by Teagan Kade
Gabe stops outside a door. “One more time, are you sure you’re good with this?”
I nod, breathing out. “Let’s do it.”
He smiles. “I thought you’d never ask.”
But the moment I follow him into that room my confidence slips away faster than a babysitter’s boyfriend when her parents’ car pulls up.
What are you doing, Shannon?
Shut up. Shut up.
Gabe’s mother is lying down, a sheet drawn up to her neck, her spindly arms on top of it.
Gabe prepared me for her condition, but it’s still a shock seeing what somebody, a once perfectly healthy human being, can be reduced to.
She’s wearing a bright, floral headscarf, her entire face lighting up when she sees me enter. She lifts head up. “Oh, my. You must be Shannon.”
I stand beside Gabe in front of her. “Yes, Mrs. Reed. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Julie. Call me Julie.”
I smile back. “Julie then.”
She’s shaking her head, her wet eyes in contrast to her dry lips. “Gabe told me you were beautiful, but…”
I blush slightly.
Gabe takes hold of my hand. “Don’t embarrass her, Mom.”
“Oh, Gabriel,” Julie quips, “let me be. Can’t I compliment my future daughter-in-law?”
Gabriel? It sounds strange hearing his full name, but future daughter-in-law? It really starts to sink in at those words.
Julie’s not done, continuing to look me over. “You should have seen the girls Gabe used to bring home, Shannon. My, they were like something out of Miss America, and I do mean that in the worst possible way, what with their plastic faces and fake boobs…” Her eyes drop to my chest. “I can tell those are all natural—nothing but God-given beauty.”
Gabe’s face-palming, mortally embarrassed. “Mom!”
I’m starting to enjoy this until Julie comes out with the one question I was dreading. “Tell me how it happened, Shannon. How did you two fall in love?”
You’ve rehearsed this. “Well,” I begin, looking to Gabe, but he said I had to go this one alone, that he’d only intervene if completely necessary, “it was online, actually.”
Julie’s curiosity is piqued. “A dating site?”
I blush deeper.
“Like Tinder?” she asks, eyes probing.
Oh, god. “No, no. I work for a film production company. I was doing research on—”
But Julie’s confused. “Like porno films? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone’s got to make a living. As long as you’re not one of the actual—”
“Mom!” Gabe cries again, shaking his head and face-palming harder still.
“What?” she asks, genuinely curious. “I have a right to know what kind of girl my Gabe-Gabe’s going to marry, don’t I?”
Gabe-Gabe—that almost does me in.
This isn’t going at all how I imagined.
Get it together, girl.
“No, it’s not a porno company, Mrs. Reed.”
“Julie.”
“Julie,” I correct, by now lobster red. “We do regular, mainstream motion pictures.”
She’s trying to piece it together. “And how does Gabriel come into it?”
The full name throws me again. I have a sense he was no angel in his formative years.
I’m no good at lying, never have been, but I’ve got no choice here. “The company’s looking to produce a film featuring Navy SEALs. They wanted me to contact an active member, do some research into what their life was like and so on.”
Julie nods. It’s working. “Ah, I see. So, face-to-face, on the computer, like Skype or something?”
I look to Gabe. His smile says ‘Keep going.’ “That’s right. Just like Skype.”
Julie’s smile grows. “And you slowly just fell for each other, chatting away like that.”
She’s doing the hard work for me. I smile back at Gabe. “We did, though he didn’t tell me about his sweet tooth until we met for the first time.”
I’m improvising. Julie’s excitement is growing. “He does have a sweet tooth, doesn’t he? Of course, it must have been hard, not being able to see each other like that, in the flesh.”
“It was,” I reply, nodding down to the linoleum floor. I actually hold our clasped hands up and squeeze. Gabe’s is hot. “But we made do.”
“And where did go, on your first real date?” asks Julie.
This is a question we didn’t prepare for.
