by VR Baucke
“Quit with the assumptions and conclusions. I’m not gonna say that I regret my decision, but hell, she’s gonna have to rein it in!”
Mace scoffed. “She won’t change for anyone. And you don’t want her to either. I can see how she comes alight around you, and it’s obvious you dig that shit, regardless of your current mood.”
“I’m dark as hell about my bike. How would you feel if anything happened to Monica?”
Mace’s face darkened at my question.
“Exactly,” I emphasised.
“Question, who’s Moira?” he asked and cocked a brow.
“Fuck, don’t you start too.”
His laughter filled the room as he leaned forward and pointed at me. “She’s named your Victory, hasn’t she!”
I flipped him off with both hands. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”
Raking a hand through my hair then along my jaw, I struggled to get a grip. The darkness was heavy today, and the only good thing about the last twelve hours just hung up on me.
I cursed myself for not being honest with her, but I wasn’t ready to share that part of myself. I really didn’t know if I ever would be ready to say out loud what I went through. Also, I was worried that it would scare Lil off. I couldn’t lose her, not now that I’d opened my heart again.
The thought gave me indigestion. I swallowed the rising bile then reached for my phone when it beeped. There was a pang beneath my ribs when I saw Lil’s name. I felt an odd sense of disappointed relief when I saw it was nothing more than a quick text detailing Connor’s phone number.
Giving Mace a final glare—which he ignored in favour of the TV—I slapped the phone to my ear and made my way out of the lounge. I had a bike to get fixed.
~
Arriving at Lil’s place just after lunch, two days later, I pulled to a stop in the driveway and peered up at her window. She had her curtains still closed, presumably still asleep after a graveyard shift last night.
Knowing where the key was kept, I let myself in, sat the biscuit container on the bench then toed off my boots. I wasn’t sure whether to call out, ring her, or creep upstairs.
After re-locking the door, I did two of the three; tentatively calling Lil’s name as I made my way to her room. The bedroom door opened silently, and the only sound in the room was Lil’s rhythmic breathing as she slept.
Shit, now I didn’t want to wake her; she looked too damn peaceful and sweet. There was no way I could leave without saying goodbye, though.
“Lil,” I whispered, a little louder.
Nothing. Not even a hint of rousing. I bent to see her up close, smiling while I looked over her wild dark-red hair splayed across the pillow, and the freckles on her sleep-pinkened cheeks.
“Sunshine,” I murmured, softly touching her shoulder.
She snuffled a little, creating an adoring smile on my lips.
“Sunshine,” I repeated with a slight shake of her shoulder.
The soft sweetness on her features instantly turned to alarm and fright. She lashed out as she woke to someone—me—standing beside her bed, uninvited, and apologising profusely for scaring the shit out of her.
“Gage! What the hell? Oh my God, I’m having heart palpitations,” Lil wheezed and pressed both hands to her heaving chest.
As she sat up, her bewildered stare pegged me to the spot while the untamed storm of fright slowly receded from her hazel irises.
“Fuck, I’m really sorry to have scared you so bad.”
She scoffed and rubbed her eyes, then finger combed through her hair.
“What did you expect was going to happen? I didn’t hear you arrive.” Her eyes narrowed. “Did you break in?”
“No, I used the outside key. And I really was trying to wake you slowly, I promise.”
Lil huffed and pouted her lips, thoroughly unimpressed.
“Been asleep for long?”
“Oh, you mean before you broke into my house and woke me up?” she grumbled, leaning over to see the bedside clock. “A little over six hours.”
“Here,” I said, lifting the blankets and sliding into bed beside her. “Snuggle into me and sleep some more.”
Her body didn’t move while her eyes followed my movements, and there was a slight crease on her brow.
“Bathroom stop first.”
My eyes were glued to her ass as she moved across the room and out of sight. I lay back with a stupid-ass grin on my face and waited with absolutely no intention to get naked. Lil was still in my thoughts when she re-appeared and slid against my body when I lifted the sheet for her.
