by Cate Tiernan
pear sign of the differences between us, the growing space pat
pushed her in one direction and me in another.
That night I slept deeply, without dreams, and woke up
feeling wonderful I put my hands together as if I could still see
the sigil traced there: daeg. A new dawn. An awakening.
"Morgan?" Mary K. called from the hallway. "Come on.
School."
I was already shoving my feet into my slippers. No doubt
I was running late, as usual. I rushed through my shower,
threw on some clothes, and pounded downstairs, my wet hair
practically strangling me. In the kitchen I grabbed a breakfast
bar, ready to dash out the door. Mary K. looked up calmly from
her orange juice.
"No hurry," she said. "I got you up early for once. I've
been late twice in the last month."
Mouth open, I looked at the clock. School didn't start for
almost forty-five minutes! I sank into a chair and waved
incoherently at the fridge.
Taking pity on me, my sister reached in and handed me a
Diet Coke, i gulped it down, then stomped back upstairs to
untangle my hair.
Somehow, we were late anyway. At school I parallel
parked my car with practiced efficiency. Then I spotted Bakker
coming toward the car to meet Mary K. My mood soured.
"Look, there he is," I said. "Lying in wait like a spider."
Mary K. punched my leg. "Stop it," she said. "I thought
you liked him."
"He's okay," I said. I've got to chill, I thought. I'd be so
peeved if anyone tried to pull the big-sister routine on me. But
I couldn't help asking, "Does he know you're only fourteen?"
Mary K. rolled her eyes. "No, he thinks I'm a junior," she
said sarcastically. "Don't let the cat out of the bag." She got out
of the car. As she and Bakker kissed, I slammed my car door
shut and hitched my backpack onto my shoulder. Then I
headed toward the east door.
"Oh, Morgan, wait!" someone called. I turned and spotted
Janice Yutoh, her hair bouncing as she hurried toward me.
Whoops—I'd totally forgotten to return her call the night
before.
"Sorry I spaced on calling you," I said as she caught up to
me. She waved a hand in the air. "No biggie. I just wanted to
say hi," she said, panting slightly. "I haven't seen you at all
lately, except in class."
"I know," I said apologetically. "A lot of stuff's been going
on." This was such a lame representation of the truth that I
almost laughed. "My aunt Eileen is moving in with her
girlfriend," I said, thinking of one bright spot.
"That's great! Tell her I'm happy for her," said Janice.
"Will do," I said. "What'd you get on Fishman's essay
test?"
"I somehow pulled an A out of my hat," she said as we
walked toward the main building.
"Cool. I got a B-plus. I hate essay tests. Too many
words," I complained. Janice laughed. Then we saw Tamara
and Ben Reggio heading into the main door just as the bell
rang.
"Gotta catch Ben," said Janice, moving off. "He's got my
Latin notes."
"See you in class." I went in through the east door, where
the coven had started to meet in the mornings, but the cement
benches were empty. Cal must have gone inside already. My
disappointment at not seeing him was almost equaled by my
relief at not having to face Bree.
By lunchtime it was drizzling outside, with sullen rivulets
tracing lines on the windows. I filed into the lunchroom, for
once grateful for its warm, steamy atmosphere. By the time I
collected a tray and looked around, most of the coven was
sitting at a table closest to the windows. Raven and Bree
weren't there, I saw with a lift of relief. Neither was Beth
Nielson, I made my way over and sat down next to Cal. When
he smiled, it was like the sun coming out
"Hi," he said, making space for me on the table. "Did you get
here late this morning?"
I nodded, opening my soda. "Just as the bell rang."
"Can I have a fry?" he asked, taking one without waiting
for my answer. I felt a warm glow at his easy familiarity.
"Mom told me you dropped by last night," he said. “I'm
sorry I missed you." He squeezed my knee under the table.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
"Yeah, your mom was really nice. She showed me some
rune magick," I said, dropping my voice.
"Cool," Jenna said, leaning over the table. "Like what?"
"A few different runes for different things," I said. "Like
runes for happiness, starting over, peace and carton."
"Did they work?" asked Ethan.
"Yes!" I said, laughing. As if a spell by Selene Belltower
wouldn't work. "It would be great if we could start learning
about runes, everything about them."
Cal nodded. "Runes are really powerful," he said. "They've
been used for thousands of years. I have some books on them
if you want to borrow them."
"I'd like to read them, too," said Sharon, stirring her
straw around in her milk carton.
"Here's a rune for you guys," said Cal. He cleared a space
in the center of the table and traced an image with his finger. It
looked like two parallel lines with two other lines crossed
between them, joining them. He drew it several times until we
could all picture it.
"What does that mean?" asked Matt "Basically it means
interdependence," Cal explained. "Community. Feeling goodwill
toward your kinsmen and kinswomen. It's how we all feel
about each other, our circle. Cirrus."
