“Lena.” His interjection saves me. He lifts his head slowly, his eyes full of regret. “Before you start, I want to apologize. I should have told you what Natalie did. By not telling you, it may it seem like I don’t trust you and I do. You’re my wife.” He plays with the ring on his fourth finger, twisting the black metal with his fingertips. I swallow, feeling the weight of what the ring symbolizes. “You’re the only person in this world that I trust with my whole world.” he continues. “I know you shoulder a lot of guilt for what happened with Julian. You’ve told me before. I was weak, afraid to put any more burdens on you.”
A tear slips from my eye, sliding down my cheek. It feels as if I’ve been crying forever, surprised there’s any more left in me to be shed.
“Logan, I’m sorry.” I wring my fingers together like I had last night at Abby’s. My knuckles blush with white. The secrets are there, pushing on the door, ready to open. “Everything you just said is true. I should have trusted you. The street goes both ways. I should have trusted you enough to listen.”
He sits up, turning in his seat. His knees press against mine and my stomach dips. He may be my husband, but he still has the skill to swiftly create butterflies in my stomach. They rage and beat against my empty stomach.
“I promise to never keep secrets from you ever again,” he vows.
“I promise, too.” I tilt my head to the side, studying his face. His eyes soften, love for me swirling in them. It’s as if the past year has been laid out on the table, Logan and I unloading our secrets, casting ourselves out of the darkness that has divided us for so long.
Sitting up, Logan leans over me, resting his hands on the arms of my chair. He dips his head, pressing his lips to mine. I close my eyes, savoring the way his smooth lips feel against mine. The smell of cedar and pine floats around me. Logan is my home. My security. The only man I ever want to be with.
Our kiss lingers. He moves his lips, parting them far enough to slide his tongue out. I part my lips, allowing him access. He slides his tongue around mine, tasting me. Every kiss and every touch is a tattooed promise, forever scoring my heart.
I lift my hand, gripping on to the fabric of his shirt that’s hanging away from his body, pulling him closer. His hot breath lands against my skin as he lets out a small laugh, reverberating from his chest. I don’t want him to pull away. I want to stay like this forever. When he finally does break our kiss, I feel the absence of him immediately. He returns to his chair beside me.
Logan smirks, the corner of his blushed lips curling. He holds my hand in his, wrapping it around mine like a cage. “I want you to know you can trust me with whatever you’re going through. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide from me, Lena.”
I inhale a shaky breath and nod. Now was the time for me to tell him about my suspicions of Julian’s return. “Those pictures weren’t the first email.”
“What do you mean?” Logan sits up, straightening his back. His eyebrows arch across his forehead.
“I’ve been getting these emails for a while now. The first one came in after Abby and I surprised you for lunch, the day she took me to her new office building. The second came after the night we had dinner with Abby and Max.” I slide my phone from my shorts, opening the emails. “I think it’s Julian.”
Logan’s eyes dart between me and my phone. He gently grabs it, reading each one. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. When he looks up, his eyebrows knit with concern. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
A part of me is relieved he isn’t angry with me for keeping this from him. But guilt rises, remembering the reason why I’d kept it from him in the first place. My discretion had come from a place of selfishness and remorse.
“I was afraid that if I told you, you’d want to leave Seattle.” Logan lifts his hand, cupping my cheek with his hand. His fingers thread through my hair, electricity shooting straight through me. “Julian nearly took your life once before and it was all because of me. Then he broke into your apartment and left the note and T-shirt. I was terrified and I get it, instinct kicked in for you. You wanted to leave Providence so quickly when we found the note, I was afraid you would do the same. You’re so happy here. You’ve worked hard to get where you’re at with Bistro and I couldn’t bring myself to give you a reason to lose it all. I couldn’t be the reason you changed your life for me. Not again.”
