“Yeah.” Nicole suppressed a weird burp. “I guess.”
“That was the night Scott and Sam hooked up.” Tabby twiddled her pink kitten badge. “Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe Davis is your next boyfriend.”
Nicole sank to her knees on the dry grass, mouth dry, head spinning. Her nausea was in her throat like a slimy ocean, but when she coughed, nothing came out.
“Shit!” Tabby pounded her on the back like she was choking. “Nix, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said, easing Lilah onto the grass. “I’m just dizzy.”
She pressed her face in her hands, trying to see through the thoughts swamping her brain. Noah, her DaSilva tattoo, Davis, Aaron, her boyfriends, her future; it was all swimming like dirty clothes inside a spin cycle.
“Do you want me to get you some water?” Tabby asked, sounding scared.
“No.” She stood up, feeling weirdly steady despite her stumble. She didn’t know much, but she knew where she needed to go. She held out the dog leashes to Tabby. “Can you take the pups home without me?”
“Of course.” Tabby’s forehead was creasing with worry. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to get you some Hydrolyte?”
“No, I just need to go somewhere by myself. It’s important.”
Tabby took the leashes. “Call me in an hour,” she said as Nicole ran toward the edge of the park. “Do it or I’ll track your phone!”
Noah’s house was thirty minutes away by foot. By the time she reached his street, her makeup was dripping down her face, stinging her eyes. She knew she must look horrible, but she didn’t care. She was so scared of losing the diamond clarity she’d found in the gardens before she saw him. He was her end point. He’d be able to tell her what to do.
When she reached his door and knocked, she found it locked. That was weirdly offensive, as though he should have known she was coming and been waiting in the front yard. She banged on the wood. “Noah? Are you there?”
A hideous possibility occurred to her—he and Daniella in bed together, his gorgeously tattooed body working against her tan one. Jealousy cramped her stomach…or maybe it was a stitch? For the first time, she wondered what the hell she was doing here. She turned to leave, and the door swung open. There was Noah, not having sex with Daniella. At least not if his fully clothed body and grumpy expression was any indication. He saw her and his face changed, lifted maybe. Brightened. He opened his mouth, but she didn’t let him get the first word.
“Do you believe in destiny?”
A line appeared between his dark brows. Nicole pointed at it. “Don’t. I know I’m acting like my dad. Or Tabby. But don’t pay attention to that. Just answer the question.”
“Do I believe in destiny?”
“Yes.”
He stared at her a moment. Birds chirped, insects hummed. “I don’t know.”
It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but it felt honest and the honesty kept her talking. “I was in the park and I met my next boyfriend.”
Noah’s jaw hardened.
“Not like that!” Nicole said quickly. “But also, totally like that. He’s the next one. He’s my next boyfriend that’s exactly like all my other boyfriends. I know it like I know all the songs to High School Musical, even though I don’t want to.”
Noah’s brow furrowed, whether because he hated the movie or her being there, Nicole wasn’t sure.
She drew a deep breath. “I don’t want what I want. It’s just momentum.”
“What is?”
“My life. It’s just a collection of things I can’t stop doing over and over.”
“Right.” He looked at her hard. “So what do you want?”
It was a valid question, but she didn’t have a ready answer. It felt like the first thing she’d ever been asked. She rubbed the stich in her side, listening to Noah’s music thudding down through the hall.
“Any second now…?”
She stared at her dusty Nikes. “I don’t know. I just wanted to come and see you.”
“Why?”
“Because…” Her bravery floundered. Could she really say this?
“Nikki?”
The nickname jolted like an electric shock. She opened her mouth. “Because you don’t treat me like anyone else you don’t baby me. And I need your help.”
His brows lifted. “With what?”
“It’s kind of a long story, but I promise it’s not a sex thing.”
The corner of Noah’s mouth quirked. “Your face is covered in black shit.”
“Oh no.” Nicole reached up and confirmed her mascara, shadow, and liner were smeared around her eye socket. “Can I use your bathroom?”
