"Um... no?" she said, shaking her head. "That is a weird question."
"Why are you having it removed then?"
"What? How did... Nia," she said, sighing.
She'd been good.
Accepting my crew. Now our crew.
As invasive and unusual as they could be at times.
She'd taken it all in stride, pulling them into the fold, telling me how nice it was to have so much warmth after so much cold in her life, that their quirks were endearing.
Even when they involved kidnappings or illegal records scanning.
"Damnit," she grumbled, turning, and walking away from me.
She still wasn't great with confrontation, that time with Bertram aside, not even after a year and a half away from a life that would have assured her a busted lip if she even tried to use her voice.
Feeling a pit settle in my stomach, I followed her down the hall and into her office, finding her digging through the closet.
"Jenny, I'm sorry. I know this was sudden. But we kind of need to talk about these things. If you are going on the Pill or if I need to start buying condoms again... it's just good to know, y'know?"
"Here," she said instead of answering, producing a large decorative box, putting it into my hands. "Open it," she prompted when I didn't immediately move to do so.
My hands fumbled a bit. Ridiculously. Almost afraid of what might be inside.
I certainly hadn't been expecting a supply of mismatched baby items. Onesies. Toys. Blankets.
"Jenny..."
"Six weeks ago, I was at Target. And I was going to the electronic section to get a new set of headphones. And I passed the baby section. And I just... I couldn't leave the store without this onesie," she said, showing me the soft white one with a lamb on the front. "Like... I couldn't make myself put it down, Noah," she said, rolling her eyes at herself. "And then it just kept happening. Anytime I saw something like this," she added, holding up a blanket, "I had to take it with me. I know we haven't in-depth talked about a family, just that we both want one. And I was planning on making you dinner. Or, more likely, ordering in when my attempt at dinner burned," she added, smiling at her complete lack of culinary skills, no matter how many times she tried. "And then show you the box, explain, talk about removing my IUD, about starting to try. I should have mentioned it sooner, but it felt like such an odd subject to broach out of the blue."
"While I don't ever want you to feel awkward about talking to me about shit, I kinda get that. It's been on my mind too," I admitted.
"Having a baby."
"Yeah. Wondering when was the right time. After the renovations were done, I figured I would bring it up. I know you've been through a lot. Just got your life back. I wasn't sure if it was too soon."
"So, what I am hearing is... if I am ready, you are too."
"I guess that is what I am saying," I told her, smiling. Big.
And Jenny, yeah, she threw herself at me, holding me tighter than her small arms should have been able to.
"I love you," she told me, reining kisses up my neck, over my cheek, seeking my lips.
"I love you too," I told her against her lips.
She pulled away a long time later, smiling up at me.
"I bet Nia knows the sex before we do," she told me.
And she was right.
Jenny - 6 years
"Bellamy!" I yelled, throwing open the door to his apartment, very thankful I had insisted on having a key years before. "Where is my son?" I demanded, hearing my heels click over his hardwood floor, hoping I was gouging some holes in it.
Because he deserved it.
No mom should have to sit outside the elementary school, waiting for her son to appear along with all the other smiling-faced kids. Only to realize... he wasn't there.
He wasn't there.
And he was supposed to be.
My heart lodged in my throat, I hiked Maisie higher on my hip, her little skirt meaning her diaper pressed against me. It needed changing, but it would have to wait.
Because my son was missing.
"Mrs. Smith, take a breath," the principal said, voice soothing. "Your son was signed out right after lunchtime."
"Signed out by whom? Not me. And my husband is out of town."
"You have an extensive emergency list," he reminded me, still clearly annoyed by that fact. It had been a fight to get more than the usual three names. Noah and I had an unsuccessful meeting with him, coming back with the entire crew, explaining in painful detail why it was important that - should Noah's work infringe upon our personal lives - any member of the team, whoever was closest, could scoop the children up from school and get them to safety.
"And who from that list signed him out?" I demanded to know, teeth gritted in annoyance with him, but my heart spasming in my chest at the idea that there was the kind of danger that would require my child being taken out of school that I hadn't heard of yet.
The principal produced the clipboard, turning it to me.
And as my eyes scanned for my son's name, a part of me already knew.
Then my gaze met a familiar signature.
And then, yeah, I was pissed.
"Jenny, honey, angel," he said, moving into the living room, giving me his signature carefree smile. "Why so tense?"
"Give. Me. My. Son."
"Do you want some wine? Chocolate? A massage?"
"I want my son that you signed out of school without permission."
"I had permission," he insisted. "You made me sign a form about it and everything."
"For emergencies," I reminded him, losing a bit of the anger.
My son was safe.
That was what mattered.
And when it came to Bellamy, sometimes he needed to be reminded of things that other, normal people just knew without it being explained to them.
It wasn't his fault.
He was from a different world.
His own one, to be exact.