We all looked at each other for a minute, letting this sink
in. "God, there's so much to learn," said Sharon. "I feel like I'll
never be able to put it all together—herbs, spells, runes,
potions."
"Can I talk to you?" Beth Nielson had walked up and now
stood in front of Cal, a multicolored crocheted cap covering her
short hair.
"Sure," said Cal. He looked more closely at her. She was
frowning. "Do you want to go somewhere private?"
"No." Beth shook her head, not looking at him. "It doesn't
matter. They can hear it"
"What's wrong, Beth?" Cal asked quietly. Somehow we all
heard him, even over the din of the lunchroom.
Beth shrugged and looked away. Glittery aqua eye
shadow glowed above her eyes and contrasted sharply with her
coffee-colored skin. She sniffed, as if she had a cold,
Across the table I looked at Jenna. She raised her
eyebrows at me.
"It's just—the whole thing doesn't feel right to me," Beth
said. "I thought it would be cool, you know? But its all too
weird. Doing circles. Morgan making flowers bloom," she said,
gesturing to me. "It's too strange." She raised her shoulders
beneath her brown leather jacket and let them tall "I don't
want anything more to do with it. I don't like it. It feels
wrong." Her nose ring twinkled under the fluorescent lights.
"That's too bad," said Cal. "Wicca isn't Intended to make
anyone uncomfortable. It's meant to
make you celebrate the
beauty and power of the earth.”
Beth gave him a blank look, as if to say, Come on.
"So you want to quit the coven. Are you sure about this?"
Cal asked. "Maybe you just need more time to get used to it"
Beth shook her head. "No. I don't want to do it anymore."
"Well, if Wicca isn't for you, then that's your choice.
Thanks for being honest," Cal said.
"Uh-huh," said Beth, shifting her weight from one Doc
Marten to the other.
"Beth, one thing," Cal said. "Please respect our privacy."
There was a serious note in his voice that made Beth look up.
"You've come to our circles; you've felt magick's power,"
Cal went on. "Keep those experiences to yourself,
okay?”They're no one's business but ours."
"Yeah, okay," Beth said, looking at Cal.
“Well," Cal said. "It's your decision to go. But just
remember that the circle won't be open to you again if you
change your mind. Sorry, but that's how it works."
"I'm not changing my mind," said Beth. She moved off
without looking back.
For a few moments we all looked around at each other.
"What was that about?" I asked.
Jenna coughed. "Yeah, that was pretty weird."
"Don't know" said Cal. A shadow crossed his face. Then he
seemed to shrug it off. "But like I said, Wicca isn't for
everyone." He leaned forward. "I thought at our next circle. I
could show you guys some more runes and maybe a small
spell.""All right," Ethan said. "Cool." He leaned across to
Sharon. "Are you gonna eat that brownie?"
She made a pained face, but I could tell she was kidding.
"Yes.""Halfies?" he asked. Ethan, former pothead, now merely
scruffy underdog, grinned coyly at Sharon. It was like watching
a street mongrel trying to flirt with a well-groomed poodle.
"I'll give you a tiny bite," Sharon said, breaking off a
piece. Her cheeks were slightly pink.
Ethan grinned more broadly and popped the brownie
morsel into his mouth.
Around us hundreds of students filed to and from tables,
eating, talking to each other, busing their trays. We a small,
private microcosm of the school. To me it felt like we were the
only ones talking about things that really mattered—things that
were far more important and interesting than the latest pep
squad rally or prom theme contest. I couldn't wait to be
finished with high school, to move on with the rest of my life. I
saw myself devoted to Wicca, still with Cal, living a life full of
meaning and joy and magick.
Robbie's elbow knocking into me jolted me out of my
daydream.
"Sorry," he said, rubbing his temples. "Do you have any
Tylenol?"
"Nope, sorry. Your doctor's appointment is today, right?"
I asked him, then took a bite of hamburger.
“Yeah."
"Here, take this." Jenna rummaged in her purse and took
out two tablets.
Robbie squinted at them, then tossed them down with the
rest of his soda. "What was that?"
"Cyanide," said Sharon, and we laughed.
"Actually, it was Midol," Jenna said, turning away to give
another cough. I wondered if she was getting sick.
Matt whooped with laughter as Robbie gaped at her in
dismay.
"It'll really help," Jenna insisted. "It's what I take for my
headaches."
"Oh, man." Robbie shook his head. I was almost doubled
over with laughter.
"Look at it this way," said Cal brightly. "You won't get
that awful bloated feeling."
"You'll feel pretty all day," suggested Matt, laughing so
hard, he had to wipe his eyes.
"Oh, man," said Robbie again as we cackled.
"Well, this is nice," came Raven's snide voice. "Everyone
all happy and laughing together. Cozy, huh, Bree?"
"Very cozy," said Bree.
