by Shen, L. J.
“Not awkward at all. As I mentioned before, I know Ethan and enjoy his company. We’re friends.” I smiled, leaning down to kiss Ronan’s pale cheek. Lori and Katie stood and hugged me. I bypassed a sitting Amber and Julian, settling for a pat on each of their shoulders. I kissed Clemmy’s head, then pressed a kiss to Ethan’s cheek.
“What a nice surprise,” he whispered as my lips brushed his closely shaved skin. His voice was paper dry.
“Ethan . . . ,” I breathed. “Why?”
“Madison, have a seat.” Chase stood across from Ethan, his death stare making Ethan flinch. I walked over to him, feeling my shoulders slump. He pushed my seat back. We began piling food onto our plates. Ethan retold the story of how Clementine had dropped take-out sashimi bits into an empty fish tank in his office on her latest visit, drawing laughs from the table.
I stiffly shoved one forkful of food after another into my mouth. I couldn’t taste anything. I wasn’t sure if I was more worried about Chase’s family finding out we weren’t together or about the conversation I would have with Ethan afterward. Chase snaked a hand between us and squeezed my hand under the table. Nuclear currents ran through my spine.
“Can I just back it up a little?” Julian rubbed at his chin, chuckling good-naturedly. “I’m trying to figure something out. Maddie said you and she are friends, Dr. Goodman. But I thought Clemmy said she saw you two hugging real long and real hard—‘like couples in the movies,’ I believe were her exact words—at your clinic a few weeks ago. Didn’t you, Clemmy?” He turned to his daughter, then back to me. “So which is it? Are you friends, or are you something more?”
Clementine looked down, blushing.
“As I said,” I gritted out, not giving Ethan a chance to answer, “I am with Chase.”
“My bad, Maddie.” Julian lifted his palms in surrender, taking a moment to make sure everybody was thinking about that time Clementine had told them about me kissing Ethan. “I just thought . . . well, this is silly, anyway, but I thought maybe something happened. I saw you at work the other day. You weren’t wearing your engagement ring,” Julian remarked as he cut his roasted chicken into tiny, meticulous pieces. “Yet here you are, with your engagement ring.”
He was becoming more and more blunt, presenting his elaborate case against us. I knew I had to get out of it myself. If Chase intervened, it’d look like another bickering match between him and Julian, and like I was making excuses for him. I shrugged it off. “The ring is very expensive. I don’t want to lose it or have someone cut my finger off in a dark alley for the piece of jewelry.”
“Smart,” Katie pointed out, popping a blueberry into her mouth. “Cutting off fingers with rings is a thing. Heard about it in a true-crime podcast.”
“Are your friends happy about the engagement?” Amber pressed, a fake smile marring her lip-glossed mouth. “I should think they’re planning one hell of a bachelorette party.”
“My close friends are excited, yes. We’re going to celebrate low key. I haven’t told my colleagues yet, though. You know, life is not about flaunting expensive rings and marrying your way up the tax bracket.”
Dang, dumping Martyr Maddie for a while was fun.
Amber winced. “I can see how that’d be awkward. I mean, Black & Co. and Croquis are sister companies. I wonder if people think you slept your way to the top.”
“Oh, I’ve had this job since long before I met Chase. Marrying into money is not an Olympic sport for me.” I smiled back. Chase pretended to cough to stifle a laugh. Lori polished off her glass of wine.
“Clementine, excuse yourself,” Amber barked, still staring at me. Ronan snapped his fingers, and a waiter appeared, ushering Clementine to the kitchen to sample the dessert. The dining room was now a full-blown war zone. The gloves were off.
“Interesting.” Julian tapped his chin.
“The things you find interesting amaze me. Is that what happens when you live a sexless, loveless life?” Chase asked dryly. Lori gasped. Ethan and Katie looked among all of us like we were crazy.
“Redirect that conversation,” Ronan groaned. He looked exhausted, and suddenly, I understood why Chase hadn’t been fighting back against Julian. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to. He knew it’d drain his father. Chase had been trying not to upset Ronan all throughout our fake engagement. He’d tried to pretend he was taking Julian’s undermining behavior and petty comments in stride. But he wasn’t. Julian got under Chase’s skin, and today, Chase had finally snapped.
