by VR Baucke
Seeing the devastation and anguish on the face of the man whom I loved was too much to bear. Tears streamed down my face. It was too much to process in my current state of mind and I was unable to stand it a moment longer. So, I did what I did best; I shut down, automatically slipping into self-preservation mode. I needed to escape, and I did just that.
“I can’t fucking do this.”
Ramming into first gear and not caring if I ran over Gage’s toes, I peeled into the street without checking for traffic. The force of my haste was enough to snib the door when Gage stepped back.
Through the tears clouding my vision, I glanced in the rear vision mirror to see him standing in the middle of the road, fisting his hair like he was doing all he could to prevent himself falling to his knees. In the next moment, he was sprinting into the driveway and out of my sight.
With every metre I drove, more of my heart bled out on the road behind me. The shards scattered painfully onto the tar seal as the distance increased between myself and the man who I wanted more than anyone else.
By the time I got home, my anger had subsided. Unfortunately, that reprieve gave way to grief and loss.
I should have stuck around for a proper explanation—I owed it to us both. Instead, my bruised pride got in the way and I bolted.
In his devastation, Gage opened up about his loss and all I did was shove it back in his face like it didn’t matter. And all the hurtful things I had said to him and Mace...
I hung my head in shame the moment I pulled into my driveway and guilt swept through me, extinguishing what little spirit I had left.
My eyes were red and puffy from constantly wiping them. I rummaged through my bag for my phone, only now picking it up to check the continuous barrage of calls I had ignored. Seven missed calls from Mace, five from Mickey, three voice messages, and three waiting text messages. I dealt with the texts first, quickly skimming Mace’s messages. My alarm grew as each text increased in urgency.
M: Fuck Lil! I’m so sorry you found out like that. But there’s more to the story, he wasn’t cheating on you! I swear.
Three minutes later.
M: You need to wait for one of us to catch up.
Sixteen seconds later.
M: We’re on our way.
Shit! In my haste to leave, I’d completely forgot to let Mickey know I was leaving.
Shoving my phone back into my handbag, I got out of the car, slammed the door shut and trudged towards the back door.
I scoffed, already in the act of unlocking the door. It opened silently and I wasted no time in kicking off my shoes and dumping my bag on the bench. Today could go fuck itself, and it could do that from the comfort of my own bed.
I hesitated, feeling the urgency Mickey transferred to me though his thoughts. An unease settled at the base of my neck. He was right, something didn’t feel right. I spun on my heel and ran for the door.
That’s when I heard them; footsteps on the floorboards behind me.
Fumbling with the lock, I felt a presence step close, well into my space. Goose bumps rippled over my shoulders, spreading like wildfire over the entire surface of my body. The moment he spoke I knew exactly who it was.
“Hello, Lilianne. So glad you could finally join me.”
There was a reason why the use of my full name sickened me to the pit of my stomach, and he was that reason.
Terror paralysed me and I choked on the gasp where it lodged in my throat. Swallowing the rising bile, I slowly turned to face the man who discarded me all those years ago. If I thought I would be okay coming face to face with Jono, I was completely kidding myself.
He didn’t back up, instead set his hand on the door beside my head as if it was the most natural place in the world for him to be. Seeing him in the flesh tore my wounds open again despite them being as healed as they would ever get.
Jono’s lips curled and fear curdled my stomach. The blue eyes that I once found alluring were bloodshot and as cold as stone. He looked unhinged and terrifyingly unpredictable. What I saw in his eyes was enough for me to know that he had come for one thing and one thing only; me.
The smell of stale cigarettes hung in the air and his hair was greasy and unkempt. His image was a stark contrast to how immaculate he used to present himself. Even though he had aged ten times over in the last six years, his underlying features were still those of the man I thought I once loved.
I set my jaw and squared my shoulders, my stance contradicting the vulnerability I felt inside.
“It’s Lil,” I sneered. “What are you doing here? You’re not welcome and you need to leave. Now!”
He clicked his tongue as he slowly looked me over.
“I’ve come for my fiancée. Or have you forgotten? I must say you look a little worse for wear, my darling...”
He snagged my hand and held tight as I frantically tried to tug it from his grasp. Revolt surged through me as he pressed his lips to my ring finger.
“Fuck you, Jono. We’re not engaged anymore, or have you forgotten?” I taunted, not caring about the repercussions the man could inflict.
I knew I had backup on the way, I just prayed they got here in time.
The backhand across my face caught me off guard. It made my head swim and my legs fight to remain balanced.
“Don’t fuck with me, Lilianne. You are mine and I’m going to take back what belongs to me!”
He used his body to pin me against the door. I struggled against a male body for the second time in one afternoon; the first occurrence I was fighting for my feelings, now I was fighting for my life.
Fear ricocheted throughout my body when he forced a cloth over my mouth and nose. A smell assaulted my senses that could only be one thing.
Chloroform was my last thought before the world disappeared.
