But it was him that brought it up. “I don’t care you can’t write anymore, you know.” He was totally serious. “But… you’ll still help me with my songs?”
Pressure built up in my chest. “I kind of have to,” I told him. “We’ve done this much. I might as well stick around and see what you can do with more time.”
His smile was faint, and he glanced at me again. “I was thinking about the talent show again, and I was thinking about doing another song instead.”
I bit the inside of my cheek and smiled. “Okay, tell me more.”
* * *
Amos parked my car in front of the house, not by the garage apartment, I noted but kept my mouth shut. All I wanted was to savor this. Whatever this was. Being accepted into their home and lives even more so?
They wanted me back.
They wanted me close.
And for me, that was more than something. It was everything.
We got out, and I caught Rhodes’s face as he waited by the hood of his truck, watching me closely. Part of me still couldn’t believe they’d come to get me. No one had ever done that before. Not my ex when he’d hurt my feelings beyond belief and I’d gone to stay with Yuki, and not after I left the house when he’d officially broken things off. He’d never even texted to check up on me and make sure I was fine and not in a ditch somewhere.
Just as I started to get mad at myself for everything that had led up to my relationship with him and how long I’d let it go on, I remembered that if it hadn’t been for him and what he’d done, I might have never come back here.
Because as much heartache and tears as I’d wasted in my previous life, the happiness I’d found here balanced it. And maybe with time, it would more than make up for it. Maybe one day it would overshadow that period completely.
I could only hope.
“You coming?” Amos asked as he rounded the hood of the SUV.
I nodded at him and smiled.
But still, he hesitated, a frown forming over his lean features. “I really am sorry, Ora,” he told me again.
“I’m sorry too. I’m disappointed in myself for believing that the music thing would be a deal breaker. Give me a hug and we’ll call it even.”
He seemed to freeze for a second before rolling his eyes and coming over. Amos wrapped a loose arm around my back, which was pretty much the equivalent of the warmest hug from anyone else in the world, and patted my spine twice—letting me hug him back—before he pulled away. He gave me a tiny mouth twist that was also the equivalent of a great, beaming smile from anyone else before he shook his head, looked away, and went up the steps to the deck.
Rhodes was still in place, looking, waiting as his son disappeared in the house, closing the door behind him. Leaving us alone. “All right. Come here,” Rhodes said in that low, quiet voice, lifting his hand.
I took it. I slipped my fingers over his calloused palm and watched as his long ones curled around my own, tugging me toward him. Those purple-gray eyes were steady. “Now tell me one more time. Why didn’t you say anything about who your ex was before?” he asked so tenderly I would’ve told him anything.
I answered, aiming for tender too. “There are a few reasons. A) I don’t like talking about him. Who wants to tell someone they like all about their ex? Nobody. B) I told you, it embarrassed me. I didn’t want you to think there was something wrong with me and that’s why we split up—”
“I know there’s nothing wrong with you. Are you kidding me? He’s an idiot.”
I had to fight a grin. “And for so long people just pretended like they wanted to get to know me because they thought I worked for him. I mean, I didn’t take you to be a fan of his, but I just got used to not talking about him, Rhodes. It’s a habit. There were very, very few people I could ever talk about him to. And I didn’t want to bring him up. I was trying to move on.”
“You did move on.”
My heart jumped, and I agreed. “I did move on. You’re right.”
He took a step closer, his body right there. “I want to understand, Buddy, so I know his level of stupidity.”
That made me grin.
“You broke up because he had to pretend you weren’t together? And that’s why you didn’t have kids?”
“Right. Only band members, people on tour, and close friends and family knew. Everyone had to sign a nondisclosure agreement. We pretended like I was his assistant to explain why I was always around. At first it was fine, but eventually… it really sucked. They were so paranoid about kids, his mom used to count my birth control pills. I would hear her asking him about fucking condoms all the time. It was so hurtful now that I think about it. And I don’t want to talk about him, Rhodes, because he’s the past and not my future in any way anymore, but I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.” I wouldn’t mind knowing everything about him some day.
“There’s a lot of singers who get married and are still successful, aren’t there?”
I nodded. “Yeah, there are. But I told you, he’s a momma’s boy and she insisted things would never be the same. He valued his relationship with his mom more than his relationship with me, and that was fine. Not really, but I tried to be fine with it. With being the lie. Being a secret. With living a life that made me feel way too often that I wasn’t good enough, because maybe if I had been, it would have been fine for everyone to know. All I wanted was to be important to someone again, I guess. So I put up with it.
“Then at one point, she talked him into doing ‘publicity’ and being seen going out with this other country singer, and I told him if he did, he could go fuck himself. He said he had to, that he was doing it for us because there were rumors going around that he might not like women—like there’s something wrong with that—because he didn’t have a girlfriend and was never seen with anybody. And I left. I was gone a month. I stayed with Yuki. He did it. That’s when I told you that we’d split up and he’d kissed someone else. And eventually, then he came looking and begged me to get back together.
