No… My heart deflated like a pufferfish that no longer felt threatened, though I very much felt as though I were under some peculiar form of attack. And my heart would not survive this battle. No… it had already lost. Indeed, I ought to have waved the white flag the moment Erebus had appeared in my life again. I knew that he would attempt to deceive me and wound me again, and yet I had been an utter, utter fool. And I felt all the more foolish because Lux was right—I had asked the mages to delay work on the expulsion spell because I had not been able to contemplate the idea of Erebus’s removal again. Now it had come back to haunt me.
Despite myself, I had mustered some form of forgiveness for Erebus’s former misdeeds, believing he had changed. Now I understood. He had not changed. He had never been mine. Even upon our first meeting, the lies had gone far deeper than I ever comprehended, and now they were all rising to the surface. However, it was me who was left looking like the prize dunce, me who had thrown aside her common sense and dignity for the sake of a lying, simpering, vile, wretched man.
“Have you ever said a true word to me?” I rounded on him, shoving him fiercely in the chest, right where his heart ought to have been. If he had been in possession of one.
“Of course I have!” he protested desperately. “Kaya, I will explain everything. But first, I must contend with… Lux.” His face fell as I pushed him again, furious with myself and with him.
“Call her your wife, since that is what she is!” I howled, mortified by the lack of control in my voice. I sounded pitiful.
Lux, or Ryann, or whoever she was, chuckled darkly. “I think it is time you and I had a discussion in private, Erebus. I would not want the princess to kill you before I have the opportunity to speak to you. Nor would I want her getting between us, in case there happens to be bloodshed. Hers, yours, I cannot say.”
This time, I diverted my ire toward this bizarre entity. I realized it was poor form to lay blame at the door of the wife, but I did not appreciate the inference in her words. “Are you threatening to harm me?”
“Not at all. You are innocent in this, which makes your predicament all the more piteous.” She sneered, her eyes sparking wildly. “I merely wish to speak to my husband in private, with as little collateral damage as possible.”
Piteous? Nausea rose in my throat. I could not even begin to fathom what was happening, how I could have morphed from experiencing blissful happiness to being the subject of utter contempt in the space of a few moments. Nevertheless, I understood the reason Lux was here. If her husband was consorting with other women, however innocent, then it was her wifely responsibility to punish him. In addition, it seemed I could not expel Lux from Atlantis the usual way without harming her human vessel, and Finch would certainly be less amenable if I killed his beloved.
At least this simplifies one problem. It distressed me to acknowledge it, but this was the final straw for Erebus. He had made a fool of me for the last time. Now I could walk into my marriage with Finch without regret. For how could my heart continue to long for a man already wed to another? How could it long for someone who had lied and lied and lied and shown no remorse? How could it still want someone who had humiliated me? It could not and would not… I would not allow it.
“Kaya, please don’t read too much into this. I know it looks terrible, but I will explain everything to you properly after I speak with Lux. This is not what it seems, I assure you.” Erebus attempted to take my hands, but I wrenched them back. Tears brimmed in my eyes, hot and shamed. If he touched me, they would fall unchecked, and I could not allow that sort of weakness to be revealed in front of the man who had wounded me so horribly.
“Go,” I hissed. “And do not attempt to see me again.”
He sighed miserably. “Kaya.”
“Go!” I all but screamed, hating how girlish and vulnerable I sounded. A queen could not afford to be vulnerable. I had learned that lesson well this day, and I would not forget it again.
“I will make this right,” Erebus insisted as he took Lux by the arm and marched her away.
You cannot, Erebus. I sank against the wall, gasping and panting for breath once the Children of Chaos had disappeared around the corner. My lungs felt as though they were constricting around my heart. My ribs ached and my stomach churned, my eyelids no longer able to hold back the swell of tears. Had any servants or guards spotted my misery, I would have had no choice but to expire of mortification on the spot. Fortunately, I was entirely alone. Perhaps that was for the best. If I could not have a man whose love and honesty I could be sure of, then I did not want a man at all.
Finch… He had never been anything but blunt in his honesty, which I had found irksome as often as I found it refreshing. As for his affection, the love spell would take care of that. With him, I would never have any cause or reason for doubt. I already knew his heart belonged to another, but at least he was not married to a cosmic entity. Finch’s situation was a hurdle I could overcome. Erebus’s deceit was not.
“I am going ahead with this damned wedding!” I shouted to no one at all. “You have tricked me for the last time, Erebus! From now on, where once there was love, there will be nothing but hate! And as for you, Lux, you are welcome to him!”
For my part, I was done with Erebus. Done with any love that was not engineered. Done with anything beyond my control. My heart had proven it could not be trusted. So, going forward, I would no longer listen to anything it had to say.
And maybe I would be happier for it.
Thirty
Kaya
I stood a short distance from my bedchamber, where I knew Finch would be waiting in continued imprisonment. I did not care to think of it as such, though I knew it had verged into something akin to incarceration now that the threats to his welfare had been crushed. Nevertheless, at least I knew where he was at all times. It was one small matter I could control entirely, while everything else around me seemed to be spiraling.