“You’re right, Ronan. We should be talking about other things. Ethan, you’re such a catch.” Amber reached to him, rubbing his arm. Subtle as a tank. “Young, handsome, a pediatrician. I have so many single friends who would love an introduction. Are you seeing anyone?”
Ethan rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze darting to mine. “Actually . . .”
What is he doing?
The horror in my face must’ve been visible, because Ethan backpedaled on whatever point he was trying to make. “Not exclusively, no.”
Martyr Maddie, always doing the right thing. Even if it’s dating a guy just to make him feel better, Layla’s voice singsonged in my head. But it wasn’t just that. I was desperate to fall in love with Ethan so I wouldn’t get hurt, and I’d ended up hurting him in the process.
There was silence, punctuated by good old Lori. “Ethan told me he ran the half marathon too, Katie.”
Katie lifted her head from her plate, her eyes zeroing in on Ethan. “Really? Who sponsored you?”
“Doctors for Africa. What number were you?” Ethan’s face opened up. So much light poured into his expression. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so . . . present.
“Nine two two three. Yellow shirt. You?”
“Three five two seven. Pink.”
“Phew, good thing we didn’t run together. We’d look like an ice cream cone next to each other.” Katie wiped invisible sweat from her forehead. They held each other’s gaze, a thread of something flirtatious entwining them into the same moment. Ethan was the first to look back at his plate, stabbing a piece of glazed potato with his fork.
“Maybe next time we won’t get so lucky,” Ethan said.
Or maybe you will, I thought. Ethan and Katie looked so easy talking to each other.
“So. Just to make sure we’re all on the same page. Ethan and Maddie are just friends?” Julian filled my wineglass to the brim. Was he trying to get me drunk? Probably, based on my disastrous visit to his family’s Hamptons home.
“Is that concept foreign to you?” Chase sat back, spearing his cousin with a dark glare. My hand was still in his under the table. “Or are you simply obsessed with my fiancée in general?”
“Fiancée. That’s a bold statement,” Amber muttered into her wineglass.
“Are we going to open the subject of bold here, at the table, Lady Macbeth?” Chase inquired dryly. Amber nearly spat her wine out. I put a hand to Chase’s arm. His muscles flexed under my fingertips. He was a beast restrained.
“I can hold my own,” I whispered.
“Don’t I know it. I’m still hoping to get my balls back for Christmas.” Chase sighed, kissing my temple. “Sorry.”
It was a lie, of course, but one I appreciated, even if it was a part of an elaborate Chase act.
“I just want you boys to get along.” Lori sighed, looking between Chase and Julian. “I know emotions have been running high, but nothing is worth your friendship. Blood is thicker than water.”
“We don’t have the same blood running through our veins,” Julian spat bitterly. “Maybe that’s my problem.”
“Julian,” Ronan scolded. “Stop that.”
“Chase is obviously the favorite child,” Julian persisted. He sounded like a five-year-old.
“No, you’re obviously still a child,” Chase bit back. “Crucifying my fiancée and trying to unveil imaginary mishaps on my behalf. It is real, and it is happening, and you can’t do anything to stop it, no matter how fucking hard you
try. No matter what you do. I will marry her.” Chase stopped, his eyes gliding from Julian to Ethan, and finished off, “Julian.”
But it didn’t seem like his words were directed at Julian anymore. Not at all.
“Excuse me.”
A chair scraped, and I turned my attention from Chase’s thunderous face. Ethan galloped outside after throwing his napkin over his plate.
I followed him. I didn’t know why. Maybe because Chase’s behavior was uncalled for. Because he’d directed his anger at Ethan, when really, Julian was the person he was supposed to attack here.
“Ethan, wait!”
He got into the bathroom, about to slam the door in my face. I pushed my foot through the crack just as the door flew shut. I let out a yelp, feeling my skin bruising.
“Oh crap.” Ethan opened the door, wincing as he looked down at my sandaled foot. “Are you all right?”