He did what he wanted, when he wanted. No matter where he was, who he was around, what the possible consequences.
I mean this was a man who routinely drugged and kidnapped his friends. Without seeing anything wrong with it.
I had thought we had covered all the basics when we'd had the kids.
No, they can't have a sip of your beer, wine, whiskey.
No, you can't take them on a rollercoaster.
No, it's not okay if they fingerpaint with actual wall paint.
The list was endless.
But we'd never thought to say that, hey, kidnapping one of our offspring and scaring the life out of us was inappropriate.
"Why did you take Cal out of school?"
"That new talking dog movie hit theaters today," he told me, brows drawing together like I was an idiot for not knowing this information offhand.
"Okay... and..."
"And Calvin wanted to see it."
Alright, so I was vaguely aware of that fact. Kids wanted to see everything. And wanted to buy everything. And eat everything. Sometimes, it became a bit like background noise.
"Okay. But the theater is open after school. And on weekends."
"Yeah, but if we went at one on a school day, we would have the place to ourselves. He loved it."
I bet he did.
And Cal had a great attendance record, so it wasn't even a big deal if he missed half a day.
But still...
"Bellamy, you have to run this by one of us before you do it."
"We were supposed to be back," he told me. "Meet you at the pick-up and tell you all about our adventure."
"What happened?"
"Well..." Bellamy trailed off, looking uncomfortable.
"Bellamy," I tried, voice getting firmer.
"Jenny, honey, it's not my fault you have a terrible child," he said, barely able to hold back his smile.
"What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!" he said, holding up his hands.
"Where is he?"
&nb
sp; "The bathroom."
I brushed past him, going into the bathroom to find my son.
Covered.
Arms.
Legs.
Neck.
Face.
In black permanent marker.
"Where did he get a black marker?"
"Now, see, that is a great question. But someone seems to have stolen your son's voice. Because he can't seem to answer that one."
"Soap and water isn't going to work for this," I told him. The where didn't matter so much. As if you would ever get a straight answer even if he was willing to talk about it. "Do you have rubbing alcohol? Acetone? Hand sanitizer."
Half an hour later, I had a clean son, and Bellamy had bopped my daughter to sleep.
"I'll take that wine now," I told him, dropping down onto a stool in his kitchen.
Smith - 10 years
There were a lot of ways to measure time.
One marriage.
The third addition to the house.
The fifth vacation to Cape May to go in the water, build sand castles, go to the arcade, get ice cream.
Four children.
Calvin.
Maisie.
Fielder.
Aviva.
Nine.
Five.
Three.
Two.
All I knew was no matter how it was measured, it went fast.
One day, I was walking into a murder scene, helping a woman I didn't know make it look like something other than what it was. It seemed like the next I was falling madly in love with her.
Then I blinked.
And we had a house three times its original size in the woods with four extra and full bedrooms, one office for Jenny, a workshop for me, a giant, sprawling treehouse connecting five trees in the yard.
We had Thanksgiving dinners with the entire, ever-growing crew from work, their husbands and wives, their children.
We had soccer practices and Girl Scouts and karate classes.
We had sleepless nights.
And hundreds of interrupted sex sessions.
And love.
So much fucking love.
"Cal, stop sticking your finger in her ear," Jenny called in that half-defeated mom-voice. You know the one. The one that said she knew her words would have no impact, but she had to say something.
"Mama, puppy," Aviva said as she looked up at Jenny with her big blue eyes, so wide and innocent and really fucking hard to say no to.
"No puppy," Jenny said in a soft voice before looking over at me. "I'm gonna K-I-L-L Gunner," she told me in a singsong voice so the little ones didn't know how mad she was at their uncle for telling them the last time they were at his house that they should ask their parents for a dog.
"Puppy," Aviva demanded.
"No puppy, Avvy. We have Squeaky," she reminded her, referring to the guinea pig Maisie had conned Miller into buying for her along with the whole setup, knowing that if they showed up with it, neither Jenny or I would have the heart to tell her to bring it back.
One year in, and about all interest in the squeaky little creature had all but faded.
He poops when he walks, Cal had told us when we asked why he didn't play with him anymore.
And, well, the kid wasn't lying.
"Mama?" Aviva said again, slow blinking up at her mother who looked in desperate need of a back rub and a whole bag of potato chips - a perfect combination.
"Yes, Avvy?"
"Widdle puppy?"
"They're very cute," Jenny agreed. "Oh, thank God," she said when the doorbell rang.
I moved toward it, pulling it open to reveal Kai and Jules who had agreed to babysit for a few hours.
"If either of you tell these kids to ask for another creature, I will smother you in your sleep," she told them as she grabbed her purse and was out the door.
"So," I said after giving Kai and Jules a little rundown on the food I had already prepared, climbing in the car with her. "Are we stopping by Gunn's place so you can threaten him too?"
