The Coven

by Cate Tiernan

  day, and our dark time seems to be well and truly over.

  Now I'm home, and I lit three green candles to the

  Goddess for prosperity and happiness. There's a full moon

  tonight, so I have to sober up, dress warm, and go gather my

  luibh. The dock root down at the pond is ready for taking in,

  and there's early violets, dandelions, and cattails, too, ready. I

  can't drink any more beer until then, or they'll find me

  facedown in the marsh, too drunk to pick myself up! What a

  day!

  --Bradhadair

  As I drove it occurred to me that there was nowhere to go

  at eight o'clock on a Monday night in Widow's Vale, New York. I

  pictured myself showing up at Schweikhardt's soda shop, on

  Main Street, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I pictured

  myself showing up at Janice's the same way. No-Janice had no

  idea how complicated my life had gotten. Robbie? I considered

  for a second but shook my head. I hated going to his house,

  with his dad drinking beer in front of the TV and his mom ail

  tight-lipped and angry. And of course Bree didn't even enter

  Into it—God, what a bitch she'd been today.

  Cal? I turned and headed toward his neighborhood,

  feeling desperate and daring, brave and terrified. Was I being

  presumptuous by going to his house uninvited? There was so

  much going on in my mind: my birth parents' story, my other

  parents' refusal to tell me the truth about my past, Bree—it was

  all too much to think about I felt like I couldn't make any kind

  of decision about anything—even about whether it was okay for

  me to show up at Cal's house unannounced.

  By the time I pulled into the long, cobblestone driveway

  of Cal's big stone house, I felt completer/ incoherent. What

  was I doing? I just wanted to drive off into the night forever,

  far away from everyone I knew. Be a different person. I

  couldn't believe this was my life.

  I cut the lights and the engine and hunched over my

  steering wheel, literally, frozen with uncertainty. I couldn't

  even start the car again to get out of there.

  Who knows how long I huddled in the darkness outside

  Cal's home. I finally looked up when strong headlights flooded

  the interior of my car, reflecting off my rearview mirror and

  shining into my eyes. An expensive-looking SUV pulled around

  my car and parked neatly, close to the house. Its door opened,

  and a tall, slender woman stepped out her hair barely visible in

  the darkness. The house's outdoor floodlights came on, bathing

  the driveway in warm yellow light. The woman walked to my

  car.

  Feeling like an idiot, I rolled down my window as Selene

  Belltower approached. For long moments she gazed at my face,

  as if evaluating me. We neither smiled nor spoke to each other.

  Finally she said, "Why don't you come inside, Morgan?

  You must be chilled through. I'll make some cocoa." As if It

  was normal to find a girl in a car sitting in the dark outside her

  house.

  I got out of Das Boot and slammed the door. We walked

  up the broad stone steps together, Cal's mom and I, and

  through the massive wooden front door. She led me across the

  foyer, down a hall, into a huge French country-style kitchen I

  hadn't seen on my other visit here.

  “Sit down, Morgan,”she said, gesturing to a ail stool by

  the kitchen island.

  I sat, hoping Cal was here. I hadn't seen his car outside,

  but maybe it was in the garage.

  I cast my senses out, but I couldn't feel his presence close

  by. Selene Belltower's head snapped up as she poured milk into

  a pan. Her brows came together, and she looked at me

  assessingly.

  "You're very strong," she commented. "I didn't learn how

  to cast my senses until I was in my twenties. Cal isn't here, by

  the way.”

  “I'm sorry;'* I said awkwardly. I should go. I don't want

  to bother you....”

  “Your not bothering me,”she said. She spooned some

  cocoa powder into the milk and whisked it smooth on the

  cooktop across from me. "I've been curious. Cal has told me

  some very interesting things about you."

  Cal talked to his mother about me?

  She laughed, a warm, earthy laugh, when she saw the

  expression on my face. "Cal and I are pretty close,” she said

  "For a long time it's been just the two of us. His father left us

  when Cal was about four."

  I'm sorry," I said again* She was speaking to me as If I

  were an adult, and for some reason this made me feel younger

  than sixteen.

  Selene Belltower shrugged "I was sorry, too. Cal missed

  his father very much, but he lives in Europe now, and they

  don't see each other often. At any rate—you shouldn't be

  startled that my son confides in me. It would be silly for him to

  try to hide anything, after all."

  I breathed in, trying to relax. So this was life in a blood-

  witch household. No secrets.

  Cal's mother poured the cocoa into two brightly colored

  hand-painted mugs and handed one to me. It was too hot to

  drink, so I set it down and waited. Selene waved her hand over

  her mug twice, then took a sip.

  'Try this," she suggested, looking up at me. "Take your

  left hand and circle it widdershins over your mug. Say “Cool the

  fire.'" I did, wondering. I felt warmth go into my left hand. "Try

  the cocoa now," she said, watching me. I took a sip. It was

  noticeably cooler, perfect to drink. I grinned, delighted.

