Even when we hadn’t been on tour together, they had still texted.
Until they’d stopped completely.
“Kaden just told us you two broke up, and then Mrs. Jones sent out an email saying that if she caught any of us communicating with you, that would be the last day we worked for her,” Arthur started to say before I gave him my own flat look.
“I believe you, but was that before or after I’d tried calling you with my new number and left voice mails and texts you never replied to? You knew I would never rat anyone out to her.”
He closed his mouth, but apparently Simone decided it was a good idea to keep talking.
“We’re sorry. We didn’t find out until a few months ago what all happened, and Kaden’s been a mess. He’s asked all of us if we’d heard from you, and he canceled his tour, did you hear? That’s why we’re out here with Holland.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I know that Mrs. Jones had told you all we were breaking up before I knew. Bruce told me.” He was the roadie I had stayed with in Utah. “You could have warned me, but you didn’t. Both of you know I’m not a snitch. If it would have been one of you, I would’ve said something. Like I told you, Simone, when Mrs. Jones was whispering about firing you when you gained weight, remember? Didn’t I warn you?”
“But Kaden—” Simone started to say.
“I don’t care anymore, and that’s the truth. You don’t need to feel bad either. At least I can say thank you for not giving them my number… even though you didn’t say anything so you wouldn’t risk getting fired if Mrs. Jones thought you were lying about actually talking to me, huh?” I snorted. “You know what? Good luck on tour,” I said as calmly as possible before turning around and coming face to chest with Rhodes, who had snuck behind me.
Beside him was Am.
And they were both looking at me with guarded, huge eyes that instantly sent panic piercing through my chest. Not much, but enough. More than enough.
Shit.
I didn’t want them to find out like this. Well, I hadn’t wanted them to find out period, but I’d planned on eventually telling them anyway. Admitting the last piece of the Aurora’s ex puzzle.
And now these two “friends” that I’d used to have, who had stopped answering my calls and texts, had taken that away from me.
I opened my mouth to tell them I’d explain in the car, even as a dull ache of shame filled my chest, but Rhodes beat me to it.
“Your ex’s name is Kaden?” he asked slowly, way too slowly. “Kaden… Jones?”
And before I could answer that, Amos’s mouth pressed together so tight, his lips went white and his eyebrows dropped into a confused and either hurt or angry expression.
Fucking hell. This was my fault, and yes, I could blame Simone and Arthur, but at the end of the day, it was my fault for putting Rhodes and Am into this position. There was nothing to do but tell them the truth. “Yeah. That’s him,” I answered weakly, that same wave of shame flowing over me.
Just one of the biggest fucking country artists of the decade.
Thanks to me partly.
“Your ex is the country guy on the insurance commercials? The one with the song for Thursday Night Football?” Rhodes asked in that ultra-serious voice I hadn’t heard in forever.
“You said….” Am started to say before shaking his head, his throat and cheeks turning pink.
I had no idea if he was mad or hurt, maybe it was both, and I suddenly felt terrible. Worse, honestly, than a year and a half ago when life as I’d known it had gotten pulled out from under me. Fisting my hands, I tried to get my thoughts together. “Yes, that’s him. I didn’t want to tell you who he was because—”
“You said you were married,” Amos muttered. “I know he’s not because Jackie used to talk about him all the time.”
“We were, technically. Common-law marriage. I could’ve taken him for half his things, I have the proof. I went to a lawyer. I had a case, but….”
It was Rhodes who opened his mouth and shook his head, the tendon along his neck rising out of nowhere. “You lied to us?”
“I didn’t lie to you!” I whispered. “I just… didn’t tell you. What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, strangers, guess what? I wasted fourteen years of my life with one of the most famous people in the country? I wrote all of his music and let him take credit for it because I was dumb and naïve? He dumped me because his mom didn’t think I was good enough? Because he didn’t love me enough?’” That familiar shame seemed to squeeze down on my chest.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Simone and Arthur begin inching away with an “I’m sorry” that I didn’t care enough about to acknowledge.
“You wrote his music too?” Am genuinely whispered, using that same voice I hadn’t heard since the first time we’d met and his dad had busted us and his plan. “And didn’t tell me?”
“Yeah, Am, I did. That’s why they paid me off. I told you both I got money from our split. I just never told either of you his name…. I was embarrassed.”
The teenager set his jaw. “You don’t think we deserved to know?”
I glanced at Rhodes and felt my heartbeat over my neck and face. “I was going to tell you at some point, but it just… I wanted you to like me for me. For who I am.”
He shook his head slowly, eyebrows knitting together. “You didn’t think it was important that you were married to some rich, famous guy? That you made us think you were some sad, divorced woman who had to start all over again?”
Anger and hurt suddenly punched me right in the chest. “I was sad, and I was technically divorced. He used to call me his wife in private. Around very close friends. He didn’t legally marry me because it would ruin his image. Because single men sold more records than married ones. And I did have nothing. The money doesn’t mean shit to me. Besides your Christmas presents and a little money here and there I’ve spent on things and other people, I haven’t spent it on anything. And I did have to start all over again, like I told you. He came home, said it was over, and the next day, his lawyer sent me a notice to leave the house. Everything was under his name. I had to move in with Yuki for a month before I had the strength to go back to Florida,” I explained, shaking my head. “All I left with were the same things I brought here.”
