Standing at the altar, with her back to the chapel, Mara could feel Logan’s gaze boring into her back. Lifting a hand to the ruby pendant that seemed to be burning her skin, she held her breath as she waited for the words she longed to hear but hoped he wouldn’t say.
“I object.” Logan’s voice pierced the silence.
“On what grounds?” Father Lanzoni asked.
“On the grounds that I love her, and I think she loves me.”
Kyle whirled around, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. “Get the hell out of here, vampire!”
Vampire. The word hung in the air. Mara heard a stirring in the crowd, not because of the word itself, but because of the sneer in Kyle’s voice when he said it.
“Mr. Bowden, that will be enough.” Father Lanzoni’s voice was quiet, calm, but there was steel underneath. “Mara, what have you to say?”
“Mara.” Gaining his feet, Logan stepped into the aisle. “Look at me.”
Slowly, her heart racing, she turned to face him. From the corner of her eye, she saw that Rafe and Rane had also gained their feet, ready to defend her if need be.
“Mara!” Kyle grabbed her hand. “Don’t listen to him. He’s a monster.”
“Yes, he is,” she admitted with a sad smile. “And I made him that way.”
“I love you.” Logan walked toward her, stopping when he was but an arm’s length away. “If you don’t love me, tell me so now.”
“Please, Logan, don’t make this any harder than it is. I’m doing what’s best for the baby, what’s best for all of us. If you think about it, you’ll know I’m right.”
“Fine, marry the bastard! I’ve waited for you this long. I can wait until the kid’s grown,” he said, his voice harsh, and with a low growl, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, hard and quick, and then, in a swirl of ebony smoke, he was gone.
A heavy silence filled the room.
For one reckless moment, Mara was sorely tempted to follow her heart and go after Logan, but she couldn’t do it.
She couldn’t leave her son, couldn’t take him away and deprive him of knowing his father.
Blinking back her tears, Mara turned to face the priest.
Kyle took her hand in his. “Please go on, Father.”
The priest looked at Mara. At her nod, he continued with the ceremony. “Mara, do you promise to love and cherish Kyle Bowden, here present, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?”
“I do.” They were, she thought, the hardest two words she had ever spoken.
“Kyle, do you promise to love and cherish Mara, here present, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?”
Kyle gazed deeply into her eyes, his own shining with love. “I do.”
“Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
Kyle was smiling broadly when he drew Mara into his arms. Never had she looked more beautiful than she did at that moment, her exquisite green eyes sparkling with unshed tears. And she was his, lawfully and legally his by all the laws of the land, and there was nothing Logan Blackwood could do about it.
“I love you,” Kyle murmured. “I will always love you, in this life or the next.” And so saying, he drew her closer and kissed her tenderly, and then he kissed her again.
He might have kissed her a third time if Derek hadn’t chosen that moment to make his presence known.
Forcing herself to smile at Kyle, Mara slipped out of his arms, grateful for an excuse to pull away.
“There is nothing like the sound of new life,” Father Lanzoni said with a grin. “Let us baptize the child before he gets any older, or any louder.”
Leaving the altar, they gathered around the baptismal font. Mara held Derek as the priest dipped his fingers into the font, which Mara knew was filled with water that the priest himself had blessed, rendering it harmless to his touch. She listened to the words the priest spoke as he baptized her son, Derek Bowden, a child that might or might not be a vampire. She couldn’t help smiling inwardly as she imagined how bizarre it would seem to an outsider—a vampire priest baptizing a human child while eight other vampires looked on.
Kyle took Mara’s hand and gave it a squeeze as the priest made the sign of the cross on the baby’s forehead. Derek had stopped crying and as Mara gazed lovingly into her son’s eyes, she wondered why he needed to be baptized. Derek was young and innocent, incapable of sin or sinning. What need did he have for forgiveness?
She felt a twinge of conscience. If anyone needed forgiveness, it was she. She glanced at her new husband, wondering if he would still love her if he knew all of the horrible things she had done in ages past, the many lives she had taken to prolong her own, the lives she had ruined inadvertently or otherwise.
Father Lanzoni’s resonant “Amen” drew her back to the present. When Kyle turned aside to speak to Roshan, Mara moved away from the others on the pretense of checking the baby’s diaper when, in reality, she desperately needed a few minutes alone to come to terms with what she had done. For better or worse, she had joined her life with Kyle’s.
Cuddling her baby close in her arms, she kissed his cheek and whispered, “I’d do it again, for you.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Logan sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace, a crystal goblet filled with Type O in one hand. So, she had married Kyle Bowden. He swore softly. It would have been so easy to wring the man’s neck, to bring Mara here, where she belonged. But he hadn’t done it because she would have hated him for it. And whether she was a vampire or not, he didn’t want her hatred.
He wished fleetlingly that he had brought her here anyway and to hell with the consequences. Enduring her hatred would have been better than the awful emptiness that burned inside him.
He sipped from the goblet as he stared at the fire, watched the flames burn hotter and brighter as his rage and his frustration grew. How long would it take him to get over her this time? How long to forget the sweetness of her lips, the pleasure of her exquisite body writhing in ecstasy beneath his, the sound of her voice crying his name as they reached for the stars?
