Instantly Creed realized that made sense. He could stay together with Kiera, unless something bad happened, in which case she wouldn’t have to mourn him for the rest of her life. And if he returned victorious from his ISIS butt-kicking, he could tear up the letter and no one would ever be the wiser.
Creed stood and everyone stared at him. They watched and waited as Creed drew in a long breath then let it out. It felt a little like a betrayal, but if it helped Kiera survive if the worst happened, he’d do it. He couldn’t show these boys how sappy he was about Kiera, but he’d do anything to protect her.
Taking the few steps to stand next to the guys on the Dear Jane train, he muttered, “End of the line, boys.”
Blaine — The Found Warrior
Blaine Hammerton pressed the lid on his inner anger down a little tighter. He was a SEAL to the core, but ever since leaving Elena the way that he had to come back for this op, he’d been torn. He always put on a face of control and let the boiling emotion inside drive him in many ways.
He would never admit it, but the upcoming mission had him all torn up. He wouldn’t call it a presentiment, but he’d never been so scared in his life. Death had never been such a strong possibility.
A few minutes ago he’d been on his way out of the room, not wanting anything to do with this discussion. His loyalty to these guys had brought him to a stop; he didn’t want them making a mistake they’d regret.
And now more than half of them had decided on this rash action. Blaine still couldn’t believe what was happening. Logan was prone to infrequent episodes of going rogue in search of some magnificent solution to a problem, but this had come out of nowhere. What he couldn’t figure out is how Logan had sucked in three other guys, and how four of the six of them were ready to do a mass breakup.
No, not four of the guys. Just three. Maddox still didn’t count; he was just stirring the pot because he was still sucking wind from being dumped. If the rest of them decided to make a mistake and spare the ladies’ hearts, that was up to them.
The problem with the argument was that there was some truth to what they said. Especially with Logan’s idea of writing, but not sending the letters. Even that idea was starting to seep into Blaine’s head. It did give the SEALs ultimate control of either side of the outcome of this mission.
A SEAL’s life was hard, but at least Blaine was, to a large degree, in control of his missions and his life. With all the uncertainty in Blaine’s life, all Elena could do was sit there and wait to hear whether he was still alive. It would kill Blaine to have no influence over the outcome. How did Elena stand it, day in and day out?
It had to be true love, even though they’d only known each other a week before he returned to service following the leave for his father’s funeral. What he and Elena had was different than what any of the other guys had. They would really never let him hear the end of it if he told them exactly how close they’d already been to tying the knot. Simply having a girlfriend back home was not the same as Blaine and Elena’s connection. Blaine could never break up with Elena, even in a letter that might never be sent.
At least Baron was being realistic. He and Steph had dated for a year or something. Blaine and Elena had gotten closer to wedding vows in a week than Baron had with Steph in a year. And that was fine. Blaine was happy to have an ally.
Looking at how the four other guys were standing in a group with confrontational stances, Blaine could tell they were ready for a fight. Of the SEALs, Blaine was the hostage negotiator and it was starting to feel like he was going to have to negotiate his and Baron’s freedom out of this scenario. The first step was active listening, which he’d already started, but was prepared for more. Blaine needed to be careful though; active listening had been Creed’s downfall.
Blaine casually walked over and leaned against the table next to Baron’s chair. “I’m listening.”
The four looked at each other to decide who would speak up. Blaine expected Jace to find his voice; he’d been too quiet tonight. Instead, Creed took up the banner.
“Where’s your heart, son? Where’s your mind?”
“I’m right here, Creed.” Blaine spread his hands, rarely annoyed more than when Creed called him son. “Yeah, I went home for my dad’s funeral, and I took care of stuff—” almost got married “—and now I’m back. One hundred percent.”
Creed studied him. “I know where you’re at. It sucks but I’m here too and anything could happen this week. Will you make it home or rip her heart out instead?”