“Things were never the same after that. About a year later, he and his mom decided they were going to try and ‘do something else’ with his music, so they hired some producer instead of going through me… and that was the official beginning of the end. I think about it now, and I guess they figured out I was writing less and less. I bet they, or at least his mom, were trying to phase me out. A year after that, it was over. He had left for some ‘business meetings,’—which I later found out had really been him staying at his mom’s—came home and said things weren’t working anymore, reminded me that the house was under his name since his mom wouldn’t let me be on the deed because ‘someone might find out,’ and he walked out. The next day, she disconnected my cell. It’s kind of messed up, but I think that bothered me more than splitting up did.”
Rhodes just blinked at me. One long, slow blink, and all he was able to say was “Wow.”
I nodded at him.
“If he hasn’t already, he’s going to wake up one day and think, that’s the worst mistake of my life,” he said in surprise.
“For a long time, I hoped and prayed that exact thing would happen, but I told you, I just don’t care anymore.” I squeezed his hand. “When his mom showed up, that’s what I told her too. So you know, he has tried emailing me. Months ago. I never replied to him.”
The surprised expression on his features disappeared, and his serious face was back on as he dipped his chin once. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Also, so you know, I’ve talked about it with Yuki and my aunt, and we all agree he’s only trying to get back in contact because the two albums he did without me did so bad.”
Rhodes’s eyes roamed my face, and he softly said, “That’s not the only reason, sweetheart, believe me.”
I shrugged. “But it’s not like I can write anymore anyway. Or that even if I did, I would ever go back to that bullshit.”
“You know that doesn’t factor at all between us, yeah? You know I don’t care even
a little bit about that, don’t you?”
I pressed my lips together and nodded.
His gaze caught mine and held it, the lines on his forehead there and fierce. “I almost feel bad for the idiot.”
“You shouldn’t.”
Rhodes’s mouth and words softened. “I said almost.” His hand squeezed mine. “He really gave you all that money?”
“He had to or I would’ve gone after him in court, and then everything would’ve blown up in his face,” I explained. “I’m not dumb. After his little fake relationship, I thought of what my mom would say, and she would’ve told me to take care of myself first. So I kept proof, pictures, and screenshots that would have been more than enough to screw him over in court. I figured I deserved it. I’d worked for it. It’s mine.”
I knew I didn’t imagine the pleased and proud glint in his eyes. “Good.”
“It won’t bother you then?” I asked after a moment.
“What?”
“The money.”
He looked right into my eyes as he said, “Is it going to bother me that you’re rich? No. I always wondered what it would be like to have a sugar mama.”
I grinned and knew I had one more thing to say to him before I hoped we never talked about Kaden again. “This is the happiest I’ve been since I was a kid, Tobers. I want you to know that. This is where I want to be, okay?”
He nodded solemnly.
“I love you, and I love Am. I just… want to be here. With you two.”
Rhodes’s hand went to my face, his thumb under my jaw. “And that’s where you’re going to be,” he said. “Never in a million years did I ever think somebody—somebody other than Am—could make me feel the way you do. Like I’d do anything, anything, for them. I can’t even look at you when I’m mad because I can’t stay that way.” He lowered his face, so his lips hovered inches from mine. “I’ve only had a few things in my life that were really mine, and I’m not the type of man to give things away or throw them away. And I mean it, Aurora, and it’s got nothing to do with your notebooks or your face or anything other than that heart you’ve got in your chest. Are we clear?”
We were clear. We were clear all right, I told him, hugging him close.
We’d never been clearer.
Chapter 31
“Whoa, man! That was awesome!” I clapped and whooped where I was sitting in my favorite camp chair about a week or two later.
A wonderful week or two later. Who was keeping track?
Am flushed like he always did, holding the last note on his guitar, but the second he lowered it, he huffed. Things between us were back to normal, fortunately. The awkwardness had only lasted about two days before the elephant in the room decided to walk away on its own. “I thought I was off-key at the beginning.”
Crossing one leg over the other, I tilted my head. “You were a tiny bit flat, but I mean a tiny bit. And it was only once when you went into the chorus. I figured it was only because you were nervous. I can really tell you’ve been working on your vibrato by the way.”
Setting his guitar in its stand, he nodded, but I could tell he was pleased. “I was, but I did what Yuki said.”
She had happened to video call me the other day while I’d been with Amos in the grocery store parking lot, and she’d asked him how the nerves were going. “Fine,” he’d responded sheepishly. Knowing he wasn’t being completely honest, she had given him some suggestions. I wasn’t going to tell him that hours later, she’d messaged me asking for a video of his upcoming performance so she could watch too.
“And I told myself it was only you,” he went on. “You’d tell me if I did something wrong.”
My little heart ached, and I nodded at him. We had come such a long way, and his trust meant so much to me. “Always.”
“Do you think I should move around more?”
“You’ve got such a beautiful voice; I think you should focus on the singing part for now. You’re going to be nervous, so why put more pressure on yourself? There’s only one Lady Yuki anyway.”
He slid me a side look and asked, way too nonchalantly, “Did you help her write that ‘Remember Me’ song?”
