Chasing Deception

by Dave Milbrandt

  Jim noticed Dan stopped tapping his foot and looked away momentarily. That’s why he’s been so nervous. Dan fought for me to keep my job! Jim made a mental note to thank his friend and former editor later.

  “What is going to happen is that you are going to take a two-week, unpaid leave of absence. You won’t lose your benefits or anything, but you won’t get a paycheck either.

  “Second, there is a National Journalists Association conference on newsroom ethics coming up in February which you will be attending. I’m sure you went when you first started at the Courier. Guess what? You’re going again with this year’s batch of rookies. There will be a workshop on the dangers of blurring professional and personal relationships. You will be at that workshop. We have already signed you up for the conference and are covering your hotel costs.

  “Finally, we feel it’s best you switch your assignment when you return. You won’t be covering local politics for a while, and if you want to keep your column, you’ll have to come up with a new angle. But we can talk about all that when you return on the 20th. Well, that’s all we have for now. Do you have anything to say?”

  Jim was silent for a moment. “Yes I do. Again, I want to apologize for what I did. It was wrong and stupid. Thank you for letting me keep my job. But there are a couple more things I want to say in my defense. I don’t expect them to change your opinion of me, but I feel they need to be said. You need to know it was never my intention to hurt my reputation or the reputation of the Courier. Every day I come to work here, I give 110 percent. I always have. I was caught up in everything that was happening and just wanted to keep on the adrenaline high of covering a really hot story.”

  He breathed deeply, building some courage for the next part. “Also, I want you to know the fact my cousin was involved with New Creation Fellowship did not, in any way, affect my coverage of the story. I never even considered changing my coverage just because Vince was involved. Yes, I was concerned for his safety, and I wanted him to leave the group, but I never told him to do so.”

  Jim was building up steam as he continued. “As a matter of fact I could write an article on my own mother and you wouldn’t be able to find a hint of bias with a microscope! I’m better than that.”

  Jim sighed and cooled off a bit. “All that to say I accept your decision, but I want you to know this was an aberration. It will not happen again.”

  All that could be heard was the ticking of the office clock and the hum of the heating system. Again, Gary was the one who disturbed the silence. “Fair enough, Jim. I’m glad we settled that. It would probably be best if you took the rest of the day off. We’ll see you again on the 20th.” Gary stood, signaling the meeting was over. Dan and Ted stood as well but didn’t walk toward the door. Then Gary told Ted and Dan they needed to go over a couple of other matters.

  “Could you please get the door on your way out?” Gary asked.

  Jim closed the door as he left and quickly found Melissa typing up notes for a story.

  “What happened?”

  “Let’s go grab a snack. I’m buying.”

  They went to the break room, and Jim bought Melissa some cheese crackers and a diet soda. He got himself a coffee and a candy bar. They went out to the courtyard and took the table farthest from the break room door. Even with these precautions they talked in low tones.

  “So what happened?” Melissa asked again.

  “Keating and Nelson played good cop/bad cop. Keating was all disappointed in me and everything, while Ted gave me the ‘you’ve been such a bad journalist’ lecture. Dan didn’t say anything.”

  “Did they fire you?”

  “No. I got a two-week, unpaid vacation, I have to go to the NJA meeting in February with all the rookies, and I have to give up political writing for the immediate future.”

  “At least you still have your job. That’s something to be thankful for.”

  “Yeah, you’ve got a point there.” He paused. “Melissa.”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks for being a friend. It really means a lot to me.”

  “You’re welcome.” She changed the subject. “So, what do you think you’ll do with your time off?”

  He thought for a minute. “Probably enjoy a sunrise or two,” he said. “Listen, you’d better get back to your desk before Ted and Dan return.”

  “Good idea.” She picked up her empty wrapper and soda can.

  “Oh yeah, call me sometime in the next two weeks and tell me what’s going on here.”

  “You just can’t get away from this place, can you?”

  “Hey, it’s like an addiction, but a good one.”