“Dude,” said Jace. “A week? Will she even be there in a month when you get out?”
“She’ll be there.” Blaine had shot up to a fully upright stance. He leaned back against the table. “She’ll be there.”
Maddox pulled a chair out from the table and sat down. He opened a bag of popcorn from the care package Baron had received earlier that day and started snacking, smiling like he was watching a show.
Blaine grabbed the bag out of his hand and said, “You wouldn’t even have this popcorn if it wasn’t for Baron’s girlfriend.”
Maddox snagged a bag of jerky. Blaine pulled the box away, but Maddox already had possession of the jerky. He smirked at Blaine and tore the bag open.
Logan brought the conversation back around. “What’s it going to take to get you on the team?”
“We already are a team,” said Blaine. “You know I have every one of your backs. Any day, anywhere.”
“So hop on the train, son,” said Creed.
“Hey, I’m not the only one.” Blaine hit Baron in the arm. “You gonna help me here? Do you have enough intel to contribute, your highness?”
Baron smirked up at him with that lopsided smile of his. “You want my help, you address me correctly.”
“Yeah,” said Jace, finally speaking up. “It’s not Your Highness, it’s Oh, Muted One.”
Baron said, “The proper address for a baron is my lord.”
“I’m not saying it,” said Blaine. “You’re not a baron, Baron. Now, pick a side.”
Baron stood up and straightened his shirt. He cleared his throat. Then he turned so he could see all five guys. It was a performance that none of the guys minded. Baron was quiet, so when he did speak up, you knew it’d be worthwhile.
It was a false alarm. Baron wasn’t quite ready yet. He looked between the two groups, and after an appropriate pause, said, “Yeah. I’ve made up my mind.”
Baron stepped slowly to Blaine’s side.
Yes. I still have an ally. Just as Blaine hadn’t allowed his frustration to manifest, he kept his satisfaction under wraps. The three standing guys deflated a bit.
Baron put an arm around Blaine’s shoulder. “Sorry, bro. I’m on the train.”
Blaine’s big bubble of smugness popped. He stared at Baron, feeling a little bit betrayed.
“Hey!” exclaimed Logan, Creed, and Jace. They grabbed Baron and back-slapped and chest-bumped.
After years of working together, living together, fighting together—against each other and against the enemy—Blaine could read the fear in their eyes. The joking and pseudo-celebrating were merely ways to blow off steam and cope with the stress of being a SEAL, and especially the stress of their next mission. Maybe he wasn’t the only one secretly terrified.
Maddox bit off a piece of jerky and said, “And then there was one.”
“Hold up,” said Blaine. “I want to know why the baron betrayed me.”
Baron walked over and took his care package away from Blaine. “Look at what I get from Steph. Not just the goodies, but her heart. Her devotion. And what do I give in return? Not a lot. I don’t have anything to give anyone right now. Only to Uncle Sam and each one of you.”
Blaine protested, “Tons of soldiers have wives and girlfriends at home. Do they all need to dump them immediately?”
“A wife is different,” said Baron. “That’s a commitment for life.”
“Or forever,” added Creed.
“And with a wif
e,” said Maddox, “you give up the uncertainty. Like Logan said, she agrees to be in it for the long haul, understanding what challenges lie ahead. And willing to sacrifice along with you.” He frowned. “If a girl can’t commit to that, then you cut bait and move on. Or she dumps your butt,” he muttered.
Logan jumped in. “And you mentioned a lot of soldiers have significant others. Not all of them are SEALs, or even Special Forces. Those other guys can split their devotion like that.”
Jace stepped forward. “This is the safe way to do it, bro. Write the letter, but cover your butt by not sending it yet.”
Blaine was really wondering if the guys were on to something. Why else would it be five against one?
“How long have you known her?” asked Creed.
Blaine knew that was coming. If he was arguing on the other side it would probably be his main argument. Still, none of these guys understood how he felt. “A week.”
