by Natalie Ann
“I believe you. I guess I just needed to get it out there. The other thing was your comment about wearing a ring like that in your job. Again, I was out of line saying it might stop men from hitting on you. I’m not a possessive or controlling person.”
She laughed and finished up with the eggs at the same time the toast was done. “I think you are possessive and controlling but not in a bad way. Trust me, I’ve been around men like that and it’s not you.”
He wanted to ask more about the men she’d been around like that and wondered if it had anything to do with them both admitting they had secrets in their lives. Then he decided it was too early to ask that and he suspected she’d blow it off.
“I’m glad you can see that. I guess it comes back to me asking if you think you’ll always be a bartender.”
“Are you embarrassed by what I do?” she asked, frowning.
Shit, this wasn’t going well at all. “I’m making a mess out of this. No. I’m not. Not at all. Don’t think that.”
“But someone made a comment to you about dating me, didn’t they? About how it might not look good for you as the chief of police to be with a bartender?”
“Yes, someone did. Someone I have little respect for or their opinion and don’t give two shits about the words out of their mouth. That isn’t what this is about. It’s just I thought I saw something in your eyes when you made that comment. Like it’s not what you want. Maybe I saw something that isn’t there.”
“It’s scary how well you read people,” she said.
“Meaning I’m right?”
“I don’t think anyone dreams of being a bartender when they are growing up. It doesn’t mean a lot of people don’t enjoy that job. I do. I like people. I like interacting with many. But no, it’s not my dream job. It’s not stable. It’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life.”
“Do you know what you want to do?” he asked. “Or still figuring that out in your young state?”
She tilted her head at him. “I’m not sure where this is all coming from. I know what I’d like to do. I’m working on it, but it takes time.”
“You aren’t going to tell me what, are you?”
“Not yet. Not many know. Not even my best friends. And though it’s not a bad thing by any means. It’s a personal one. I’d like to find some measure of success first.”
He wasn’t sure where that was coming from either and had no clue what she was talking about but had to trust her for now. “I hope you know I’m not someone that judges.”
“No. I don’t think you are. But the truth is, we all have things in our lives that are hard to tell others. Shockingly, I’d like to tell you, I’m just not sure why.”
They were sitting at the table eating now and he looked up at her. “I kind of feel that way too. I’m not sure why I started this conversation, but I feel better that we had it.”
“Me too,” she said.
17
Funny and Mean
“What are you doing here?” Amanda asked when Sidney walked in the side door in the kitchen where she and Bri were sitting at the table.
“Mac had to go to work,” Sidney said. “And let me see that damn ring.”
Amanda started to dance around the kitchen, then moved in front of Sidney to show off the rock.
“I was just asking her to tell me how it happened,” Bri said. “I’m glad you are here so she won’t say she’d wait for you.”
Sidney looked at Bri who was smiling but it wasn’t reaching her eyes. “What’s your problem?”
“Nothing,” Bri said.
“But there is one,” Amanda said.
“Everyone has someone but me,” Bri said. “You girls aren’t even trying and you’ve got someone.”
Sidney looked at Amanda. Always about Bri and now it was time to pout. “Because you try too hard,” Amanda said. “I’ve told you this for a long time and you don’t listen. Not one of the three of us was even looking let alone trying and yet we are in relationships. But all three of us haven’t been with someone in years.”
“I can’t go years being alone. I’m not sure how you guys did it. You’ve got to drive a lot of cars to find the one you like,” Bri said.
“And how is that working out for you?” Sidney said.
“Obviously not good. I’m sorry, Amanda. I’m having a pity party. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I was all alone for the first time ever. My date stood me up. I mean, he showed up, but then like thirty minutes in, he bailed. Got some text and said he had to leave. I knew you were cooking dinner for Drew here and then going back to his place, so I didn’t want to interrupt you guys. It kind of sucked that you were both gone and Kayla is out of the house and married.”
“I’m sorry,” Amanda said. “I know you don’t like being in the house alone at night.”
“Don’t apologize to her,” Sidney said. Amanda always felt bad, but she had to stop. She was entitled to a life. “We are all adults. There are plenty of times Bri doesn’t come home and now she’s upset that we didn’t. And now that you are engaged you’ll be moving out at some point too.”
“What’s going to happen to us here?” Bri asked. “I didn’t even think of that, but the lease is in your name.”
Here we go again, Sidney thought. “It’s pretty early and I’m sure we can figure it out. Since Drew owns the house I don’t think he’s going to kick us out. Maybe I’ll put the lease in my name and move down to Amanda’s room when she leaves and do what she did with roommates. Bri, chill. Everything always works out.”
“Exactly,” Amanda said. “It’s early. Not even twenty-four hours I’ve been engaged. I’d never leave you two girls hanging and you know that.”
“We do,” Sidney said. “Now please. Tell us about your engagement.”
“It was so sweet,” Amanda said. “Drew is just the best. I’m sorry, Bri. I know it bothers you to hear this.”