“Please.” I stood on the other side of the door, foot still stuck between us to prevent him from shutting the door in my face. “Let me in.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to do here for weeks,” he said quietly. “And you hurt me.”
“I know,” I whispered, feeling sick to my stomach with guilt. Martyr Maddie kicked in again. True, we’d both agreed it was casual, but he’d catered to me. To my situation. In a lot of ways, we were too much alike. Nonconfrontational at all costs. “I’m so sorry,” I croaked. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“You’re sorry?” Ethan reared his head back, the anguish in his face tearing me apart.
“Yes, of course I am,” I said desperately. This was a good time to spit out the truth. That I couldn’t be with him, and it had nothing to do with Chase at all. Ethan was Prince Charming, but in someone else’s story. Not mine. He wasn’t the one I went to sleep thinking about.
He isn’t the one who keeps me awake in the first place.
“Do you regret it?” Ethan shifted from one foot to the other. I nodded. I did. I regretted hurting him.
I regretted not ending it sooner, when I’d known we had no future.
I did not regret kissing Chase. And that was a problem.
I opened my mouth to say something more, but Ethan beat me to it, pressing his lips against mine on the threshold to the bathroom. My arms flailed behind my body, like they were sewn artificially to my shoulders. It wasn’t the first time I’d been kissed by Ethan, but this time, it felt especially wrong. I had to stop this. I started leaning back, breaking away from the kiss, my mouth ashen.
“You must have what they call an open relationship, if that’s your fiancée’s idea of ‘good friends.’” I heard Julian’s entertained voice from my right. I jerked back, spinning to find Julian and Chase.
Julian smiled smugly, his arms crossed over his chest. Chase . . . Chase didn’t look at me at all. He stared at Ethan like he was about to hammer him to the ground, then stomp on his body until he set it on fire. His jaw worked. His eyes were two shades darker than their usual icy blue gray.
“What a mess.” Julian shook his head, chuckling.
“Step away from her,” Chase told Ethan. Julian didn’t even register in his universe. I wasn’t sure he’d heard him at all. Ethan did as he was told but looked between us, waiting for me to scold Chase for telling him what to do. I usually did. Chase was the only person I somehow found myself always arguing with.
Chase took a step forward. He was toe to toe with Ethan now, looming over him with his height and frame and Chaseness. My chest tightened. I realized I was scared.
“Whatever you’re about to do,” Ethan said, his voice steady but quiet enough that Julian couldn’t hear him, “I wouldn’t do it if I were you. We both know this story is far from over. The last chapter hasn’t been written yet.”
That was what broke me. The truth of his words. How they made Chase take a step back like he’d been hit. I’d never seen him like this. So . . . emotionally exposed.
“Right. I think we have much to discuss, brousin.” Julian clapped Chase’s back. “A quiet word in the library? It is our favorite place.”
I watched their backs as they walked away. How Chase was shrinking while Julian swelled and filled more of the hallway.
I looked on as I realized, for the first time, that I’d killed something with kindness.
Namely, my heart.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHASE
“Let’s cut to the chase, shall we, Chase?” Julian lit a cigar, puffing away, stinking up the entire library. Punny shit. I’d be into word games, too, if my archnemesis’s cover-up story got blown into the sky and I had a front-row seat.
I sat back, crossing my legs at the ankles on the desk to make sure he knew how little of a crap I gave about his whole Don Corleone act. Problem was, it was difficult to sit in the library and listen to Julian’s bullshit when I had bigger fish to fry. Specifically, Ethan Goddamn Goodman, ironically the worst thing to happen to yours truly. His very existence offended me on a personal level. I officially recognized that I had an Ethan situation, which required immediate attention.
My pulse drummed everywhere. My neck. The inside of my wrist. My fucking eyelids. I wasn’t a violent guy, but watching Mad kiss that tool had made me want to do things I was pretty sure were so radical there was no maximum prison time for them.
“Spare me the bullshit and just get it over with.” I knotted my fingers behind my head, yawning. “And please, try not to come in the process. Your face is giving me preorgasm vibes I never cared to see on my brother’s face.”
That was the part I hated the most. That he was still my brother to me. Not brousin, brother. A fucked-up one, for sure, and yet.
