by Harlow Layne
“The school has counselors if you want to talk to someone about what you’re going through. There’s no shame in getting help,” Coach said in a soft tone.
“I might. I’m still trying to process it all.”
When I went to my classes the next day, if there were whispers and looks, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle them. Until then, I wasn’t going to let it stress me out. I had enough to deal with.
After a few minutes of silence while we ate, Coach turned to me with intense eyes. “Did any of your teammates give you a hard time?”
“No,” I answered truthfully. “While I don’t advertise that I’m gay, they knew, or at least most of them did. They all seemed concerned, but time will tell.”
“Well, I commend you for being open about your sexuality. I hid my identity for a long time and even tried to convince myself I could like girls. While I don’t regret my children that came out of that time in my life, I can’t help but wonder what my life would have been like if I wasn’t hiding who I was. That’s why I wanted to speak to you outside of the school and let you know I’m—we are here for you. And if any of your teammates start to act strange around you in the locker room, etcetera, you let me know.”
“I will. Thanks, Coach.” I laughed, and the entire table looked at me funny. “Tonight took a complete one-eighty from how I thought it was going to go. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I got kicked off the team.”
For the next couple of hours, after they put the kids to bed, we sat around and talked. It was mostly about football, but also about the town since both Coach and I were new to the area and the school. It was nice getting to know him on a different level, even though I knew it would go back to being strictly player and coach once I left.
As I was leaving, Coach got the call from whoever was on check-in duty. Everyone was accounted for except for me, so he explained my absence. Not that it was a surprise after the ass reaming we got at practice earlier. It would be a long while before any of the guys tried to do anything that could remotely get them in trouble.
Once I was out on the road, I hooked my little Bluetooth earpiece to my ear and called my brother. It was late, but I knew he’d be up since Mom was at work. No kid in high school wanted to go to bed early, anyway.
“Hey,” Easton answered. “Everything okay?” It was as if he knew something happened to me. I didn’t want to lie to my brother, but I also saw no point in making him worry when there was nothing he could do.
“Things are going good. The team is doing great.” Even to my own ears, it sounded like bullshit.
“Come on, West. I’m not some kid anymore. You can talk to me,” he paused for a moment. “Does Mom know?”
“It only happened Friday night, so no, she doesn’t know, and I’d like to keep it that way. She’ll freak out and go all mama bear on the school, and then I’ll have more shit to deal with.”
“Now you’ve got me worried.”
Needing to alleviate my brother’s worry, I spent the rest of the drive back to the football house telling my brother about what happened and my visit to Coach’s house.
“Damn, man. You can’t let them get away with that shit,” Easton angrily said as I walked through the front door of the football house.
“I don’t plan on it, but I’m not going to do anything until I see what the school does,” I explained.
I moved through the dark house toward the kitchen. I was surprised there wasn’t some sort of video game tournament going on downstairs, but maybe they were all tired from practice or actually doing their schoolwork.
“What happens if I piss the school off, huh? There goes my scholarship. There goes my chance to give us a better life, and I’m not willing to do that, so I’ve got to be smart. Plus, Coach said he wouldn’t let them get away with it, and I believe him. Look, I just got home, so I’m going to go so I can finish up my homework, but I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Be careful, West,” my baby brother said with so much sadness in his tone it made my eyes tear up.
“I will. I promise you. I love you,” I choked out before I heard him tell me the same and hung up.
Stepping into the kitchen to fill up one of my water bottles, I spotted Fin at the sink pouring ice into a Ziploc bag.
His black hair hung down, almost obscuring his black orbs from me, but I caught his narrowed eyes, watching me as he wrapped a towel around the makeshift ice pack and placed it on his shoulder.
“You okay?” I asked as I stepped around him and pulled out one of my insulated water bottles from the cabinet.
“Wouldn’t it be great if I wasn’t? Then maybe you could get rid of me,” he gritted out, his jaw ticking.
I had no idea what his problem was tonight — just like I had no idea what it was any day of the week, month, or year — but I’d never wish Fin to be hurt, no matter how much of an asshole he was to me. Maybe that made me a masochist. I didn’t know, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Why’d you come home tonight? You could have stayed out all night fucking your boyfriend, and Coach wouldn’t have cared now that you’re his little pet,” Fin bit out.
I stepped away from him to put as much space between us as I could until my back hit the wall and a jolt of pain shot up my spine. Why couldn’t Fin give me a couple of days to heal before he went back to being his usual asshole self? I was tired of his shit. I knew he hadn’t forgotten, no matter how hard he tried. I was a walking billboard for the battered and abused.
“You’re such a fuck boy,” I yelled, the words echoing off the walls and through my head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. What boyfriend?” Fin opened his mouth to speak, but I was done letting him have his say. “No, you know what, I don’t give a shit. Leave me the fuck alone. Now and always. If you see me bleeding in a ditch, I want you to turn the other way and keep walking.”
