by Chris McHart
He entered the living room and sank to his knees next to the children. He hesitated before stretching out a hand and putting it on Hanna’s shoulder. She hadn’t noticed him yet, being too absorbed in her game.
“Daddy!” She looked up and threw herself at him. The other kids also looked up and hugged their fathers. None of them would ever know how close it’d been that they’d never see their fathers again, but it was obvious from the way D and Ash clung to the kids that they were just as aware of it as Josh was.
Josh also buried his nose in the fine hairs that covered his daughter’s head and just breathed in her smell.
When it got too boring for Hanna, she withdrew from the embrace and pointed to the twins who were still with her fathers. “Daddy, look.”
“Your new friends?”
Her eyes lit up. “Yes!”
With these words, she turned around and jumped away again to continue playing on the floor with the cars. Josh’s eyes followed her for a moment, then he stooped and took Leon out of the babysitter’s arms. As he had guessed, the little one had already fallen asleep. Josh pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead so he wouldn’t wake him. His little lips turned to a smile, and his eyes fluttered for a moment, then he was asleep again. Josh held him in his arms, then he looked at Hanna. “Honey, is it all right if I lie down for a while? I’m pretty tired, and I’d like to get some rest.”
Hanna nodded without looking up.
“Someone will be here if you need anything.” She didn’t comment and Josh nodded to the babysitter to tell her to stay. He was completely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to close his eyes for a few minutes. He was at home, safe, he’d seen his children, and now there was nothing left to keep the exhaustion at bay.
He took Leon with him and put him in his crib. The big bed was still in the kids’ room. He didn’t even have enough energy for a shower. He crawled under the blanket, pulled it over him and closed his eyes.
Chapter 23
Anthony
* * *
The first thing he did was take a shower. Between the sweat, the blood, and the dirt, everything itched, and he had to get off his skin. He couldn’t believe what’d happened. He’d killed his own father. And he’d done it without hesitation.
Even now, he couldn’t feel any remorse. His father had threatened his mate. No matter what had happened between them, Josh was his mate. He’d defend him against anything and everything… even against his own father.
Anthony stared at himself in the mirror. Though he could hardly find any traces of blood on himself after he’d cleaned up in the creek earlier, he felt more than just dirty. He didn’t feel remorse, but he still felt bad. He’d taken a human life, something that was never easy for him. It wasn’t a different feeling than at his tracking work when they’d met creatures who’d chosen a different path of life.
If he had to decide between the life of a kidnapper or that of a victim, it wasn’t difficult. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t haunted by every life he’d taken, no matter how much of a scumbag they were.
His father wasn’t special. He’d learned to live with the emotions of a killing. But it wasn’t easy. It never would be.
Anthony turned up the water and stepped under it before it had a chance to get really warm. He cursed quietly. After a second, it heated up, and he held his face under the shower. The water took some of his worries and doubts with it. He stood for a long time, letting the hot water flow over him while he just thought about what had happened in the last hours.
He still couldn’t believe Josh was actually pregnant, and even less that he was the father. But before he could worry about how exactly Josh had become pregnant, he had to apologize to his mate.
Josh’s rejection of him had hurt. After the fight, he’d wanted to go to his mate, pull him into his arms and get him home. Instead, D and Ash had taken care of him because his own mate didn’t even want to look at him.
Anthony couldn’t blame him. He’d done everything wrong, and he wasn’t sure if Josh would ever forgive him for that. He had to, because Anthony wouldn’t let him go, but it’d be hard work.
He shouldn’t have reacted like that, and there was no excuse for what he’d done. He’d hurt Josh deeply, and his mate had every right to never speak to him again.
Anthony knew this only too well, and he was sure both Ash and D would help Josh leave him. They’d support him if he decided to go back to town. They’d be there for him, and he wouldn’t have to raise his children alone.
But that didn’t mean Anthony would just let it happen. He’d do anything to show Josh he hadn’t meant it. He’d only reacted like that because he’d been jealous. Maybe he could get Josh to listen long enough to explain it.
Anthony turned off the water and stood for a moment in the steam-filled shower. He was kidding himself. Josh would never forgive him, and he couldn’t even blame him. He’d destroyed all chances of being happy with his mate.
If the tables were turned, he’d never forgive Josh for saying something like that. So how could he expect his mate to do it?
His shoulders sagging, Anthony left the shower. He dried himself off, then went into his bedroom with a towel around his hips to get new clothes. His eyes fell on the bed – the unmade, empty bed that Josh had slept in just last night, before all of this had happened. Where they’d made love to each other.
Now the bed was cold, and even though the blanket was still exactly as they’d left it that morning, everything was different.
Anthony stared at the bed for a long time until he finally remembered he was still undressed. Sweatpants and a T-shirt later, he stood at the door to the children’s room.
There, in the bed where he’d slept in at the very beginning, Josh was lying now. He looked so small and vulnerable as he slept wrapped up in the blanket. He was restless, shifting back and forth, but Anthony didn’t go to him. His presence and attempts at comfort wouldn’t be welcome now.