  Melissa smiled. “I’m not so sure about that.”

  —

  Jim never took vacations, and he had no idea what to do with himself now that he had two whole weeks off. On his drive home he compiled a short mental list of what to do to fill the time. Read a couple of books. Spend some time with his mom. Help Uncle Phil clean out the attic. But all that could wait. He had to take care of business first. His cousin Vince was dead, and he had to come to terms with the fact he was partly to blame.

  He spent the week sorting out his emotions by tuning out the world around him. Friday evening was spent sitting on the couch in his darkened living room staring blankly at the flickering images on the television. He slept most of the day Saturday, eating little and doing even less around the loft. By contrast, Sunday was spent in a cleaning frenzy. He cleaned the loft from top to bottom, washing the dishes and his clothes, anything to keep his mind off of his swirling emotions. By the end of the day he was exhausted.

  —

  6:56 a.m. Monday, January 12

  He made a trip to Crystal Cove early Monday morning, but not before going to a Starbucks a couple blocks away to enjoy a caffe misto while watching the sunrise. He just sat there in silence as the darkness slowly retreated and the dawn broke.

  By 7 a.m., the sun had just crested the eastern horizon, and he headed to his favorite spot on the beach. He laid out a towel and plopped himself down. He looked straight ahead to the south as the sun slowly continued to rise in the sky and shone on the left side of his body. He watched a lone surfer clad in a wetsuit enjoying the winter waves.

  Jim wrestled with the hollow feeling in his soul, as the hope he sought was just outside his reach. After what I did, I don’t deserve to feel hope. Out of his emptiness spilled forth confusion. Why did I do it? Why did I let Vince die? Why didn’t I get him out of that place? Jim stared out at the ocean for nearly and hour searching for answers that refused to come.

  All of a sudden, he shook his head to clear his thoughts. Here I am at the beach, and I’m ignoring all the things I love about this place. He just sat there and listened to the ocean crash against the rocks. It was so peaceful and relaxing. He closed his eyes and just listened for a few minutes.

  He opened them when he heard someone coming down the beach. Instead of getting up, he decided to wait and see who it was. He was surprised when he saw Melissa climbing the rocks, with two paper bags in her hand. She approached him with a brilliant smile on her face. His spirits lifted immediately. He made room for her on the beach towel.

  “How did you know I was here?”

  “I called your house and your cell and you didn’t answer either one. I knew how much you liked this place, so I took a chance.”

  “Good investigative work.” He looked at the bag. “So, what special treats do you have in there?”

  She set the paper sack on the rock and opened them. “We have a lemon jelly-filled for you and a cup of dark roast to go with it.”

  As she handed him the doughnut and coffee, he was again shaken by her kindness and good memory. I must have told her six months ago lemon-filled was my favorite.

  They ate their doughnuts and sipped their coffee as they enjoyed the modest warmth the January sun offered.

  Melissa sighed. “I love the ocean in the morning. God’s handiwork always amazes me.”

 
“Yeah, and this is the same God who let 28 people go blindly to their deaths because of some crazy lunatic.” The anger in his voice was palpable.

  Melissa refused to be baited by his frustration. “This is an evil world, Jim, and people do awful things. Jeremiah Harmon knew what they wanted to hear and he gave it to them. They wanted a religion where you could be flaky, and he created one for them. Just connect to the ‘positive power’ in the universe and everything will be all right.”

  “But they didn’t know any better,” Jim protested.

  “We talked to those people, Jim. Almost all of them used to go to church at one point or another. I’m not saying it’s their fault entirely, but they wanted easy religion. The Bible calls it having your ears tickled and it says people will flock to it and ignore the truth. New Creation Fellowship is just one example of it.”

  “It doesn’t seem you Christians are doing much about it.”

  Melissa noticed the derision in his voice and decided to call him on his attitude. “For your information, we are doing something about it. It’s called telling people the truth. We can only tell people so many times. It’s up to them to accept the message and receive the rewards or reject it and pay the consequences.”