I knew exactly what song he was referring to, obviously, and I grinned. “It’s a pretty good song, isn’t it?”
His squawk didn’t even insult me. “You did?”
I didn’t get a chance to answer because we both turned toward the driveway at the sound of tires on gravel, and part of me expected to see a UPS truck because I’d ordered some mats for my car. The ones that came with it weren’t meant for snow and slush. But when the pickup pulled up into its usual spot, I frowned. Rhodes had just texted me a couple hours ago saying he’d be home around six. It was only four.
“What’s Dad doing here?” even Amos asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered as the man in question parked and got out, that long, muscular body moving so well in its uniform it almost put me in a trance. The memory of him coming over to my apartment last night filled my head. I’d asked him what excuse he’d given Am, and he’d laughed and said I was going to show him my old photo albums. Apparently, from the disgusted expression on the teenager’s face, he didn’t believe him, but that was exactly what had happened.
At least until we’d ended up taking each other’s clothes off and I’d wound up on his lap, sweaty and shaking.
It had been a good night.
Most nights since the day they’d gone to find me at Clara’s had been very nice nights. On that first one specifically, Rhodes had asked me more questions about Kaden once Amos had gone to bed.
How we’d met—through a mutual friend my first semester of college. I’d been studying to get a degree in education while he’d been in school for music performance. Rhodes said he could see me being a teacher, and maybe I could have been, but my heart wasn’t into the idea at all anymore.
What the stipulations were for the money I’d gotten—that I wouldn’t go after them in court for royalties or songwriting credit, because God forbid there be something in writing about divorce settlements.
There were so many things for us to talk about, and I didn’t want us to waste our time on that topic. But I would if there was something bugging him. I just hoped there wasn’t.
The past was in the past, and I hoped more than anything that my future was walking toward me right then.
“Hi!” I yelled at Rhodes from where I was still sitting. It was forty-eight degrees out, but not windy, so we had the garage door open. My aunt thought I was nuts when I told her I’d been wearing a T-shirt the last few days, but no one understood just how nice it could be, even with snow on the ground. That was low humidity life for you.
“Hi,” he greeted me right back.
Did he sound weird, or was I imagining it? What I knew I wasn’t imagining was his stiff gait as he made his way over, hands clenching open and close at his sides. His head was just a little too down.
I glanced at Amos and saw that he was frowning as he took in his dad too.
“You okay?” I asked the moment he stepped inside the garage.
“In a way, yes,” he said in what was definitely a weird and tight voice that alarmed me even more.
I stood up. “What’s wrong?”
He raised his head then. The fine lines branching from the corners of his eyes were deeper than normal as he said, “Aurora… I need to talk to you.”
Someone meant business busting out my first name like that. “You’re scaring me, but okay,” I said slowly, glancing at Am. He was looking at both of us warily.
Those gray eyes were on me as he took my hands, very, very gently. “Let’s go inside.”
I nodded and let him lead me across the yard and up the stairs to the deck. It wasn’t until we were going in that I realized Am was following behind. Rhodes must have just then noticed it too because he stopped.
“What? You’re scaring me too,” the teenager said.
“Am, this is private,” he said seriously, that
terribly sober expression still on his face.
“Ora, you don’t care, right?”
What was I going to do? Say no? Tell him that I didn’t trust him? “It’s okay.” I swallowed before eyeing the man who had talked me into going back to his room to sleep in his bed last night. “You’re not going to break my heart or anything, right?”
Rhodes tilted his head to the side, and his throat bobbed, scaring me even more. His eyes though were totally stricken. “For what it matters, I don’t want to.”
I balked.
His shoulders fell. “It’s not the way you think,” he went on gravely.
I felt sick, and he sighed.
Rhodes scrubbed at the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, angel. I’m screwing this up already.”
“Just tell me. What’s wrong? What happened?” I asked. “I’m not kidding, you’re scaring me. Both of us.”
“Yeah, Dad, tell her.” The kid made a sound. “You’re being weird.”
Rhodes shook his head and sighed. “Shut the door, Am.”
The kid shoved it closed and crossed his arms over his chest. My hands were starting to shake just a little as fear rose up inside of me as I tried to think of what he could possibly be this freaked out about. I’d seen him go face-to-face with a bat. He’d been up like twenty feet in the air with no problem. Was he sick? Did something happen to someone?
Rhodes blew out a breath and looked at the floor for a second before lifting his head and saying, “Do you remember me telling you a while back about those remains a hiker had found?”
I suddenly went cold inside. “No.”
“The day you picked up that eagle, I told you,” he reminded me gently. “There were some articles in the paper after that. People were talking about it in town.”
That didn’t sound familiar at all.
Then again, any time that conversations about missing people came up, I usually tuned them out. Any hope I’d had of having closure, of having answers, had died a long time ago. Maybe it was selfish, but it was easier for me to keep going, to not get weighed down by those cement blocks of grief, by not focusing too much on cases too similar to what had happened to my mom. For so long, I’d barely been able to handle my own pain, let alone taking on anyone else’s.
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