Rhodes lifted his head toward the sky and shook it. He was pissed. Which, fine, okay, if he had dated… Yuki, I would want to know. But I hadn’t lied. And I’d just been trying to protect what little pride I had left. Was that so wrong?
“You wrote that football song, didn’t you?” Amos asked in that tiny voice that felt like a kick to my sternum.
My heart fell, but I nodded at him.
His nostrils flared, and his cheeks went even more pink. “You told me my songs were good.”
What? “Because they are, Am!”
My teenage friend looked down, and his lips pressing together so hard they went white.
“I’m not lying,” I insisted. “They are good. You knew about Yuki. I told you I’d written things that people had recorded. I tried to hint at it. But I just didn’t want you to be nervous, that’s why I—”
Without looking at me or his dad, Amos turned around, walked toward the car, and got into the passenger seat.
My heart crashed to my toes, and I forced myself to glance at Rhodes. “I’m sorry—” I started to say before he met my gaze, that stubborn chin a hard point on his face.
He blinked. “How much money did he give you?”
“Ten million.”
He flinched.
“I told you I had money saved,” I reminded him weakly.
One of those big hands came up, and he scrubbed at his head through the knit hat he’d put on. He didn’t say a word.
“Rhodes….”
He didn’t even look at me as he turned around and got into the car.
Fuck.
I swallowed hard. There was no one to blame but myself, and I damn well knew it. But if I could just explain. I just hadn’t told t
hem Kaden’s name or been specific about how much songwriting I’d done… at least for who. I’d hinted. I’d never lied. Was it so wrong that I didn’t want to admit I hadn’t written anything new in forever? I didn’t even worry about that anymore. I didn’t think about it.
We were just going to need a little time. Once they stopped being mad, I could explain all over again. From the beginning. Everything.
It would be fine.
They loved me and I loved them.
But even having a plan didn’t help when neither of them said a single word to me, or each other, the entire ride back to Pagosa.
Chapter 29
Clara was looking at me as I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
“What’s wrong? You’ve looked sad today,” she said as I reorganized the shoe display for the third time. It still didn’t look right. It made more sense to have the taller winter boots at the top than at the bottom, but the whole thing still looked off.
“Nothing,” I told her, hearing the weariness in my tone and reminding me I was a bad liar. I had slept awful last night, worse than the nights the bats had terrorized me. But instead of taking the day off like I’d originally requested, I had decided to come in and not leave her short-handed instead.
She had to have heard the BS too from the expression she made that was all concern. Part of me expected her to let it go, but she didn’t. “You know you can tell me whatever’s bothering you, right?” she asked, slowly and carefully, trying not to tread on my toes but obviously concerned enough to risk it.
And that’s why I set the shoes down and looked at her and then sighed so deeply, I didn’t know how I still had air left in my lungs afterward. “I fucked up, Clara.”
She came around the counter, walking right past Jackie who was renting some tubes out to a family, and came over to squat beside me, her hand resting between my shoulder blades. “If you tell me, I can try to help. Or I can just listen.”
Love and tenderness filled my entire soul, so much of it that it almost made up for the ache I’d been feeling since last night, and I found myself hugging her close for a second before pulling back and saying, “You’re such a good person. I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but even more for your friendship.”
It was her turn to hug me back. “It goes both ways, you know. You’ve been the best thing to happen to me in a long time, and we’re all so glad you’re here.”
Wasn’t that nearly word for word what Rhodes had said once?
When he was talking to me.
When he wasn’t ignoring my text messages like he had that morning. All I’d wanted was to talk to him, to explain better. I still hadn’t gotten a reply though.
I sniffled, then she sniffled, and I told her the truth. “I hadn’t told Rhodes or Amos about Kaden, and they found out last night. I feel terrible, and they’re so mad at me.” What I didn’t say was that they hadn’t even tried to stop me when we’d gotten back, and I went into their house to grab my things and go back to the garage apartment.
Her eyes had widened with every word out of my mouth but somehow circled back so that she ended up grimacing but making a thoughtful expression at the same time. “But you didn’t tell them about him because you’re embarrassed about it.” I wasn’t positive even she knew about how I’d written his songs. Jackie did because she’d overheard comments Yuki had made, but Clara had never brought up anything about it. Had Jackie told her? Had she put it together? I had no clue.
So I nodded and told her as quickly as possible about it, stressing mostly on how I hadn’t written anything new in nearly two years and how I hadn’t brought it up because I wouldn’t be able to help Am with his music in that way anymore.
She tilted her head to the side, and her expression wasn’t sad, but it was close. “You know, I get why they’d be upset, but at the same time, I understand why you didn’t want to tell them too. If I were in your shoes, I don’t know that I would either. At the same time, I always thought it was pretty cool you knew him in the first place, that you were together.”