“Lena. Look at me.” He nudges me with his hand still on my face, forcing me to stare into his eyes. “Leaving Providence was the hardest decision I ever had to make. But it was also the easiest. If I had to do it all over again, I would. But if you had told me that you wanted to stay here in Seattle, I wouldn’t have argued. Don’t ever feel like you’re a burden to me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without you. We’ve built this life of ours. No matter how messy it may get, we’re in this together. I realize we can’t keep running forever and I understand why you were hesitant to tell me.”
I nod, my body relaxing. It’s as if I’ve opened the flood gates. All the worry, all the doubt, and all the anger are simply gone. Despite telling Logan about the emails, I know I’m still leaving out another detail.
“The emails aren’t the only signs I’ve been getting that Julian is back.”
Logan leans his head to the side, concern in his expression. He holds his breath.
“That day I went for the meeting with Candace and you asked if I had come home early, I didn’t. I was still in Tacoma when the security system was used. That’s why I had you change the code.”
Logan stands up out of his chair. He raises his arms, placing his hands on his head. His shirt rises, exposing the planes of his waist, his muscles carved into a deep ‘v’. Using his hands, he slides his hair back, moving it out of his face. He spins in a circle, releasing a heavy breath.
I shake my head, swallowing back my emotions. “I’m so sorry, Logan. I really should have told you.”
“No.” He holds his hand out, focusing on the back yard. His back is turned toward me, shielding his face from me. “I asked you to tell me everything. I just need a moment to process this.”
“Okay.” I lean back in my seat, breathing in the morning air. It’s still early, dew still dotted along the grass.
Logan stays standing in silence for a few moments and I stay seated. After last night, I thought Logan would be furious to know I’d kept this from him. Instead, he remains calm. Finally, he decides to turn back around, his hands resting on his hips.
“There’s something I need to tell you, too.”
I sit up in my chair, my back peeling off the metal. Shit, we had more secrets between us than I was aware of.
“I think someone has been following me too. I mean...” He scratches the scruff lining his jaw. “I’ve had this feeling. I can’t explain it. I haven’t seen Julian but it’s like he’s hiding in the shadows. I felt it the day I was at the Market with Natalie. I think that’s how those pictures were taken. He’s trying to make it look like I’m having an affair.”
“That makes sense.” I swallow my uncertain feelings about Natalie, pushing my jealousy aside. Logan wasn’t having an affair; I knew it deep in my bones.
“Did you tell Max about Natalie kissing you?” It hadn’t occurred to me until now to ask him. Natalie risked everything by kissing Logan. Not only was he her boss, but he was also married. I didn’t understand how she fit into all this.
“No.” He sighs. “I didn’t, only because Natalie told me about how hard she’s worked for her career. It was also strange because after she kissed me and I turned her down, it was like she had flipped a switch.”
“What do you mean?”
“She started begging me not to fire her or tell Max.” He walks closer to me, keeping his hands on his hips. He stares at me in thought. “Why would Natalie jeopardize her entire career by kissing me, then beg me not to tell anyone? It may not seem that strange, but I can’t seem to forget what she said to me that night.”
/>
“What did she say?”
“She said she didn’t expect to fall in love with the job.” Logan groans. “Maybe I’m overthinking it. Right?”
“I don’t know.” I twist my mouth in thought.
He sits back down in his chair, his expression still clouded in thought. Nothing made sense anymore, but I couldn’t deny the relief I felt. It felt good to finally get everything out in the open with Logan. My demons weren’t mine anymore. Logan and I have been riding on two separate waves, unknowingly. They were the same current, same temperature. Now, our waves had crashed into one another, we’re riding them out together.
I sit up from my chair and stand in front of Logan. He lifts his head, looking up at me. Placing both my hands around Logan’s face, I brush my fingers in his long hair.
“Thank you for coming back to me,” he says, the sun reflecting in his eyes.
“There was never any question I was coming back, Logan.” He wraps his hands around the back of my legs. My skin tingles feeling him so close. He pulls me closer to him, parting his legs farther. “I just needed some time.”