Noah shook his head...not no. More like he couldn’t believe what was happening. He was still smiling. “Sure.”
Chapter 12
Noah watched Nicole walk up his hallway. For the first time since he’d known her, she looked like a mess. There was a line of sweat down her back, her hair was a tangle, and she was rubbing at her face, smearing her already smeared makeup.
Do you believe in destiny?
How had she known he’d been lying on his couch wondering the same thing? Paula was missing. He’d found a note on the kitchen table saying she’d gone to see Shredder. Her phone was off and when he’d called her work, they’d told him she hadn’t showed up for her shift. Her second chance was over, and now he was wondering if it had ever started. She’d been hurt so fucking badly, but her heart had stayed even when her body left.
It felt like a sign. He liked his life in Melbourne, but he was treading water. He hadn’t had a girlfriend since The Rangers, no close friends, except Sam, who didn’t know shit about his past, and Edgar, who’d gone on hiatus. House aside, he had no roots to anything and no plans to lay any down. He’d thought he was done with groups, clubs, families—but maybe he was just holding the door open for The Rangers? Was the club a riptide he kept swimming away from when his fate was to drown? He dreamed about it sometimes. Going back. Would he call Shredder one day asking to pick up where he left off?
“Do you have any more pinot?” Nicole asked, turning to reveal the kabuki mask that was her made-up face.
Noah struggled not to laugh. “Nah.”
Her mouth turned down, and she looked so much like a sad clown, he had to bite the insides of his cheeks.
“Got something stronger if you want it?”
“Vodka?”
“Whiskey.”
She grimaced. “Yes, please.”
He collected the bottle from the lounge room and poured a splash into a couple of water glasses. Nicole examined her face in his stainless-steel toaster and yelped. “You must think I’m crazy.”
“I don’t.”
Not true, but he was glad all the same. He handed her a glass. “Here.”
“Thanks.” She held up her whiskey. “To um…’destiny’ is a bit pretentious, isn’t it?”
He smiled. “To destiny.”
They tapped glasses and she threw back her whiskey in one. “Urgh. It tastes like a bushfire.”
“You’re not wrong.” Noah took a small sip. He’d had a couple before she’d gotten here and if things went the way he hoped, he needed to stay sharp.
“So...” Nicole toed his kitchen floor with her sneaker. “I need your help with something personal.”
Noah frowned. Did she mean sex? Weird way to phrase it if it was. Also, she didn’t need to run from the park with her makeup all over the place to get at his dick.
Nicole laughed, and despite the clown makeup, or maybe because of it, she looked stunning. He watched, feeling like someone was folding warm metal over his chest, binding him.
“What?”
“You think I’m here for sex, don’t you?”
“Aren’t you?”
“No! I mean, maybe.” She ducked her head, still smiling, and the metal pulled tighter; too tight for comfort.
He drank some more whiskey. It burned away a little of the stupid sensation. �
��So, what’s up?”
“Okay, I’ll tell you. But before I tell you, we need to have the talk.”
“The talk?” His heart hammered. Did she mean that talk when girls tried to find out how serious you were about them? Was she…were they…?
“I mean we haven’t had a single serious conversation about The Rangers. How ridiculous is that?”
Of course. Of. Fucking. Course. Feeling stupid, Noah jerked his head to his living room. “Sit down?”
“Sure.”
He topped up their glasses and led her to the couch. Nicole sat delicately on the right-hand cushion, crossing her ankles, and fixed him with an alert smile. If it wasn’t for the strong smell of sweat and the mascara streaks, she could have been interviewing him for 60 Minutes. Noah bit back another smile. “So, shoot.”
“Are you a biker?”
“No.”
“But you used to be?”
He sighed. “You know who my dad is?”
“Harold Newcomb.”
God, he hated hearing her say that name. “Yeah.”
“And? What about him?”
