“Anytime sweetie.”
I listen as she slowly pads her way to the closet for the toys and treats. I feel a burst of sadness that I’m not going to see her or the dogs today. I look at the last message she sent me.
No problem. Hope everything is ok.
______________
Four hours.
That’s how long I made it before I was knocking on her door.
I was weak.
I listen as she walks to the front door, her heart rate increases when she sees me through the peephole; she takes a few deep breaths before opening the door.
“Hey Jack, what are you doing here?” Her smile doesn’t fully hide her thoughts.
“I felt bad for missing volunteer duty today and I wanted to make it up to you. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure, come in.”
She swings the door wider and I enter her home for the first time. I was right when I said it was big for one person. Seeing her standing in the house, barefoot and in sweats, makes her look even smaller than she is. I look around and see books everywhere, on shelves, tables, counters but that seems to be the end of her decorating. Besides some pictures and the usual décor of curtains, pillows, and blankets, it’s rather bare. She nervously smooths her shirt as I look around.
“Sorry, I didn’t know I was going to have company,” she says.
“You look lovely,” I smile. “It’s my fault. I should have called first.”
A half smile is her only response. Either she really is worried about her state of dress or she still has reservations about why I’m here and didn’t show up today. Maybe I can distract her.
“So where is he?”
“He?” She stares at me in confusion. I walk into the living room as I continue.
“Yes, the cat I’ve heard so much about but never have met.”
“Oh,” she laughs, “he’s around here somewhere. Probably upstairs in my bedroom.”
“Bedroom you say?”
I bolt for the stairs before she can stop me.
“Hey! What are you doing?” She yells after me.
“Here kitty kitty,” I call as I take the stairs three at a time. She tries to grab my arm but I’m up the stairs and down the hall before she gets halfway up the stairs. I make a beeline for the study across from her bedroom. I hide as she bolts into her bedroom.
“Jack I swear to-” she stops and looks around in confusion. “Jack?”
I sneak behind her and scoop her up into my arms, swinging her around. Her squeal of surprise quickly turns into laughter as she wraps her arms around my neck to keep from falling. Like I’d ever let you slip from my arms. I do a few more spins before depositing her safely on her feet. She’s a little dizzy and holds onto my arms while she regains her sense of balance. Her smile is carefree again, no longer tainted with reasons for my absence. She looks up at me with smiling eyes.
“You’re a jerk, you know that?” she says, but she isn’t serious.
“I know. Now where is this kitty?” I make to look around the room but she quickly covers my eyes with her hands.
“No no no, you walk backwards and out of my room.”
“Why? What are you hiding?”
“Nothing, it’s just a mess and there’s clothes everywhere.”
“What kind of clothes?”
“Oh stop it!”
Even with my eyes covered I know she’s blushing.
“Okay, okay.”
I walk backwards and she follows, keeping my eyes covered. Once I’m past the doorway and into the hall, she uncovers my eyes and turns me around.
“Stay here,” she commands, with a stern stare and a pointed finger. I give her an innocent smile and she slowly backs into her bedroom, keeping an eye on me the whole time, then she disappears into her room. A second later she emerges with a cat in her arms.
“Jack, meet Leo.”
The cat purrs in her arms and I reach out and scratch behind its ears.
“Nice to meet you Leo.”
Natalie uses her elbow to push me towards the stairs and we descend and head to the kitchen where she plops Leo down on the window seat and opens the fridge.
“Are you hungry? I haven’t made dinner yet if you want you can help me cook.”
“I’d like that.”
I wash my hands while Natalie pulls out ingredients.
“What are we making?” I ask, looking over her shoulder as I dry my hands.
“Spaghetti. My mom’s own famous recipe.”
“Yum.”
She puts me to work browning the meat while she opens cans and slices olives. We work in companionable silence and quickly the table is set and dinner is done. She watches me intently as I take my first bite. As I’m chewing she speaks.
“So what do you think?”
“I think you’ll have to teach me to cook more of her recipes. This is amazing.”
I take another bite and she smiles.
“I don’t make it as well as she does. I don’t know why but it always tastes better when she makes it.”
“I think yours is perfect.” I smile and we both dig in.
After dinner, we clean up together before heading into the living room. She sits down on the couch and immediately Leo jumps into her lap. I sit down next to her and pet the cat.
“So, why couldn’t you make it today?”
There it was; the unresolved elephant in the room. I didn’t want to lie to her but I also couldn’t tell her I had been debating never to see her again. I still was.
“I had some personal things I was dealing with.”
“Is everything okay?” her voice is laced with concern.
“I’m not sure yet.”
“If there’s anything I can do, just let me know, okay?”
“I will.”
I needed to make a decision and I needed to make it soon. I couldn’t let her feelings get any stronger if I was going to leave. It wasn’t fair to her and it would only make it harder for her down the road. If I was going to rip the bandage off then it needed to be done fast. Before she fell further and before I got too attached.