“So, I know you didn’t come here for lunch-break sex because you’ve kept your clothes on. What are you up to?”
My pulse quickened as I looked at her, wanting so bad to run my hand under her top, to feel her smooth stomach and peaked nipples. Instead, I cupped her cheek.
“I need to head back down to Tauranga for a short while, like a week or so. I’ve got a couple of people I need to visit and some loose ends to tie up.”
“Oh.” Lil said softly. “When do you leave? You’re not on Moira, are you? I would have woken up when you arrived.”
“I leave this afternoon, after this. But I couldn’t go without saying goodbye to you in person. And no, my Victory is with Connor getting fixed while I’m gone.”
She breathed a smile. “I’ll miss you.”
I kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ll miss you too.”
“Did Connor seem okay?”
I wrapped my arms around Lil and pulled her on top of me. “Yeah. He’s patched, though. I saw the tat on his forearm. Hades’ Horsemen. However, that doesn’t mean he’s not good at his job, and first impressions aside, he showed me his current work and Trav’s right; the guy knows his shit.”
Worry swam in her eyes. “You sure it’s okay if he’s part of a gang?”
“Babe, have you seen the asshole, tattooed man lying beneath you right now? People assume I’m one of those guys to stay away from, and you know as well as I do that I’m not a fucking crim. I chose to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Gage. I was just making sure you’re okay with Trav’s recommendation.”
I nodded and trailed my hands down her back until her ass filled my palms. Squeezing as a groan came from my mouth, there was no secret that now I wanted sex before I left too. Lil rolled her hips against my hard-on then wiggled a little.
“Fuck, do that again,” I murmured, already pulling her hips harder against mine.
Lil’s smile was mischievous as she flicked her long hair to the side and held it off my face.
“What? This?”
My chest rumbled with another groan. “Yep, that. We’re doing this,” I declared and shoved her singlet up until her tits were in my hands.
Lil tugged it off and tossed it aside. Her body was gone from under my hands a moment later and my growl of protest turned into a hum of satisfaction when she worked my jeans undone and stood to pull them off.
My shirt was removed with one quick tug at the back of the collar, and my underwear was gone and kicked aside. Lil slid her panties down her legs then crawled up the bed until she was straddling my hips again.
I shook my head. “I want to kiss you while I fuck you, so this position ain’t gonna work.”
She didn’t move. “Sit up.”
Her hands braced on my chest as I sat with my back against the headboard. Wrapping my hands around the back of her neck, I guided her lips to mine.
“Now this is more like it.”
My murmured words were cut off by Lil’s tongue seeking mine before our lips had made the barest of contact. With my tongue sweeping against hers and her hands weaving through my hair, I gripped her by the hips and lifted her high enough to line up with her entrance. My low hum mixed with Lil’s breathy exhale as she eased onto me, her fingers demanding my mouth back to hers.
Our movements were urgent, needy, blinded by lust that heightened then unexp
ectedly faded into something else. Lil’s kiss slowed, deepened, sweeping me to a place where I knew she was showing me how she felt. My hands smoothed over her skin, my fingers exploring every part of her body I could reach while she took me slow and deep.
Gradually, our desire heightened again. I gripped Lil by the back of her neck and hip, my fingers anchoring her against me to sync our movements. It took all my willpower to tear her lips from mine and put a little distance between our chests when my orgasm climbed; she needed to see how easily she brought me to my knees.
“Jesus, Lil.”
My growled words held the weight of a thousand unsaid thoughts. They contained every single emotion that my heart was ready for her to hear.
She slumped against me and held my head to her chest, my ear directly above where her heart raced within. I fought for breath, eventually holding her away from me again and grinning with satisfaction to see the aftermath on her face left behind from my beard.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Thanks,” she said breathlessly. “Wow, that was good.”