Fuck, he didn’t want to have this conversation, but what else could he do? She was waiting expectantly, clearly willing to hang on until he gave her an answer. He scratched at his stubble. “I was never not gonna be a Ranger. It’s like getting baptized when you’re a baby. You didn’t ask for it, it’s just what happens.”
Nicole nodded. “But you left?”
“Yeah.”
“You didn’t like being a bikie?”
He licked his lips, wanting to be honest but not wanting to scare her and send her running. “It’s not as easy to explain as that. I grew up in the club; it’s all I knew.”
“So, you did like it?”
“Parts of it.”
“What parts?”
Noah considered how truthful he could be without freaking her out. “It’s like being Keith Richards’ kid. Or how I guess that’d be. Everyone knew who I was, I had all this cash and I could do whatever I wanted. Girls’d see me and…” Noah cleared his throat. “Never mind.”
Nicole raised her eyebrows. “Go on?”
Fuck. “Never mind. It was okay, is all I’m saying, until …”
“What?”
He shook his head. “Can’t.”
“Yes, you can, just open your mouth and talk.”
“I’m not much of a talker.”
“Reeaally?”
“Sarcasm.” He wagged a finger in mock disapproval. “Beneath you.”
“Can I ask why you don’t want to talk about why you left The Rangers, or is that the same thing?”
She was like one of the DaSilva puppies with a sock. But, unlike when people usually pumped him for information about his past, Noah didn’t mind so much. It was Nikki, after all. He drank the last of his whiskey. “It’s the same thing. All that loyalty bullshit tangled up in my head.”
And there was the shame, the crashing grey-waved embarrassment of having been that man, and at the same time, missing that man. Of feeling so fucking weak for still letting the life fuck with his head after all these years of freedom.
Nicole was looking at him strange, eyes wide, mouth parted.
For a second he was confused, then his mood lifted. “You’re into it, aren’t you? The bikie thing gets you horny, huh?”
“No!” she said, unconvincing as fuck.
“It’s okay to wanna fuck me cause I used to be a bikie.”
She leaned over and slapped his arm. “I’m not attracted to you because you’re a bikie!”
“Used to be.” A pause. “We can pretend I’m still one, if you want.”
“It’s not like that,” she wailed.
“I don’t have a bike anymore, but I could borrow Gil’s. Go for a ride.”
She pushed him in his chest. “Stop teasing me! I mean it!”
He leaned backward, laughing and loving that he was laughing. “Easy, sweetheart. I’m a bikie, ya know?”
“Stop it!” she shoved him again, and he caught her around the waist, pulled her close.
“Or what?”
She glared at him. “I’ll bite you. I’m a good biter. Just ask Sam.”
“I’d rather find out for myself.” When she didn’t smile, he bent closer. “It’s okay. We don’t choose what does it for us.”
He’d meant to make her feel better, but she stiffened. “Is that how you feel about me? That you wouldn’t choose to be attracted to me if you could?”
Her face was challenging. She wanted him to brush the question off or stay quiet, but he sensed how much she wanted to know the answer. For the first time it occurred to him that she might have doubts. Insecurities. That was ridiculous, but why else would she ask? “You’re gorgeous, Nikki. It’s not hard to want you.”
“But you wouldn’t if you had a choice?”
He frowned. “You know we don’t go together. You said it yourself.”
“Because I’m uptight? Or because you’re a biker?”
“Ex-biker.”
“Ex-biker. I guess I want to know why you’re interested in me. You could have other girls, Daniella. Kelly. I just don’t know why…”
Why you want me.
He could hear the question as clearly as if she’d said it aloud. He opened his mouth and the tightness closed in, a metal snake. No. No words. No talking. Not without tearing his guts open so wide, he’d die. He cleared his throat. “You said you needed my help. What with?”
Nicole blanched. “I was wondering if I could borrow your van tomorrow.”
Noah frowned. “What for?”
“I need to drive to Adelaide and get my things. My clothes and my computer, all my photo albums and old diaries. All the important stuff. I’ll pay for petrol and a service if you’re due. I just need my stuff back.”
