look. “Okay. I’ll do my best.”
Lucas leaned over to Penelope. “Who is Beatrice?”
Penelope shrugged.
Ren couldn’t take it. Sorrow and guilt rose in his gullet and overwhelmed him; he pushed his plate away. He stood, and as Asher and Millicent had before him, he walked out.
* * *
A few hours later, there was a knock on his door. Ren sighed. He pulled out of the Star Stream’s systems, where he’d been fine-tuning them since he had been gone for a while and wanted them in perfect shape for the trip to Crei, and settled into his body.
It wasn’t Millicent, because the person knocked.
“Come in,” Ren said, disengaging the lock from his bunk.
Rowan walked in. She stopped at the threshold, hovering in the doorway. She wrinkled her nose at the state of the room, and Ren flushed.
“Yes?” he croaked.
“We’re leaving for Crei as soon as Lucas puts in the coordinates.”
Ren frowned. “The Corps is letting us leave?”
“Yes,” she said.
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
Ren’s throat went tight. “Asher.”
“Yes.”
Ren imagined scenarios where Asher was imprisoned or disciplined. Bread and water and stew flashed in his mind’s eye, and he ached thinking of Asher in a cell again.
“How?”
“You’ll have to ask him, but he’s not in the best mood. I’d wait until later. It’s a bit of a trip. You’ll have time.”
“He’s on the ship?”
“Yes.” Rowan’s green eyes flashed. “I hope you find what you’re looking for there.”
Rowan had two weaknesses—money and Asher. And Ren stared right at a crack in her brash and confident demeanor due to the latter.
“He didn’t need to. I could’ve… I could’ve given myself up. I could’ve disabled the drift and the dock and anyone else for us to leave. I could’ve done something. He didn’t need to.”
“He did,” she said simply.
Ren swallowed. “Okay.”
“If anything happens to him because of this, because of you, I want you gone. Understand? I want you and Millicent out of my sight. I’ve done everything I can for you. I’ve risked this crew and my ship. I won’t risk Asher. Not again. I allowed it before because he cares for you, but since he’s met you, he hasn’t made the greatest choices. And I won’t allow him to die for you or for anyone.”
Ren’s heart stuttered. His stomach knotted. Obviously Rowan didn’t adhere to Ollie’s sense of chosen family as staunchly as he did.
“Okay,” he said again.
“Good. I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He licked his dry lips. “Thank you. For everything.”
Her expression softened. “I care for you too, Ren. But you have to know that this life isn’t easy, and I have a responsibility to Pen and Lucas and Ollie.”
“I admire you.”
“Don’t.” She crossed her arms. “I’m not worthy of a pedestal. Don’t put me on one.”
Ren didn’t agree, but he wasn’t going to argue. “I’ll make sure the ship is ready for us to depart.”
“Okay.”
She looked at Ren’s ceiling and saw the picture taped there and the stick figure with a yellow braid and a pulse gun strapped to its side. “I miss that cog,” she said softly, smiling, eyes shining. “He would’ve made an excellent drifter, if he could’ve shaken the dust off.”
She talked as if Jakob had died, and, in a way, he had. Rowan would never see him again. There would be no reason for their paths to cross.
“He might still.”
She didn’t respond, merely nodded, before turning on her heel and leaving Ren’s room. She shut the door behind her, and Ren engaged the lock again.
Flopping back to the mattress, Ren tossed his arm over his eyes and fled into the ship. At least there, things made sense, were in a predictable order, worked in a way Ren understood.
He couldn’t say the same for humanity.
%
The route to Crei was long and uneventful. Lucas piloted. Penelope prepared. Ollie engaged Ren in a few social activities, and they worked together on the box of broken tech. It occupied Ren, and he enjoyed the comforting presence and silence around Ollie.
Ren avoided Millicent. Her behavior unnerved him. He hoped going planetside would wrest control of her body awa
y from her star, and she would be more human. Her eyes constantly glowed now, faintly, and she moved around the ship like a ghost. Ren didn’t know what Rowan said to her, but she didn’t protest their destination again. Ren silently feared she would take action against the ship and kept a vigilant watch on the systems, but he detected nothing.
Ren shuddered to think that a few weeks ago, he was in a similar state. He was more grounded now. He tried to keep his excursions into the ship minimal, only going in when he needed to fix a component or needed a break from thinking too much.
Asher and he didn’t talk. They passed by each other in the hallways, and the one time Ren attempted to speak to him, Asher shook his head.
“Ash, please.”
“I can’t.”
“Why? I’m sorry, okay? For what I said. For what I’ve done. For everything. Please.”
“Ren, I can’t. Don’t.”
And then he walked away, in strides on the verge of a full-out run, before disappearing around a corner.
Ren didn’t try again.
%
The landing on Crei went as well as could be expected. Lucas did what he could, but the atmosphere and the pull of the gravity made the ship shudder and shake. The vid screen clouded with fog, which worried Ren. But Lucas was an expert, and he relied on the instruments and his skill to pilot them to the station. Ren gritted his teeth and did what he could with his power to aid the descent.
They docked at the station, a tower which rose from the landscape, stark against the orange sky. The slip was an open platform buttressed by huge metal girders, with a shed-like roof to protect them from the elements. Unlike the drifts and the port on Erden, it wasn’t enclosed.
Lucas slid expertly into the tiny spot between another merchant-class ship and a smaller planet-bound transport. The group waited in the cargo bay for pressurization, and, once they had the signal, Ollie opened the bay doors.
He covered his mouth, and coughed, pinching his nose as he stepped out. They followed. Ren took a breath and immediately regretted it. He gagged and choked and slapped both hands over his mouth and nose. “What the stars?” Ren coughed around the words.
Penelope used the collar of her shirt to cover her face. “It’s like when Lucas eats onions.”