I check my watch and see how late it is.
“I need to get back to Shadow.”
I stand up and she follows me to the door.
“How’s he doing?” she asks.
“Very well. His wounds are almost healed and I think he likes living with me. I like having him there.”
“I’m glad you adopted him. Good for both of you.”
Both of us? Did she think I needed someone around?
I lean down and kiss her on the cheek.
“Thank you for dinner.”
“Anytime.”
I look into her eyes and see her worries gone, for good. She no longer thought anything was amiss. It both relieved and frustrated me. I turned and walked down the sidewalk, preparing to melt into the shadows as soon as I was out of sight.
“Wait!” she called. “I have your coat.”
“Keep it,” I say over my shoulder. Gives me two reasons to come back.
Chapter 6
When I get home, someone is waiting for me.
As I step out of a shadow in my living room, I hear growling before I feel the dark power coming from the balcony. Great.
I head towards the balcony and pass Shadow, the source of the growling, on the way.
“It’s okay, boy,” I say, giving him a pat on the head. He stops growling but remains on edge.
I walk through the open glass door onto the balcony. A man stands with his back to me, leaning on the railing and looking out on the city. He’s in his mid-forties, with greying hair, a tailored suit, and dark skinned. I join him at the railing.
“What can I do for you, Kest?” I say out to the city. The demon answers without turning his head.
“The boss was worried something had happened to you. You haven’t made a deal in a week.”
His voice is smooth like velvet.
“I’ve been a little
busy. Just took a break. I’ll be back working in the coming week.”
“Busy with what?”
“Well, I don’t know if you noticed but I got a dog.”
“I did notice.” He looks behind him at Shadow lurking in the doorway. “Why is that?”
“Because I wanted one.”
He observes me for a moment before returning to the view of the city.
“Weird thing, a demon with a dog.”
“Maybe I’m trying to bring back the hellhound legends,” I joke and it works, he laughs.
“Humans and their constant need to connect darkness with something tangible.”
Hellhound legends had come about long ago when force worked better than cunning. Demons had roamed the dark corners, stalking shadows with glowing red eyes, and humans had instantly cried wolf, or hound in this case. If the majority of humans knew we looked and talked just like them most of the time, they would stop looking under their beds for monsters and start looking at their neighbors.
“No need to worry,” I tell him. “I’m not going soft. Just needed a change. This life gets monotonous after a while you know?”
He nods his understanding.
“We could transfer you early if you wish.”
Demons normally spent five years in an area, establishing a life and working deals, before transferring to a new area. This system helped us stay below the radar and ensured an area didn’t get under or over worked. A few exceptions to the system were demons in high ranking positions like CEOs and politicians. I had been stationed in Portland for four years.
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Are you sure? You’re one of our best. We want to keep you that way.”
“Nothing’s changed, I assure you.”
He nods before stepping away from the railing and standing up straight.
“I’m pleased to hear it, I’m sure the others will be as well.”
“Please send my regards.”
“I will.”
He left, evaporating into the night. Once he’s gone, Shadow comes and sits next to me and we stare at the lights of the city together. I start to think. A visit from Kest wasn’t anything to worry about. Like he said, I’m one of their best and as long as I continued to do my duty, there would be nothing to worry about. I’d have to start working again tomorrow. That’d mean either less time with Natalie or I’d have to start hunting during the night. Good thing demons don’t need sleep.
Chapter 7
For the next week I did well balancing out my life. During the day, I hung out with Shadow. Sometimes we stayed in the apartment; other times we went out. Evenings I did something with Natalie. She wasn’t free all the time, but so far we’d been to the movies twice and dinner once. If we didn’t go out I hung out at her place. One night when she had to meet a deadline for work, I sat next to her; watching her work on her computer. As I watched her work, I understood how she could afford this house. She was a great graphic designer. I didn’t dabble in technology much, I didn’t need to, but the way she manipulated the design and knew every command and program astonished me. She’d told me she had been one of the best in her class and had had job offers in six states. It was no wonder by what I was seeing. At night, I hunted.
Hunting at night wasn’t easier or harder, just different. One of my strengths lies in how I can cater to multiple types of people. Some demons can only work one type of sale, I can do them all. As I listen to the sounds of the city, searching for potentials, I think about which kind I’ll sell tonight.
Just like with the variety of payments and products, there are a variety of customers. First you have people with addictions who would sell anything just to get their next fix. Drugs, alcohol, all kinds of vices and each one sold in a different way. These kinds of deals don’t hold much weight for the big guy downstairs though. Most of the time these people already have darkness in them and even though they were valuable, they weren’t as praise worthy as some of the others.
Same with addicts, selfish deals weren’t the best either. Deals of greed had the same problem; them being typically less than pure souls. Selling their soul for money was rather petty. Deals of desire, the same problem. People who would sell their soul for a lifetime of sex were just trying to compensate for something else or fill a need they didn’t know how to.