When Josh moved again, Anthony turned around and closed the door quietly behind him. He slowly went back to the living room where Ash and D sat on the sofa, talking quietly. Their fingers were laced together, and Ash’s head lay on D’s shoulder. Neither of them looked up when Anthony entered the living room.
“Ash, could you check on Josh, please? I think he’s having some kind of nightmare, but I wasn’t sure if I should try to calm him down. Do you think there’s anything you could do for him?”
Ash raised his head. The look Anthony received would’ve caused lesser men to crumble to dust, as his brother’s mate stared at him with so much disgust, it hurt him deep in his soul.
“I’m going.” With these words Ash stood up, bent down to press a short but loving kiss to D’s lips, and disappeared toward the stairs.
Anthony stood in front of his brother, trying to figure out what to say. D hadn’t looked at him. He kept staring at the table in front of the couch.
“I wanted to… I wanted to thank you. What you did was… very brave.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I didn’t do that for you, believe me. I did that because Josh is one of my best friends and because it would’ve destroyed Ash if he’d lost him. I did it only for my mate and Josh.”
“I know.” Anthony slowly sank into one of the armchairs. “I know you don’t really like me right now. I don’t know if I can explain to you what happened or if it changes anything.”
“I don’t want an apology, and I don’t want an explanation. We talked some time ago about why you never wanted to take over the pack. Back then, your world view was completely different than what others see when they were looking at you.” D hesitated, but he still didn’t look at Anthony. His voice was quiet, much too quiet.
If he’d yelled at Anthony, it would’ve been one thing, but now? That was something completely different.
“All I’ve seen here the last few months, what I’ve heard from Josh and how you’ve changed this pack, has been incredible. I was impressed. I couldn’t belie
ve you were leading a pack like it was your destiny. Now I know why you never wanted to. What you’ve done is unforgivable. You accused your own mate of cheating even though there was no sign of it. Your own mate ran into the forest because he couldn’t stand being near you. Your own mate sacrificed himself back then to save this pack and all of us. He accepted all of his responsibilities, and he accepted living in this village. He’s accepted leaving his friends behind to stay here. He wanted a future with you. Somewhere along the line, he fell in love with you. He was building a life with you. Why he’s pregnant is not important. I even understand why you assumed in the beginning that he must’ve cheated.” D took a deep breath.
Anthony didn’t have the guts to say a word. His brother still spoke in a dangerously quiet voice. Every single word cut into his heart like a knife, and every single word was nothing but the truth. And every single word hurt like nothing else.
“He’s mated to you. No one else would have touched him. He didn’t have a chance to cheat. You should have talked to him. But no, you totally, absolutely overreacted. You made your own mate run into the forest, where he would’ve been killed by your father – our father. And you want to know what Josh did? Josh tried to draw Father’s attention to himself. He was willing to die to save Ash and me.”
Anthony gasped for air. He hadn’t known that. He’d been running as fast as he could, and all he’d seen was D throwing himself at their father. But Josh had tried to give his life to save his friends? He buried his face in his hands, again ashamed of what his mate was: generous. Unselfish. Loyal to the death.
“He wanted Ash and me to escape. He would’ve given his life to save us. And you want to know why he could do that so easily? Because he knew the love of his life had rejected him. He was willing to die because he saw no reason to go on. He knew at that moment that not all three of us would get out of it. He trusted that your children were in good hands. He didn’t want Ash or I to have to be without each other. This is your mate! The one you got, even when you didn’t deserve him. I don’t know why your reaction was so extreme, and I probably never will. But believe me, today was the first time I was deeply ashamed to be your brother. I would’ve died for that man. I would’ve sacrificed our children for this man, even if it had killed me inside. I was hoping they’d miraculously survive when I shifted. But I couldn’t let someone like that sacrifice himself because you’re an asshole. There’s no other way to say it.”
Tears ran down Anthony’s face, but he didn’t bother wiping them away. D was right about every word he said, and he fully agreed with him. He didn’t deserve to be Josh’s mate. He’d failed completely. If Ash and his powers hadn’t been there, he would’ve lost his unborn nieces or nephews today.
Because he’d hurt his mate so badly he’d run away. That was something Josh would never forgive him for.
“I don’t know if Josh wants to stay here because of the children or not, but we’ll take care of him if he wants to come back to town with us. I don’t know when or how we’ll see each other again, but for my part, I’m done with you.” With those words, D stood up and walked slowly towards the kitchen.
Anthony heard his footsteps, but he didn’t look up. He had too much on his mind to talk to his brother. D would forgive him someday if he fixed things with Josh. But if he couldn’t do that, then it wouldn’t matter if his brother talked to him anymore. Because then his life would be over.
Chapter 24
Josh
* * *
Strong arms lay around him and held him tight. Josh kept his eyes closed and enjoyed the feeling of being protected from all the problems of this world. As long as those arms were around him, nothing would happen to him. He pressed harder against the body behind him, enjoying how he snuggled close to him and sighing comfortably.
Then his eyes flew open, and he jerked away from the arms holding him. How dare that asshole? He threw himself around, ready to shout at Anthony, but stared into Ash’s calm face instead.
“I’d never let him in here. You should know that.”