Earlier, he had wandered into one of the bars on Hollywood Boulevard. Like most nightclubs, the interior was dark, intimate. Soft, sensual music flowed from hidden speakers, punctuated by the murmur of low-voiced conversation, the clink of glasses, an occasional burst of laughter.
Logan had perused the crowd inside, mostly young, unattached men and women hoping to get lucky. He had picked out a lovely young female, one as different from Mara as he could find. He had bought her a drink, made the requisite small talk, and accepted an invite to her place, only to find that, once he had her ready and eager, he had absolutely no desire for either her flesh or her blood. Not caring what she thought, he had vanished from her sight and walked home, hoping the exercise would help to alleviate his desire for the one woman he couldn’t have.
It hadn’t.
Muttering an oath, he hurled the empty goblet into the fireplace, watched as it shattered against the bricks, the shards of glass winking like diamonds in the fire’s light before being swallowed up in the flames.
That didn’t help, either, or change the fact that Mara was with Bowden. Maybe in bed with him. Making love to him. Letting him fondle her, kiss her.
The anger burned inside him, hotter and more corrosive than the flames crackling in the hearth. He knew why Mara had left him, knew it was her damnable pride that was keeping them apart. She had always had enough pride for ten vampires; he knew how difficult it was for her to be around him, to be around any vampire now that her own powers were gone. He could understand how she felt. He could even sympathize with her plight. But he couldn’t forgive her.
Perhaps he would go to ground for a century or two. When he rose, she would be gone, returned to the earth whence she came. Yet even as he contemplated it, he knew he wouldn’t do it, wouldn’t hide hims
elf away so long as she walked the earth. So long as there was a chance, however unlikely, that she might need him, or that, one day she would be his.
With a sigh, he leaned back and closed his eyes. It had taken him centuries to get over her the last time she left him. How long would it take to get her out of his mind and heart this time?
Chapter Thirty
Mara’s days became a never-ending round of nursing the baby, bathing the baby, and rocking him to sleep. There were countless diapers to be changed, a husband to cook for, a house to clean, clothes to wash and fold and put away, trips to the store for food, more diapers, more meals, and endless nights spent walking the floor with a colicky infant.
There were times, when she paced the floor with her crying child, that Mara found it hard to believe that she had once been the world’s oldest and most powerful vampire, a time when anything she had desired was hers for the taking. Days when a thought carried her anywhere she wished to go. How she longed for those days when she had been free to come and go as she pleased, when she’d had no responsibilities, no one to worry about or care for but herself, no demands on her time, or her affections. And always, hard on the heels of such selfish thoughts, came an overpowering sense of guilt, because, in spite of everything, she loved Derek with her whole heart and soul, loved him as she had never thought it possible to love another living creature.
And, deep in the farthest reaches of her heart where she dared not look, she knew she had been a fool to leave Logan, the first time, and the last.
And then there was Kyle. She was used to having men lust after her, adore her, plead for her favors, but no man had ever looked at her the way Kyle did, almost as if he worshiped her. It was disconcerting, all the moreso because she didn’t deserve it. She knew now that what she had felt for him in Egypt wasn’t love. She had been flattered by his attention, fascinated by his artistic talent. He had been both sexy and vulnerable, a combination she had found vastly appealing at the time. She had been ripe to fall in love and Kyle had been there, young and handsome and eager to please her.
And she didn’t like being human. For a time, she had convinced herself that it wasn’t too bad, but, again, she had been lying to herself in an effort to make her new life more palatable. She didn’t know how she was going to get through the next eighteen years. She had considered asking Roshan or one of the Cordova men to turn her now, but she had no idea how it would affect her. Would she be a fledgling again, compelled to spend her days at rest, no longer able to endure the sun’s light, ruled by the lust for blood? Or would she regain her full powers? There was no way to know. One thing she knew for certain, the day after Derek graduated from high school, she would seek the Dark Gift. She had hoped Logan would bring her across, but the way things stood between them now, that was no longer an option.
Mara glanced at her son, sleeping peacefully in her arms. For Derek, no sacrifice was too great. She would live and die for her son.
“Time enough to worry about the future,” Mara murmured. When she had been a vampire, eighteen years had been little more than the blink of an eye. Now it seemed like forever.
As for Kyle . . . Mara blew out a sigh. She didn’t know what she was going to do about Kyle.
Surprisingly, in the weeks and months that followed, Mara and Savanah became close friends. Then again, maybe it wasn’t surprising, since they were the only two mortal females in a family of vampires.
They went shopping together, spent afternoons in the nearby park together, took walks together. Mara baby-sat Abbey Marie when Savanah went to the dentist; Savanah baby-sat Derek when Mara needed a few hours alone.
Today they were at the park, sitting on opposite sides of a blanket while Abbey and Derek napped between them.
Mara stared at Derek. Already six months old. How quickly the months had gone by. He was quite the active little guy now, always moving when he was awake. He could already sit up by himself, loved to suck his thumb, played with his ear when he was tired, and smiled whenever he saw her. She had started giving him a bottle at night, and baby food during the day. It was hard to believe he was growing so fast. He would be walking soon. Talking. Going to school. In a few short years, she would no longer be the center of his existence. The thought filled her with a strange melancholy. She was anxious for him to grow up, wasn’t she? Anxious to return to her old life.