“I very much doubt you are used to seeing people coming on a regular basis. You’re too self-centered to give pleasure,” Julian noted, puffing on his cigar.
“Saw it enough times on your wife’s face.” I rolled my tongue across my top teeth.
His smile dropped. At least now I knew it wasn’t permanently stitched to his smug face. “You’re an asshole.”
“Well, I was taught by the best.”
“I showed you how to be ruthless, not a bastard,” Julian argued.
“I couldn’t pick and choose which personality traits to mimic. Went for the whole package.” I shrugged. It was the truth. Every single jerk move I had, I’d learned from Jul. He was the one who’d come back from college telling me about sleeping around, trying drugs, acting crassly. “Now get to the point,” I urged him.
“I think we both know you’re going to run this company into the ground if you take the CEO seat. I understand Ronan feels obligated to you. You’re his biological son. But I paid my dues—”
“Lay off the biological-son bullshit, Jul. You’re CIO. Chief information officer. You’re a glorified PR girl without the tight skirt. What makes you think you can do this job better than me?”
“The fact that I have something on you.” Julian frowned, as if it were obvious. “You made the entire thing with Maddie Goldbloom up. You’re not engaged. You’re not even dating. Your little cover-up girl is dating my daughter’s pediatrician and can barely look at you. Why shouldn’t I tell Ronan the truth?”
“Because you don’t want to break his heart,” I gritted out. “Because he fucking raised you.”
“He deserves to know the truth.” Julian shook his head. “I’ll be doing him a public service, giving him the full picture. Why shouldn’t he know who his son really is? A lying, cheating bastard. Hand over the CEO title now, publicly, and nobody gets hurt. Checkmate.”
I blinked at him like he was insane.
“You’re giving me an ultimatum?” I wanted to be completely sure before I laughed.
“Yes.”
I chuckled, standing up. I leaned down, patting his shoulder in a patronizing manner. Internally, I was a few heartbeats away from a stroke. My family finding out about Madison right now would be the worst thing that could possibly happen. Katie already knew, but she was going to keep her
mouth shut to keep everyone happy, and we’d always covered each other’s fuckups.
Then again, giving Julian the role was letting the bad guy win, and I’d seen enough Michael Bay movies to know Black & Co. wouldn’t have a happy ending under Julian’s reign. Besides, I deserved to become CEO. I’d worked my ass off for a decade while Julian had been busy fighting and making up with my goddamn ex-fiancée, now his wife.
I bent down, whispering into his ear, “You lured us in here knowing Ethan was going to show up. You set us up.”
He sat back, lacing his fingers together. He didn’t have to confirm it. His face said everything there was to say.
“You play a very dirty game, Julian. The gloves are off.”
“Now, that’s the reaction I was expecting after I stole your girl all those years ago.”
“You don’t steal leftovers. You dig for them in the trash.” I smiled cordially. “But now it’s on, and that side of me you just awakened, Julian? You’re not going to like it.”
MADDIE
That night, I tossed and turned in my bed, but sleep never came.
My bedroom was right across from Ethan’s. Chase was all the way at the end of the hall. I’d had the audacity to ask Katie about the sleeping arrangements when no one could hear us. She eyed me and asked, “Are you really dating Ethan?”
“It’s complicated,” I whispered back. She looked almost hurt, and I could see why. Katie had been adamant whatever she was seeing between Chase and me had a future. Not to mention I’d picked up on something between her and Ethan at the table.
“Complicated how?” She raised an eyebrow.
“What I’m trying to say is, Ethan is all yours,” I said, meaning it. “If you’re interested, that is.”
“God, am I that transparent?” She put her hand to her cheek.
I’d laughed. “No, just . . . open in ways I wish I could be.”
Now I needed to reinforce my claim I wasn’t dating Ethan and end it once and for all. I checked the time on my phone. It was half past three. Almost morning. I knew Ethan was asleep. But I also knew that, come morning, things were going to get ten times more awkward if we didn’t talk it out. After Chase and Julian had left Ethan and me, Katie and Lori had appeared from the dining room, demanding to know what had happened. I’d never gotten the chance to talk to him.