“You don’t belong here!” The woman shouted, looking right at me. I paused. In the last memory, Joshua and Grandpa hadn’t noticed me.
“You can see me?” I whispered as I looked over my shoulder to find no one there. Not even Lucian.
“Magdalena, go home! You don’t belong here, you must help me, and I need you in your own time! You have to stop this from happening again. Leave now before he senses the ripple! Find the grimoires; they are closer than you think they are. They hold the keys of the past to save the future. Don’t let him do this to your people; you must protect them from him. I have failed, but if you are here, it means he is close. Now go, please. He comes.”
She took off running, leaving me dumbfounded as I turned to find Lucian with a wide-eyed look on his face, his mouth twisted into an angry frown as I turned to look for the man who was pushing through the bushes, chasing the woman. Lucian growled an angry curse and moved towards me, shoving my face against his chest, smothering me. My lungs burned for air. I could hear sardonic laughter, and the world was beginning to spin around me.
When he finally pulled me from his chest I slapped at him. I caught air into my starved lungs and fell to my knees as I looked around us, trying to judge where I’d taken us to now. I’d wanted to leave the other place, but I wasn’t sure who had moved us, me or him.
I was in my bedroom, and Todd and Cassidy were making grotesque noises in my bed. I closed my eyes, not wanting to relive the horror. I knew it was coming, because I was standing just inside my bedroom, watching them with stark pain etched into my face.
“How could you do this to me, to us? I loved you! I wanted to give you the rest of my life, Todd. Her? You’re with her?” I screamed as his head turned and his eyes grew large and round. He scrambled from the bed, his dick still hard, bare. He hadn’t even cared to use protection. I turned to run but he was faster. His hand bit into my arm, pulling me back as he slammed me against the wall.
“Lena, I can explain!” he rushed, his words breathless from fucking Cassidy. I tried to move, and he pushed me back against the wall as Cassidy laughed, her skirt still up from where she’d lifted it for my fiancé to gain entrance.
“She’s waiting, Todd; tell her how you’ve been fucking me while waiting for her to figure it out. Tell her how you never planned to marry her,” she said snidely, and Todd’s eyes got even bigger.
“That’s not true, Lena, I love you. Only you, baby. It’s always ever been you and me. We’re always together, remember?” he begged, his eyes widening as he saw the hate that was building inside me.
“Asshole,” I whispered, watching the ‘me’ of the past as she slammed those walls down and became cold. They’d done it in my home, in my bed, as if they’d planned on being caught.
I moved us from the memory without checking to see Lucian’s look of pity that would surely be there.
“Ma’am, is your mother home?” the soldier asked, his hat crumbled in his hands as he looked at me with a pitying stare. He was older, hardened by war. Scars adorned his face, his hands, and his neck. Behind him stood a decrepit priest, probably in his late seventies or early eighties. He barely made it up the stairs by himself.
I heard Mom coming and turned to look at her. I wanted to push her away from the door, hide her from what I already knew was coming. This wasn’t fucking happening. It couldn’t be. I was trembling as it soaked in. My hands were fisted at my sides and I shook my head.
There was only one reason the United States of America’s Army showed up on your door with a priest in tow, and that was to tell you that someone had been killed in action. My knees started to buckle, and I backed up. Mom stopped in the doorway, her hands reaching out as she figured it out.
I continued to back away, unwilling to buy it. It was a mistake. It was a god damn fucking mistake! Tears escaped and I wiped at them hard and angry. You don’t cry when someone isn’t dead, and Joshua wasn’t dead! I backed into Kendra and spun around to look at her. Her eyes filled with tears.
“No, no. No! He’s not dead, he won’t leave me. He promised me. He isn’t. It’s a mistake, Kendra, it’s a mistake. A horrible mistake,” my words cracked. My head turned to watch as my mother fell to the floor on her knees. “They’re wrong! Josh is coming home, he said so! He’s coming home!” I was shouting. My heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces in that one single moment.
“Lena,” Kendra broke down; her hands reached for one of mine and I jerked it away hard.
“No, I said no! Joshua is coming home!” I spun around and ran from the manor. I didn’t believe it; they had to be wrong. His ‘baby’ was in the barn, covered for him for when he returned. His projects weren’t done, he wasn’t done! I ran to the old church in the woods, where Josh and I used to go to escape housework. It bordered the properties, dilapidated and abandoned and yet still beautiful and calming.
Inside the church I collapsed, curled into a ball and cursed him. I cursed him for leaving me alone. For lying to me when he told me that everything would be fine. I cursed myself to hell. It’s where the darkness first found me. Hopeless, alone, and broken on the ground of the abandoned church.
“Lena,” Lucian warned.
I know he sensed it, slithering over my skin. This time it was visible to us as we watched the memory. I chose to ignore him as I watched it take root inside of me.
“I let it in,” I admitted. I exhaled a deep breath, one I’d been holding since I’d first felt the darkness. “I know we’re not supposed to allow it to enter our minds,” I whispered, turning to look at him. He was granite, watching me as if he thought I was evil, or guilty of some terrible crime, maybe. “For months I allowed it to whisper to me, and then I shut it out. I locked it out of my life for good. I beat it.”
