Lauren cobbled together a copy from the stock of school uniform kept on campus, and when she dressed on Monday morning, the only way to distinguish her from a genuine St Aloysius pupil was the lack of a school crest on her green blazer.
‘Don’t worry,’ Kyle said as they headed down the back stairs towards the car park, ‘nobody will ever notice if you keep your coat zipped.’
Like all cherubs, Kyle had learned to drive as soon as he was tall enough, but now he’d turned seventeen he’d been issued with a driving licence and was allowed to use the pool cars, provided he drove sensibly and mucked in with shuttling younger kids around.
When they reached the fire exit at the bottom of the staircase, Kyle stepped into the crisp morning air and glanced around, making sure there was nobody about.
Lauren was nervous as they walked briskly across the tarmac. She was supposed to be at an 8 a.m. combat-training session in the dojo, but she’d sent Miss Takada an instant message saying that she’d twisted her ankle. Takada was strict, and if she found out that Lauren had bunked off, her punishment would be two gruelling weeks scrubbing the dojo floor, cleaning the changing rooms and laundering the mountain of sweaty combat suits and damp towels used by the hundred-plus cherubs who trained there every day.
Kyle slid a plipper from inside his tracksuit top and pressed the button to unlock an anonymous Mazda estate. As he buckled up in the front, Lauren clambered in the back and squeezed herself into the footwell behind the front seats so that she wasn’t seen as they drove out. Unfortunately, CHERUB pool cars were unloved and the carpet was covered in mud and biscuit crumbs.
Once Kyle had rolled over the speed bumps and pushed his card into the security gate to leave campus, Lauren climbed up on to the seat and brushed the filth off her jacket and uniform before pulling her mobile out of her pocket. She dialled James.
‘Any sign?’ Lauren asked.
James was camped out in the trees around the back of Norman Large’s house, with binoculars around his neck.
‘Hayley’s got her uniform on,’ James said. ‘Gareth Brooks headed off for work about an hour ago, so it looks like Large is gonna drive her to school.’
Lauren looked at her watch. ‘They’re cutting it fine aren’t they?’
‘Don’t blame me, I’m only watching,’ James said. ‘And I think Meatball has picked up my scent. He’s running around in the Askers’ garden and yapping like crazy.’
‘Clever dog,’ Lauren grinned, before remembering that she was in a tight spot. ‘This is such a pain. I’ve got to head back to campus and get into CHERUB uniform before first lesson.’
‘Stop worrying,’ James said. ‘We timed it all out and Takada is the only person you have to worry about.’
‘It’s OK for you,’ Lauren moaned. ‘You’ve got the week off and Kyle’s only got one A-level to revise for—’
‘Here we go,’ James interrupted. ‘Hayley and Large have just opened the front door. You’ll be following a dark blue Renault Megane.’
Lauren banged on the headrest behind Kyle. ‘Slow down, they’re about to leave.’
But the road leading out of campus was lined with cameras which the CHERUB security staff monitored for any suspicious activity.
‘I can’t,’ Kyle said. ‘It’ll be too obvious that we’re following them.’
But Kyle did slow down slightly, and he rolled past the isolated parade of houses where Mr Large and the Askers lived as Hayley was climbing into the front passenger seat of the Renault.
‘She’s a big girl,’ Kyle grinned. ‘Even bigger than in the pictures.’
Lauren giggled. ‘I know, James is really pissed off.’
Apart from the odd tractor, there were never hold-ups on the country roads around campus and the drive to the school took less than ten minutes. Along the way, Kyle deliberately took a wrong turn on to a housing estate and reversed out once Mr Large’s car was ahead of them.
St Aloysius was an old building set amidst hockey fields and an athletics track. At this time of the day – less than ten minutes before morning registration – the narrow hill leading up to the school was crammed with parents, parking in the middle of the road to drop off their daughters.
Kyle found himself snarled in traffic a few hundred metres from the school gates, with Mr Large’s Renault four vehicles ahead of them. After standing still for several minutes, Kyle noticed Hayley step out of the Renault and throw a pack over her shoulder.
‘Looks like she’s walking the last couple of hundred metres,’ Kyle said. ‘Hopefully Large won’t be looking in your direction, but keep your collar up and your hair over your face until you’ve gone past.’