“No, I’m being a baby. And selfish. All those things you’ve told me before. Seriously, I want to hear this.”
Bri had a big smile on her face now. Sometimes she just needed a firm hand and when she got it, she got her head out of her ass. “Yes, tell us,” Sidney said, “before Bri has to go to work.”
“Okay,” Amanda said. “I opened the front door and he had a box of cookies in his hand. I thought it was funny since he and his brothers call me the cookie lady and here he was bringing them to me.”
Sidney thought that was sweet. Amanda was the mom of the house, always cooking and baking for everyone. “He wanted to make sure you didn’t do too much last night.”
“He wanted to be cute,” Amanda said. “I opened them up and there were a few in there that were my favorite.” She reached for the pink box on the table and lifted the lid. “These heart shaped ones with the jelly in the center.”
“I like them too,” Sidney said, reaching in to snatch one out. “Did he have the ring in a cookie?”
“That would be so romantic and so like Drew,” Bri said.
“It wasn’t in the cookie,” Amanda said, “but under it. I picked it up to eat it and then the ring was right there staring at me. I just dropped the cookie down noticing the ring. He said he knew it was early, but we weren’t getting any younger.”
“He didn’t,” Sidney said. “That’s kind of funny and mean at the same time.”
“But still sweet,” Bri said. “It’s everything you always wanted, isn’t it?”
Sidney looked at Amanda and saw her smile, the tears forming in her eyes. She knew more than Bri how much Amanda wanted to be married and have children. “We know it is and you obviously said yes with your finger being weighed down now.”
“I did say yes. I said it before he even asked and then he laughed at me and pointed that fact out.”
“But then he asked,” Bri said. “Right?”
“No. I told him he didn’t need to ask. That when it’s right, it’s right. It’s just meant. He said yes, put the ring on my finger, and said I was his f
orever.”
“Aw,” Bri said. “Now I’m going to cry and I need to leave for work and don’t have time to fix my makeup.”
Bri stood up and put her dishes in the dishwasher, gave Amanda a hug and then left the two of them there.
“I’m so happy for you,” she said to Amanda and gave her another hug.
“I’m happy for me too. Everything I always wanted and never expected to happen has in the past few months.”
“Because you weren’t looking,” she said.
“Just like you. How was your night with Mac? You’re almost glowing.”
She smiled. “Just like you to turn this to me. It was great. Had a weird conversation this morning.”
“Weird how?”
“I don’t know. Not bad...just different. Maybe moving fast.”
“Does that bother you?” Amanda asked.
“The funny thing is, it doesn’t.”
“Then tell me what was said, if you want. You don’t have to.”
“I’d like to.” She told her about the ring conversation. “I pointed out that it’s a bigger issue with him than anyone else. I don’t get it.”
“You and I don’t, but from someone that grew up here and then listening to Drew talk about it. Even some conversations Kayla has said about Hunter. I can see it. This island is their heritage. Those that come from money are viewed that way and judged. Those that don’t are almost talked down to.”
“I know it. It’s just so stupid. Mac is every bit as successful as all his cousins. Maybe some in his past were cads and losers, but I’m sure we all have people in our family like that.”
“Hell, having money doesn’t mean someone isn’t a cad or jerk. I know firsthand with my ex, Randall.”
The guy that left Amanda alone as a pregnant teen. Yeah, talk about a real asshole. “Exactly. I don’t care what his name is and I told him that. I’d rather want him for his body.”
Amanda laughed. “I’ve never thought of sex as much as I have being with Drew.”
“I feel the same way,” she said. “Kayla said that too. Do you think there is something with the Bond men? Maybe they’ve got really strong hormones or something?”
“No clue,” Amanda said. “It’s funny when you say that though. So it was just the ring conversation or something more?”
Leave it to Amanda to see something else. “That started it, but then we got talking about my job. He wanted to know if I always wanted to be a bartender and if not what I wanted to do.”
“What was your answer?”
“That it’s not what I dreamed of or planned on, but I’m not ready to move on yet to what I’d like. I need to prove myself there first.”
“Does it have to do with your drawing that no one knows about?” Amanda asked.
“Somewhat.”
“I’m not being nosy. Don’t think that. I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk. I’m honored you’d told me what you did about your past. Your sister and your art. I’m going to guess Mac doesn’t know either of those things?”
“No. It’s not something you just bring up about losing your sister. We haven’t talked much about our families. He knows where I’m from and where I went to school. We don’t spend a lot of time together and when we do it’s more about getting naked and going to bed. What kind of relationship is that?”
“Not a bad one if you are having some other serious talks like you did. So don’t think otherwise. You are in the honeymoon phase, but it’s not superficial and you know that.”
“You’re right. I know you are.” Leave it to Amanda to cut to the chase.
“Like you said, it’s early yet. Let it play out. It sounds like you are both having fun, so enjoy that. And maybe you’ll get lucky at the casino tomorrow.”