With that, I left the room. Fuck my water and fuck Fin too. Even though I was pissed off more than I’d ever been in my life, I couldn’t storm off with my body in so much pain. It did give me a little more fuel, though, to make it up all four flights of stairs. When I got to the third floor, Oz was standing on the landing. I wasn’t going to say anything to him since I’d just yelled at his best friend.
As I passed by, he smiled, and I swore I heard him say, “It’s about damn time,” under his breath.
15
Fin
After grabbing my protein shake from the countertop, I went upstairs to my room. I’d barely stepped foot in the room when West barged in. Taking my drink out of my hand, he set it down — because he was ever the good boy — before he pushed me up against the wall with a challenging glimmer in his eyes.
His mouth was only a breath away from mine while his chest brushed against me. “I can’t stand this back and forth between us. Two days ago, you were my savior, and now I’m your…”
“Punishment,” I supplied for him. My hands landed on his hard chest. I was unsure if I wanted to push him away or pull him closer.
West’s face fell as if my one simple word broke his heart, and then with a blink of an eye, it transformed right in front of me into something I couldn’t decipher.
“If you could admit that you feel even a fraction of what I feel for you, I would drop to my knees right here, right now, and suck your dick.” He let out a bitter laugh as my cock twitched in my pants. “Even though you’re an asshole to me, I still want you. I hate myself for not being able to stay away from you when you only spew venom at me. Maybe you’re my karma for being a shitty person in another life.”
“I doubt you were ever bad a day in this life or any other if you believe in that type of shit.” Up this close, I could count the freckles that were scattered across his nose and cheeks. An inane need to press my lips to each one eclipsed what I normally felt in his presence.
West’s hand moved from my chest to my face, holding me in place until he crushed his lips to mine in a bruising kiss. It was fierce with so much pent up emotio
n. Nipping my bottom lip with his teeth, I grunted at the pain and pleasure of the act. West’s eyes flared with want before he plunged his tongue inside my mouth.
Gripping his shirt, I pulled him closer, wanting to taste him better. I don’t know how, but West tasted like home. Something in all my years I’d never felt.
West angled my head to the side with his strong hands until he got me just the way he wanted me. Our tongues lashed against one another’s in a primal way. Nothing had ever felt so right. It caused a war inside of me. I wanted to give in so badly, but at what cost?
Those hands that felt like they were holding me together moved down the side of my neck, my shoulders, and landed on my heaving chest. One stayed to rest over my heart while the other made its way down across my taut abs and around my hip. Pulling our lower bodies flush to the other’s, West ground his erection against mine.
How did something so basic feel so damn amazing?
I was only in a thin pair of pajama pants, making me experience the full effect of the tight jeans that were encasing West’s cock.
I grunted as sensation started to ripple from the base of my neck to my balls that were now tight with need.
Pulling my bottom lip between his teeth, West bit hard, making my dick jerk behind my sleep pants. He let out a husky chuckle before he smoothed his tongue over the area and swept back inside.
I welcomed him with verve.
I was on overload from having West so close to me. My blood boiled with raw desire and anger. Our touch was rough and greedy, and so unlike anything I’d experienced before with a woman. This was what I’d been missing. I was drowning with each moment our bodies were connected, and loving every second of it.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this was what could fill the giant gaping hole in my cold, dark chest. Too bad I couldn’t give myself what I needed.
Just as I was about to release, I pushed him away and held my hands up in surrender while my lips throbbed with the need to have West back. “I can’t.”
“Why?” His voice cracked. “Is it because I’m black?”
My eyes shot to his, and my brow furrowed. “What? No, of course not. Your skin is…” I looked down at my bare feet. I couldn’t tell him how I loved the color of his skin or his beautiful green eyes. “Is it because I’m poor, then?” I shook my head. He didn’t understand how perfect he was. West was strong, brave, the kindest damn person I’d ever met, and one of the best wide receivers I’d ever seen play college football. He was the total package. Something I desperately wanted but knew I couldn’t have, which made every encounter with him torture. The pull I felt toward him drove me crazy. I’d given in for a moment, and it was pure bliss. Now I’d forever be left in the shadows.
“Then why? Because what that kiss told me is you want me just as badly as I want you.”
From the moment I learned West was gay, I couldn’t get over how brave he was to be open in our town, which was so unforgiving about anything deemed weak, and how stupid I was. How had I missed it until Lo and Dani mentioned it? Was I blinded because of my anger at my attraction to him? I saw the way he watched Candy suck me off. That should have been my first clue, but I was so fucking clueless.
Still, I couldn’t look him in the face as I spoke. “I’m not strong like you.”
The sad laugh that escaped him made my stomach sink. “You are probably one of the strongest people I know.”
Lifting my head, I narrowed my eyes at him. This man before me knew nothing about my life. Nothing. “That’s the thing. You don’t know me.”
“And whose fault is that?” He shot back. “If you’d try to hate me a little less and worked a little more at—”
“Don’t,” I interrupted him. There was no way I could hear what he was about to say. If I did, I might give in.