Mirrors adorned the walls throughout the palace. My mother had favored them, believing they enlarged even the smallest of hallways. I stopped beside one now. A tinge of redness remained around my eyes, but I could easily explain that away as weariness.
“This will have to do.” I inhaled deeply, though my still-raw throat protested.
Pushing an errant strand of hair behind my ear, I marched toward the bedchamber. I breezed past the guard and hex barrier to find Finch sitting by the window in his usual spot, though I was somewhat surprised to find the white hound at his side. Both turned as I entered, the dog’s piercing blue eyes seeming to bore into my soul. There was something about Huntress I found utterly compelling. If the creature could speak, I imagined I would find her to be very much like my dear Iso—sharp, intelligent, and unquestioningly loyal.
“I thought you were going to a dress fitting,” Finch said without preamble. Evidently, he had not anticipated my visit, and he did not look pleased to see me.
“I delayed it until later this afternoon. I thought it prudent to come and speak with you first.” I crossed to the opposite armchair and sank down.
He frowned. “About what?”
“I realize I have kept you somewhat uninformed about the wedding, and I would like to remedy that. I thought that by remaining silent on these matters, it would somehow protect you… and also me. I see now that I have gone about such things in the wrong way. I do not know if your friends told you what I have not, but the ceremony will take place in three days’ time.” I left a momentary pause so the news could take root. “And I wanted to ask how you feel about it. Are you less apprehensive?”
“I was aware of the date,” Finch replied, after nearly a minute had passed in silence. “As for my feelings… well, they haven’t changed, if that’s what you’re getting at. I don’t think it’s right for folks to go into something like this if both parties aren’t fully invested. It can only spell disaster, love spell or not. Marriage should start with affection, at the very least. The romantic kind.”
“
Does that not also end in disaster, in many cases?” I drummed my fingertips against the arm of the chair. “Love has started wars and destroyed families, and it has broken even the strongest and most fearsome of hearts. Love is an intoxicant, nothing more. A marriage based upon logic and necessity is a far better foundation for longevity, as far as I am concerned.”
I could not hide the bitter note in my voice, from the terrible revelations that had just been forced upon me by Erebus and his… wife. Though I had only experienced a brief insight into their union, I sensed they were the perfect example of how a marriage could deteriorate when based upon some intangible force, though I did not plan for my own marriage of fate to disintegrate into jealousy and bitterness. I had been a pawn in his game, and I had not even known how skillfully I was being moved about the board, manipulated perfectly by a man I had lost my mind over.
Finch sighed. “It does, Your Highness. But love shouldn’t be put in the back seat. It’s important, and it needs to be real, not conjured up by some potion. And I don’t think it’s right to drive a wedge between people who do have that, for the sake of some unknown purpose.”
“And I do not think it right that an individual should hide certain details, simply because they do not like the way things must be!” I snapped.
Finch loved Ryann; I knew that. Of course I knew that. However, I did not for one second believe that Finch had been unaware that the love of his life had been hijacked by a Child of Chaos. Even if he had not known for sure, he must have had some inkling. An inkling which he ought to have discussed with me, so I would not have been ambushed like that by Lux herself.
Finch ruffled the fur between the hound’s ears. “What details, Your Highness? I assume that’s meant to be some kind of accusation toward me, but if you don’t speak plainly, how am I supposed to know what you’re going on about?”
He was using a strange turn of phrase I was not accustomed to hearing from him, rather similar to his behavior at the suitors’ luncheon. Then again, I supposed he rarely witnessed me in a state of unfettered anger and irritation. Perhaps this was his method of contending with unusual circumstances.
I grasped the arm of the chair. “That Erebus is bound to a cosmic wife, which he did not inform me about. Nor did anyone else, for that matter.”
“Ah… that.” Finch nodded slowly. “To be frank, Your Highness, I thought you were entirely aware of it. It’s no secret that the Children of Chaos have partners they’re attached to when they’re first created. I didn’t think it bothered you, so I didn’t say anything about it. And it’s not as if Lux is here, so it didn’t come up in conversation.”
“Lux is very much here, as you well know!” I retorted sourly. “I have just been introduced to her, during a… rather unfortunate and embarrassing moment between Erebus and myself. A touch of the lips, if I am to be entirely honest.”
“Come again?” Finch’s eyes widened in surprise.
I shook my head. “I am sorry, Finch. It was a moment of weakness that I wholeheartedly regret. You, of all people, know how persuasive and charming he can be when he wishes.”
“I don’t kiss him, though, Your Highness.” Finch sat up straighter, and the hound at his side did the same.
“You know that is not what I meant. Do not be obtuse. I am trying to apologize.” I looked away from him and let my gaze travel over the world beyond, where all my hopes and dreams lay. “I almost ruined everything today by allowing Erebus to get close to me again. He toyed with me, and Lux intervened. However, he has manipulated me for the very last time. I could have forgiven a multitude of his sins, but I cannot forgive being made into the ‘other woman’ against my will.” I glanced back and felt a pang of doubt. “Were you truly unaware of Lux’s presence within Miss Smith, or is this more subterfuge?”