“Do you hear yourself, Blaine?” asked Maddox. “A week?”
How did Blaine explain how it felt to see her paint a canvas in the morning light, with paint sticks in her hair, and be completely caught up in so much more than the painting … caught up in her. In her focus, in the way she moved as she caressed the canvas? How did he explain how he could read Shakespeare now and the words, once dead on the page, had now come to life inside his heart? “O that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek.” He muttered almost silently, thinking of the day he sat for hours and read to her, and watched her, and had been transported to a world where only they existed. He would never give that up.
“What was that, man?” Creed asked.
Blaine shook his head and turned away. This was pointless. Explaining his feelings to a bunch of cretins was an unwinnable battle. “Nothing.” Anger surged through him and he clenched his hand into a fist, squelching that anger.
Jace stepped up to him. “Don’t do that. Don’t go all control, sniper, inside your head. If we do this, we do it together so if you’re not going to do it you better start explaining.”
Blaine glared at Jace, the most likely to throw out a witty or sarcastic comment. He winced, then shook his head, letting out a breath. “Fine.” He hesitated, completely uncomfortable sharing so much. “Fine, alright, I used to be the guy who never took a second look at art.” He sputtered out a laugh. “I wondered why people would actually pay for those doodles on the page and I couldn’t believe the prices people were paying for some of the art—no, for any of the art.”
He sighed. “But when I look at what Elena paints, I look at the passion she harnesses and the light in her eyes when she’s creating … all I know is I would pay … whatever it costs for her paintings. No matter how much I had to work to pay it off. It would be worth it. She is worth it.” He cleared the emotion in his throat. “She’s worth everything.”
Creed let out a low whistle. “Man, you are whipped, son.”
The other guys chuckled.
Blaine didn’t care, he stood even straighter. “I don’t know how else to say it. Ever since I met Elena, art makes sense. Not here,” he tapped his head. “But here.” He put one hand over his heart.
All five guys were watching him, listening intently, and it made him nervous. Maddox had even stopped snacking to listen.
“Go ahead,” said Blaine, holding his arms out wide. “Let me have it.”
Jace cleared his throat and looked away. Blaine had to figure out what was going on with him, once they settled this girlfriend issue.
Logan took a step forward. “No one’s doubting how strongly you feel about her. Or what you learned from her.”
Maddox tented his fingers and raised an eyebrow. “You know you’re making our argument for us, right, Mr. Sniper?”
“What are you talking about?” asked Blaine.
“She’s got your heart, man,” said Maddox. “How can you be all in with us and still be so divided?”
Jace took a step forward. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, bro.” It wasn’t the normal, jokey Jace. The words had power and they hung in the air. Especially on the heels of Logan’s stupid brilliant idea of writing, but not sending the letter.
These guys did get it; all of them except Maddox was about to write a letter of his own. Maybe not on the same level of connection that Blaine felt it, but then again, Creed had been super conflicted before making his decision. And Baron, even though he didn’t talk about it, had gone through the argument in his head longer than any of the other guys.
Something Blaine couldn’t explain was pushing him to join the rest of the guys. In two days he could be dead. And where would that leave Elena? She could still have a life without him if he ended things now.
Rather than let her suffer, he would swallow the bitter pill and write the painful letter. It was the right thing to do.
Elena would still be there if Blaine made it back from the mission. She would never even read the letter. However, if Blaine’s worried gut proved reliable and the worst happened … she’d be heartbroken. There was a gnawing sickness in the lower pit of his gut just thinking about the way she’d held him and asked if what they had together was real before he’d left.
Closing his eyes, he thought of the feel of her cheek against his, so soft, of the whisper of her lemon scent. Could he really do this?
“Head in the game, man.” Maddox prompted.
Blaine’s eyes flashed open. He was right. Blaine shook his head. The thing about the guys pushing him like this was that … they were right. His head wasn’t in the game when he thought about Elena.