‘No worries,’ Lauren said, as she scooted across the back seat and stepped into the cold air. ‘Don’t drive too far away, I’ve got to make my History lesson or I’m dead meat.’
Lauren’s confidence plunged as she jogged uphill, trying to catch Hayley. With James going on a mission inside a week they had to act fast, and there was no plausible reason for James to be hanging around a girls’ school on a Monday morning. This left Lauren with the awkward task of setting up a date, and while she’d felt OK about the idea the previous night, the whole plan now seemed rickety.
‘Excuse me,’ Lauren said, as she tapped Hayley on the arm.
Hayley was three years older than Lauren and she turned around with who the hell are you kid all over her face.
Lauren’s head was spinning. So many things could go wrong: Hayley might be grounded, she could already have a boyfriend, James might not be her type.
‘Hi, I’m Susan,’ Lauren lied nervously.
‘And why should I give a shit?’ Hayley growled.
Lauren smiled uneasily and put Hayley’s mood down to Monday morning blues.
‘This is going to sound so stupid,’ Lauren said. ‘You don’t know me, but I’ve seen you with your mates at the bowling alley. And my older brother, well, he kind of says that he likes you.’
Hayley suspected a prank and looked around suspiciously. ‘Why don’t you stroll on back to your giggly little chums before I slap you into next week?’
‘Please listen,’ Lauren begged. ‘This isn’t a wind-up, I swear. You’ve seen my brother at the bowling alley. He’s called James. He’s blond, muscley, I guess you could say he’s good-looking, but he’s dead shy around girls …’
Hayley stopped walking. ‘I think I know who you mean. He looks a bit like you, but he seemed more like a big mouth to me.’
Lauren grimaced. ‘Well … I mean, he is a bit loud but that’s just front. I mean, I think he’s liked you for a while, but he’s never had the bottle to go up to you.’
‘Since when did you go to St Aloysius?’ Hayley said suspiciously. ‘I’ve never seen you around.’
‘Just over a week. I mean, I was at Edgeton Comprehensive, over on the other side of campu— umm, the other side of the military firing range.’
Lauren realised her nerves were showing and that she was saying I mean too much.
‘He’s fit,’ Hayley said as she raised one eyebrow. ‘Fit enough to do better than a fat bird like me. So why’s he interested?’
‘Umm…Well, I think he likes fat…I mean prefers larger girls. I’ve seen him looking at magazines with big girls in.’
Hayley screwed up her face. ‘You mean he looks at pornos?’
‘No,’ Lauren gasped, realising that she’d said completely the wrong thing. ‘Look, we’re going to the bowling alley tonight. My brother will be there, but there’s gonna be a big group of us, so it won’t be like a date. Maybe you could bring a couple of your friends so it’s less awkward … And it’s half price on Mondays.’
‘Maybe,’ Hayley said. ‘But it’s short notice. I’d have to clear it with my parents.’
Lauren shrugged. ‘We could postpone. Tuesday or Wednesday if that suits you better.’
‘Roll up your sleeve,’ Hayley said, as she took her pack off her shoulder and began unzipping.
Lauren
was confused until she saw Hayley pull out a black marker. She grabbed Lauren’s wrist and wrote a mobile number on her skin.
‘I’ll be home at about half four,’ Hayley said. ‘Tell James that I said he’s fit, but I’m not going on any date unless I’ve spoken to him first.’
‘Fair enough,’ Lauren smiled, taking care not to smudge the number as she pulled the sleeve of her blazer back down. ‘So, do you reckon you’ll make it to the bowling alley?’
Hayley tutted. ‘I don’t bloody know, just tell him to ring me later and I’ll see what he sounds like.’
‘Thanks,’ Lauren smiled. ‘He’ll be dead chuffed.’
17.WAFFLES
James flipped his mobile shut and stepped out of the hallway into Kyle’s bedroom. Kyle, Bruce, Kerry, Rat, Lauren, the twins Callum and Connor and Rat’s mate Andy all stared at James, but he teased them by keeping his mouth zipped.
‘So?’ Lauren said anxiously.