I hummed in agreement before realisation dawned on me.
“Lil, shit, I was unprepared. Do, uh, would you like me to take you to get the morning after pill?”
Her eyes locked with mine and didn’t waver in the slightest. “I’m on the pill, Gage. And I take it religiously so you won’t get any nasty little surprises.”
I cupped her cheek. “Those surprises aren’t nasty, Lil. You’ll agree we’re both not ready for that, but worse things could happen.”
When Lil’s mouth fell open, I used my thumb to guide it closed again.
“It’s not a slip of the tongue, Sunshine. I love you,” I murmured, watching her reaction closely.
“Gage…” Her eyebrows pulled together as she searched my face.
“Shit, let me document this,” I pretended to reach for her phone. “For once you’re lost for fucking words.”
I chuckled when she threw back her head and laughed to the ceiling. She was breathing back composure when her stomach rumbled.
“Worked up an appetite, eh?”
She flung the pillow at me. “Yeah, I did.”
“Biscuits?”
“You brought me biscuits?”
“Uh huh. Aunty Sandy made them for you.”
Lil’s eyes lit and darted around the room. “Where are they?”
“Downstairs. Want me to grab them?”
“C’mon, Batman, what are you waiting for?” she exclaimed, already climbing from my lap and shoving me towards the edge of the bed.
I paused long enough to tug on my boxers then threw a, “Back in a sec,” over my shoulder as I made my way downstairs.
“You’ve got ten!”
Challenge accepted. I jogged into the kitchen, snatched up the container and ran back up the stairs, diving for the bed just as Lil yelled, “One!”
She grabbed the container and tore off the lid. “Just in time, Batman!”
I chuckled. “Or what?”
“You’d get none,” she mumbled through crumbs.
“There’s no way you’d be able to enforce that. I’d overpower you with my little finger.”
Lil scoffed. “I’ll let you think that.”
Snagging a cookie before she slammed the lid closed on my fingers, I shoved the entire thing into my mouth then sat with my back against the headboard. Needing Lil to be as close as possible, I tugged her to sit between my legs, her back to my chest.
I wouldn’t deny that I was disheartened about telling her I loved her and not hearing those words returned, but at that precise moment with Lil in my arms, I realised my life was beyond fulfilled, and I wanted her with me every spare moment we got. Hence my reason for leaving her for a week to go home. Something had clicked within me. I simply knew without a doubt that I loved Lil with my entire heart. The only exception was the special place Lotte still owned; that part of me would forever belong to her.
Right now, with Lil leaning against my chest and biscuit crumbs gathering between us, I was so fucking happy. It was the first time in over three years that I was one hundred percent certain that I had made the right decision. Lil was never going to be the one that got away; right from the start she was meant to be the one to capture me—all of me—and reignite my desire to live hard and love even harder.
I kissed the back of her head, burying my nose amongst her untamed hair, filling my lungs with her scent. Her hum of contentment was music to my ears.
“Gage?”
“Mmm?”
“I think I love you too,” she whispered, so quietly I barely heard.
Jesus fuck, my heart swelled so fast it all but burst, and I hadn’t grinned so widely in thousands of days. She fucking broke me at the very same time as making me the happiest man in the world.
Setting my fingers on her chin, I tilted her head back to meet my lips. The biscuits lay forgotten, as did the crumbs that further crumbled between us. They were the last concern either of us had in that moment. We wordlessly fell into each other’s orbit, joining, devouring, savouring every damn thing we could in that moment.
If I had known that the next time I saw Lil she would be shrieking at me to not fucking touch her ever again and screaming that we were so fucking done, I never would have left that afternoon until she understood just how much she meant to me and how hard I fucking loved her.
THIRTY
LIL
GAGE HAD BEEN away for a week, and I was having serious withdrawals as I went about my job, now back on days again.