“I missed you when you weren’t here. I want you around.”
“I was safe with Abby,” I reassure him. “But I missed you too.”
He narrows his eyes, leaning into my touch. “Do you think we should tell Abby we think Julian could be around?”
I sigh. Just like with Logan, I didn’t want to burden Abby with the possibility of Julian being back. But she deserves to know. “I’ll tell her. In fact, I should text her since I left without saying goodbye this morning.”
His hands slide up the back of my thighs, his fingers trailing underneath the fabric of my shorts. Goose bumps dot the surface of my skin and I breathe Logan in.
I wasn’t sure where we were going from here or how we would handle Julian being back. But one thing I knew was that Julian had been unsuccessful in his attempt at tearing us apart. Logan and I were finally on the same page, and this time we weren’t running. We were facing this head on.
Twenty-Two
Lena
The smell of whiskey makes me want to hurl.
I scrunch my nose, the scent of malted yeast and smoked oak lingering in the air. Abby insisted on meeting at the pub near downtown. I found it odd considering she knew I’d never been big on drinking.
Whiskey reminded me of Julian, and he was the last person I wanted to feel connected to when I talked to Abby about the prospect of him being back. In a twisted way, I guess it was fitting.
I’m sitting at one of the tall tables centered in the middle of the pub. The rich dark wood and barstools only seem to intensify the smell. The aroma of liquor sealed into the grain. The pub is busy, most of the bar lined with middle-age men donned with large beards and round bellies, the occasional younger suited man sandwiched between. There’s an eclectic range of patrons, including me.
The vodka soda I ordered twenty minutes ago is already watered down. I swirl my straw into the mixture, the small remnants of ice melting away. When I spot Abby entering the front door, I sigh with relief.
Abby stands in the doorway, scanning the room. She spots me and starts weaving between the tables standing between us. Her purse is hooked on to her bent arm, slapping against the backs of people’s chairs. She keeps her focus on her walk, never quite meeting my eye. I can sense she’s still upset with me after leaving yesterday morning.
Her reply to my text asking to meet was short and to the point. Only stating where and when she would be available to meet me. On top of the conversation I needed to have with her, I owed her an apology.
She reaches my table and examines the pub as she removes her hoodie, draping it over the back of her stool. She inhales a deep breath as she climbs into her seat, pursing her lips.
“Thanks for meeting me,” I say.
She shifts her gaze from the table to me. “Yeah. It’s good to know you’re okay.” Her shoulders tense and her gaze wanders, focusing on whatever is over my shoulder behind me.
I sigh, tilting my head to the side. “Abby, I’m sorry I snuck out yesterday morning. You were sound asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you.”
She purses her lips again, clearly angry with me. “Well, I would have much rather you wake me to tell me you’re leaving, than to wake up and find you had disappeared.”
“I really am sorry,” I tell her, sliding my hand across the table. “I needed to talk to Logan.” I grab her hand, squeezing it.
She twists her mouth in thought, her perfectly sculpted eyebrows still dipped in anger. I hold her hand, hoping she can forgive me. The last thing I want is to push her away when I need her the most. I’d repaired the damage done between me and Logan, now I needed to mend the damage between me and Abby.
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes, finally giving me a reluctant smile. She pulls her hand out from mine and slaps the table. “You can start making it up to me by ordering me a drink and some Irish nachos.”
I laugh. “Irish nachos?”
“Yeah,” she scoffs. “You’ve never had them before?”
“No. I’ve never been here.”
“Really?” she asks, dropping her jaw. “Tons of pubs have them but this place has the best. I guess there’s a first time for everything, right?”
“Sure,” I answer, my stomach grumbling in agreement.
After the server comes over to take Abby’s order, she rests her arms on the table, clasping her hands under her chin. Her expression has now softened, anger replaced with concern. “So, how was it when you went home? Was Logan upset when you told him you were leaving him?”