Gabe sees the concern on my face and goes to intervene, but I squeeze his hand once more. “This wonderful Lebanese restaurant in town, El Phoenician. Do you know it?”
“No,” says Julie, “but it does sound very exotic.”
“There was a belly dancer, music…”
Julie nods slowly. “How delightful. He really went all out.”
The lie comes easier with an element of truth thrown in. “It was, though I was completely stuffed by the end of it. They almost had to roll us out the door.”
Julie laughs, coughing halfway through and asking for water.
Gabe lets go of my hand, holding a glass of water before us as a nurse enters, seeing us and smiling before turning her attention to Julie. “Hello, Julie. How are you feeling?”
“Wonderful,” she replies, “this is Shannon, my Gabe’s fiancée.”
The nurse smiles at me again as she replaces Julie’s IV. “Julie’s been so looking forward to meeting you.”
The guilt starts to eat away at me, but I hold it together. “I hope I’m not a disappointment.”
“No,” says Julie firmly. “Not at all. You’re not what I expected, but that’s the best part.”
The nurse taps the line. “Okay, Julie. Your new meds are ready.” She turns to me. “Nice to meet you, Shannon.”
“And you,” I reply, my thigh pressed against Gabe’s.
“Gabe,” instructs Julie, “get the poor girl a chair. I’ve got so much to tell her.”
She’s not kidding. An hour goes by where she details everything from Gabe’s birth to his first car (“a run-down jalopy that was out of order more than it was on the road”), first girlfriend (“a local floozy all the boys called ‘Candy’”), even his first words (“’Bang, bang’—which explains a lot, don’t you think?”).
A sly expression curls over of her lips. “Tell me, Shannon. Does Gabe satisfy you—sexually, I mean?”
Gabe’s protest comes twice as loud now. “Mom. Jesus Christ. Have you been reading 50 Shades again?” He turns to me blushing almost as hard as I was an hour ago. “You do not have to answer that, Shannon.”
But Mrs. Reed is on a roll. “Even as a baby he had the biggest pecker in the nursery. The mortification I felt when he used to get a stiffy… Let me tell you.”
Gabe’s back with his head in his hands, quietly muttering. “Stop, Mom. For the love of everything that is good in the world, stop.”
As hilarious as this is, I can’t let it go on. “Actually,” I begin, “we haven’t…”
True surprise follows on Julie’s face. “Oh? Really?”
Her reaction says a lot about her son.
“I’m a virgin,” I state, funnily enough not really embarrassed by it at this particular moment. Maybe because it’s true.
“We’re going to wait until our wedding night,” I finish.
Gabe lifts his head up, equal amounts of surprise written over his face.
Julie turns towards Gabe. “This one’s a keeper, son. Don’t you go hurting her now, you hear?”
“I wouldn’t dream of it, Mom,” and the way he says it tells me it’s genuine. “She’s the love of my life.”
Ah, not so genuine.
Still, he reaches for my hand again as I sit beside him, our fingers interlocked, and if it I didn’t know otherwise I really would think we’re a couple.
“You’ve met Matthew?” queries Julie.
“I have,” I nod. “He’s great.”
“I know Matthew ma
kes out like he’s some kind of saint, Shannon,” she says, “but the trouble these two used to get up to…”
“I’d love to hear about it.”
Gabe squeezes my hand in warning.
“There was this one time,” Julie begins. “These two redhead girls had moved in next door with their family from Arkansas. Well…” she pauses, looking distant. “I’m sorry. I forgot what I was going to say.”
“Thank god for that,” Gabe whispers under his breath. “You okay, Mom?” he says a little louder.
Her eyes start to shutter closed, her head falling back against the pillow. “I’m just so, so tired.”
“The meds must be kicking in,” Gabe tells me, and just like that Julie’s asleep, her mouth open but barely a whisper passing between her lips.
Gabe smiles at me. “You were great, by the way.”
I begin to blush again. “Thank you.”
Neither of us breaks the handhold.