The thrill that wove through me each time I thought about him telling me he loved me, left me equally as breathless as the actual moment did. It sent butterflies spiralling throughout my stomach, leaving me giddy and grinning. The moment was every bit the way I’d imagined it would feel hearing those words coming from someone I absolutely adored and was falling in love with. Even though it was early days, what I felt for Gage already surpassed what I ever felt for Jono. My only regret was leaving Gage hanging before I professed my own love in return. However, he took the lag on the chin and never once made me feel bad for the delay. He was the man who had begun to steal my heart, and the more I got to know Gage, the more I wanted to give it all to him.
I’d already learned the hard way from saying I love you too early, but with Gage I was positive I wouldn’t live to regret it. Despite it being obvious that he owned a broken, battered soul, he was a caring, genuine guy who didn’t bestow his love lightly.
I wanted to heal him, to show him that he wasn’t the dark lord he viewed himself as, that he was making me realise that a love so fierce exists within me, for him. A love so compelling that once you’re under its spell, there was no way you’d willingly leave.
Right now, my emotional state was somewhat frazzled, which magnified the shitstorm at work. Most days I honestly loved my job, but today, no matter how many times I chanted I love my job, there was no fooling myself into believing it. There were only so many times one could be puked on before the joke became old. My thigh throbbed painfully after copping a flailing elbow from a distressed patient. Add being spat on to the list and being totally run off my feet, the second my shift was over I walked out the door and didn’t look back.
Opening the backdoor to my house with a sigh, I dumped my handbag and keys on the bench. After sorting the laundry, I was scrubbing my hands under almost scalding water when I heard the door handle of the back door being jiggled.
Mickey wasn’t due to finish his shift and fear started rising from the pit of my stomach. Immediately converting to my alter ego—badass bitch—I grabbed the nearest weapon… A bottle of stain remover.
Yeah, that wasn’t going to cut it.
Tossing it in the tub and wincing as it loudly clattered, I frantically searched for something, anything, that could be used for self-protection in the face of an emergency.
Nothing.
With my heart in my throat and my breath refusing to budge from my lungs,
I made my way into the kitchen as silently as I could while avoiding the windows.
My eyes landed on Mickey’s nunchucks casually strewn on the hallway table as I internalised to him.
Moving like Jackie freaking Chan into a better attack position, I focused on calming my breathing as the booted footsteps returned. A loud knock sounded, making me flinch.
“Lil, it’s me. Let me in.”
I instantly recognised his voice, and I was both relieved and furious at him for almost causing a full-blown panic attack.
“Hmm, let me think about it.” I casually swung the nunchucks at my side, wincing when they bumped into the bruise on my thigh.
“Hurry up, Lil,” Mickey bitched.
“Come on in,” I said sweetly as I unlatched the door lock.
He hesitated, suspicious of my pleasant tone and giving in too easily. As soon as he stepped into the room I unleashed my fiercest war cry and launched at him, nunchucks poised to inflict serious damage. Thank goodness for his lightning fast reactions, or he would have ended up in a world of pain. In an instant, Mickey ducked and rolled while neatly plucking the chucks from my hand.
Damn he was fast!
I jumped out of pure reaction as his booted foot kicked out at my ankles, and then leapt onto the bench. Mickey puffed and gave me a wide eyed What the hell look.
“Welcome home, little bro, that’s for scaring the shit out of me.”
“Me? I almost lost a nut thanks to you.”
“Well, since I wasn’t expecting you home yet—and the fact that you didn’t use the key or internalise me—I naturally jumped to the most extreme scenario of home invasion.”
“And you were going to kick some ass by trying to use my chucks?” Mickey scoffed, tossing them back onto the little junk table. “Besides, the key wasn’t where it’s supposed to be.”
I glanced at the key sitting pretty beside me. “We need to get another key made up for the door.”
“I know. Now, go put the key back before I unleash some asswhooping of my own. It’s been a fuck of a day.” Mickey rolled his shoulders, stretching his neck from side to side.