I stopped laughing and looked up at them, standing by
our lunch table. People streamed by in back of them, making
Bree edge closer to me. I still felt profoundly relaxed, thanks to
Selene, and as I gazed at my former best friend, I couldn't help
missing her powerfully. She was so familiar to me—I had
known her before she was beautiful, when she was just a
pretty little girl. She'd never gone through an awful awkward
stage, like most kids, but when she was twelve, she'd had
braces and a bad haircut. I had known her before she liked
boys, while her mother and brother still lived at home. So much
had changed.
"Hi, Raven, Bree," Cal said, still smiling. "Grab some
chairs—we'll make room."
Raven took out one of her foul-smelling Gauloises and
tapped it against her wrist "No, thanks. Did Beth tell you she
was ditching the coven?" she asked, her voice seeming harsh
and unfriendly. I glanced at Bree, who was keeping her eyes on
Raven.
"Yes, she did," Cal replied, shrugging. "Why?"
Raven and Bree looked at each other. A month ago, Bree
and I were making fun of Raven together. Now they acted like
best friends. I tried hard to hold on to my feelings of calm and
peace.
Bree gave Raven a tiny nod, and Raven's lips thinned in
what could pass for a smile.
'We're leaving, too," she announced. I know my surprise
showed on my face, and when I quickly surveyed the table,
there was no mistaking that it was shared. Next to me Cal was
suddenly alert, frowning as the looked at them.
"No," said Robbie. "Come on."
"Why?" Jenna asked "I thought you were both so into it"
"We are into it," Raven said pointedly. "Were Just not into
you." She tapped her cigarette harder, and I could practically
feel how much she wanted to light it up.
"We've joined a different coven," Bret announced. The
expression on her face made me think of a kid I had baby-sat
once. He had once thrown a live lizard onto the dining-room
table, during a meal, just to see what would happen.
"A different coven!" exclaimed Sharon. She twitched her
short suede skirt down, bracelets jangling. "What different
coven?"
"A different one," said Raven in a bored tone. She raised
one shoulder and let it drop.
"Bree, don't be stupid," said Robbie, and his words
seemed to hurt her.
"We've started our own group," Bree told Robbie, and
Raven glanced at her sharply. I wondered if Bree had been
supposed to keep that secret
"Started your own?" Cal said, rubbing his chin. "What is
wrong with Cirrus?"
"To tell you the truth, Cal," Bree said coldly, "I don't want
to be in a coven with backstabbers and betrayers. I need to be
able to trust the people I do magick with."
This was aimed at me, and possibly at Cal, and I felt heat
rise in my cheeks.
Cal raised his eyebrows. "Yes, trust Is really important,"
he said slowly. "I agree with you there. Are you sure you am
trust the people in your new coven?"
"Yes," said Raven, a bit too loudly. "It's not like you're the
<
br /> only witch in town, you know."
"No, no, I'm not," Cal agreed. I heard a hint of annoyance
in his voice. He put his arm around my shoulders. "For
example, there's Morgan here. Does your new coven have any
blood witches?"
All eyes turned to me.
"Blood witch?" asked Bree, derision in her voice.
"You said that on Samhain," remembered Raven. "You
were just yanking our chains."
"I wasn't," Cal said. I swallowed and looked down, hoping
this conversation would stop before people followed it to its
logical conclusion.
"If she's a blood witch," Bree all but snarled, "then so are
her parents, right? Isn't that what you told us? I mean, am I
supposed to believe that Sean and Mary Grace Rowlands are
blood witches?"
Cal went silent, as if he just at that moment realized what
this could lead to "Whatever," he said, and I leaned against
him, knowing he was trying to protect me.
"Anyway," said Cal. "Let's not get off the subject. So you
really want out of the coven?"
"Out and about, baby," said Raven, putting her unlit
cigarette in her mouth.
"Bree, think about what you're doing," Robbie urged her,
and I was glad he was trying to talk her out of it since I
couldn't.
“I have thought," said Bree. "I want out"
"Well, be careful," said Cal, standing up. I stood up, too,
grabbing my purse and my lunch tray. "Remember, most
witches are good, but not all of them. Make sure you haven't
left the frying pan for the fire."
Raven gave a short bark of a laugh. "How pithy. Thanks
for the advice."
Cal gave them a last considering look, then nodded at me.
We walked away from the group. I dumped my tray at the bus
bin, and we left the lunchroom, heading for the main building.
Cal walked with me to my locker. I spun the combination
and opened the door while he waited.
"If they make a new coven, will it affect us somehow?" I
asked, my voice low.
Cal brushed back his dark hair and shrugged. "I don't
think so," he said. "It's just..." He pinched his lip with two
fingers, thinking.
"What?"
"Well, I wonder who they're working with," he said.
"They're obviously not doing this by themselves. I hope they're
being careful. Not every witch is... benign."
I felt tension weave its way into my short-held peace and
looked at Cal. He kissed me, warmth in his golden eyes.