Gabe checks his watch. “We should probably get going. She’ll be out for hours, and Matt’s due in later.”
“Okay.”
We stand, still holding hands, continuing to hold them as we walk down tomy car. They remain like that until I have to find the keys to Herbie, dangling them off my fingers as we stand face-to-face under the flickering florescent lights of the hospital’s underground parking garage.
Silence.
So much silence.
I have to fill it in, can’t stand the way it wells up between us. “I’m sorry about your mother, Gabe.”
“Thank you,” he says, his face somehow softer.
“I lost mine when I was young, too young to remember. Dad raised me more or less as a single parent. But I think this is worse. I can’t imagine how hard it is. You think it went okay?”
“More than okay.” He smiles. “Have you ever considered taking up acting?”
I look away. “It wasn’t all an act. You know, I’m happy to keep up appearances until this is,” there’s no nice way to put it, “over.”
His eyes crinkle together in thought. He slides his hands into his jacket pockets. “I apologize for bringing you into this. Honestly, if I had any idea…”
“No,” I cut in, taking a step closer. “It’s fine. In fact, it’s nice… in a weird way. I never imagined myself with someone like you.” Good one. “Not that I’m with you with you, but you know… Just…” Where are words when you need them? I graduated cum laude at college and here I am barely able to put a sentence together.
He steps forward and takes my face in his hands, lifting it to look into my eyes. “I know.”
He kisses me, his lips pressing against mine warm and inviting.
I’m not ready for it, snapping rigid at first before sinking into the sensation.
Things happen automatically. My arms lift and wrap around his neck, my head tilting sideways as the kiss deepens. I smell him, the manly, spicy scent of his cologne. I taste him, the sweet pull that draws my tongue out and into his mouth.
You’re kissing him. You are actually, right at this very moment, kissing him.
Before I know it I’m grinding up against him and… something—something hard and hot and way bigger than I imagined it would be.
He pushes me back until we hit a car, the alarm beginning to sound but neither of us giving a damn we’re so lost in our little world.
He breaks the kiss to place his lips against my neck, against the beating pulse there.
The heat of his breath folds against my skin. I start to grow wet, my thighs parting.
My mouth rings out in an ‘O.’ I’m panting, gasping, wetter than I’ve ever been before.
He combs his fingers through my hair, raking them across my scalp as he presses against my heated crotch.
The alarm continues to pulse in warning.
This is it.
Something snaps inside me.
I push him away. I don’t know why I do. It just happens.
I hold him there, his mouth open, his own breathing heavy and labored. “Is everything okay?”
I feel like I’m going to pass out. This short pause is enough to open a floodgate of thoughts in my head. I can’t do this. It’s too soon. Is it even right?
And then I’m speaking the words. My mouth is moving and they are coming out. “I can’t, Gabe. I’m sorry.” I’m shouting to be heard over the alarm.
“No, I’m sorry. I came on too strong. It’s just… you’re so…”
He licks his lips looking me over. I see disappoint written on his face. He points over to the stairwell. “It’s okay. I’ll go.”
He starts to walk away.
I go to call his name but stop because I have absolutely no idea what to say.
Boy have you gone and stuffed it up now, Shan.
He heads up the stairs and I know precisely how he’s feeling right now—frustrated, guilty. There’s no good reason for it.
He’s gone.
I stand there frozen as minutes pass.
A sudden panic springs up.
Don’t let him get away. Don’t you freakin’ dare.
I take out my cell and almost drop it in my haste, the alarm cutting off behind me. I’ve never texted so fast in my life. I’m not about to call him back for a rerun, but I don’t want to give up on what could be either.
‘Goodnight,’ I text. ‘That was nice. C U tomorrow?’
I can still taste him on my lips.
And I want more. My god, do I want more.
I hit send and wait, speaking to the concrete roof of the garage. “And that, folks, is why Shannon Bailey is still a virgin.”