Josh exhaled deeply and his shoulders sank. “I’m sorry. I have… I slept so deeply, and I thought for a moment – I forgot what’d happened. I thought it was just a normal day, like always.”
“I’m sorry I upset you. You had a nightmare, and it seemed to calm you down when I held you. I didn’t want you to be scared when you woke up.” Ash sat up slowly and ran a hand through his hair. He looked a little upset too.
“It’s all right. Thanks for taking care of me. I just got startled because I wasn’t expecting you. What are the kids doing?”
“D’s watching Hanna, and Leon’s still asleep. But I think D would’ve gotten him, too, if he’d woken up. So far, everything’s quiet.”
Josh nodded. “Thank you. How’s D? Are you sure nothing happened to him?” He didn’t say what he really wanted to know. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
“Yes, I can still feel them both. No one got hurt, except for a few bruises he got despite my magic. That was something I couldn’t prevent.”
“I’m so relieved. I wouldn’t know what to do if you’d lost them because of me.”
“You should’ve known that D would never let anything happen to you. Besides, I don’t think you can say anything about that. Did you really think we’d run away and let that madman kill you and your kid? I thought you knew us better.” Ash didn’t sound angry. He just sounded sad.
Josh slipped closer and put his arm around Ash’s shoulders. “I hoped I could spare you two. Otherwise, he might’ve killed all of us. I knew D didn’t stand a chance, and… you two are so happy together. You have so much to look forward to. You have a life together, and you have children at home. How could I allow him to kill you if there was a chance to stop it?”
“And you don’t have children? You’re not pregnant?” Ash asked dryly.
“Of course. Believe me, it wasn’t a decision I made lightly. But in that moment, it seemed like the lesser evil to me.” Ash pulled him closer, and Josh willingly laid his head on his shoulder. “I didn’t want to die. I really didn’t. But it was my fault, and it was my fight with Anthony. You two should never have gotten involved in this.”
“We’d never leave you alone, so get over it.”
Josh swallowed. “Then thank you for saving me. D probably got us through the last few seconds Anthony needed to reach us. Without the two of you, it’d certainly have ended differently.”
“I’m afraid so, too. But it didn’t happen that way. We’re all back home safe, and now all we have to do is figure out the next steps.”
Josh closed his eyes. That was the part he didn’t really want to deal with.
“Am I really pregnant? There’s no doubt about it?” Somewhere inside him, two hopes fought. One was that he was actually carrying Anthony’s child, the other that it was all just a mistake. That he had no part of that man in him, reminding him forever of what’d been.
He wanted a child. He didn’t doubt that, and he’d be happy about a pregnancy. And, deep down, he knew it was true.
Still. He wanted to hear the words, had to hear them to be sure.
“Yes, I can feel it. It’s still weak because it’s so small, but it’s definitely there. I knew it with D every time, too. And yes. Your aura is changing. I see a second, smaller one.”
Josh nodded. He’d never question Ash’s magic. He still didn’t know how it was possible, but apparently they’d managed to conceive a child. Too bad his mate thought he was cheating on him.
“Do you want to move back to town?”
He’d thought about it, but when he looked around… “No, I’ll stay. I started building my life here, and I have the kids to think about. Above all, I don’t want to rip Hanna out of her familiar environment. That’d be just too much after everything that’s happened with her parents. I can handle Anthony. He’ll stay out of my way, I guess. There is no reason why he’d want to spend time with me. Maybe I’ll find another house here in
the village I can move to. Or I can get him to move. In any case, I won’t run away, nor will I be driven away by him.”
Ash nodded and remained silent. He seemed deeply lost in thought, and Josh also thought about everything that had happened in the last hours. He still couldn’t believe the twist things had taken.
“I really wish I knew how to help you.”
Josh shrugged. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I’ll somehow manage to raise the three on my own, and I have support from the village. It’s a pity that I have to share custody with Anthony because we applied for adoption together, and he’ll probably also have claims when it comes to child number three. But I think we’ll manage somehow.”
“I know I probably shouldn’t talk about it now, and that you’re not ready to think about it. But… just remember there’s no male pregnancy in a pack. Anthony’s never seen this before with any of his pack members. Anyone, really anyone, would’ve come to that conclusion. All he knows is that vampires, high-ranking vampires, can impregnate their mates. And… Wizards. But that’s even rarer, and I think if you had any magical powers, they’d have shown long ago.”
“Besides, he would have gotten pregnant – or not.”
“Depending on what you mean by that, that was definitely too much info.”
Josh giggled quietly even though he didn’t feel like it. Ash’s expression was too horrified to ignore. “Read that however you want, but don’t forget we all know what you and D are doing, since he’s pregnant.”
Now Ash laughed quietly. “Touché.” He hesitated briefly, then he continued. “But anyway, I don’t feel any magic with you, so I think we can rule that out. Magnus knew when he first stood in front of our house in the parking lot. And I think even though I still have a lot to learn, I’d recognize that. I have to read some books and talk to Magnus, then I might know how it’s possible. Still, just remember that, no matter how wrong he reacted. Maybe it was because he’s never seen it before. It doesn’t justify what he called you, and everyone would understand if you never talked to him more than absolutely necessary.”