  “Sounds like some heavenly lottery. ‘Why golly ma’am, your number came up, I guess you’ll be going to heaven, Missy.’”

  Melissa found nothing funny about his John Wayne impression this time. “It’s not like that at all, Jim. The message is simple. If you believe Jesus Christ is who He claims to be in the Bible and you are willing to live by His example, then you’re a Christian and will go to Heaven when you die. If you reject the messenger and His message, then you go to Hell. There is no middle ground with God. He isn’t wishy-washy.” Melissa paused. “It isn’t an easy decision, but it’s not a complex one either.”

  Oh, it’s not that easy, Miss Jenkins. Not by far. “So why did my dad have to die? Answer me that! Uncle Phil said he would get better, but he never did. He just got worse. He even prayed with Uncle Phil and became a Christian. We all hoped God would heal him then and he would come home soon. And then one day he…” Jim stopped his diatribe and began to cry.

  —

  As his few tears grew into uncontrollable sobbing, Melissa put her arms around him. I bet he was the strong son at his dad’s funeral, she thought as she held onto him. This is probably the first time he has been able to cry about his father’s death.

  She fished out a packet of tissues from her purse. She held him for several minutes as he continued to sob. When he paused momentarily, she handed him a couple of tissues.

  “Thank you.”

  It was several minutes before he was able to talk again. “Why did he have to die, Melissa? He was so young, and I was just a kid. Why did he have to go?”

  She couldn’t help but notice the pleading in Jim’s voice. He needed an answer. What do I tell him, Lord? She waited a moment before God reminded her of what Jim had just said. Of course!

  “You said your father became a Christian before he died?”

  “Yeah, a lot of good that did him.”

  “But don’t you see, Jim. It took a heart attack and the reality of death for him to listen to what God had been telling him for years through your aunt and uncle. Your dad knew he was going to die, and he didn’t want to die and then not go to Heaven because he didn’t listen to what God had been saying to him while he was alive on earth. He finally opened his ears and knew what he was hearing from your uncle was something he needed to act on. Now he’s in Heaven living in joy forever.” She paused. “I’m guessing you inherited your stubbornness and cynicism from your dad?”

  Jim nodded.

  “God knew what kind of man your father was and what it would take for him to believe. I’m sure your aunt and uncle prayed for the right time to share the truth with him. God knew the only way his walls of cynicism and stubbornness could be shaken was if he were faced with his own mortality. And once that happened, He brought your uncle in to give him the terms of the agreement. Give God your earthly life and He gives you eternal life. That’s all God asks for.”

  “Wait a minute. That might be fine for you or Uncle Phil, but my dad was far from being a saint or anything. He didn’t deserve to get into Heaven anymore than I do.”

  Melissa looked Jim straight in the eye. “That’s the point. Nobody deserves it, Jim. Nobody. It only takes one sin for someone to be cut off from God. A white lie. Stealing some candy. Hitting your sister. Talking back to Mom. Everybody’s broken God’s rules because we’re all human. We sin. It’s what we do best. But only when we give ourselves completely to God and ask Him to forgive us can He clean us up. We are all filthy compared to His purity, and sometimes He has to use a scouring pad to clean us. But He’s willing to work with anyone who will follow Him completely.”

  —

  While she had been talking, Jim had felt the most incredible sensation of his life. Like the ebbing tide, he felt all of his hatred, anger and cynicism toward God washing out to sea. In one sense it seemed so quick, but in another way he knew he had been wrestling with God for years. The time had come to admit this was one fight he couldn’t win. For the first time in years he knew he didn’t need to look inside for strength. He could find it in Someone else; Someone infinitely better than he could ever be. If only he were willing to make the decision.

  When he spoke it was in a gentle voice. “I want to believe...” He couldn’t find the words to finish his thought.

  Melissa filled the silence. “That’s God tugging on your heart. He wants to live inside you, but you have to let Him in. He wants to fill you with His peace and love, but you have to be willing to love Him and trust Him with everything. Jim, God’s been trying to get your attention for years. It’s time to listen.”