“Indeed,” Lucian said softly. “Why did you let it inside at all?”
“Because it promised to numb the pain,” I whispered. I tilted my head, watching as he nodded, but he didn’t look convinced.
“And you think you just kicked it out afterwards?” he asked with a frown.
“Indeed,” I spit his words back at him.
“Or that’s what it wanted you to think,” he countered, and I frowned.
“I beat it,” I snapped angrily. I didn’t wait for him to say more; I moved us to the next memory and flinched.
I stood beside my mother as the funeral droned on. My heart was empty, I was cold. I’d died with my brother. I didn’t feel anything, didn’t even cry. I watched as the people around me mulled through the line, feeding us the same fucked up line. “He’s in a better place now.” What the fuck does that even mean? In a better place, they don’t know that, no one does! “He’d have loved the service, it was beautiful.” The fuck you say! He’d have hated it. Country music playing, his family broken to fucking pieces, what the hell would he have loved about it? “He’d want you to be happy.” If he wanted that, he should have come home alive. Idiots.
“You show no emotion,” Lucian noted and I nodded.
“I felt hate. I wanted their blood, every last one of them. I wanted to bathe in it, to watch them die as they choked on their words and empty condolences. I know it wasn’t me who wanted their blood, but at that point in time, I wasn’t ready to feel anything. Being cold and empty was easier. I was weak, I know it,” I said softly, watching as Kendra sobbed and I stood as still as a marble statue, and just as cold. “He was my anchor, and he was just gone.”
He didn’t say anything, just nodded, and we moved into the next vision effortlessly. I groaned.
“That’s it, baby, damn. You’re so tight, yeah! Move like that, I like that, baby.”
I had looked bored. My head had been tilted away from his so that he couldn’t see the tears of loathing that I’d cried. He hadn’t even realized that I’d been crying. His pants were down to his ankles and we were jammed in the b
ack of his outdated, piece of shit car. He’d pulled my skirt up, and pushed my panties to the side, and easily squeezed his little dick through the small opening. I was miserable; my eyes were open, locked on the back of the seat that my face was smashed into. He was grunting, breathing hard, and asking me if I liked it. My response was a nod, and then I closed my eyes to block him out, to block out what I was allowing him to do to me.
“That wasn’t even close to fine…” Lucian said beside me as he watched the memory play out. “That was fucking pathetic.”
“Maybe he was a virgin too?” I offered lamely; shit, it sounded lame even to my own ears.
“Now you’re going to make excuses for that sorry piece of shit?” he asked crossly.
“Wait for it,” I said with a grin on my lips.
“Are you coming?” he asked breathlessly, his dick already limp because he’d been done less than five seconds into the actual act. He hadn’t even lasted a full minute. “God, baby, tell me you’re coming,” he begged.
“Mmhm,” I whispered already pushing him off of me to cover myself up. “Couldn’t you tell?” I asked as I stood up in the crisp air and pulled my skirt down and back into place.
“You didn’t tell me,” he said with a pointed look. “You want a guy to know, you got to tell him.”
“Only once with him?” Lucian asked with a sharp look that boarded on anger and derision.
“Once was enough,” I said with an embarrassed frown.
He snorted and shook his head.
“Best you ever had, girl?” he asked with a puffed up chest and a cocky grin.
“Best sex I ever had,” I replied as I started back to my apartment to wash him off of me.
“Thanks, I don’t get many complaints,” he assured me with a self-satisfied smile.
“I don’t imagine you get many callbacks,” I smarted off. “Can’t beat perfection…” I amended, trying to put more distance between us, which wasn’t working since he was following me.
“Hey, you going to call me or something?” he asked.
“Or something,” I shot over my shoulder as I disappeared around the corner.
“Remind me to remedy your opinion of sex, soon,” Lucian said offhandedly as we watched the memory fade.
“He was fine,” I said with a straight face.
I moved us into the next one, and then a few of my wild memories of being away from home before we entered my small apartment.
I was at the table with Luna in my lap, cramming for a big test. Coffee was on in the kitchen, and I’d just downed my third cup. My finger made a circle as the spoon stirred the liquid inside the cup, soft music played through the house as I tried to memorize the chapter I’d been reading.
I sang softly with the music, enjoying the way Luna butted her head into my chest if I went off key. Magazines and a few books lay around the apartment, mostly naughty romance novels I’d checked out from the library.
“See, no books on how to make bombs or kidnap anyone, or set houses on fire,” I said softly, as if I was afraid to disrupt the memory.
“You lived in this shithole for three years?” he asked, instead of answering me.
“It’s not a shithole, and the rent was cheap. Neighbors kept to themselves, so it worked for me. Plus the landlord reduced my rent in exchange for shampoos and soaps I made in my spare time. I kept to myself after the first couple of months, did what was needed, and then got notified that the Awakening was coming, so I moved home. The rest you already know.”
As if it wasn’t enough, we began moving into the next memory.
I was outside of the party, staring at the backdoor as Lucian approached me. I watched as he kissed me, and then as my own eyes grew heated with the need for him to do more, so much more. A total stranger, and I’d almost allowed him to distract me from the opening ceremony.