I shrugged.
“But you told them about him in general, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, just never the specifics.” I blew out a breath and shook my head. “They wouldn’t even look at me, Clara. I know I kind of deserve it, but it really hurt my feelings. They found out because we stopped at this gas station and two of Kaden’s band members happened to stop at the same one and they tried to apologize for turning their back on me. It was so dumb, and I feel like crap. The only reason I waited so long to tell them was because I wanted them to like me for me. And they did. And now it backfired.”
“I’m sure they are upset. He’s… Kaden Jones, Aurora. I saw him on a commercial last night. I think my jaw dropped when he had that first big hit and I realized you were together.”
I grunted, knowing exactly what song it was. “What the Heart Wants.” I’d written it when I was sixteen and I’d missed my life in Colorado so much still.
Clara reached over and grabbed my hand. “They’ll get over it. Those two love you. I don’t think they know how to function without you anymore. Give them some time.” I must have made a face because she laughed. “Why don’t you come over tonight? Stay with us? Dad was upset you didn’t come over Christmas Eve even though it wasn’t like anybody was able to go anywhere because of the snow.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, not wanting to picture myself sitting in the garage apartment all by myself for hours. Not with this feeling in my soul.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
I nodded at her. “Okay. I will. I’ll go get my things and then come over. Do you want me to bring anything?”
“Just you,” she answered. “Don’t beat yourself up too much. Nobody who knows you would ever believe you’d do something malicious.” Clara paused. “Unless they really asked for it.”
That was the first time I smiled all day.
* * *
My heart kept on feeling pretty heavy, despite Clara’s assurance I’d be forgiven.
I knew it was my fault. My pride had kicked the shit out of me, and that was the most frustrating part, that I couldn’t blame anybody else.
And my heart kept on hurting even more as I turned into the driveway and saw the ruts in the snow from wide tires. Because I knew what it meant. Rhodes was home.
As in, he’d literally just gotten home too. Seconds before me.
I knew that because I found him getting out of his truck as I pulled into the area that he’d plowed around my car Christmas morning when he’d dug us all out of the snow since the forecast hadn’t called for much more.
Reluctant hope kind of sprouted inside of me as I put my car into park and reached to grab my bag. But just as quickly as its little roots had sprouted, they shriveled up. He didn’t look at me. Not once as he slammed his door closed and stubbornly kept his attention straight ahead, refusing to focus down… or on me. I waited in my car, watching, hoping and praying he’d turn around and just… glance over.
But that wasn’t what happened.
I swallowed.
He didn’t need to do anything he didn’t want to.
He was mad at me, and I just had to live with it. Clara was right. He would eventually forgive me. I hoped. Amos, I wasn’t so sure about but… we’d figure it out. I hoped too. I really did owe them time at least to accept it and hopefully see things from my perspective… even if this was just about exactly what I’d wanted to avoid.
Up the stairs I went.
I put some things into my duffel bag for tonight and tomorrow morning. I knew it was a little immature, but I hadn’t put the jacket that Rhodes had bought me on that morning, instead using my thinner one, and I left it where it was on top of the mattress. And yeah, I hadn’t worn the boots either, and I left them on the side of the bed too.
They could be mad, but I could have my feelings hurt too, right? I was tired of people just… not talking to me anymore. Just letting me leave. It sucked,
plain and simple. Maybe I’d gotten over a lot of things over the last year and a half, but the betrayal of not just the Joneses but my “friends” too stung the hardest.
So yes, chances were I was being extra sensitive, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. There were only so many emotions you could talk yourself out of, and this ache wasn’t one of them.
Finally ready to leave, I clutched my keys as I circled toward my car and tossed my bag in the back. I happened to look up toward the deck and found Amos standing there, watching me through the window. I lifted my hand and ducked into the car. I didn’t wait for him to greet me back; I couldn’t handle having him blatantly ignore me.
Then I left.
Chapter 30
I’d be a lying son of a bitch if I said that a couple of tears didn’t sneak out of my eyes on the way to Clara’s.
Wiping at my face when one of them brushed the side of my mouth, I listened to the navigation warn about an upcoming right turn and immediately get cut off when a call came through.
The screen showed “TOBER RHODES CALLING.”
Was he calling to tell me bad news? To tell me to move out? Dread wrapped its fingers around my stomach, but I forced myself to hit the answer button. I’d already learned the hard way what happened when I tried to avoid bad things.
Might as well embrace them and get them over it.
“Hello?” Even I could hear the uneasiness in my soul.
“Where are you?” came the rough voice.
“Hi, Rhodes,” I said quietly, more quietly than I thought I’d ever talked to him before. “I’m driving.”
He didn’t say hi back; what he did say was a curt, “I know you’re driving. Where are you going?”
His Navy Voice was back, and I didn’t know what that meant. “Why?”
“Why?”
I sucked in a breath through my nose. “Yeah. Why are you asking?” I had to just… face it. If he wanted to tell me to get my things and leave, even though I didn’t think that was something he’d want to do, might as well find out now.
All Rhodes Lead Here Page 44