  “Do you think God is willing to work with someone like me?”

  Jim simultaneously noticed Melissa’s smile and the tear in her right eye. “Yeah, I think He’s up to the challenge.”

  “What do I need to do?”

  She led him in a simple prayer, but it did so much for him. While praying to God genuinely for the first time in his life, he felt this incredible burden lifted from his shoulders. He didn’t know what it was at first. Then he realized it was the weight of his father’s death, which he had carried around for years. He had always secretly blamed himself for being a bad kid and bringing on his father’s heart attack.

  As he and Melissa hugged and cried together after the prayer, Jim distinctly heard a voice speak straight to his soul.

  You are My child now, and I will make you whole again.

  24

  The morning of Jim’s conversion, he and Melissa spent most of their time back at the Starbucks near the beach, with Jim asking Melissa dozens of questions. She had taken the morning off in hopes they would get some time to talk, but she hadn’t expected him to make a decision for Christ. She gave God silent praise for His work on Jim’s heart.

  She handled as many of his inquiries as she could and promised to help Jim find the answers to the rest of his questions. They went to a local Christian bookstore where Jim bought a Bible and couple of other books recommended by the store manager for new Christians. Jim was surprised at how everybody congratulated him on his decision.

  Jim was beaming as they left the store. “I feel like I’ve joined the biggest fraternity in the world.”

  She laughed. “Something like that, only with no secret handshakes.” Then she glanced at her watch. “Oh it’s eleven-thirty! I was supposed to be in the office by noon.”

  Saying good-bye to each other, they got into their cars and went separate ways. Jim was planning to go over to Uncle Phil’s house today. Boy, will he and Aunt Patty be surprised.

  He spent each morning that week reading his new Bible and a daily entry in his devotional. Then he went over to Uncle Phil’s and got into theological discussions with him. Gradually his heavily fortified barrier against Christianity was being eroded. He believed
in God and Jesus Christ, but he would take nothing on blind faith.

  “If I’m going to believe it I need to be able to explain it to someone else and not have him laugh at me.”

  Phil chuckled. “I suppose that’s one way to look at it.”

  —

  10:17 a.m. Sunday, January 18

  Jim found himself again at Hill Pointe Community Church. He went to second service and sat with Melissa and her family. He was surprised by their continued exuberance over his conversion. Martin and Dan offered him congratulatory handshakes, while Elizabeth patted his arm and Valerie gave him an impulsive hug.

  One of the things he was constantly amazed by was that everything seemed different somehow. Because of the peace and stability he felt in his heart he now understood why so many in the room looked genuinely happy. Two weeks before he would have said they were all inducing some false happiness. Now he knew it was real. When they sang worship songs, it didn’t matter to him that he didn’t know the words. He would learn them in time, and he was so filled with joy he sang anyway, occasionally missing a word or two.

  When Pastor Will came up to preach, Jim listened to his sermon with a whole new sense of perspective than the last time he had been here. It wasn’t just one man’s opinion anymore. It was the truth.

  That Sunday he began the sermon by describing a ridiculous situation: an athlete wearing football gear to baseball practice. He offered up the image of a 295-pound defensive lineman trying to quickly run the bases or slide into home without seriously hurting the catcher. The imagery evoked a bit of laughter, mostly from the men in the congregation. Then the pastor connected the analogy to his main point.

  “We laugh at that situation because it doesn’t make any sense. Why would you be suited up for one sport when you are going to play a totally different one? Yet, when we perform our little Christian rituals around nonbelievers, that’s exactly what it looks like to them. We insist we must not live like the fallen world around us, clutching onto our good Christian practices that make no sense to the nonbelievers around us. We think it’s OK that they don’t understand everything we do. We tell ourselves they will understand it all when they become Christians, and they don’t need to know right now what it all means. Let me tell you, my friends, that just doesn’t make any sense. It won’t get us anywhere in our witnessing. As a matter of fact, it will just push people further away from God.”