“You enjoyed it,” he mused beside me. I turned to see his cocky half-smile back in place.
“I never said otherwise. Still doesn’t mean I want to kiss you again,” I retorted with a smirk.
“We’ll see about that,” he said as we both watched a dark figure step out of the bushes after Lucian entered the house a few moments behind me, oblivious to the figure that watched us.
“I don’t remember anyone else out there at that time,” I said.
“Neither do I,” he agreed.
I pushed off the blankets and looked around. I sensed that something was wrong. Horribly so. I sat up, moved Luna off of me and moved towards the front door. Smoke, putrid and thick wafted from the main house towards the cottage. I opened the door, and tried to scream, but nothing came out. My heart hurt with how badly it beat against my chest as I moved towards the house barefoot, half-naked, and uncaring as I tried to find a way inside.
I ran from the front of the house to the back, and rushed inside.
“That proves you didn’t set the blaze to your house, nor did you have time to consort with bombers or kidnappers,” he said as he turned to look at me. “Now, what do we do about the darkness?” he asked carefully, his eyes narrowed and I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“I beat it; there’s nothing to do about it.”
“Your ancestors will see it inside of you, and you won’t be chosen for the Awakening if they do.”
“Then I’ll deal with it when it happens,” I said softly, watching him. He was up to something.
“There are ways to hide it. If you want help, let me know.” His twisted smile sent chills racing up my spine.
“Are you going to tell the coven?” I asked with trepidation and fear rushing through me.
“That isn’t my baggage to carry around. I’m only here to see if you’re innocent. If I’m asked though…”
“If you’re asked what? You’ll tell them?” I demanded.
“Unless you offer me something in exchange for my silence.” The heated look he gave me made my knees weak.
“That’s blackmail,” I pointed out.
“Yes, it is. Sue me,” he laughed.
“Do me a favor, Lucian. Hold your breath while you wait for my answer,” I growled with a deadly glare.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I slept most of the following day, only to be awakened by one of Lucian’s men with a letter written in a masculine scrawl and a capital L at the bottom, which formally gave me approval to attend tonight’s festivities. I trudged sleepily to his bathroom to ready myself and tried to ignore the idea that I could totally snoop through his room with no witnesses. As if, but I knew that I could.
Lucian had made good on one of his promises, and my clothes had been brought up from the cottage. As I didn’t see any new items, I had to assume that Lucian must have been willing to say just about anything to get me to agree to stay at his home. Sorting through my clothes, I realized I didn’t have much to wear, not in the traditional sense of glamourous evening wear, so I’d settled on a little navy blue dress that was chic and pretty. It had a deep V-neck, and while it brought attention to the girls, it didn’t scream look at me. I’d paired it with nude heels to make it look more dress-up than country chick, and added a silver clutch purse for a bonus. My hair was down, reaching my bottom in gentle wavy curls that somehow I’d managed to not screw up. Curling hair and looking perfect wasn’t something I could usually manage alone; I just hadn’t been born with those skills.
Kendra had, and she leaned closer to the mirror as I applied a luscious shade of cherry red lipstick to my full lips. She was dressed in a longer dress; her own deep V-neck exposed more flesh than I would have been comfortable revealing. Her hair was in an updo, with a few stray strands that had been left out to frame her face. The dress was silver, with dark navy blue embroidery that was woven intricately though the material.
“You look amazing,” I
said as I turned to look at her.
“You look underdressed,” she replied with her nose scrunched up. “Everyone else will be wearing evening wear.”
“Then I’ll stand out,” I announced as I shifted back to the mirror to apply mascara.
“You do know that Mom has enough money saved to buy you clothes for the events,” she replied.
“I don’t want her to,” I snapped, much harsher than I had intended to. “Look, Kendra, Mom needs to save her money to get the store back. It’s not going to change anything if I wear what I already own instead of some designer dress that she’d have to donate a kidney to be able to afford. Besides,” I continued softly with a gentle smile. “You’re the one who needs to look beautiful tonight. You and I both know that you hold the power and the family legacy is up to you to uphold. Which, thankfully for me, lets me off the hook,” I laughed as she made a face.
“Jerk; no pressure, right?” she giggled as she checked her make-up and asked if I was ready to go.
“I’m ready, but not sure my stomach is.” My nerves seemed to be having a massive battle inside me, and I was feeling a little sick at the idea of yet another party.
“Is there something between you and Lucian?” she asked, catching me off guard.
“Why do you ask?”
“Because I’d have to be blind not to see the way you two look at each other. He’s trouble; Grandmother is wary of his presence here.”
“I don’t plan on doing anything with him. I’m here for the ceremony, Kendra. Besides, he isn’t signed up for it and doesn’t plan to be. My options are open, same as yours. Have you decided what to do about Todd? If you really want to be with him…” I paused, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “You know there are ways to make it so he would be your selected partner for the Harvest.”
“Marry him,” she whispered as she shook her head. “He’s still in love with you, Lena. I’m not stupid; I called him last night. He doesn’t want me when he thinks he can get you back.”
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