THIRTY-TWO
GAGE
THERE WAS NO way in hell I was letting this slide. Lil hadn’t heard the full story and she was gonna sit down and hear it whether she wanted to or not. I hated that she drove away before I had the chance to explain properly.
This wasn’t over. I wasn’t one to walk away easily once I set my heart on something, and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to stop until she had heard me out.
I all but assaulted Mace for the keys to his Harley—my Gunner still being in the panel shop. In my haste, I didn’t bother with a helmet, but that didn’t stop me riding hard through the streets. Assholes seemed to be in abundance and I cursed every red light and Sunday driver that slowed my progress.
I left the Harley idling and ran through the open back door. “Lily? Babe, where are you!”
Methodically searching each room, my panic crept higher with each empty room I encountered.
Nothing. She wasn’t fucking there.
Her shoes, keys and bag were, but she wasn’t.
The lingering smell of cigarette that hung in the air made my gut turn. My mind jumped to the worst possible conclusions before I could find a rational explanation—any explanation—that could fit.
Prior to Lil walking in on our conversation, Mace had informed me that she had received a threatening note and they believed it was linked to the odd behaviour of the car and mysterious presence over the last few weeks. We were all under strict orders from her father to not let her arrive home by herself.
The look on Lil’s face when she incorrectly assumed I was cheating was utterly devastating. It tore my soul to pieces to watch her heart break in front of my eyes. To not be able to hold her together in my arms fucking destroyed me. The tender spot under my eye was worth it if it took the smallest sliver of her pa
in away, but I needed to clear up the misunderstanding without delay before it became irreparable.
I told her that Lotte had died, and in return she looked at me like there was a tiny unicorn tap-dancing on my forehead. As much as Lil tried to hide her feelings, I caught a fleeting spike of surprise pass through her eyes before they shone with hurt. The next instant, she was speeding away from me.
I strode back outside to switch off Mace’s Hog and turned in time to him swinging wide in my ute and hitting the driveway without slowing down. He was out of the vehicle and gunning for me a moment later.
“She’s home? Tell me she’s fucking home!”
His entire body reflected the dread I was struggling to keep at bay. Shaking my head, I couldn’t utter the words he loathed to hear. Mace turned and swore in frustration before sprinting into the house with me hot on his heels.
“Are you sure? Are you abso-fucking-lutely sure she’s not here?” he yelled while repeating the house search I’d completed minutes ago.
“Yes goddammit, I’m sure! Her shoes and bag are here, but she’s not!”
I tugged at my hair repetitively and looked through each room again, needing to be doing something—anything—to feel like I was doing everything within my power to find her.
A second set of screaming tyres was heard as Mickey pulled hell for leather into the driveway. Slamming on the brakes and leaving rubber behind him, he narrowly stopped before tailgating my ute. Like Mace, Mickey was still in his work gear, and if I thought we had looked rattled, Mickey took alarm to a whole new level.
“She with you?” I yelled as Mace came running down the stairs and stopped Mickey by holding his shoulders at arm’s length.
“No! She said that someone was in the house when she got home but she was meant to be with you!” Mickey jabbed an angry finger at me.
I knew that look; the need to inflict a massive amount of beat down on the nearest object or the person who fucked up.
Mace did his best to explain. “She was, but she left in a hurry and wouldn’t answer her goddamn phone. I swear to God, bro, we tried to stop her, short of assaulting her.”
“What did you do?” Mickey spat. He balled my shirt in his fists and shoved me with every word. “You haven’t even been back for half a day and you’ve already fucking hurt her.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, so back the fuck off,” I roared and fisted his collar, repaying the favour by slamming my fists into his collar bones.
“Enough!” Mace boomed as he grappled with our arms then wedged himself between us.
Our scuffle continued momentarily until Mace managed to roughly shove us apart with surprising strength. The effort left us all panting and snarling at each other.
“This isn’t helping. Both of you get a fucking grip.”
He gave us both one last shove when we stepped towards each other again.
“Can you reach her?” Mace snapped.
“No! She’s completely blank. She’s not even that blank when she’s asleep.” Horror dawned on Mickey’s face. “You don’t think she’s unconscious, do you? Or, or...?”
Oh god no, please, not again.
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” I yelled at the top of my lungs so I didn’t have to hear that single word every loved one dreaded. If the unspeakable happened, I wasn’t going to make it out this time around.
I needed to get out of the house; the air was suffocating me. I tuned out Mace and Mickey talking urgently behind me as they tried to piece together every minute hint of information to Lil’s whereabouts.
Mace soon came outside talking on his phone with my keys clenched in his hand.
He eyed me as he disconnected. “We’re going to Matt and Ev’s house. You need a lift or you riding?”
I itched to ride but wasn’t in the right headspace. “Lift. You drive.”
Mace nodded once then was on the move. After shoving Lil’s shoes into her bag and tossing it onto the back seat of my ute, I balled my fists on my thighs as we waited for Mickey to reverse out first.