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” Savanah remarked.
“What? Oh, yes.” It was, indeed, a lovely spot, with a clear blue lake set in the middle of tall pines and stately oaks. Colorful flowers and shrubs lined the walkways, surrounded by white, wrought-iron fencing that was clearly intended to protect the blooms from small, curious hands.
A number of other mothers were gathered in small groups near the playground, chatting and laughing while boys and girls played on swings and slides or splashed in the kiddy pool. It seemed she and Savanah weren’t the only ones who had decided to take advantage of the unusually warm weather.
Mara sighed heavily. How had she come to this? Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to bear if she just knew why it had happened to her.
“Is something wrong?” Savanah asked.
“Why do you ask?”
“You’re wearing the same look you had at the wedding. Is it anything you want to talk about?” Leaning forward, Savanah placed her hand on Mara’s arm. “I promise not to say anything to anyone else.”
Mara lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “I miss my old life. I miss . . .” She folded her arms and gazed into the distance. She missed her preternatural vision and hearing. Living without her preternatural sight after so many centuries was like looking at the world through a filter. “I’m fine.”
“It’s Logan, isn’t it? I saw the way he looked at you at the wedding. And the way you looked at him. Why did you marry Kyle?”
“Because he’s my son’s father. Because he’s human. Because I couldn’t live with Logan.”
“Ah, I think I understand.” Savanah sat back. “It’s like being on a diet and living with someone who never gets fat. It’s hard to feel his power and know you don’t have it anymore, isn’t it?”
“Yes, exactly,” Mara said, surprised by Savanah’s perception. “I don’t like feeling helpless. I know Logan would never abuse his power, never take advantage of me, and yet . . . I’m . . . embarrassed. I’m not making sense, am I?”
“You’re making perfect sense. You’re used to being powerful and in control, and now you’re not. Of course you feel vulnerable, but . . .”
“Go on.”
“Do you think it’s fair to stay with Kyle when you’re in love with someone else?”
“I don’t know. I’ve thought about telling him the truth, but I don’t want to hurt him. And I do love him, in a way.”
“You’re just not in love with him.”
Leaning forward, Mara stroked her son’s cheek. “I wish I knew what to do,” she murmured. “I never used to be this way. I knew what I wanted, and I did it, but when I lost my powers, I seem to have lost”—she made a vague gesture with her hand—“everything.”
“Give it time,” Savanah said sympathetically. “I know it’s got to be a big adjustment for you. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like, but maybe it will get easier as time goes by.”
“Easier! I was human for twenty years. I was a vampire for over two thousand! Maybe I should just leave Derek with Kyle and . . .” Mara shook her head in exasperation. “I can’t do that. I can’t leave my baby. I never knew I could feel like this.” She stroked her son’s cheek again. “I’m just feeling sorry for myself.” Looking up, she met Savanah’s gaze. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime,” Savanah said with a smile. “That’s what friends are for.”
Kyle was in his studio when Mara returned home. “How was your day?” he asked. “Did you have a good time with Savanah?”
“Yes.” Mara settled Derek on her hip as she studied Kyle’s current work-in-progress.
&
nbsp; The painting had been commissioned by the mayor of the city. Kyle was working off of an old photograph of the town. When completed, the painting would hang in the foyer of Porterville’s city hall.
“It’s very good,” she said, meaning it.
He shrugged. “The mayor stopped by to see it earlier today. He asked me to do a companion piece for his office, and maybe one for the post office.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“Yeah.” Giving her an affectionate swat on the backside, he said, “I’ll be famous yet, wife, you just wait and see! Now, what’s for dinner?”
Later that night, after Kyle and the baby were asleep, Mara went into the den and sat at the computer. Lately, when she couldn’t sleep, she had taken to working on her life story, writing bits and pieces as they occurred to her. She supposed, at some point, she would have to arrange her journal in some sort of chronological order, but that could come later.
Sitting there, staring at the blinking cursor, she let her mind wander. It was amazing to remember the things she had seen, the places she had been, the advancements and inventions that everyone in this era took for granted. Communication between foreign countries had once taken months; now e-mails and text messages flew across the country or across the world with the click of a mouse. You could download music, videos, and movies on your phone, as well as send pictures and texts to anywhere in the world. A journey from one coast to the other that had once taken weeks, or even months, by horseback, could now be made in a matter of hours. She had once washed her clothes in a river and dried them on a rock in the sun. She had bathed in streams, relieved herself behind a bush. She wondered if the people of today had any idea how lucky they were to have washing machines and running water, indoor plumbing and toilet paper. At one time, an electric stove, a refrigerator, or a microwave would have been looked upon as miraculous; nowadays they were commonplace. Men flew to the moon, they walked on Venus, they lived on Mars, and yet, in spite of all the new inventions, new discoveries, and new explorations in space, Earth and its inhabitants remained basically the same. She wondered what miracles the future would hold, and regretted that she wouldn’t be there to witness them.
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