She sent me a tired smile at that as I backed out of the driveway, steering the car in the usual direction. Most parents wanted to go to movies that were meant for grown-ups, go out to eat at a restaurant without having to pack a bag of items to distract impatient kids with.
Not us.
We grabbed coffee, Chinese, and got a hotel room.
To take a long nap.
Without being woken up by screaming, by someone bouncing on our bodies, without worrying that the house might burn down.
We allowed ourselves the luxury once a month.
It was something everyone on the team was okay with because we all did it for one another. We all got a break, and we all got the chance to do the babysitting.
We were walking out of She's Bean Around when we saw a familiar face.
"Hey Eli," Jenny said, giving him a smile that no longer had any pain in it. It took a good three years of knowing him personally to get there, to lose the guilt, for there to be nothing but love there. "Celen," she added, giving the teenager a smile as well. "I swear you grow a foot each time I see you. What are you guys up to?"
"Heading to the pet store," Eli supplied. "They're having a rescue day."
"Oh, no. Did your..."
"No," Celen cut her off. "He's getting old though. We think maybe a friend might pep him up a little."
"Avvy has been begging for a puppy for two weeks straight," Jenny admitted, shaking her head. "We won't keep you. I know the puppies go fast."
We were naive in that moment.
Thinking Eli would never pull an Uncle Eli moment on us, on our kids.
That was until we got home after our nap to find him and Celen in our living room.
With two dogs.
One hideous thing for them which was, apparently, some kind of household tradition.
And one cute as fuck lab mix thing with a bow on its neck.
"Mama!" Aviva shrieked. "Puppy!" she added, putting an open-mouthed kiss to the puppy's ear.
It was something we would have cringed at a decade ago.
But after you came upon your kids licking mud pies they made in the yard, you learned to take that shit with a grain of salt.
"Yes, Avvy. I guess we have a puppy now," she said, giving Eli small eyes that he simply grinned at.
It was the moment I knew for sure that those two were completely beyond their past, that they were simply friends, nearly family members, no hard feelings, no uncertainty, nothing holding them back from being genuine with each other.
"I hope he sleeps through the night," she said later after putting the puppy in its crate with a small bone to gnaw himself to sleep with.
"Well, either Avvy or Fielder will have us up at least twice. Letting him out won't be so bad. Maybe it was a good thing this happened now. If we finally got to the point where we got to sleep through the night uninterrupted, adjusting to house training would probably be all the worse."
"That's true. And, hey, now you have another project to work on," she told me as she curled into my side, taking a deep breath.
"Hm?"
"Well, you've built all the beds, nightstands, dressers, toy chests... you were out of projects. Now... you can build a dog house."
And sometimes, that was how life worked.
Sometimes seemingly bad things gave you exactly what you needed.
That was how our story started after all.
In an extreme situation.
Born out of darkness.
But because of that abyss, all the light was so much brighter.
And our life, as sleepless as it might be at times, was the brightest thing I had ever seen.
Jenny - 22 years
Maisie was sitting across the table from me at She's Bean Around, her hand wrapped around her mug of tea - the only one of our children who preferred tea over coffee like me, her hazel eyes bright, rolling.
"So that was when he said that if his wife made more money than him, he would find
it hard not to be intimidated," she told me, speaking of her boyfriend of the past three years, having met in college at a party which she insisted was the new norm. "And that," she went on, giving me a chin lift, "was the moment I dumped him."
"What?" I asked, shocking back at that, never expecting that. She'd been head-over for him since she met him, something that I often worried about, having hoped she wouldn't get serious about a guy until she was older.
"Mom," she said, shaking her head, "if I am going to be a CEO before I'm thirty, I can't have an anchor like that holding me back."
And that, right there, was how I knew the cycle was broken, that the past would never repeat itself, that everything that had happened in my life had happened for a reason.
Teddy.
His death.
Noah stepping into my world.
Falling in love.
Starting a new life.
It all led to this.
This amazing, beautiful, intelligent woman who knew exactly what her worth was, what she was capable of, who she could be, what she would and would not accept in life, from men.
"Uh-oh," Noah said, moving in at my side with his coffee. "Why is Mom crying?" he asked Maisie as he wrapped an arm around me, pressing a kiss to my temple.
I leaned into him, pressing my head against his shoulder, feeling the tickle of a beard that was all steel gray now.
"We did good," I told him, voice so full of love it cracked.
His free hand went to my knee, giving it a squeeze.
"We sure did."
XX
DON'T FORGET
Dear Reader,
Thank you for taking time out of your life to read this book. If you loved this book, I would really appreciate it if you could hop onto Goodreads or Amazon and tell me your favorite parts. You can also spread the word by recommending the book to friends or sending digital copies that can be received via kindle or kindle app on any device.
ALSO BY JESSICA GADZIALA
If you liked this book, check out these other series and titles in the NAVESINK BANK UNIVERSE:
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The General Page 21