Sacrificers were kind of in the middle. People who sold something for someone else. In the end most the time you got a fairly good soul or at least a part of them but since it was a selfless act they were still in risk of being ranked good. They were helpers and lovers, not evildoers. No the best kind of deal, the one that set cranks turning, was when you got a good soul to go bad.
Now I didn’t just deal in, well, deals. As demons we could also try to influence those to do bad things. Sometimes this involved working with temptations or stirring them towards crime but it could also be done with deals. Influence took time, a gradual change but with deals it could be instantaneous and those were what held weight downstairs and why they hold me in high regard. Like I said, I’m very good at what I do.
Just then I hear what I’ve been looking for. It takes me less than a minute to get across town and in front of a blue house with a white picket fence. I enter the house and make my way through the rooms. It’s a typical family home, nothing unique. The walls are plastered with pictures declaring love and family. Angel figurines give a false sense of protection. The “bless this home” sign masks the lack of faith its occupants share. I pass up the room where a man and a woman sleep, both dreaming of other women. I pass the room of a young girl clutching a stuffed fox to her chest while she sleeps. None of these are who I’m after. The person in the room at the end of the hall is, the one with the teenaged boy taking a razor to his skin.
I stay invisible as I enter the room. A boy with black hair that covers his eyes sits on a towel on the floor. He has headphones on, trying to blast the pain he feels out of his mind as he tries to also bleed it from his body. His eyes are dry, by now he’s numb to the pain. His hand changes position, angling the razor up his arm, above the major veins in his wrist. He lowers it and as it just breaks the skin, I step into the light. Startled, the boy drops the razor and tries to scoot away but he hits his bed.
“Who are you?” He’s scared but not terrified. That’s good. I sit down across from him and motion to the headphones. He takes them off.
“You don’t want to do it, Daniel.” My tone is calming. He looks at the dropped razor between us.
“I don’t have a choice,” he says quietly.
“Why don’t you have a choice?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“I can’t fight anymore. I thought it’d get better when we moved but it just got worse. I don’t fit in. I could deal with the name calling and the rotten food left in my locker but this new school is worse. They hit me, shove me into the lockers, push my face into the toilets. They also-”
He stops as tears roll down his face. He might be numb to the physical pain but not to emotional pain.
“What do they do, Daniel?”
“They,” he’s sobbing now, quiet sobs, probably learned a long time ago how to do that.
“In the locker rooms, they take my clothes, push me around in the showers, make me fall, take pictures, and then they, they hold me down, they put things-” he covers his face and sobs into his hands. He doesn’t have to continue, I know what they do.
“Sshhh, it’s alright.” I use my powers and shadows to calm him. Slowly he stops crying and looks up at me through his hair, his face tear stained.
“Who are you?” he asks again.
“I’m someone who can help you.”
“You can’t help me. No one can. No one would believe me and even if they did, I can’t do anything without making it worse.”
“I could do something though. I could make them stop.”
“How?”
“However you want me t
o stop them. You just have to ask.”
It’s then that Daniel’s brain registers what I’m really saying. I’ll be his gun; he just has to pull the trigger.
“Could you,” he pauses, “make it hurt?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“Yes,” he says after a while, “that’s what I want.”
“I’m going to need something from you though, Daniel.”
“I’ll do anything.”
He means it too. His voice is hard with conviction. This is it. The home stretch. All I have to do is finalize the deal and I’ll have made another of hell’s prize deals. They won’t have any reason to suspect me with a deal like this. I reach my hand towards him, readying the end of the deal.
“This may hurt a bit,” I warn.
He nods and I move closer so I can reach the payment hiding in his chest. As I do, I notice his hair has moved and I can see his eyes. Grey eyes. I freeze, unable to move. They aren’t the same as Natalie’s, hers are brighter but as I look at them, a scene plays through my mind.
A young Natalie sits alone in her bedroom, carving lines into her thighs. Alone, crying, hurting, helpless like the boy in front of me. Different stories but the same scars. I think about how happy Natalie is and what would have happened if she had decided to end it when she was younger or if someone like me had come into her room, whispering that they could make it go away, manipulating her like I’m manipulating Daniel.
“Dammit,” I say under my breath and pull back my hand. I can’t do it. I stand up and head for the shadows.
“Wait,” Daniel says, “where are you going? You have to make them pay!”
“I can’t,” I say without turning around.
“If you don’t, I will!”
I turn around and there it is. I see it in his eyes. I’ve put the thought into his head and now he’s holding onto it like a life line. In his mind he only has two options, them or him.
“Daniel, I want you to listen to me. They aren’t worth you darkening yourself. They’ve taken a lot from you. Don’t let them take the good too. If you kill them, then you are the bad guy. You need to go to the police. What they are doing is assault and you can get justice.”
“I don’t want justice! I just want the pain to go away.”
He’s crying again.
“Killing them won’t make it go away, Daniel.”
“Then fine! I know what will!”
Softest Shadow Page 5