West took a step toward me but stopped when I held my hand up. If he came any closer, we’d be right back in each other’s arms in a heartbeat.
“I don’t know what you’re so scared of.”
“Losing everything. Isn’t that enough?”
His face softened at my words as if he understood, but there was no way he could. “What’s everything? You can talk to me, Fin. I promise I won’t tell anyone. I’d never do that to a soul.”
“I think you should leave. You shouldn’t have come in here. Tonight, tomorrow, the next day, or soon after, you’re going to regret this.” Especially when he remembered he had a boyfriend.
“The only thing I’m going to regret is leaving without fully understanding what’s going on in your head.”
“Well then, you’re going to be left with a lot of regrets because you’ll never understand when I sure as hell don’t.”
Seeming to understand that I needed my space, West moved until he was leaning against the wall by the door. “Have you talked to anyone about it? Oz, maybe?”
“And lose the one friend I have? No, thank you.” I squeezed my eyes closed, unable to believe I’d let those words go.
I could hear West sigh. “You underestimate your friend.”
“Do you think I’ll magically change once I have a little powwow about my feelings? I hate to inform you, but you’re wrong. The man you see before you is who I am, and nothing is going to change that.”
West’s eyes slowly trailed down my body and back up again, and then he shook his head. “I think you’re wrong. If you weren’t constantly fighting who you really are, you’d be a much happier person.”
“Again, you don’t know me.”
“You’re right, I don’t, and I probably never will, but it won’t be because I didn’t try. No, that’s on you. Only you can ruin your life.”
He was wrong. So wrong. Weston Jackson didn’t know how easily he could ruin me, and I was never going to let him know.
16
West
I watched as Fin pulled his arm back, launched the ball down the field, and it soared through the air. My feet kept moving as I made my way to the twenty-yard line, where I turned and caught the ball firmly in my grasp. Without looking back, I ran and dodged Western U’s defense. They’d been kicking our ass all day, but now was my chance to get our team ahead.
Number ninety-seven clipped my shoulder, causing my body to spin to the side, but I righted myself and kept running. Running as fast as my body could take me was the only thing on my mind—that and scoring a touchdown to start the second half off right.
The moment I crossed over into the end zone, I threw my hands up in the air to celebrate, but everyone else was quiet. My teammates were running in the opposite direction instead of towards me to celebrate the touchdown with me. It was then I noticed a hush had come over the entire stadium. Looking up into the stand, I saw them looking downfield with worried eyes and hands clasped to their chests.
Slowly, I started jogging in the direction where all the players were gathered. I wasn’t sure who had been hurt, but I had a feeling it was either one of our guys, or it was bad. Really bad. When I was halfway there, the crowd parted, and I saw white and teal colors staring back at me with number seven on his arm and chest. Fuck, it was Fin.
He was clutching his right arm with his left hand while lying on a stretcher. His face was in a pained scowl as the EMTs slowly placed him on their golf cart and sped off down into the tunnels.
My touchdown didn’t feel so great after that. The whole team’s morale was down as we stared after where Fin had been taken while our second-string quarterback started to warm up on the sidelines. It seemed wrong, but I understood the game had to go on. We couldn’t end a game every time someone got hurt. Otherwise, we’d never finish.
Coach Kyle talked quietly with his two assistant coaches. Their heads were close together, and they discussed strategy. Every few seconds, he’d look up and back in the direction Fin left with a scowl on his face.
A strange unease grew in the pit of my stomach as each minute passed, and I waited for news. When no news came from the locker room, I knew it was bad. Coac
h clapped me on the shoulder and told me to get my ass out on the field. I closed my eyes and tried to center myself. We needed to win, or we’d let Fin down.
For the rest of the second half, we didn’t play to our true potential, but we managed to win with a field goal in the last two minutes of the fourth quarter. There wasn’t any cheering when we left the field. Instead, we all hung our heads with our eyes continuously going to Coach for when he’d update us on how our starting quarterback was doing.
Filing into the locker room, I sat down next to Oz, who couldn’t stop the bounce of his knee as he watched every move by our coaches. Finally, after everyone was seated and quiet, Coach looked around the room once and then spoke.
“I know you’re all anxious to know about Huntington’s status, so I’ll tell you what I know, which isn’t much. After that, it will be up to Huntington to fill you in on what he wants you to know.” He looked down at his shoes, took a deep breath, and then slowly lifted his head. “The medics took Huntington to the hospital where he is currently getting checked out by a team of their top doctors. It isn’t good, gentlemen. Not knowing the severity of his injury, I can’t say if or when he’ll be back to playing. That means we’re going to be practicing extra hard from now until the end of the season or when Huntington comes back to get Conley up to speed. That being said, I’m giving you all tomorrow off, but I want to see you bright and early Sunday morning to watch films. Do you get me?”
“Yes, Coach,” we all chanted as one.
“Good, now get cleaned up and get the hell out of here. I’m headed to the hospital to check on our quarterback.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Conley sag against his locker. Hopefully, he could take the pressure of taking over Fin’s role.