And that would not serve either of them.
He cringed. If the letter did go out, Elena would probably be so mad she’d want to go out and burn something down, but at least she wouldn’t die inside. Blaine just had to go out and burn ISIS to the ground, then he could go home, and Elena would be there.
Blaine felt like he was giving her permission to not suffer too much if anything did happen. Writing the Dear Jane letter wouldn’t matter though. She would be there if he got back—no, when he got back. He knew the shift to loving her had changed him permanently, like dried cement inside of him. He was all hers now. Everything would be fine when he got back.
“It’s not because you guys convinced me,” said Blaine, shaking a finger at them. It’s because she’ll be there. “This is the last thing I expected I’d do.”
Their eyes were wide, hanging on what Blaine was going to say.
“What’s our motto?” asked Blaine.
The five said in unison, “Adapt and overcome!”
“I’ll adapt,” Blaine said. “I don’t like it, and it’s not because you guys convinced me …”
“Keep telling yourself that,” said Jace.
Blaine didn’t tell them about the bad feeling he had about the mission and that the word death was going through his head. As much as he hated it, this letter could be a thoughtful, final gift to the woman he loved. “It’s the right thing to do. It’s the hard thing, but it’s the right thing. No letter though. I’ll write an email, and we can have someone send it if it comes to that.”
“Choo choo!” said Logan, who had started all this. With his arms bent at forty-five degree angles, he started around the room like a train engine.
The other four fell in behind him also making train noises as they shuffled around the room.
Blaine just shook his head. Being in on this Dear Jane scheme with guys who he respected would make it easier, but he was still regretting the email he needed to write.
It will never be sent, he told himself. I will make it back and Elena will still be there.
Jace — The Fearless Warrior
Jace sat in the narrow recliner, facing the small TV in the dayroom. The room wasn’t very big, but the guys had spread out to do the dirty work they had just decided on. A couple were on computers and a couple, including Jace, had paper and pen.
Maddox was kicked back on the beanbag browsing through a professional pho
tography magazine.
An hour ago, almost all of them were in happy relationships. And in another hour, none of them would be. None of them would be if the letters went out, anyway. Jace always watched his environment, tried to figure out what he could expect, and using the probability method model he had adapted, attempted to figure out what was likely to happen.
The Dear Jane train hadn’t even been on his radar. It had been like a force that had come into the day room and riled up the natives like a spell.
Little did any of the other guys know, Jace had no need to write a letter. There was no girlfriend to break up with. Not as of an hour ago.
Jace Burns wasn’t scared of anything. Sometimes he thought his brain was wired differently than other men, as if his amygdala—the emotion center of the brain—was faulty in one aspect because there was one emotion he never experienced. Fear. Heights, snakes, public speaking, even combat. Jace didn’t bat an eye. But if he went back in time one hour, just before he opened this letter, he would be terrified looking down at his name on the envelope.
He checked over his shoulder and saw the other guys working away on their own letters, then he pulled out the letter from Mindy. A wave of sadness crashed into him again. Never in a million years did he think it would happen.
Even if he’d had the foresight to try to predict a Dear John letter coming his way, and had analyzed it, he still would have put the probability of a Dear John at zero. Mindy was the one woman who could deal with his reckless ways. Or at least he thought she was. Turned out he was wrong. The realization forced Jace to address the one fear he’d been fighting off for years now: the fear that he might never find a woman who could love him despite the fearless way in which he lived his life. Sure, Mindy said she could. She might have even believed it. But when it came down to it, she sought more stable ground.
In a desperate attempt to prove the fear null, Jace thought back on the women he’d dated over the years. There had to be one he could see himself with … and then it came. The memory of a moment he’d shared with Amy Nelson. Sure, he hadn’t seen her since high school graduation, but he’d come dangerously close to kissing her pretty mouth that night.
The Lone Warriors: Intro to Navy SEALS Romances 2.0 Page 2