Finch held my gaze. “I didn’t know, Your Highness. She wasn’t around when I last saw Ryann, but then, I haven’t seen her in a long while. Lux could’ve come to Atlantis and slithered into Ryann’s body, and I’d have had no way of knowing, since you’ve kept me cooped up here.”
Goodness… he makes an excellent point. I had diverted my fury at someone who did not deserve it. Although, it did seem a little odd that he was not immediately concerned for Miss Smith’s welfare. I had witnessed firsthand the devastation a Child of Chaos could cause by possessing a person. Bellerophon had died in agony and confusion, crumbling away to dust.
“Are you not outraged?” I probed.
“I’d be more outraged if I didn’t know what these cosmic kids were like. Once they’ve hashed it out, Lux will be on her way. I’ve seen her take over a body before, and while I hate that she’s doing it to Ryann, I’m not worried it’ll leave any lasting effects.” His voice carried a forced calm. Much too calm for my incensed spirit, even if it was false. I wanted him to share my ire. I wanted him to vent and spew venom and rail about the indignity of it. Instead, he merely sat there, shifting uncomfortably and trying to maintain an air of serenity. I could sense his anger beneath the surface, so why would he not show it?
“Erebus and Lux are not important.” I dug my fingernails into my palms. “Atlantis is the only thing that matters. I will never stray from this path again, not even for a moment. Anything that existed between Erebus and I is gone now, and I thought you should know. I am ready for this marriage now.”
“Did he say anything else? Did he try to explain?” Finch leaned forward in his seat, one hand absently stroking the hound.
I shrugged. “He said he would explain everything to me later. However, that does not matter. There is nothing he can say that would alter my mind.”
“What if he really does love you, though? He’s come all this way, and he’s given up his Chaos form. He wouldn’t have done all that if he wasn’t pretty taken with you, and it’s not like he had much choice when he got thrown together with Lux. Life’s pretty damn short to bear grudges. Plus, he’s not married in the same way that ordinary folks are married. Maybe you should hear him out.”
My mind bristled with annoyance. “No.”
“Look, all I’m saying is, you and I have got nothing in common. And, no offense intended, but I don’t have feelings for you besides respect and admiration.” He paused. “You’re doing this because you think I can save your city. I get that. But… it’s just a legend, Your Highness. It’s open to interpretation. What if you’ve got it wrong?”
“A legend?” My brows raised in surprise. How did he know about that? I had not been the one to tell him, not in such specific terms.
“Uh…” He fumbled for a moment, making me realize he had made an error in revealing that to me. “Look, someone mentioned the legend to me, and I figured it was related to what you’d said to me about being your only option.”
“Who told you?” I pressed, but he was not being forthcoming.
“That’s not important. I overheard it being discussed. But the point remains—what if you’ve got it wrong? Once we’re married, you’ll be stuck. We both will. So, maybe think on it some more, have a word with Erebus, and try and look at it from a different perspective.”
“NO!” The solitary word surged out of my throat before I could stop it, upon a wave of overwhelming emotion and anger that had not yet dissipated. I did not want to be spoken to like a child. I did not want to speak with Erebus so he could convolute my thoughts with further professions of love and sorrow and the need for forgiveness. He had a wife!
And soon, I would have a husband. I would drink the love spell, and I would never think of this torturous pain again. I would not feel foolish and silly again. I would look upon Finch and feel naught but joy and contentment, and after all I had endured with Erebus, I could hardly wait to bring my turbulent emotions to heel. After all, when one was ill, one took medicine. This was no different, just because the disease was lovesickness.
“Your Highness, I know you’re going through a lot right now, but if you’d just—” Finch began again. This time, I did not let him finish.
Chaos escaped my body, slipping out uncontrollably. It swept Finch up in a torrent and plucked him from his chair before slamming him into the wall behind. A gasp erupted from my throat, for I had not intended to harm him. However, as I ran to his aid, that gasp changed in timbre from worry to utter shock.
The figure who lay crumpled on the ground was not Finch.
It was Nash.
Thirty-One
Finch
Now that the royals had vacated the building, it was time for us to get down to business. Fortunately, Kaya had gotten the interrogation ball rolling for us with a bit of unexpected battering. I might not have had a particularly good track record with Kaya, or any woman really, but at least I rarely ended up getting thrown halfway across a room and pummeled by Chaos. Davin, on the other hand, had made it something of a signature move.
I glanced back at him, still wearing the guise of an Atlantean guard. Luke and Melody were still Mimicked to the maximum, too, though there’d been a few hairy moments during Kaya and her dad’s sniping extravaganza. It took a lot to, literally, keep up appearances. Had Davin not been so focused on disrupting the peace between the old king and imminent queen, maybe he’d have spotted something amiss with the three sentinels on duty. Again, fortune had favored us, though I couldn’t decide whether being here was brave or stupid.
“What do we do?” Melody came over with Luke at her side. She peered at Davin, who sat slumped against the door, his shoulders rising and falling irregularly, like it hurt to breathe.
“We get what we came for,” I replied.
“That cell must be hexed to the eyeballs.” Luke jittered a little in his new form. “How are we supposed to get anything from Davin?”
Harley Merlin 15: Finch Merlin and the Everlasting Vow Page 25