~
It was dusk when we arrived at the McMillan’s house. Weaving through the evening traffic in a large vehicle was beyond frustrating. Both Mickey and Mace had a heavy foot and found the smallest gaps to manoeuvre into, but it wasn’t bloody good enough. I took out some of my frustration by flicking off slow drivers as we steamed past them.
“Move your asses. Who the fuck does a hundred in a hundred zone anyway?” I shouted through the windshield at cars in front of us and planted my hands on the dash when Mace made another quick swerve into a non-existent gap. Mickey snaked his way in and out of vehicles in a similar fashion, and both our utes were the recipients of blaring horns and multiple middle fingers.
“Christ,” Mace muttered to himself. “Grab my phone and call Kimmie will you. Maybe there’s an off chance she’s heard from Lil. Right jean pocket.”
I reached across his body as he swerved to the left again, sending my body lurching into his lap.
“Yeah, it wouldn’t be in the closest fucking pocket, would it?” I grumbled while reaching across his thighs.
Mace cracked a crude-ass joke and my urge to castrate him on the spot had never been so intense.
“If we get pulled up, I can use the excuse that I was getting some afternoon head.”
He burst out laughing at his sick-ass joke before sobering quickly as he focused on performing another quick lane change.
“If you need to resort to head from your own cousin then you need to get some serious fucking help.”
My thumb worked overtime opening his contacts list and scrolling for Kimmie’s name. Pressing the phone to my ear, I held my breath and willed her to pick up and tell us Lil was with her.
“What’s up, hot stuff?”
“Hot stuff?” I raised an eyebrow at Mace who smirked. “It’s Gage.”
“I stand by my comment.”
Dammit, I didn’t have time for bullshit right now.
“Listen, Kimmie, this is important. Is Lil with you? Yes or No?”
Her voice instantly changed from playful to alarmed. “No. No, she’s not. What’s going on?”
I punched the dashboard and let out a long line of expletives that served to make me feel better by piss-all-to-none.
“She’s missing and it looks like someone took her just after she arrived home this evening. We missed her by mere fucking minutes,” I growled and sunk my head into my hand, wrenching on my hair again. It had become a stress habit.
“Where are you now? I’m on my way.” I could hear shuffling in the background and her breathing changed, indicating that she was already on the move.
“Heading to her parents.”
“Who is?”
“Me, Mace and Mickey.”
“Okay. I’m already out the door and I’ll ring Trav on the way.”
She ended the call and I tossed his phone onto the dash.
“She’s gonna be alright, Gage. Lil’s one tough little cookie.”
I shook my head. Despite wanting to believe Mace’s reassurance, I couldn’t bring myself to trust in that.
“It’s not the same situation as Lotte, mate...” he trailed off, not needing to elaborate.
Nausea rolled in my stomach as the same helplessness washed over me that I had spent years trying to run from. No matter what I did, no matter where I went or who I was with, I couldn’t escape its clutches. I couldn’t even deal with thinking about Lotte right now, and as if to prove a point, a deep defeated breath tore from my chest.
“I never for the life of me thought I would be in this situation twice!”
Mace pursed his lips. He knew exactly what I meant.
“Once Mickey hears from her, we’ll be able to form a better plan. The fact that we were so close to crossing paths at the house means she can’t be too far from here.” Mace purposely left the ‘yet’ unsaid even though we were both thinking it.
His grip on the steering wheel tightened. “We
’ll find her soon.”
I pressed my palms into my eye sockets until it hurt. Anything to ease the pain in my chest.
“I fucking hope so.”
THIRTY-THREE
GAGE
MICKEY PARKED HIS ute on a fucked-up angle in the driveway so Mace rode up the curb to park on the grass verge outside the McMillian residence.
I peered through the driver’s window of Mickey’s truck and studied him. He sat still and clutched the steering wheel, his knuckles white from the clench. His head was tilted back against the headrest and eyes squeezed closed. He jumped when I rapped a knuckle on the glass. Mace took one look at him, shoved me out of the way and wrenched the door open.
“Tell me!” he demanded. “Tell me she’s okay. She’s awake, right?”
Mickey nodded through the sheen of moisture that brimmed in his eyes. I had to look away and swallow around the lump that formed in my own throat. Mace reached into the vehicle, grabbed Mickey by the shoulders and shook him hard.
“Dammit, Josh, tell me!”
Mickey sucked in a big breath and gripped Mace’s forearms. “She’s awake and okay at the moment. She said that she’s in the back of a station wagon, gagged and bound at the wrists and ankles.” Mickey’s lips curled in disgust and he looked as sick as I felt.
I weighed in, muscling Mace to the side so I could commandeer Mickey’s full attention. “Where is she?”
He met my eyes and whispered. “She doesn’t know.”
I turned my back and fisted my hair, hardly feeling the shove on my back as Mickey pushed past and stalked towards the house. Mace planted his hand on my shoulder and propelled me after Mickey. Matt met us at the door and led the way to the dining room. It now resembled a special ops planning room; maps, phone, contacts list, stationary and whisky were sprawled across the table.