James shrugged. ‘So I spoke to Hayley. She’ll be at the bowling alley with two of her mates at around seven tonight. I told her I’d buy her a hot dog and we’ll talk it over.’
Bruce slapped his thighs. ‘Good stuff.’
‘Remember, James, we need good photos,’ Lauren said. ‘So even if you’re not getting anywhere, at least try putting your hand on her knee or something.’
James tutted. ‘I’ve chatted up loads of girls, Lauren. I know what I’m doing.’
Kerry shook her head. ‘How many when you were supposed to be going out with me?’
James hated the way that Kerry kept having digs at him, even though their relationship had been over for months. He usually ignored it, but he was getting fed up.
‘I had to cheat on you, Kerry,’ James said bitterly. ‘I needed to get some action from somewhere instead of sitting in your room getting lectured on what I wasn’t allowed to do.’
Rat and the twins made oooh sounds which were followed by a tense silence and a look on Kerry’s face that could have melted a steel bar.
‘It’s finished between you and me,’ James said. ‘Get over yourself.’
Kerry stood up. ‘I know it’s over, James,’ she spat. ‘I just don’t want everyone to forget what a two-faced pile of dog—’
‘Hey,’ Kyle interrupted. ‘Ding ding, end of round three!’
‘I’m outta here,’ Kerry said, as she headed for the door. ‘This is a stupid plan and I don’t want anything to do with it.’
Kyle’s door slammed as Kerry stormed back to her room.
‘She’s a bitter little lemon,’ Rat said, which earned him a punch from Lauren. Lauren then nudged Bruce between the shoulder blades.
‘You’d better go after her and check that she’s OK.’
Bruce climbed reluctantly off the carpet. ‘What am I supposed to say? I’m no good at stuff like this.’
‘I don’t know,’ Kyle said, ‘but Lauren’s right. Go give her a cuddle or something.’
James waited until Bruce was out of the room before spreading his hands out wide and groaning. ‘What is Kerry’s problem?’
Lauren rested a finger on her lips. ‘Oooh let me see,’ she said sarcastically. ‘You went out with Kerry on and off for two years, during which time you constantly cheated on her. Finally, you dumped her for someone else and broke her heart. Do you think it might be that?’
James’ instinct was to throw something equally sarcastic back at his sister, but he knew he’d treated Kerry badly and ended up backing silently on to the spot of carpet where Bruce had been sitting.
‘And before anyone asks,’ James said, ‘I’m gonna chat Hayley up, maybe a peck on the cheek, but that’s it. Dana’s my girlfriend and I don’t want to do anything that might upset her when she gets back from Malaysia.’
‘You’re a gentleman and a scholar,’ Connor said, putting on a ridiculously posh accent.
‘Absolutely, old bean,’ Callum added, sounding even posher. ‘But will young Master Adams’ resolve stand up to scrutiny when the prospective beau is a female of a more attractive persuasion than Hayley Large-Brooks?’
‘For god’s sake!’ James groaned. ‘I hate it when you two speak in those stupid accents. It’s so immature.’
‘Face it, James,’ Rat said. ‘Everyone knows what you’re like. You’d cheat on Dana in the blink of an eye if you fancied the girl and thought you could get away with it.’
James was annoyed when he looked around and saw everyone nodding. ‘I’m not that bad,’ he spluttered. ‘You make me sound like some kind of complete pig.’
Lauren burst out laughing. ‘You made your bed, brother.’
*
Gossip had a way of exploding around campus and a lot of kids were in the mood for some light relief after the trauma of Gabrielle’s stabbing. Unfortunately for James, the two big rumours currently spreading around campus concerned him.
Rumour number one was that he was going to try and get off with Mr Large’s daughter. Rumour number two was that Hayley Large-Brooks was overweight. As is the way with rumours, the truth had become exaggerated and there was at least one group of red-shirts who’d heard that Hayley weighed over two hundred kilos and that James had to have sex with her in order to win a £50 bet.
The carers were used to fads on campus: nobody went fishing for two years then suddenly twenty boys started going every day. Scoubidous, Furbys, Beyblade and Pokemon had all done the rounds; but the staff were still surprised to discover a sudden appetite for bowling.
The queue for the minibus that typically took a dozen kids to the local bowling alley stretched back more than twenty metres and contained close to a quarter of the kids on campus.