CHAPTER TEN
GABE
I haven’t jerked off in years, but the thought of that kiss, the incredible softness of Shannon’s lips, her warmth and willingness… I take hold of my cock and come in seconds.
A hollow void opens up as soon as I’m done. It takes me a while to work out what it is, but when I do, I recognize it as an old friend.
Guilt.
I shower and sit on the edge of my bed staring at the dog tags hanging off the dresser mirror. They’re just two pieces of tin. I’m not a sentimental guy. I don’t know why I’m even hanging onto them.
I get a flash of Triss beside me, smiling as she checks her weapon.
I block it out. I can’t think about it now.
Maybe I never want to think about it.
*
“As I live and breathe. If it isn’t Gabe ‘The Babe’ Reed.”
I take Jason’s hand. “No one’s called me that since BUD/S.”
I notice he’s gotten a little greyer up top, tried to color it black.
I rub his hair. “You did this so it would match with your eye patch, right?”
He taps the patch over his left eye. “I’m telling you, losing this to that frag was the best god-damn thing that ever happened to me. Chicks love it.”
“Because you look like a fucking pirate?” I take a seat at the bar, Jason sitting to join me. It’s mostly Navy in here today, though The Hole welcomes all servicemen. In any case, it’s a hell of a lot better than The Swinging Dick. I’d only meant to duck in there for a quick drink. I think of Shannon. Just as well you did.
Jason reaches down to cup his crotch and pulls. “Hey, it beats a wooden leg.”
I signal the bartender for two beers. “Buds,” I call. “Two.”
She nods and heads off. I turn back to Jason. “Seriously, how have you been?”
He nods. “Good, Senior Chief. And you? Heard you’re out.”
“I am.”
He shakes his head. “And pigs will fucking fly. I was sorry to hear about… you know.”
“Thanks.”
I change the subject with lightning speed. “How’s the sky-diving school?”
“Good. Again, it’s great for picking up. No pickup line can match dropping someone out a plane. If that’s life-and-death shit, man. It gets them wet every time.”
“Because they’re wetting themselve
s with fear, most likely.”
He claps his hands together at that. “Oh, we’ve had a few of those, too. A golden shower at twelve-thousand feet is an interesting spectacle to behold.”
“I have no doubt.”
Our beers arrive. I place a twenty down and slide a beer to Jason. He cracks it open with his shirt.
I hold my beer with two hands between my legs. “I remember someone shitting their pants our first HALO jump, and here you are doing it for a living.”
He laughs. “Shitting my pants? But diving? It’s real, man. The only thing someone’s shooting you with up there is a camera. It’s a long way from dropping into yet another south-east shithole full of jihadis and questionable nasi goreng.”
I raise my beer, looking around the bar. “To shitholes.”
“To shitholes,” he grins, clinking his bottle against mine.
I see Shannon enter. She looks around stunned. Like she said, bars are not her natural habitat.
Jason twists and follows my gaze. He turns back. “That her?”
I nod.
He whistles. “Jesus, you sure know how to pick them, Senior.”
“Easy,” I warn, “she’s a civvie.”
I stand and call Shannon over.
She smiles when she sees me, making her way over with her handbag held in front of her.
Jason stands as I make the introductions. “Shannon Bailey, meet my good friend and former colleague Jason Hart.”
Her eyes dart to the eye patch as she takes his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
He pulls out a stool between us for her. “And you. Can I get you something? A stick maybe, to beat off ol’ Blue Eyes here?”
“A ginger beer?” she queries, like it might be illegal to request such a thing in a dive like this.
“Sure.”
Jason calls down the bar for it.
“So,” Shannon starts, clearly nervous, “you were in the SEALs with Gabe?”
Jason nods solemnly, his eyes flicking to me for approval. Discussing the fact you’re a SEAL with a civilian is taboo at the best of times, which is why I gave Jason a heads-up over the phone. “Yes, ma’am,” he says. “SEAL Team Three, based out of Cali. The Chief and I have certainly had some wild times. Ain’t that right?”