“Maybe,” she said. “I’m going to go up and shower. I think I’ll take a nap later before work since I was up earlier than normal but I can’t sleep now.”
“I’ll be gone by the time you get out, I’m sure. I need to run to work. I’ll probably spend the weekend at Drew’s though. Or at least tonight and tomorrow. I’ll let you and Bri know either way.”
“I’m going to Mac’s after work again,” she said. “Hope Bri doesn’t get upset.”
“Like you said, we are adults. She has to get over it,” Amanda said. “I’m not changing my plans for her and you shouldn’t either.”
“I have no intention of it. Maybe she’ll find some guy and bring him home,” she said.
“I don’t want to know that either, but since neither of us will be here, I can’t say much if she is respectful of it.”
Sidney got up and went to her room to get a change of clothes, then jumped in the shower. When she got out, the house was quiet and she knew she was alone.
Since there was so much talk about what she wanted to do with her life, she pulled out her sketch pad and her computer. After Mac told her about the false child abuse call he went on, she made a note of the words he’d used to the kid. How he wanted to make sure if the kid was in real danger he could still call and not be worried he’d get in trouble.
Yeah, that was the type of guy she was with. That was the man she wanted to use as her role model for her story about trusting police officers.
She typed up some notes for her story. She kind of liked the false accusation but figured it was a children’s book and didn’t know if that would be a good moral to the story. Then she told herself no. She needed to do that.
She needed a book out there that kids should read and not be afraid to go to the police even if they made a mistake.
Examples of all the good they do. How if they are afraid at home, to still seek someone out. And that if they are scared of the police, it’s fine, the police are still there for them.
This was good. It was all making sense and now she had her story and could write each page out and did so.
Several hours later, she had what she thought each page would or should say and it was perfect. Now all she had to do was finalize the illustrations for it.
Normally she just self-published her books, but something about this one made her want to see if she could find a publisher or an agent. Maybe an agent first.
She spent another few hours searching and compiling a list of ones she’d thought were reputable, drafted a query letter and then shut her computer down.
She needed to think on it more before she hit send and she needed to work on the book first so she had something to even submit with the letters.
Either way, she was almost done with another book she could put up for preorder soon.
It’d be her sixth book in two years and she was pretty proud of herself.
No, she wasn’t killing it with revenue, but she was making money and that counted for her. She got good reviews and emails from readers—mothers—telling her how much they enjoyed the lessons her books had.
Rod had told her years ago she’d amount to nothing. That her art was childish and weak. It would never make it in a gallery. There’d been no reason to tell him that had never been her goal.
Back then she wasn’t sure what her goal really was and children’s books came to her on a fluke. In a dream of Anne. It really didn’t matter how it came about, but it was something she wanted to make happen.
And somehow she was going to. But like she’d told Mac, she just wanted to be successful at it and right now, she couldn’t make a living from it, but it was a nice side gig.
There was plenty enough time in her life to figure out the rest or how to move forward. And with inspiration like Mac, she had loads of experience. Hmmm, maybe she could do a whole line of books like that.
No. If he found out, he might think she was using him. That she was only with him for that.
It seemed that he had enough demons in his mind from his heritage, that the last thing she wanted was him to think she was only with him for book material.
This was her first book on a policeman, so it might be easy enough for him to think that
. Once this one was finished, she’d move onto something else so he wouldn’t think that.
But she did know one thing. The one she needed to finish up for preorder...My First Haircut. That was being dedicated to Amanda. And if she could work up the courage, she might just let Amanda see the dedication inside.
18
Perfect For Her
“I can’t wait to see the casino,” Sidney said at eleven on Saturday. She came to Mac’s house after her shift the night before. He was going to go to the bar last night again and have a drink while she worked and then told himself not to.
They’d already had a really deep conversation about things and showing up two nights in a row might be pushing it.
He said he wasn’t controlling or possessive but found that he might be when it came to her and he had to squash those feelings like Colleen did to him all those years ago when he said he had no intention of staying in Florida.
He didn’t really think he carried that around with him all that much but then wondered if maybe he did.
Sure, he said she’d complained he wasn’t much of a romantic and he never believed it himself.
Yet for some reason Sidney seemed to think what he had was perfect for her. Was enough. That was one thing he always wondered...if he’d be enough for someone.
“I can’t believe you’ve been here over a year and never checked it out,” he told her as they were getting their jackets on to leave. It was another chilly day on the island but not much snow left behind. Weather on the island was always hard to predict, but he was glad he didn’t leave the island much. No way he’d want to be on the ferries this time of year.
“I’ve had no reason to,” she said. “I’m not much of a gambler. I tend to be a saver more than anything. Not only that, with my work schedule, it doesn’t always coincide with my friends. Amanda isn’t much of a gambler. Bri would go, but she would just want to pick up a man.”
“What’s her deal?” he asked when they were getting in his SUV to leave.