  "Left hand takes away," she explained. "Right hand gives.

  Deasil for increasing, widdershins for decreasing. And simple

  words are best"

  I nodded and drank my cocoa. This one small thing was so

  fascinating to me. The idea that I could speak words, make

  movements that cooled a hot drink to the right temperature!

  Selene smiled, and then her eyes focused on mine

  sympathetically. "You look like you've had a rough time."

  This was an understatement, but I nodded. "Has Cal told

  you about... anything?"

  She put her mug down. "He's told me you recently found

  out you were adopted," she said. "That your biological parents

  must be blood witches. And this afternoon he told me you

  thought you were probably the daughter of two Irish witches

  who died here sixteen years ago."

  I nodded again. "Not exactly here—Meshomah Falls.

  About two hours away. I think my mothers name was Maeve

  Riordan."

  Selene's race became grave. "I've heard that story,” the I

  said. "I remember when it happened. I was forty years old; I

  Cal wasn't quite two. I remember thinking that such a I thing

  could never happen to me, my husband, our child.” I Her long

  fingers played with the rim of her mug. “I know better now."

  She looked up at me again. "I'm very sorry this has happened

  to you. It's always somewhat difficult to be different, even if

  you have a lot of support. One is still set apart. But I know you

  must be having an especially hard time."

  My throat
felt like it was closing again, and I drank my

  cocoa. I didn't trust myself to agree. I distracted myself with

  pointless details: If she had been forty sixteen years ago, she

  would be about fifty-six now. She looked like she was about

  thirty-five.

  "If you want," said Selene, sounding hesitant, “I can help

  you feel better.”

  "What do you mean?" I asked. For a wild moment I

  wondered, Is she offering me drugs?

  "Well, I'm picking up waves of upset, discord,

  unhappiness, anger," she said. "We could make a small, two-

  person circle and try to get you to a better place."

  I caught my breath. I had only ever made a circle with Cal

  and our coven. What would it be like with someone who was

  even more powerful than he was? I found myself saying, "Yes,

  please, if you don't mind."

  Selene smiled, looking very much like Cal. "Come on,

  then.”

  The house was shaped like a U, with a middle part and

  two wings. She led me to the back of the left wing, through a

  very large room that I figured she must use for her coven's

  circles. She opened a door that set into the wall paneling, so

  you could barely see it I felt a thrill of pure, childlike delight

  Secret doors!

  We stepped into a much smaller, cozier room furnished

  only with a narrow table, some bookshelves, and candelabras

  on the walls. Selene lit the candles.

  "This is my private sanctuary," she said, brushing her

  fingers over the doorjamb. For a fleeting moment I saw sigils

  glimmering there. They must be for privacy or protection. But I

  had no idea how to read them. There was so much I needed to

  learn. I was a complete novice.

  Selene had already drawn a small circle on the wooden

  floor, using a reddish powder that gave off a strong, spicy scent

  She motioned me into the circle with her and then closed it

  behind us.

  "Let's sit down," she said. With us facing each other, sitting

  cross-legged on the floor, there was very little room inside the

  circle.We each sprinkled salt around our half of the circle,

  saying,"With this salt, I purify my circle."

  Then Selene closed her eyes and let her head droop, her

  hands on her knees as if doing yoga. "With every breath out,

  release a negative emotion. With every breath in, take in white

  light, healing light, soothing and calming light. Feel it enter

  your fingers, your toes, settle in your stomach, reach up

  through the crown of your head."

  As she spoke her voice became slower, deeper, more

  mesmerizing. My eyes were closed, my chin practically resting

  on my chest I breathed out forcing air completely out of my

  lungs. Then I breathed in, listening to her soothing words.

  "I release tension," she murmured, and I repeated it after

  her without hesitation.

  “I release fear and anger,”she said, her words floating to

  me on a sea of calm. I repeated it and literally felt the knots in

  my stomach begin to uncoil, the tightness in my arms and

  calves unravel.

  “I release uncertainty,”she said, and I followed her.

  We breathed deeply, silently for several minutes. My

  headache dissolved, my temples ceased throbbing, my chest

  expanded, and I could breath more easily.

  “I feel calm,”Selene said.

  “Me too,”I agreed dreamily. I sensed rather than saw her

  smile.“No, say it,”she prompted, humor in her voice/

  “Oh. I feel calm,”I said.

  “Open your eyes. Make this symbol with your right

  hand,”she prompted, drawing in the air with two fingers.

  I watched her, then carefully drew in the air one straight

  line down, then a small triangle attached to the top, like a little

  flag,

  "I feel at peace," she said, drawing the same rune on my

  forehead.

  "I feel at peace," I said, feeling her finger trace heat on

  my skin. The memory of what had happened to my birth

  Barents receded into the distance. I was aware of it, but it had

  less power to hurt me.

  "I am love. I am peace. I am strength."