I’m in the middle of sipping my watered-down drink when I stare at Abby with widened eyes. Slowly, I lower my drink, placing it back down onto the cardboard coaster. My back lands against the wooden bars of my barstool. “I didn’t leave Logan.”
“What?” Her back shoots up, straightening in her seat. Our server returns and places the basket of cheddar covered potato chips in front of us, setting Abby’s Bloody Mary down in front of her. He walks away, leaving us to continue our conversation.
Leaning forward, I rest my arm on the edge of the table. “I never said I was leaving him, Abby. I just needed some time to sort everything out.”
“You only needed one night to sort it out? He cheated on you, Lena,” she insists. “What about the pictures? You saw them. I saw them.”
I shrug, knowing in the deepest part of me that Logan wasn’t having an affair with Natalie. Deep down, I think I always knew. For a time, my own inner turmoil was clouding the rational part of me, the part of me that knew Logan would never cheat on me.
We were being followed. Watched. Someone was trying to set him up. If it wasn’t Julian, it was most likely someone he hired. “The thing is, I don’t think Logan’s having an affair.”
She stabs her finger against the table, the tip bending and causing her flesh to turn from a pale pink to white. I sit back, stunned by her shift in mood.
“The pictures were pretty obvious, Lena. What makes you think he isn’t?”
“There’s more to this story than I realized, Abby,” I answer, darting my eyes away from her angered gaze. “Actually, that leads me to what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Lifting her glass to her lips, she gulps nearly half her drink, red liquid draining from the top, her fingers rigid around the fragile glass. She sets it back down, swallowing. “What is it?”
I sigh, hoping my news won’t scare her. Like Logan and I had done, Abby’s moved on with her life, leaving the past behind. I knew that what I had to tell her would only drudge up old memories for her. “We think Julian found us.”
Her eyebrows shoot across her forehead and her neck dips as she swallows again.
I’m quick to calm her, knowing she’s probably freaking out on the inside. “We haven’t actually seen him yet, but he’s definitely made himself known.”
She falls back against her seat again, absentmindedly picking at the corner of the paper
lining our basket of chips. “Are you sure? How do you know it’s him if you haven’t seen him?”
“I’ve been receiving emails.” My eyes meet hers. “That’s how I got those pictures. I know it sounds crazy, but the emails said things only he would know. Things that he said to me when we were together.”
“How long have you been getting them?”
“A few months.”
She arches one eyebrow. “And you’re just now telling me this? Shit, Lena.”
“I’m sorry, Abby.” I’m quick to apologize.. “I should have told you sooner and I know that. I own my mistake. I was standing in my own way, battling with what Julian had done to me in the past versus telling the truth.”
“Does Logan know?”
“He does now. I was afraid that if I told Logan that Julian was back, he would want to pack us up and move again, God knows where. And I couldn’t do that. Not to Logan and not to you. It wasn’t until I’d received that email with the pictures, that everything kind of blew up. Those pictures forced me to face the ugly truth. I was living in a state of denial. I didn’t want to believe Julian was back but seeing Logan that way, I needed to know the truth.”
“Sure.” She purses her lips, nodding. Her body sways in her chair, mulling over my words. “I know you’ve been through a lot, Lena. Still, that doesn’t give you the right to keep secrets from those who care about you. I could have helped you. I could have been there for you.”
I stare into her eyes, hoping she can feel sincerity in my apology. “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’ve been a terrible friend and you don’t deserve to be kept in the dark. The way I’ve handled this is no excuse. I just wanted you to know.”
“You’re right. It’s not an excuse.” She shakes her head. “And you should have told me.”
I fight back the urge to cry, biting on the inside of my cheek. I’ve cried enough the past two days to last a lifetime. There was no more room for tears. I needed to protect both my husband and my best friend. The time for hiding was over.
Mine: A Romantic Suspense Thriller (A Back to Me Series Book 2) Page 19