James was embarrassed and Kyle was fuming. Someone had leaked the plan and if any of the staff found out they’d get in trouble. Worst of all, Mr Large still had friends on campus and if word of their revenge got back to him, Meatball would be in serious danger.
‘It’s a disaster,’ Lauren said, as she stood by the fountain outside the main building looking at the queue of cherubs. James, Kyle, Bruce and Rat were with her. ‘What idiot opened their big mouth?’
But Lauren herself hadn’t been able to resist telling her friend Tiffany; Rat and Andy had told a couple of mates in confidence; Callum and Connor might have mentioned something and Kerry had been overheard whilst badmouthing James in the dining-room.
And of course, some of those people had gone on to tell their friends in the strictest confidence, and by the time everyone had eaten dinner, most of campus had some idea of what was about to go down.
‘There’s no way we can go to the bowling alley with all that lot,’ James said. ‘I’ll have twenty idiots gawping at me the whole time and Hayley will suspect in ten seconds flat.’
‘We need a change of venue,’ Kyle said. ‘What about Alien World?’
Alien World was one of those places where you put on plastic vests and shoot laser beams at one another, whilst running between chipboard partitions with spaceships and three-eyed monsters painted on them. As campus had a live-ammunition shooting range and a paintballing arena that was fifty times cooler, nobody from CHERUB ever went there.
‘Sounds perfect,’ James nodded. ‘But do you reckon Hayley will go for it?’
Kyle shrugged. ‘I can get a people carrier out of the car pool and drive you there. But what excuse are we gonna use?’
Rat was a master of excuses. ‘Tell them that you called the bowling alley to book a couple of lanes, but that it’s all booked up,’ he said.
‘But it’s Monday night,’ Lauren noted. ‘It’s always empty on a Monday.’
Rat shrugged. ‘Then say that there’s a special event on: a works outing or something.’
James liked Rat’s idea. He pulled his phone out of his jacket and hit the last number button to call Hayley.
‘Hi, it’s me again. Have you left home yet …? Great. Listen, you’re not gonna believe this but I called the bowling alley to reserve a couple of lanes and the whole joint has been booked out
to some big party of computer salesmen. I was wondering if you fancied going to Alien World instead?’
Hayley burst out laughing. ‘How old am I, nine? Besides, I get completely shagged out running around in those places.’
James looked up from the phone and mouthed: ‘She’s not buying it.’ Lauren and the others all looked disappointed.
‘Well is there anywhere else you can think of?’
‘Are your mates going to Alien World?’ Hayley asked.
‘Yeah,’ James said uncertainly. ‘At least I think they are.’
‘Tell you what then,’ Hayley said. ‘There’s a steakhouse on the other side of the lot to Alien World, next to KFC. We can go there while your mates are in Alien World. They do an all-you-can-eat buffet for six-ninety-nine on a Monday, but you’ll have to pay my share, ’cos I’m broke.’
‘Cool,’ James said enthusiastically. ‘That sounds perfect, just you and me.’
‘Well it’ll probably be my mate Rosie and her boyfriend Dean as well, but we can always ditch ’em if things get interesting.’
James got carried away for a moment. ‘Yeah,’ he grinned. ‘Maybe they’ll get interesting.’
He was ecstatic as he ended the call and looked at his friends. ‘It’s going down at the steakhouse opposite Alien World. And the way she was talking … Well, let’s just say that she sounded like the kind of girl who’s going to provide us with some good photo opportunities.’
‘But if we’re all in Alien World, who’ll be there to take photos?’ Kyle asked.
‘Oh …’ James said. ‘We’ll need another couple to go in with us.’
‘Me and Rat could do it,’ Lauren said.
James shook his head. ‘No offence, but I can hardly turn up on a date with my little sister and her pee-wee boyfriend.’
Rat scowled at James. He didn’t appreciate the description.
‘Kerry’s only sitting in her room sulking,’ Bruce said. ‘I could try persuading her.’
‘That’s gonna make my life awkward,’ James said. ‘Isn’t there anyone else?’
Kyle looked at his watch and shook his head. ‘We haven’t got much time. Bruce, you’d better run upstairs and invite Kerry to dinner.’
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