  I said the words, feeling a delicious warmth flow over me.

  "I call on the strength of the Goddess and the God. I call

  on the power of the Earth Mother" said Selene, tracing another

  rune onto my forehead. This one felt like half of a lopsided

  rectangle, and as it sank into my skin I thought, Strength.

  Selene and I were joined. I could feel her strength inside

  my head, feel her smoothing every wrinkle in my emotions,

  searching out every knot of fear, every snarl of anger. She

  probed deeper and deeper, and languidly I let her. She soothed

  away the pain until I was almost in a trance.

  Ages later, I seemed to come awake again. Unbidden, I

  opened my eyes in time to see her raising her head and

  opening hers. I felt a little groggy and so much better, I

  couldn't help smiling. She smiled back.

  "All right now?" she said softly.

  "Oh, yes," I said, unable to put my feelings into words.

  "Here's one more for you," she said, and she traced two

  triangles, touching, onto the backs of my hands. "That's for

  new beginnings."

  “Thank you," I said, awed by her power. "I feel much

  better."

  "Good." We stood, and she dissolved the circle and blew

  out the candles mounted around the small room. As we passed

  through the larger coven's room I saw a reflection of Selene's

  face in a huge, gilt-frame wall mirror. She was smiling. Her face

  was bright, almost triumphant as she led the way back to the

  foyer. Then the image was gone, and I thought I must have

  imagined it.

  At the front door she patted my arm, and I thanked her

  again. Then I practically floated to my car, not feeling the

  slightest bit of November wind, November chill. I felt

  absolutely perfect all the way home. I didn't even wonder

  where Cal had been.

  10. Split

  August 14, 1981

  The coven over at Much Bencham has three new students,

  they tell us. We have none. Tara and Cliff were the last to join

  Belwicket as students, and that was three years ago. Until

  Lizzie Sims turns fourteen in four years, we have no one. Of

  course, at Much Bencham they take almost anyone who wants

  to study.

  I say we should do the same—if we could even convince

  anyone to join us. Belwicket chose its own path a long time

  ago, and it is not for everyone. But we must expand. If we stick

  to only blood-born, clan-born witches, we will surly die out. We

  must seem out others of our kind, mingle clans. But Ma and the

  elders have shot me down time and again. They want us to

  remain pure. They refuse to let outsiders in.

  Maybe some in Belwicket would rather die.

  --Bradhadair

  When I got home that night, my parents' light was

  already out, and if my car's rumbling engine woke them up,

  they didn't show it Mary K. had waited up for me, listening to

  music in her room. She looked up and took off her headph
ones

  when I poked my head in.

  "Hi," I said, feeling a deep love for her. After all, she'd

  always been my sister, if not by blood, then by circumstance. I

  regretted hurting her.

  "Where did you go?" she asked.

  "To Cal's. He wasn't there, but I talked to his mom."

  Mary K. paused. "It was awful after you left, I thought

  Mom was going to burst into tears. Everyone was really

  embarrassed."

  "I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "It's just that I can't believe

  Mom and Dad kept this to themselves my whole life. They lied

  to me." I shook my head. "Tonight I realized that Aunt Eileen,

  and our other relatives, and Mom and Dad's friends all know

  I'm adopted. I just felt so stupid for not knowing myself. I was

  just... furious that they never told me when all these other

  people know."

  "Yeah, I hadn't thought of that," said Mary K., frowning

  slightly. "But you're right. They would all know." She looked at

  me." I didn't know. You believe that, don't you?"

  I nodded. "There's no way you'd be able to keep a secret

  like that" I smiled as Mary K. aimed her pillow at me.

  The blanket of peace, forgiveness, and love that Selene

  Belltower had wrapped around over me was still cocooning me

  in its comfortable embrace. "Look, it's going to be pretty awful

  for a while. Mom and Dad have to tell me about my past and

  how I was adopted. I can't stop till I know. But it doesn't mean

  I don't love you or them. We'll get through it somehow," I said.

  Uncertainty played across Mary K.'s pretty face. "Okay,"

  she said, accepting my word.

  "I'm happy about Aunt Eileen and Paula." I said, changing

  the subject.

  "Me too. I didn't want Aunt Eileen to be alone anymore,"

  said Mary K. "Do you think they'll have kids?"

  I laughed. "First things first. They need to live together

  for a while."

  "Yeah. Oh, well. I'm tired." Mary K. took off her

  headphones and dropped them on the floor.

  "Here, let me do this." Reaching over, I gentry traced the

  rune for comfort on her forehead, the way Selene had showed

  me. I felt the warmth leave my fingertips and stood back to see

  Mary K. looking at me unhappily.

  “Please don't do that to me,”she whispered. “I don't want

  to be part of it.”

  Stung, I blinked, then nodded. "Yeah, sure," I mumbled I

  turned and fled to my own room, feeling dismayed. Something

  that had given me joy was only upsetting to my sister. It was a