Noah’s heart gave a hard squeeze. “Does that mean you’re moving to Melbourne?”
His poker face must be going to shit because Nicole was suddenly wary. “I don’t know, but after that thing in the park, I know I’m done waiting for things to sort themselves out. I want my life to be different and I need to take a step in a different direction. I think this is it.”
“Isn’t there someone you could hire to get your shit?”
“Aaron won’t give anyone a key. He says it’s a security thing.”
Noah snorted.
“Yeah, he’s just holding my stuff ransom. I need to go get it myself while he’s at work. Avoid all the drama.”
“What if he’s changed the locks?”
“Then I’ll break a window.”
Noah raised his brows.
“It’s my house, too! Legally, he can’t do anything.”
Maybe not, but the legality of her breaking in wouldn’t mean her ex wouldn’t flip his shit, and what if he came home early? Found her while she was still in town? “You gonna head up there with Sam or Tabby?”
“God, no. They’ll want to confront him, or egg his car, or put dildos in the letterbox. I can’t worry about myself and them at the same time.”
She had a point. Noah could just see them stirring up shit and acting like they were doing Nikki a favor. But the idea of her making the twelve-hour journey solo twanged at his insides. He changed tack. “Have you ever driven a van?”
“No, but how hard could it be? It’s just a big car.”
“No, it isn’t. Look, you shouldn’t go on your own.”
She looked up at him. “What are you saying?”
What was he saying? There was an obvious answer, but that was out of left field. For one thing, he’d need to cancel his Saturday clients, lie to Sam, leave his house alone while Paula was still in possession of keys—
“I’ll take you,” he said. “To Adelaide. I’ll drive.”
Nicole blinked. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I will.”
She looked apprehensive.
“I won’t confront your ex. I won’t get out of the van if you
don’t want me to.”
“Really?”
“Course.” He knew a lot of ways to intimidate idiots that didn’t involve leaving a van. “When do you want to leave tomorrow?”
Nicole chewed her lower lip. “Early? I want this to be done.”
“Okay, I’ll have to tell Sam I won’t be in.”
“Don’t do that, she can’t know we’re going away together!”
The panic in Nicole’s voice was unflattering as hell, but it made sense. “She doesn’t have to know. I’ve only got two clients. I’ll tell her they both pulled out. Rare, but it happens. And even if we’re both missing, she won’t think we’re together, will she?”
Part of him hoped she’d say yes—that she’d told her sister what they’d done, asked her opinion on what to do next, but Nicole shook her head. “No, she won’t think we’re together.”
Another pang of unfounded irritation. He shoved it aside. “So then we’ll head out without a problem. What are you gonna tell Sam and Tabby?”
Nicole’s shoulders crept up to her ears. “I don’t know. That I need some space, I guess. I was thinking of staying the night at a hotel tomorrow. Break up the drive a bit.”
The air between them changed. Noah found it harder to keep looking her in the eyes. What came next? Did he say he’d pay for the rooms? Bring the condoms? All he could think about were scratchy sheets and Nicole’s silky skin, hours and hours to see what their bodies could do.
“We don’t have to…together. We can get separate beds?”
“Right. That what you want?”
Nicole looked up at the ceiling, her fingers drumming against her glass. “I don’t know. It’s hard to know what I want right now.”
They’d circled back to the point she’d arrived with—the attraction they couldn’t get away from. He closed his eyes, wanting to say it—I want you—and knowing he didn’t have the capacity. He moved closer, feeling that crackle that came whenever they stepped into each other’s orbits, hoping she could feel, too.
“Noah, you can ignore this if you want to, but do you…like me?”
There was something in her voice now, a breathiness that made him want to take bites out of her skin. Isn’t it obvious? he wanted to say, but that wasn’t right. He nodded.
So Steady: Silver Daughters Ink, Book Two (Silver Daughters Ink Book Two) Page 15